Hey guys!
So.. Not gonna lie... Procrastination is the main drive behind me writing this post... But hey! Anything that lets me put off the horrific report I have to do for Biochem and lecture notes for Anatomy, I will gladly do instead.
Left you guys on Tuesday last week... Did I not? Hmm. Not much has reeaaallly happened since then. Well, I somewhat lie again; but we'll get there soon.
Wednesday was pretty average until Res Sport which was Dodgeball Part I; and I have no idea who won... Part II was last night, but I wasn't there for it; for reasons I will detail later as I go through the week, else I'll confuse myself! :P Then the theme for the club that night was Shock Your Mum, which I'm pretty sure I did; along with most of my other friends/family. I won't go into details but... I basically decided to dress as a "lovely lady" (casual Les Mis reference, as it would provide the best reaction. I couldn't see much else that would shock my Mum to see as. Oh, and this costume was complete with a temporary tramp stamp as well so... Pretty sure my parents were thoroughly horrified! Mission accomplished ;D
Thursday night saw World's Greatest Shave, where a lot of boys put their hands up (probably more than last year, so kudos guys!), and there were a small handful of girls. Most of them had short hair though, so it wasn't /as/ big of a deal to an extent. That is, until one girl with the most B-E-A-Utiful long hair came through with her hair in braids (so she could donate her hair to make a wig) and off it went! Wow... I admire the guts that girl had to do that... Especially considering the fact that I doubt I could ever do the same! I would love to do it for the cause behind it, but I think I love my hair a little too much! :P
Apparently one of the Pitt guys ended up getting his backside waxed because people gave money for it to happen. Thankfully, I didn't stick around that long as I really didn't want to see that... But it's hilariously crazy what some of the people at my Uni do here for charity! And such a wonderful thing too :)
Friday had me stumbling out of Biometrics tute utterly confused as to what was going on, only to be getting on a bus an hour or so later to wait around at another of my Uni's campuses for a couple of hours until [K-Dawg] could pick me up. We then headed to my old school's courts for a Zumba session to try raise a little money for [Dancer] and her current endeavours. The session provided great entertainment for all involved... That's for sure! :P
An early morning start on Saturday as I sleepily drove my way to [K-Dawg]'s place to cook up some authentic Indian food with him, as well as his brother and Mum. I'm pretty sure I've been dubbed as the "Spice Girl" as I was mostly working on the spices for the mild Butter Chicken, medium Rogan Josh, and incredibly hot Vindaloo. That took up most of the morning, and after a short time spent relaxing I was off to work. I was meant to be working with [Boltin'], but he had initially requested that weekend off so it was taken by another *cough* and better *cough* co-worker instead. The night was quiet, and the close was a breeze. Always a lovely thing ^_^
Sunday was... Unexpected to say the least. I had a nice sleep in, then made my way back to [K-Dawg]'s for a family lunch to eat the food we made the day before. Things were relatively normal at the start. [K-Dawg] was reserved and quiet, but I put it down to him being tired after a long week; everyone else was high-spirited, and all that jazz. [K-Dawg]'s nephew was there, and I ended up playing with him in the house with a few toys; and I have made it my mission that I will teach him how to "rawr". I already made some progress with him that day, as he would make a raspy "aaaaa" at times when he picked up the tiger toy I was teaching him with. Proud of this accomplishment guys! Oh yeah!
Unfortunately, that's when things turned a little sour... Now... I'm going to try not go into too much detail on this; mostly because I'm still very much in the dark about this situation, so I don't wanna make false assumptions when I don't know what's going etc. But here we go...
So, as I said... [K-Dawg] was quite out of it as he had had little sleep the past few days. I didn't know the reason why until he sat down and told me that he had been given a decision between keeping his leadership position at church, and me. Wow. Nothing would have ever prepared me for something like that... It crushed me within moments. I mean... I somewhat expected something to happen eventually... A relatively new Christian, dating a not-so-new Christian... I figured the church might come into play at some point or other. But the worst I'd assumed is that they'd ask if I was gonna join their church, or start attending it or something like that; which I don't have an issue with at all! I mean... Short term, it's not entirely ideal; what with the /insane/ workload I have this semester (not even exaggerating). Along with the fact that my whole life so far; there's always been something... Off with churches and I. I'm not against them, and I'm not against going to them... But, especially since I've only affirmed myself as a believer in God a couple of years ago; I'm still working my way up to the point where I'll feel truly comfortable with taking the next step and attending church and things like that.
