Let Me Go... From These Thoughts

Well hello...

So, I currently have a lot on my mind (like seriously though.. When do I not?) so this may be yet another typical [Miss Invisible] blog filled with my current life and all my crises... If you're still reading these, I am seriously impressed; but it wouldn't surprise me if I bore you eventually!

Aaaanyways... First off! A brief catch up on the night that was Valedictory Dinner where I was running for Diversity Officer against four other people... Yeah, I didn't get it. But what a surprise yeah? I mean. I know I'm not overly active in the Halls community, but that is mostly due to the fact that I do barely have anyone left to get pumped and active with. But hey... I'm gonna guess that God has a different plan in mind for me, since I didn't get the position after two years of running for it... I just gotta work out what that is.

I have applied to move back onto Halls next year, as a precaution. If I get a room, I will then have a week to decide whether I want it. If I don't, well... Pretty self explanatory really! My plan (well at least I'm hoping how this will work) is that every day I have a compulsory practical/tutorial class I will drive to the university and back, and probably attend any lectures on that day as well... Then watch any lectures that are outside of those days at the boyfriend's place, where I will have bulk study sessions... Probably on days when he's got work, or is out and about, so there is less distraction. The reason why I'm studying at the boyfriend's is purely for the Internet... The Internet connection at my place is definitely not suited for University study... Especially with how heavily we depend on it!

But, if I do get a room and I choose to stay on Halls, then I'll be back! Hopefully in Thynne next year, as Pitt is beginning to get on my nerves a little now... I can't quite put my finger on it, but yeah... And besides: I have enough green merchandise, it's time to spice things up a bit with a bit of blue!

On another note, Halloween was not long ago! Now, I don't personally celebrate it... I mean, I'm an Australian and don't particularly like the idea of going to a stranger's house to ask for candy, and the fact that my parents never really go into it either; so I was never overly fussed about. But this was the first year I experienced a different view on Halloween from a Christian standpoint, and it made me realise that I had never really thought about what Halloween meant. People were saying that people do human sacrifices and basically worship all things evil on this day, and I was like whaaaa? I just thought it was just an excuse to dress up and get candy... O.O Oh naivety...
At the end of the day, my views pretty much stay unchanged though. I'm not going to bother going into what the day means and all that jazz, and I don't overly care to be honest; most likely because I just don't overly care about the holiday in general :P Other people can do as they please though. Each to their own!

So, I got prayed for again recently in a different kind of situation... A couple of weeks back the floor was opened to anyone who wanted to be prayed for for reasons that were mentioned in the service and... For the first while I was too shy and awkward to do it, but I told myself to suck it up and head down there where a few others already were; and afterward a whole heap of other people and leaders that were in the service surrounded particular people that they knew and prayed for them... I had [K-Dawg], [K-Dawg]'s mum and another leader I know pray for me and yeah... I haven't felt as much of an impact after this prayer as of yet, but I know it's because of the topic it was focused on it; which is a difficult one to overcome... But I still appreciated it none the less! Not to mention the fact that I had to restrain from wanting to cuddle the heck out of [K-Dawg] who was clearly struggling to hold back the tears beside me... Sook ;P

One thing that I am finding lately that I'm struggling with... Is talk about marriage and weddings so often nowadays, with particular focus on [K-Dawg] and I in some cases... The idea of marrying [K-Dawg] is one that I very much want to happen, and I want it more than anything! But when people are constantly bringing it up, it just reminds me of how far away that dream currently is. I'm not one of those girls who like to rush into a marriage as soon as they think they've found the "best boyfriend evvaaaaa". I like to establish that relationship, wait a fair chunk of time, preferably move in and get some experience with living with them a little before (don't have to sleep in same bed, but ya know...), work out all the ways both people work/don't work together, and have some form of financial stability; even if it's just one side at first, but the second half getting a full time job as soon as possible... I used to add possibly owning a house as well, or at least renting... But I'm not so sure with that anymore with how house prices are and all that jazz... Still a nice thought though!
But yeah... There's just been so much talk of it recently and... I don't mind the occasional wishful conversation with [K-Dawg] about our silly little wants in the reception, or what song to play down the aisle... But when so many people are dropping hints, or straight out asking when we're going to get married... I'm just finding it annoying to be honest... Especially some of the people that are like "my parents got married after dating for six months, and they're still together!".. Like, that's great! Cool for them! I didn't realise that was the template for every other relationship though..?

