Monday, 22 April 2013

In My Life

Hey hey strangers!

Have you ever felt bitter disappointment? Like... Disappointment in people, and where your life is headed... You may feel confused as to where you're meant to be going, or what you're supposed to do when you get there... You may feel frustrated with the limited knowledge you have, and you just wish you could know more; just that little bit more to stop you from over-thinking everything to the point where you're borderline crazy...

No? Oh... Maybe that's just me then...

Anyways: that can basically sum up how I'm feeling at the moment. Motivation is hard to come by with Uni work at the moment... Why? Because I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life anymore.

I mean... Growing up I always wanted to be a vet. I never swayed from that decision, ever. I had a brief moment of uncertainty in year 11 to do with obtaining the OP needed, etc. But as soon as I found out there are back doors into the course, there was definitely nothing swaying my decision...

So I went into my first year of University... All wide-eyed, innocent (sort of), and keen to get into study and work my into Vet! ...Until I saw the workload. The amount of work vets go through is somewhat ridiculous and majorly turned me off... Not to mention that my participation in the choir last year re-blossomed my true love for music within my heart... I've always been conscious about my singing voice. I can admit that my voice is probably better than your average Joe... But I also know that I abuse my throat way too much, and I don't sound anywhere good enough to get into the musical theatre industry; as much as my heart might be crying for me to do it.

See... This is my dilemma! My one, true passion is incredibly painful to get into... Especially if you don't have previous experience. And it also requires travelling, and a lot of it... If you'd been discussing this with me a few years ago; I would have been like "Heck yeah! Travelling?! Music?! Independence?! The life for me, right there!". Ask me now? I'm a lot more reserved about it all... Don't get me wrong, I'm still passionate about travelling. I haven't been outside Australia in 17 years, and I want to see as much of the world as I can! But travelling in musical theatre means I'll be away from those I love for weeks, if not months, at a time... Compare that to the fact that I'm getting older, and will soon be at the age where I might wanna start settling down and starting a family... Am I gonna be okay with the idea of leaving my family behind? No... But it's what I love, and it's what I want to do!

If I just go through with the course I'm doing (which I'm gonna do regardless cause, ya know, back up career and all that jazz) and get a job with animals, even if I manage to get one involved with big cats; will I be truly happy? It'll be more stable... I'll be there for my family. For all the firsts my children will go through... The growing up process... Everything I /want/ to be there for... But will I be happy? I don't know... Will I forever be pining to be on stage in a theatre somewhere performing in WICKED, Les Mis, Legally Blonde, Chicago, Phantom of the Opera, Cats, Avenue Q, West Side Story, Fiddler on the Roof, Mamma Mia... The list goes on!

Even then... Will I ever be good enough to get a leading part? Or will I always be stuck in the choir? Will I be happy with that? It's still doing what I love... But not being able to be the characters I adore and relate too..? I don't know how I'd deal with that.

So, um, yeah. That's just a pointless rant about how my life is somewhat at a crossroads, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do... And let's not mention the fact that this situation is not helped when I am running the choir this year, and nobody is turning up... One other person turned up tonight. It hurts... So much... All I want is to make music with people who share a similar interest. Fill them up with passion, and music, and love; and watch/hear them express it in song. That, to me, is beauty. It's my love. My passion. And, I don't expect people to be as passionate as me at Uni... But, I'm disappointed in the lack of people there are here that share a similar interest... Or, they're just too lazy to attend rehearsal... Either way. I'm having a hard time dealing with it... Especially when I'm giving so much of myself, and not getting much in return...

Well... Let's move on to the week that was now... Yeah?

So, I don't recall mentioning this last post so I shall mention it now... But the Australian government is being a bit of a bitch; and is trying to take about 6.3 billion dollars from tertiary education, to go into primary education... Now... I have used this analogy with multiple people I have been talking too; but this is like training an athlete all it's life, then denying him/her being able to compete.

For one... Why does primary education need more money?! Do they not need to just know their ABCs along with basic Math & English skills? Secondary & tertiary education needs the money, not primary. For instance; practicals for the Biochem subject I take, have been cancelled for the rest of semester. Why? Not enough money. Because my campus is under control of the bigger campus of the Uni I go too... The bigger campus is taking what little money is left to keep to themselves and their courses. Vets aren't suffering, because they used to be on the big campus and had to move here because there wasn't enough room; but the rest of us here? We pay $1000 per subject per semester... About $70 of that is actually going to the coordinators to pay for a semester of practicals; as well as paying for tutors to mark assessment etc. This means that most subjects I'm taking, don't have enough money to pay for markers and are having to do them all themselves... And, if this keeps up, in the future all subjects are going to be assessed by final exams; and final exams alone... With some subjects, it won't be so bad... But it's proven fact that people generally learn more when doing assignments, along with exams...