So yeah.. There were a couple of reasons why I'm not currently attending church or other services along those lines... I have a lot on during my week, where services would cut into a bit of time I could really use to keep on top of my studies (I know services don't take up much of the day, but I genuinely have so little time I'd rather drop something that isn't my compulsory classes, or my work which earns me much needed money...).
So to hear that [K-Dawg] had to choose between us as I (from what I've heard) am currently being viewed as a "non-proper Christian" as I'm not doing enough to prove that I'm serious about getting to know God etc etc... Something like that. I'm not 100% sure. I do know that pretty much no matter what happens... [K-Dawg] and I are most definitely going to have to break up, basically.
I know that leadership means a heck of a lot to [K-Dawg] and... Considering we've only been together a little under two months, I am not going to be selfish and demand that he drop leadership for me or anything (not that I ever would anyway...). However, if he chooses leadership; we have to break up. For us to get back together, I have to prove that I am a "proper Christian" through methods I'm not 100% sure on... But I'm sure it has to do with attending church/services/going out and performing actions fitting of a disciple of Christ... I don't know... Things I really don't particularly want to do now, and certainly not for at least a three month period (minimum break up time, from memory).
A) Because of reasons stated above... Limited time.
And B) Because I feel like I'm being forced and rushed into things now! Ever since finding this out, if anything, I feel the complete opposite to before. Before I was happy with teh journey I was taking. I was going to get there someday, and when it would be enlightened upon me; that's when it would happen. Now I can't help but be horrified, and somewhat dread the idea of attending church... Even if it's a different one... Because, this one can't even be accepting of who I am and the journey I'm currently taking! Or have I got this all wrong? How would I know? [K-Dawg] barely talks to me nowadays... When we talked earlier this week, it was just getting the both of us upset to the point where talking stopped for a bit... Now we're talking again, but dodging the subject entirely. I don't wanna push the topic, but... I know nothing right now. And it doesn't help when I'm receiving absolutely zero information from my own boyfriend who's at the centre of this...
*Sigh* Like I said... It's hard to talk about this and get my head around it because... I don't know anything about how [K-Dawg]'s church works and what they want from him, and/or me... But, it's killing me. It's torture right now. I mean... The way [K-Dawg] talks to me now, is so different from just over a week ago... It's hard to think we could possibly work this out together, when it seems that he has given in to the idea that we're inevitably breaking up and so; is talking and treating me that way... I understand that we can't continue talking in our usual girlfriend/boyfriend way, but... A change like this? Maybe it's his way of coping, I'm not sure... But I hate having to refrain from saying things I could normally say to anyone; just because I don't know how to act/talk around him anymore, and that's what I especially hate. Not being able to be comfortable with what I'm saying to my own boyfriend, all because I'm not a "proper Christian"; regardless of the fact that I was looking into joining a Uni Christian group as that's easier for me time-wise to fulfill both my study requirements and pique my interest into going into services.
Anyways... [K-Dawg] was told this on the Wednesday, so he had kept it all to himself until Sunday when he told me (hence why he was so tired, stressing over it so much...); and he was supposed to give them an answer on the Wednesday just gone. But, uhh, he hasn't talked to me about it since then so I have no idea what's going on currently... I'm just trying to be ignorant and stay positive, but it's always in the back of my mind; and I'm not gonna lie... Many crying spells have been had at the most random and worst of times, as I've been trying so hard to work out what I should do. Because one thing is for certain... And that is I am NOT going to change who I am, no matter what. By the sounds of what the church is asking; this is potentially life changing, and would almost definitely affect me as a person in some way. I'm sorry, but no. What I loved about [K-Dawg]'s and I's relationship was that we both accepted each other for our values and what we believed; and we would never dream of pressuring the other into changing or doing anything they didn't wanna do. It's not like we believe in entirely different things either, so it wasn't difficult for us to do this; especially as I was, as I said earlier, making my steady journey as well... But ugh! I really oughta move on, because I have much more positive things to write about; I just needed to get this struggle out onto words, and hopefully it makes sense to y'all... Cause none of this situation is making any sense to me, that's for sure!
So yeah... The week that's just gone has dragged on incredibly, and there weren't many positive moments to share really; since I have had this burden with me, along with being sick! Double whammy right there.