My current situation? I've sat one of my two exams for the end of semester... I don't know how well I did, but I'm still in that "I don't care because this, this and this" stage of my life with my self-dubbed "Quarter Life Crisis"... I know I'm not quite there with the age, but I'm close enough for it to be called that! I could also just call it "University Student Confusion Syndrome" which a lot of us seem to suffer... Where one day we just go "Shiz... Am I doing the right thing?! Is this what I want to do with my life?!". Some lucky people only suffer for short periods of time before they work it out, but me? Naaa. I've been struggling for the entirety of this year, plus a tiny bit of the end of the last...
My final exam of the year is on Monday and I'm kind of terrified about it, but my brain is still in such a mode that I'm struggling to study for it... The lecturer has given us eight questions, and four will be on the exam; and we're allowed a double-sided A4 sheet of paper with notes on it... Doesn't sound too terrible until you realise just how much detail she wants in each question (it's Anatomy so there's shiz loads of info...), then all you want to do is curl up in a corner and cry really... I'm at the point where I have 12 and a half pages of notes and diagrams that I now have to cram down into two pages... Wouldn't be so bad if some of the much needed diagrams didn't take up so much space! *Sigh* So yes... I have to find some time between now and 8am Monday morning to get a decent grip on Anatomical knowledge and probably a seriously cramping hand in the process... In between work tomorrow night, church Sunday morning, and possibly helping [K-Dawg] get all suited up to be a friend's formal date where both of my ex-boyfriends will be... So glad it's him going, and not me hehe.

Also, the church I attend is hosting a passion-themed Higher Conference this weekend which I am unable to attend due to reasons stated above, plus babysitting the siblings tonight; which has unsettled me a little... I can't lie and say I wasn't jealous when I saw all the pictures and statuses on Facebook and messages from the boyfriend about a flash mob dance and all these things... I know it can't be helped when it's held the weekend before a crazy exam, but I still want to be a part of it so badly... Even just as a viewer! But, knowing my luck, similar situations will arise for the next two years I'm at uni and so it's gonna be a fair while before I'm soaking up the conference atmosphere along with everyone else. So, here I am... At home... Typing this blog in a sleep-deprived state that is becoming more of the norm (which for me, really isn't good... But I can't seem to sleep lately) internally crying as more statuses about tonight's conference activities are being posted as I blurt out my feelings to the Internet world... I swear one day I will change this blog permanently... One day... Some time in the (probably distant) future... :P

Yeah so... If my blog makes very little sense tonight, I apologise; but my brain is literally here, there and everywhere currently and I'm too lazy to go through and edit what I've written. I might just go to bed. Yeah... Sounds like a plan [Miss Invisible]. Get yo' ass to bed woman... Say goodnight to the Internet.

Goodnight Internet! See you around sometime soon...

~It's gossip... Write about me!~

Sleep-Deprived Brain Rambles

Hullo!

So, I literally just downloaded the Blogger app so I could write up this post... Mostly because my eyes were killing me after spending too much time on the computer & a random brain spurt after turning it off. And, as usual, now that I've started.. I've completely forgotten what I was gonna say. But if the font is weird or different, it's because there's like.. No font options with this thing. Just bold & italics options, so I can still have italics! Woo!

Anyways... I'm just gonna start with this week & what's goin' down!

As I think I've already mentioned... I am going for Diversity Officer in the Resident's Club for my uni campus for the second time... And I still have very mixed feelings right now.

[Chappy] and I were talking after the Hall Crawl this afternoon (basically a night consisting of activities at each hall, generally getting quite messy at some point or other..) & he was saying to me that I should stay on Halls next year, regardless of whether I get the position or not. And it's really torn me up..

As badly as I do want to stay on Halls (I seriously do love it here), it's really hard when there are so few people left that I can hang out. [Chappy] is a social butterfly who can charm his way into conversations easily, but I'm not like that. I'm just not as smooth! And again, there /is/ the money issue... But, if I don't stay on Halls, will I put in the study..? Or get distracted even more than I manage to do here..?

So yes, I am still struggling over this issue... But I have until Friday to re-apply to Halls... I might re-apply anyway... To cover all bases I suppose. But tomorrow night is Valedictory Dinner, where the Resident's Club for next year will be announced... To be honest, I'm nowhere near as nervous or excited as I was last year. Last year I stressed & agonised over getting the position, & it left me utterly crushed when I didn't get it (get way too emotionally invested.. Can't ya tell?); so I guess my mind is saving me from going through the same thing. Especially since I was only up against one person last year, & this year I'm against four. So yeah, I've basically already accepted defeat.

One thing I don't believe I have discussed on here is a recent church service I went too.. The week before last to be specific.

I was perfectly fine until the pastor started giving the message... And about halfway through some of the things he was saying started to hit home... So much so that I was a bit of a mess by the end of it... As in pretty much bawling my eyes out. It was kind of embarrassing, not gonna lie. But I did get cuddles from [K-Dawg] & [Dancer] so I can't complain too much. But it was then that they insisted I go and talk to the pastor about it afterward. And this terrified me. 

The pastor himself didn't scare me, I like the guy! He's cool! What was terrifying me was change. And I knew... As soon as I talked to him, things would start changing for me. And boy was I right...

[Dancer] ended up talking to him first  to break my awkwardness a little, & I went into a little detail of how I currently felt (annoyingly couldn't rattle on about everything, as shyness & awkwardness held me back), then the next thing I knew... I had a small crowd around me (okay, like, maybe seven or so people) holding a hand or touching my shoulder & praying for me...