So yeah. It's comforting knowledge knowing that the government is screwing over everyone in tertiary education... It especially sucks when you consider that most jobs require either a TAFE diploma, or a Uni degree... And what kind of education do they think they're providing us, if they're stripping money away; which in turn takes resources, and valued lecturers/teachers because they can't be afforded?

...Moving on before I rile myself up even more than I already have...

The only plus side to all this happening was that the Biochem mid-semester exam was moved from last Thursday to this Friday... Which I am not complaining about at all!

So yes... All week was pretty much a lead up to Moulin Rouge which, to be honest, was nowhere near as good as last year... Most likely because last year it felt like the whole year was a lead up to the party, plus more of the freshers were over 18 and stuff; so it generated more interest... This year's had much less notice considering it was just randomly moved up the year... But I'm hoping that the UV themed party that was swapped round with MR will be absolutely amazing to make up for it.

It was still good fun though! Especially seeing [K-Dawg] dressed up with suspenders & a bow tie ;) The music could have been better, and we hit nowhere near lock out unlike last year... The club can fit 600 people, and we hit a max of 320 people... So yeah, it wasn't massive... But us girls got all dressed up and pretty, and the guys were lookin' spiffy and yeah... I'm pretty sure we all had our fun with the whip [Bestiality] had with her leather costume :P

We left the club a little early and headed back to Pitt in the cold... Ugh! Was no fun for us girls who were wearing outfits not made for the cold! Anyways... We eventually made it back; only for [K-Dawg] to want to go on a Maccas run... So I changed into my PJs and put my onesie over the top (much to his jealousy, muahaha!) and we headed over, where I got multiple looks and a girl outright asking where I got it and what it was (facepalm) and informing us that she was interested in getting a Stitch one (from Lilo & Stitch).

By the time we got back to my room; it was midnight which marked the beginning of a new day... But it just so happened that this particular was [K-Dawg] and I's three month anniversary! Already! It's so strange... It seems as though time has flown by; yet, at the same time, it feels as though I've been with [K-Dawg] for so much longer...

And I don't mean this in a negative way! Quite the opposite! Our relationship, though we're still very much in the 'honeymoon' period; was pretty... Advanced (for lack of a better word) from the get go. We just seemed to click and gel together so well; and throughout these three months we've discovered more similarities we share, along with our differences... And we're still making discoveries! Like the fact that we both like steak medium rare; and just today we both found out that we both have Scottish blood after I demanded he Google what Scotland's national animal is... We then discussed how we should totally move to Scotland and how amazing their animal is... Which is... Wait for it... The unicorn! Yup. Be jealous of Scotland guys. They have the best national animal EVER!

So yeah... Just have to say how amazing these three months have been. Through everything that's happened; we managed to get through it, and I'm so thankful for it... Cause it's pretty hard imagining life without this crazy cat in my life! But; I shall move on from the sappyness now... Heh.

So... It felt odd being kicked out of my own room... But it had to be done! And the only real issue I had with it was that I had gotten myself comfy and cozy, then had to head downstairs into [Bestiality]'s room... Where I found [Chappy] at the computer, and a tired looking [Bestiality]. [Chappy] was still sobering up from being quite, quite drunk; and was being his usual brash drunk self, before his Thynne buddies came to find him and go on a Maccas run... To which he instantly bolted out the room with a quick "bye girls!". Typical man... When presented food, that's the main priority! :P

[Bestiality] and I then cuddled up on her bed (literally... [Bestiality], you are a chronic cuddler when you sleep! :P) and eventually fell asleep amidst me talking in my sleep (I think I did it..?) and her probably replying in return... This was at about 3am, and I then had to get up at 8:30am; because I was silly enough to mention to [K-Dawg] that there was a BBQ breakfast at 9am, to which he was keen on going too... I mean, I was too but... I could easily sleep over having breakfast. But, going with the fact that [K-Dawg] seems incapable of sleeping in; it was probably for the best, otherwise who knows how long I would have slept for!