I did have choir on Monday night though, which wasn't too terrible. Again, it was just me and all the newbies (oldies, where you at guys?! Seriously?!): and we made the tiniest bit of progress with Bohemian Rhapsody before realising that everyone kinda needed lyrics to make the learning process go a bit quicker; so rehearsal kinda ended quite early there. Then one of the members and I started discussing religion and things like that; because I brought up with her the current dilemma I'm facing and she made some very valid points. We also had a good laugh at how humans are still animals just more advanced; and we shared with each other the facts we knew about how "animalistic" we humans still are. Everything we do is based off of natural instincts most animals share, guys. There's no use even denying it.
Tuesday night had a Hallway Crawl planned for us. This was just for Pitt, and it involved every floor picking a theme, decorating it in relevance to that theme, finding an activity, and everyone on that floor dressing up for that theme. We would then stick with our floor members and rotate through each floor every fifteen minutes. It was an opportunity to get to know your fellow neighbours and floor members. For me, it was a chance to meet the freshers that were on my floor; as well as chat with a couple of returners that I have some form of a friendship with. See, I don't know many people on my floor very well... My good friends are [Bestiality] who is downstairs, and two other girl friends over in Pitt A downstairs (I'm Pitt B upstairs). I did have a couple more girl friends, but they didn't get back this year with residence... Anyways!
My floor's theme was Hawaii/islander type thing, so we all dressed in flowery shirts and lei's around our necks, and headed to our first stop which was the Australian themed floor. Watching people try to eat dry Wheetbix while putting a shirt & hat on in a race against the other team was quite entertaining. And the usual shenanigans still managed to happen!
From memory, the next stop was Disney; which wasn't overly fantastic. We all snacked on pikelets while shouting out answers to any question we knew it too; which wasn't that many... Since most of the questions were quite obscure and made me quite ashamed to realise how little I knew of Disney... Must fix this!
Next stop was Pajama party, where people were blind folded and vocally lead by guides through an obstacle course, to then have to dress their guide at the end in a dress. At one point, one guy on my floor grabbed cardboard boxes and started throwing them at the blind person, or hitting them over the head, or placing them in the way making the poor things even more confused! But so worth it for the entertainment factor ;P
Horror was up next, where the activity was meant to involve all of us creating a "horrific masterpiece" on a sheet with red paint. We got to the point where we leaked paint through the sheet onto the floor, freaked a little, than proceeded to just mop up the paint with our sheet. Having no hope of winning the competition (not that we overly cared), we spotted a baby-doll that had been 'dressed for the occasion' then wrapped the baby up in our sheet; with the top half of his body sticking out, where a guy made him a turban from toilet paper and proceeded to place it on his head... We then placed it near a resident's door, and moved on! :P
The Zoo was the theme we travelled too next where it was exotic animal charades. Some people got simple animals such as a meerkat, or an elephant (which the guy acting out managed to make look absolutely ridiculous!); then some unfortunate people got things like a Tawny Frogmouth, or an Iguana; which was incredibly entertaining to watch them act out! :')
We then went back to our floor (which was in a bit of a shambles) where people rode round on the skateboard we had out for it, but most of us just sat in the hallway and had a good ol' chat. It was great! Until a resident came out and requested we go somewhere else cause it was late, and we were being quite noisy. That broke us up, and we all pretty much went to our rooms from there; as we were all pretty tired. But getting to meet the freshers was awesome! So many nice kids this year :)
Wednesday I woke up relatively wary. This was 'decision day' as I said earlier; but as soon as I realised I wasn't gonna get any answers, I forced it out of my mind and instead focused on the concert that I was going too that night... Which was Rascal Flatts!
OH. MY. GOSH!
They were amazing. There's not much else to it really! But I'll start from the beginning... Cause this blog post totally isn't long enough yet ;P -Muahahaha-
Dad and I arrived at the Convention Centre in true {insert my family's last name} fashion: incredibly early. And ended up just Facebooking until the doors opened! A bit of a wait later and the support act, The Band Perry, came on.
I had never heard of these guys until that night; and this was apparently their first time in Australia, so yay for being at their debut concert here! Woo! But they were amazing! I've bought some of their songs and have a few on repeat currently (I totally do not obsess, pssh!); and I honestly reckon they sound better live, which is so rare and awesome! What I loved about that concert was that both The Band Perry and Rascal Flatts fed off the audience. They loved us, and you could so tell that. The amount of Brisbane references they would put in, or responding back to the audience... It was purely amazing! Anyways, back to the original story line...