This was the first time I had other people praying for me, & it was surreal. Like... I honestly didn't know what to think for most of it, & I had to really focus on trying to hear what was being said by the person leading the prayer at the time; as the others were constantly murmuring as well. And what language were they murmuring in? ..Tongues. 

Now... Tongues is a weird topic for me. I'm still not 100% sure what I think about it. Again, it's a new thing or 'change' of some kind... And the idea of not knowing for sure what you're saying scares the heck out of me.. Always has & always will. I don't have anything against it.. I'm just not completely ready to accept the idea just yet either... And can't promise that I ever will, because who knows!

But, everything aside... It was nice being prayed for. Some of the things that were said to me were really nice & I have honestly felt lighter since it happened. I've also started thinking about slightly out there things I never thought I originally would've thought of. 

For example, the day after the service (from memory) I was thinking about [Carl]... My devoted followers know him quite well. But yes, I was thinking about him, just generally; and then I had a rush of thoughts involving him and his current girlfriend attending the church I do. Coming to the services... Me being there to help them not be as awkward... All these sorts of things...

I just found it so weird I guess. I mean, I forgave [Carl] a fair while back for everything he's put me through, so it's not like I have ill feelings toward him or anything like that. I guess it's just the fact that I suddenly want my ex-boyfriend to attend my church, even if it's just once, that I found a bit surprising. It's.. Kind of hard to explain, but yeah. 

I'm already running out of things to say... As usual! Plus, this is kinda hurting my thumbs doing this on the trusty iPod... Though I do like this app! ^_^

I'll make a new post whenever I get around to it :P Seeing as there's always big gaps between them...

~I don't wanna lose you now~

What You Want

Hello hello!

It's been a while hasn't it..? Ah well! I was really only spurred to write this blog post because of current situations stressing me to the point where I need to blurt them out onto an electronic piece of paper just to hopefully make sense of it all... Hopefully this doesn't become negative! But there will definitely be plenty of pondering and a lot of wondering... So shall we begin? Okay!

So.. This is Halls related mainly... As most of you know, I live on campus at my University and I love it. I love the beauty of the campus, I love the people, I love the atmosphere... Heck, I don't even mind the smell that wafts in from the piggery time to time; because I love this campus so damn much! So what's the problem, you ask? Well, my parents can't continue to afford the fees for me to stay every year; and so, if I wish to stay on next year, I'm going to be taking on paying the fees myself. Now, this I don't mind! Having the last two years paid for me is a blessing in itself, and I am perfectly okay with becoming independent... The major issue I have is whether I will be making enough money to support myself, only working weekends... I have two jobs currently, and am struggling like crazy. One of the jobs is pretty much never giving me shifts, while the other has me on two set shifts a week; but with lower pay... So it isn't really satisfying my bank account currently.

I got to the point, earlier today, where I was thinking of not coming back to Halls next year... I mean. I've lost most of the group of people I hung out with this semester, and basically sit by myself for 90% of the meals in the dining hall... And, depending on how much my parents would charge me for board to keep living with them, it would most likely be cheaper to stay at home; and take the hour trip there and back every day I have pracs, and listen to the lectures online... But would I really do that? I mean... The internet at home is pretty dodgy at times, so could I guarantee good quality listening? I could go to the boyfriend's with his unlimited interwebs... But risk the chance of getting distracted if he's around. Who am I kidding, I'm easily distracted no matter what! My procrastination methods are crazy extreme... And yet I was considering staying at home and studying..? Where I'm more likely to do nothing, than I do on Halls..? *Sigh*

I went to the Resident's Club information evening tonight, as I was eagerly considering going again for the role of Diversity Officer; as most of you would know, I was robbed of last year by another student who clearly couldn't give two darns about music and culture... I honestly didn't even feel like going. I RSVP'd two-three weeks ago, when I was much more eager. But today, I was slowly reaching the conclusion that I wasn't going to come back next year; but went, since I had already RSVP'd... And I wasn't going to pass down good food, when it's such a rare opportunity!

What did the information evening do for me..? Confuse me even more of course! Because it re-ignited my want to be the Diversity Officer... I doubt anybody has any clue just how badly I want it, it's crazy... But, as far as I'm aware, I'm against at least one-two other people for this position; and I honestly don't know if I can go through what I did at Valedictory Dinner last year when the Res Club members were announced and my name wasn't among them.

I want to make a difference! I want to enrich people's lives! I want to help make Halls better than it currently is! Yet, I am so terrified at the thought of losing... Of failure. But would I regret not going for it? Of course...

Then there's the other problem... What if I manage to get assigned the post I so badly want? What if I manage to get it, and then realise half way through the year that I can't afford the fees..? If I'm going to be in Res Club, I am staying all year! Because it's an opportunity I will never get again... So if I have to cut that short..? It's going to kill me, just a little...

And I still have the constant problem involving where I'm going with my life... Someone this weekend said to me: "So, after uni, are you going to be joining a theatre company or..?" and I didn't know how to reply. I'm not a fan of those questions... Why? Because it just trudges up the conflict I'm trying so hard to work out. My self-doubt and lack of confidence ruins a lot of it, I think... Maybe I could get into a minor theatre company, yeah... But the big ones? Where I want to be? Heck no! I'd never make it.. At least not as a main character. Chorus member perhaps... If I'm lucky.