The breakfast was nice though, and was spent sharing stories from the party the night before... One of our friends couldn't even make it out of her room, she was shaking and that much hungover... When I saw her later; she had a black eye, and was limping around... I wasn't with her when she did whatever the heck did that to her body, but wow... Beaten up pretty much sums it up! Not to mention the fact that I've lost one of my thongs in her room somewhere... Which is somewhat irritating me, because those shoes are my life here! :P

We then eventually got our stuff together and... Went to Macca's for lunch! Twice in two days... Ugh... Wasn't overly keen, but I ate it anyway. He then took me home where we stayed for a small while, before I got changed and headed to Subway for work. Which, the start of the shift was absolutely terrible... So many customers, and we were so behind... Some prep hadn't been done; so I was doing prep in the middle of rushes, and I was with the trainee who shouldn't be a trainee still... But he is because he is so darn slow! Like.. Wow... Anyways. Thankfully, customers eventually died down; and I could catch us up... Yes... /I/ caught us up... The trainee did the dishes, restocked the drink fridge, and moved some food from the freezer to the fridge to defrost for the next day; in the amount of time it took me to do pretty much everything else... I mean, I'm somewhat used to doing it anyway with other juniors I work with... But, generally, the other juniors I work with do the floors; allowing me not to do it (cause I'm not so great at it.. Heh), but with this trainee I have to do it... And it almost literally kills my back doing it... I dunno if it means I'm doing it wrong, or just that unfit... But it hurts! A lot! Scrubbing wet floors with a broom is not fun guys, okay?

Sunday I spent having a nice catch up sleep in before I headed over to [K-Dawg]'s place where video games and YouTube videos were watched, along with [K-Dawg]s bromance partner... Who reckons he should be dubbed as [BOSSman] so... I suppose I can make it so! ;P [K-Dawg]'s nephew was also there; but our attempts at getting him to 'rawr' seem to be having little effect on the cheeky munchkin at the moment... Though I did catch him checking himself out in a mirror, dancing a little, and getting all excited over the fact that he could see himself. It was positively adorable!

It eventually got to the point where the boys headed off to prayer, and I headed off back to Uni; dropping by [K-Dawg]'s sister's place to give her her phone charger that she left behind, then filled up my car with petrol, and then... Guess what... Yep... Another Macca's run! I couldn't help it! I had missed dinner at the dining hall; and didn't have much else choice... So Macca's it was. I think I'm really gonna try lay off it now... At least for a while :P

-Random thought- I posted a photo of the gift [K-Dawg] got me for our three months (two photographic frames with cute inside messages round the outside) and anyways... [Carl] liked the photo, and I kinda had no idea how to react. Like... I honestly don't understand why we're still friends on Facebook... I can't bring myself to delete him, in case we might get to the point of talking again sometime in the future..? And I'm too damn caring and nice to cut him out of my life... Plus the fact that he was such a big part... But, considering the fact that we don't talk. At all. And then he likes a photo to do with me & my current boyfriend out of the blue... I just didn't know how to react. I felt conflicted. I can't bring myself to like things he posts about him & his girlfriend! I feel awkward! And just... Asdfghjkl. I dunno. I'm not over thinking it or anything. It just confused and unsettled me a little is all...

And now it's today! And.. Yeah... Not much has happened today... Apart from a group of us having a meeting to do with the MTV video that we are organising... Pitt is surely gonna win this year! I would mention what we have planned on here... But, it has to be a secret from the other halls; and I'm not sure if non-Pittling Halls people read these posts so I won't say anything to be safe... But I will say this! If it turns out the way we're discussing it, and I'm imagining it... It should be amazing! Something to be proud of hopefully! :')

So yeah... Filming for the first and last scenes are tomorrow; and I'm involved in that, so it should be good fun! :)

I think I've talked enough in this post... Don't ya think? Yeah... I don't have much else to say anyway except that if I don't blog in a while; it's because I'm actually putting Uni work first as a priority (shock horror, I know...) because I am starting to have assessment due, and due relatively soon. Oh! And I downloaded the Legally Blonde soundtrack, and do not regret a thing. These songs are so addicting! ^_^

Now... I'm gonna go make myself some two minute noodles and settle down for the night... Hope everyone enjoys their morning/afternoon/evening/night... Whatever time it is when you're reading this! :D

Catch ya's!

~Isn't it crazy? Yeah, isn't it crazy..? It's all because of you... All because of you~

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