In between Perry and Rascal there was a half hour break, where I managed to buy a banner type thing of Perry's logo, which looks pretty awesome! I wanted Rascal merch, but it was so expensive so I had to miss out this time... We managed to get back five minutes before Rascal was due to start, and they were playing filler songs; as they do... Gangnam Style came on, and the next thing you see is the whole audience turning as one to watch this girl (who looked to be about 10 or 11 years old) get up and run to a spare space on the floor in the mosh pit area and start doing the dance. She was pretty good at it, but what I loved was how everyone in the audience started cheering and applauding for her. Even the guy running the lights for the stage, bolted back to his position and shone a spotlight on her. It lifted my spirits so much for such an amazing thing to occur like that! Ugh, more faith in humanity after that night, I swear! <3
So yes... Then Rascal came on stage and the night was just amazing from there. Dad and I didn't know some of their songs, being knew to the Flatts fandom; but it didn't matter, as they were so good anyway! There was a point where the lead singer went down along the entire of the front, and I literally bolted from my seat (not even thinking to grab my phone for a photo), and battled my way right to the front where he was holding out the mic for everyone to sing into and I managed to reach out and grab his arm momentarily before he moved on. I stayed there a little longer, amazed at the fact that I had just done something like that (yes, I'm a concert newbie; shuddup!), then ran back up to my seat and responded to my father's "was it worth it?" with a yes, that probably more sounded like a fangirl squeal... I don't care though! Cause it was just amazing!
And the boys.. They just bounce off each other. It was so fun watching them! They would have small breaks where they'd talk to the audience and everything. After they performed Hot In Here, one of the guys kept singing "it's hot, hot, hot in here.." and was dancing; next thing you know he's shaking his backside to the audience to the tune, then turning around and saying "alright!" over and over again with us repeating after him, then saying "aaand you all just went to church, right there!". He, of course, meant it jokingly; as the boys are also Christians... I guess it was a "you had to be there" moment to completely understand everything I'm on about right now... Heh.
There were Beyonce jokes, P!nk references, audience interactions that turned out quite amusing... And great song, after great song! :') Definitely one of the best concerts I have ever been too. Ever. I can't... Just... Asdfghjkl.
So yeah... It is now Friday night, and the past couple of days have been pretty average... Thursday was driving back to Uni for classes, then downloading tons of Rascal and Perry songs; which I now cannot get enough of... Same with today really. Oh, and attempting to do a Biochem report last minute as it was due by 5pm today... Yeah... Wasn't that fantastic. Gonna get on top of the others, so I can try get some decent marks in this subject! :P I also completed this week's Anatomy lectures this afternoon as well so... Have been chilled and writing this blog in pieces all night (which is usually the case). Funny how I've written over 3,000 words easily in this post within half a day, yet I struggle writing 700 words for a Biochem report in about the same amount of time... Though, I guess there's a difference between needing to use my brain; and just abusing my fingers by making them try keep up with my brains ramblings...
So yeah! Overall, I am feeling much better about life currently. So long as I keep ignoring the nagging in the back of my brain about the dilemma, that is... And also really restrain from talking to [K-Dawg] how I normally would/want too... It sucks when I care for him so much, but watching the dynamics between us change in a matter of a few days is heart breaking... Yay for having to tip-toe around things! -.- But, I have my newly added country music cheering me up; along with it being the weekend... I'm planning on joining a couple of gym classes (Boot Camp and Boxing.. This is gonna hurt!) next week, along with try to work out a time with the Christian club on campus that I can attend the services they hold (they're always holding them during my class times! Ugh!), and start to really try get a head start on all my studies... It's gonna suck, cause I'm already a little behind due to my insane laziness; but hopefully [Bestiality] will be able to help me out, at least with Biometrics... Because she is the Maths Queen!
So yeah! I'm going to leave you here, and shall hopefully write another post soon (this one wasn't too late.. Yeah?). Hopefully they all won't be this long... I really should write posts more often so I'm not spamming you with all this stuff at once... Must make very boring reading for y'all! I somewhat apologise, but at the same time... I can't help my laziness ;D
See ya later, agitators!
~I'm busting out of independence... Independence's busting out of me~