I'm honestly not trying to be a pain by putting myself down... I just honestly struggle so much with the comprehension that I could get my voice back, since I've surely destroyed it by now with no training and just belting whenever... Do I train it? No! I'm not putting effort into music, and I'm not putting much effort into wildlife either... Because I'm caught in between with no clue as to where I'm gonna actually end up.

Could be why I want Diversity Officer so badly perhaps... Maybe then I'll be satisfied with a bit of work with music and culture, while still with animals... Sure, it's not a stage with lights and people watching... But it's better than nothing. And I've already accepted the fact that I'm going to have to make sacrifices in my life to ensure everything works out smoothly.

So yeah! Those are my current thoughts... I'm writing this after not getting much sleep last night due to cramming for an exam that I took today... Which would have been a heck of a lot easier if I knew what to study... Turns out I could have just looked at diagrams, rather than focusing on the theory like the lecturer hinted on... Woo! Yay for good communication! ... If this blog post makes no sense, the above reasoning is why!

Now to hopefully de-stress so I can get some good sleep for tomorrow... Where I'll be doing some study, before the Athletics carnival; followed by Doctors and Nurses theme at the club, where [Chappy]'s birthday will be belatedly celebrated... Hopefully with the much missed [Bestiality]'s presence! ^_^

Ciao guys.

~Put the right amount of pressure on it, pressure on it~

Small Rambles

Hey hey!

So I just came back from an hour and a half of learning some line dances which was pretty awesome; and I'm now pumped up on energy that I figured I'd put into this, rather than continuously dancing the few that I can still remember :P Mostly for the sake of my poor feet...

But just to continue on that for a moment, I had a good time! Trying to help [Genius!] out with coordinating her feet got interesting at times, and it made me thankful that I'm naturally coordinated; not gonna lie! I'm now waiting, in horror, for more of the videos to be released that one of the guys took of all the dances; including the fresher dance at the end, where I happened to pull a bit of a ridiculous face at the camera... Yeah! Intelligent [Miss Invisible] is intelligent!

What else have I done today? I actually did some study! Which, to some, may not seem like a big deal; but to me it is. I honestly have no idea what is wrong with me lately, but I have been working my hardest to get out of this 'phase' that I'm in where all motivation for study has just disappeared. It wasn't much... And I still have a quiz on Thursday, along with a quiz and assignment due on Monday; but I'm mostly hoping that I'll smash some more out tomorrow and Thursday, since I'm going to be having a long weekend due to our lecturer being required elsewhere on Friday. And, I know what I'm like on a weekend... Not much is gonna get done! Especially when I have to work it all around work as well.

I've also recently decided to get back into writing my neglected fanfiction! Obviously around assessments, so I won't be able to do much for the next short while... And, I'd say I'll work on it on the holidays but... It appears that my holidays have been stolen by more Uni so... Maybe on the four-five days I do get for the holiday, rather than the given nine or so... Woo! Yay for compulsory external subjects!

I'm pretty excited about it though. It's been soooo long! I went through the first three chapters again and, when not fixing errors, I just couldn't help but get sucked back in and fall in love with my characters all over again! Even the main character, who I originally based off of [Riot!], was still as close to my heart as ever. I'm not sure whether I've found someone who I can ideally base him off yet but... The character wasn't too heavily based on [Riot!] to begin with so, it shouldn't be too difficult to keep writing as him with little change.

For those of you wondering about the situation between [K-Dawg] and I.. I'm not going to elaborate too much. I'm just going to say that... My last post has been deleted, because it is evident that confusion and emotion don't make for healthy blog writing; and clearly don't get the point I'm trying to make across, but rather creates other assumptions instead.
Information has changed as well, making it quite incorrect now... But we are working things through, and will /hopefully/ come to a result soon. I'm just honestly hoping that this is the last time things like this happen, because a girl can only go through so much stress in her life; and I've still got kids to come! :P

Ugh, I have plenty of energy... Yet nothing in my brain to fuel my typing fingers! Umm... Charity Week at Uni is coming up! Next week actually, come to think of it... Which means there will probably be tales of me dying at the 24 hour dance square, or dying of laughter at the slave auctions. Here's hoping I can sneak into another Anatomy prac though, so I can do the full 24 hours this time... Need to beat last year's 16!

Oh! Speaking of Anatomy! I got to play with the reproductive parts of a male bull today! Which was so much better than last week when we were looking at the female reproductive anatomy, and we got a teeny tiny little lamb... A lamb... That hadn't even hit puberty yet! -_- So much fun trying to identify things when they're so darn small :P
This week was very much different. Always takes me a bit to get into it but... Can't help but be interested, as well as have a bit of fun, in what's in front of you... Or maybe that's just me? Hey! Why do you think I'm studying this stuff then?! :P
Pretty sure I grossed a fair few people out on Facebook as well with a photo... Definitely worth it! You guys were graced with a photo, while I was face to face with the real thing; if that makes any of those who suffered feel any better :P You also didn't have to smell it! So yeah! Be thankful that a photo is all you got ;)

Aaaand I've now run out of things to say... Might go off and do a bit more study maybe, before bed... Or give my feet some love and care after dancing for an hour and a half in shoes that really do not support them in anyway... Whoops!

Until next time people!

~If you want the world, I suggest you come with me~

Go And Let The Lonely In

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hiiiiii!!

... Yes, it's been a month. Yes, I generally have tons of time to write blogs. Yes, I find awesome things to write about then forget about them as soon as I sit my backside down in front of the computer... Just don't hate meee D':

So, I am now nearing the end of my third week back at University! I don't remember telling you that I did end up having my show of cause application accepted but... It's pretty obvious that it was, cause I'm back! And still lazy as ever! Woo!
Actually, I'm not /as/ bad... I have improved the tiniest little smidgen! Yay for improvement!

But yeah... What I really wanted to talk about, in regards to Uni, is how lonely it is this semester. Like, ridiculously.

So, there was a small group of us girls who would hang out last year and whatever. We weren't all necessarily friends with each other, but they'd be people you could talk too at lunch if there's nobody else or dance with at the club... Then about half of those girls didn't get back onto Halls at the start of this year. It didn't affect me so much, cause I still had [Bestiality] and a couple of other girls I'm really close too... But what happened over the holidays just gone? We lost one of our girls (a major one who I used to dance at the club with), and I've lost [Bestiality]... Although it's only for this semester, I am already dying on the inside. Being my closest friend, by far, and one of the only people I had left here... And for her to then not be here... I haven't felt so lonely in my life!
The only other girl who I am close too, goes home halfway through the week when we have our day off; so I actually barely see her... A little bit on Monday/Tuesday, and a smidgen on Thursday/Friday... And that's only during the first half of the day, if we're in the same class. Other than that, we have differing classes or she's driving on home again... So, I've been hanging out with [Genius!] a lot more, and a couple other freshers who stick around with her; and I have been spending more time with a friendly Sheltonite, which is good! I am forming a couple more friendships but... I'm going to keep it simple as many of you don't overly know [Genius!] that well, but... I can only handle hanging out with her so much before I start going a little crazy. I'm not trying to make her out to be a bad person, because she genuinely is a nice girl! It's hard to explain... I guess my Asperger's just acts up and clashes with some of her personality traits; which is frustrating to say the least.

But, regardless of the fact that I've made a couple more friends... At lunch times, I'm generally sitting on my own in a corner; and I want nothing but to have [Bestiality] back in her room, so I can jump on her bed and rant to her about anything and everything again... Or go on Macca's DnM runs... Or even just have someone back at Res Sport, or the club, who I'm comfortable around or can dance with!

I'm trying to be a part of Halls life as best I can, considering there's another 400 odd students who we'll be competing with for spots next year as a new course comes in... But it's so difficult when I'm just there, on my own, all awkward like. Or [Genius!] and a couple others are there, so I sit with them; but don't generally feel as sociable, or have to watch myself from whacking her over the head when she gets right up in my face... 

And I know I'm still privileged. I know that I'm incredibly lucky to be on Halls, and back in Uni. I'm not trying to whine about how I don't have anything, or how life sucks. Cause I know it doesn't... But I was hoping to really turn a new leaf this semester, and I was hoping tat [Bestiality] and I could do that together, since we've both been struggling in terms of study and all that... But I don't even really have anyone to study with now! One of my subjects is external, so basically completely independent work... I'm repeating a first year course I failed, so I have no fellow second years; and am just surrounded by people I don't really know at all... And the other one, I do have the girl I was talking about earlier (the one who goes home... I don't have a name yet though! Errr... [Sweetheart]? Cause that's pretty much just what I think of her.. Anyways!) but I'll have to see if I can work in study sessions with her, when she's actually at the Uni.

So yeah.. And I barely go to the club anymore since I don't really have anyone to go with. I went last night, due to [K-Dawg] coming to Uni to go with me as it was a Onesie theme... But the DJ, who is normally good, was having an off night; and I just couldn't handle being there anymore, so we decided to leave... I can't stand my unstable emotions sometimes, honestly! This time I didn't want to be there because I just missed everyone. I missed [Bestiality] doing the fresher dances with me, and [Sweetheart] being all awkward and not really dancing unless she's had a drink and even then only minimal, and the other girl (now dubbed [Shawty]) going absolutely crazy and being my "sexy dance partner". Heck, I was even missing [Chappy] a little (even though he's still on Halls) because he wasn't at the club; and I wanted to have a random chat with him, while smelling the fantastic scent of rum on his breath... And, as much as I love [K-Dawg] and spending time with him; going to clubs with him stresses me. I know that he's a socialite who doesn't really dance, but can have just as much fun just by talking to people... But I like dancing at a club... Yet, I feel awkward and can't dance like I normally would when he's around... It's weird, I don't even understand. Then, if he looks even remotely bored; I start stressing that he's not having a good time, which then just spirals my mood.. So yeah, it's a good fun cycle! I am seriously hopeless haha...

So anyways! I should mention what subjects I am doing this semester so when I mention them in the future, y'all won't get confused... So I'm doing Systems (the repeated first year subject), Anatomy II, and Monotremes (the external one... It has a much longer name, but just Monotremes will do :P). So yes! Only three subjects from now on! Because, I was clearly struggling with four... I probably could easily handle four if my head was in the right space for it; but I doubt I'm ever going to get it there, so three it is! I just wish I can find that feeling, or instance, or whatever to help me find the drive and desire to do what I want to do. I've always loved animals, so why am I not fueled with desire now that I'm studying Wildlife? Apart from the fact that this is a Science degree, and we actually barely look at animals half the time... Or perhaps the fact that when we do finally study wildlife, it's all Australian wildlife with nothing on exotics... Which is the polar opposite of what I'm interested in! *Sigh*

I swear I had intended this post to be positive when I opened it... Well! I guess it's good to get everything out anyway, since it was clearly eating me up a fair chunk.

It was [K-Dawg]'s birthday two days ago (HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU OLD THING!) and it is his mother's today... So I'm headed out to her birthday dinner tonight with the rest of the family, so should be nice. Then I have work tomorrow night, followed by an early wake up call on Saturday to drive half an hour away for a Harassment session my work has organised since my little discovery I mentioned a blog back or two. I had managed to get out of two sessions (with genuine reasons), and thought I had gotten off Scott-free... But apparently I haven't! And if I hadn't agreed to go to this session, I would have had to call up the boss higher than her (who is scary as shiz and I avoid with my life) and organise something... So I have to go out, to an /induction/ to do this. Apparently the induction goes from 9am-2pm but that I "should" be out within the hour. They will hear about it if I have stay any longer, because I have already been through the induction when I first went back to Subway... It was boring as anything, and I know everything. Plus, I actually have better things to do with my life then sit in a room with newbies watching multiple videos... Ugh.

So yes! Hopefully I will be free shortly after so I can get a haircut! Which I have not had one since September last year! I know... I'm terrible... But seriously, that's how cheap I have been with my money. If I can afford putting it off, I will do it for as long as possible. The only reason I'm going this weekend is because Mum is booking my sister in, and suggested she could book me in as well; which I figured I may as well, so I can look better for [K-Dawg]'s birthday party that same night ;)

And yeah... Other than all that, my life is quite boring at the moment. With two jobs and Uni, my weekdays consist of minimal classes & work; along with the usual other stuff that happens here, that I try to find motivation to go too... And then my weekends consist of work, all three days... So, relatively tired a lot lately! Along with me /finally/ starting to go to the gym... I'm finding it difficult to stay motivated and go every week; but I am also going to Zumba and Boot Camp classes, so it's not like I'm entirely lazing around when not at the gym.

And [K-Dawg] was kind enough to show me a new online game that has now taken my soul and captured it, so I am now mindlessly devoted to it and just... In love. Hehehe. I am still trying to get some Uni work in though! ... In between gaming sessions ;)

Other than that, I don't have much else to say! I'm going to see P!nk in concert soon, as well as things are pretty much finalised for The Lion King in February... Well, so long as the other two comrades give me the moneys for the ticket that is... Let's not forget that in February as well Vampire Academy: Blood Sisters comes out in the cinemas, which I am so damn keen about! I have read the books (and am impatiently waiting for her latest to come out in November) and they are amazing; and from the discussions people have bee having, and what I've gotten from behind the scenes.. The movie is looking pretty damn awesome! Though, I swear, if I hear anyone relating it to Twilight again; I will break something... I can't stand the fact that whenever people say vampires nowadays, it's all related straight to that series! Vampire Academy is a heck of a lot better, and is more text-book vampire again; but Richelle Mead puts her own touch on them so they're a little different, but not sparkly and all that jazz.

Oooooh! And let's not forget that WICKED is coming back early next year as well! I can't quite remember the dates... I'm going to hazard a guess somewhere around March to May? But yes... I need a fair chunk of $$$ by Christmas to support me staying on Halls next year, as the parentals can't keep affording to pay; but I might be struggling with all the awesomeness that is coming up in the near future! :D

I can't think of much else to say now... I'm all rambled out. At least I got more positive near the end! I honestly didn't mean this post to be so heavy and ranty... This is why I should blog more often! So I can have more of the types of posts I actually /want/... But that requires effort I clearly don't have :P

Until next time fellow dwellers of the interwebs!

~I'm the shadow of a girl that I used to know so well~

Mixed Dreams

Hola!

 

*Cries as I haven't been outside the country in 16 years & wishes she could use terms like that in their native countries*

 

Anywho! How y'all been? I apologise for the lateness (as usual), but I genuinely forgot that I have a blog... Awkward...

 

Exams are over, and I am currently halfway through the holidays! Woo!

 

The rest of the exams weren't overly fantastical either, with the last one involving me not really trying at all considering I had practically already failed the subject.

 

Turns out that I didn't do as badly as I thought. I passed three out of the four; the three I was hoping to pass. But I only just scraped the pass, with Biochem earning me a 1. It's pretty damn impressive getting a 1... I mean... I don't even know how I managed it, because to get a 1 is like literally not trying /at all/ and I did actually put some effort into it... I could have gotten a 2 guys, seriously...

 

However... Due to my recent results... This drags my GPA down to being an overall fail right now... And do you know what that means? I got an e-mail from the Uni saying I have a month to plead my case as to why I should be allowed to continue studying the course, before they throw me out of it. And the only way I can get back in is by pleading my little heart out...

 

So yay! At least I do have genuine reasons to provide them so... Hopefully this will just blow over, and I can continue studying, and actually screw my head on straight now. At least, here's hoping.

 

Not much else is really new, except I have another job! Subway wasn't providing me with the hours I need in order to have enough money to pay the residential fees to stay at Uni next year; so I dropped off a fair few resumes, and Coffee Club was the only one to get back to me! Which is amazing, cause the store is much closer to home and the skills that can be learned are always good to have on your resume for future jobs.

 

After a fail interview, and a mildly successful trial; I got the job! However, I haven't left Subway as of yet because... Like I said... I really need the money. So, for as long as I can handle having two jobs; that's what I'm gonna do!

 

My brother has just gone off on his first individual trip in the form of a ski trip organised by the school he goes too... And my Mum just flew off to NSW to go visit our grandparents as we recently discovered that Poppy has cancer. So the house is feeling a little empty at the moment with just us two girls and Dad... And with the sister going back to school this week, I'm basically gonna have the house to myself for the next two weeks during the day *Mischievous dance*

 

One thing that did happen at work (Subway) the other night... Was workplace harassment. And it shocked me!

 

Mostly because it was something most people might deem as insignificant, or not really anything to worry over... But when I saw the mood of my co-worker's face as I told him what happened earlier that day... It infuriated me that I didn't see it as harassment earlier and put a stop to it myself. Why didn't I? Because, like I said... I even thought it wasn't anything major. However, I quickly learnt that lesson.

 

The situation? A female co-worker, and the victim were chatting outside of work; when she found a picture of him shirtless with a towel on, on an 18+ website when he's not over 18 himself. Now... This had been done as a dare a fair while back, and I knew of this myself as he had told me during a work shift once (another reason why I didn't think much of it), but nobody had actually seen it. The female co-worker then shared the image with our assistant manager, who then shared it with me in a shared shift and tried to have a laugh about it. When the conversation turned to me telling him what had happened earlier that day... He told me that that's the reason he left his last job, and that he couldn't possibly work at Subway anymore with the thought of people having seen that image behind his back etc.

 

If anyone knows this guy... You would know that he is a generally always upbeat, silly, fun-loving guy who always brings a laugh to the workplace... So, when you have the rest of the shift filled with silence, you know something has gone down. I haven't seen anyone so despondent and unwilling to work, as he was that night... And I couldn't stop kicking myself for indirectly being a part of it. Sure, I didn't share the image myself and nor would I have. But it was the fact that I didn't see it as harassment, and verbally kicked the backside of my assistant manager who was showing me it at the time. Now? We're most likely going to lose one of our best junior employees, and will be stuck with all the newbies that none of us really enjoy working with. Just over a picture... Food for thought guys.

 

So, err... I should try bring the conversation to a lighter tone because even I'm being affected by it all over again...

 

How many of you have a dream? Like... A dream so powerful it can keep you up at night, and you feel like you're just burning with the desire to reach it. Did you have a dream, and you achieved it? How did you feel?! Different? Or did you realise that it wasn't actually a dream, just a want? What's the difference?

 

Yeah... I've had this on my mind a fair bit lately. For those who know me, it would be pretty obvious that my mind has been racing about musical theatre vs. animals... And yes, I will probably forever struggle with this. But hey... I still have the rest of my life... Right?

 

Ooh! Random side note. But I figured, since I could actually remember one for once, that I would share a dream I had with you all... So you can laugh at the craziness that is my brain, okay? Okay.

 

~I was staying in an Asian family's house to throw a big pool party for a reason I do not know, and didn't know in the dream either... All of the people I would normally invite to a party, however, weren't there. Instead, there were a lot of people I would never dream of inviting... People I've had negative experiences in the past with, or just general acquaintances that I never really talked too... But they were all happy & cheery & nice to me... I remember there were two pools; one in the backyard and one in the front.. And we all started out in the back pool with snorkels and stuff... We then went out the front of the house where there was an ice cream stall set up; so we all lined up to get some... I was at the back of the line, but when I got to the front I realised that the ice cream guy was danisnotonfire (a freaking cute as YouTuber, for those who don't know). I vaguely remember flirting a bit with him, before we ended up kissing... (Smooth [Miss Invisible]. Cheatin' on yo' boyfriend in your dream...). And then I went off to find everyone else again; who were now split across the two pools. I couldn't decide who to go with so I went inside where I heard a voice from a corner that had a small handmade fort made out of blankets. I couldn't see him, but I recognised his voice as another YouTuber (kickthepj); & we then had random conversations about things I don't remember before I realised that I had to pack up & leave soon to go home. He said that I was a really awesome person & gave me a black beanie with kickthepj written across it, & two matching gloves. Then I vaguely remember packing & trying to find danisnotonfire before I woke up...~

 

I'm fairly sure there were more details in that dream, but... Considering I remembered that much? That's an achievement guys! And [K-Dawg], I still love you even though I appear to have locked lips with my YouTube crush in my dream... Heh... >.>

 

Alright, well I think you have experienced enough of the insanity that is my mind today... And I also cannot think of anything more to write about so... Woo! Blog post endings!

 

Have fun with your life now guys ^_^

 

~Oh the taste of a poison paradise~

Stress & Drama

Hey guys, it has indeed been a while... But as I think I explained in my previous blog, I am currently in the midst of exams and stuff! So, in reality, I shouldn't even really be typing this... I really ought to be studying the heck out of statistics but... After how my Ecology exam went today, I'm kinda in a bit of a very anti-study mood (and I mean more than usual).

This past month has been quite uneventful really... Well, I somewhat lie... The weekend just after my last blog was the much awaited Eurovision Song Contest which I enjoyed watching with [K-Dawg], [Tenuto Tuo], [GoJo], [OldMan], [Phantomess], [Clearly Unfocused], and a couple others. My favourite ended up winning, so I couldn't complain really! The following week consisted of a Biochem prac exam (which I kinda failed.. Yay) as well as the second Ecology assignment being due (yeah, that wasn't exactly the greatest thing I've handed in either...). The week after was the really stressful one though, as it was the week that the massive Anatomy assignment (where we create our own animal) was due with Dinner Under The Stars being the night before... For those who don't know, DUTS is a fancy dinner for all those who live on halls, where we dress all pretty and it's generally masquerade themed; where we dine and be merry. Oh, and the MTV videos are revealed from each hall. They try to act as though that's not what we all go to see, but it's pretty damn obvious. I wait all damn night for those videos, and as soon as it's over and the winner is announced I just wanna go home! :P

So, Pitt came third again... The results were literally almost identical to last year, except Shelton & Riddell swapped around first and second position. Shelton won with Lion King and the Spice Girls. Pretty sure it was LK that won us all over... Including the judges... Damn them!

Since then? I've been studying! And by studying I mean procrastinating the shiz out of everything and only really studying the day before... And I've only had one exam so far out of four so... Yeeaahhh. I really haven't been doing anything with myself. I studied my little heart out for Ecology though in those few hours that I did, but what happened? Yeah, I sat the exam and... There was 12 questions, right? Two of them I could guarantee decent marks for. The rest? Didn't really go over it... At all... I appeared to have studied everything else but... The utter terror that flooded through my body when I was flicking through the paper during perusal was just ugh... It was a lot different to what I (and a lot of other students) were expecting, but I feel as though I was one of the only people in the room who really struggled (aka failed miserably). Which kinda sucks... Cause the exams that are this week, I just really wanna pass! That's all I want! Biochem next week is a different story... I've failed everything in that course so far, so kinda need 76% on the final exam. It's 40 multiple choice questions... So I need to get 31 of them right, and I /should/ just scrape a pass. That is, if my grade calculator isn't telling me fibs.

Anyways! I'm gonna move on! Because Uni is currently depressing the heck outta me.Have you ever had an experience where something may have happened between you and someone, anyone. It was most likely an accident, or something that was initially completely innocent or fine; but you've never regretted it more in your life because of how the people around you took it? Cause I had that the weekend just gone, and I'm still quite irritated about it to be perfectly honest.

Maybe it's because I'm such a blasé person, or my history, or a bit of both that makes me the person I am... But when a certain event went down this weekend (and I am not sharing this on the internet, as there is no need for me too), I had to seriously rethink some things.

It was an accident, and it was innocent. At least, I would deem that innocent; and I'm sure most people would agree with me if they knew the situation. It's... Hard to explain without going into the details of it but... A friend was told of this situation a couple days after it happened, and his reaction literally angered me. It was the kind of reaction you would expect if [K-Dawg] and I had pre-marital sex with each other or something along those lines... (And no, we have not done that; and will not do that. And what we did was nowhere near that bad (at least that's what I think about it.).) Which reminds me! It still amazes me how little faith some people have in either of us. I don't care if you trust both of us, but if you trust at least one of us implicitly; there should be nothing to worry about. Especially when it comes to [K-Dawg]. Anyone who knows him should know he was the strongest morals and beliefs I have ever seen in anyone. And nothin' ain't gonna break through that! Heck, I could probably throw myself at him and he would barely sway (hypothetically guys, again... I would never do that...). And, that's another point. I always feel like I have to justify myself after I say things like that. Should I have too? No! I /should/ be able to say what I please and not feel like I have to justify myself afterward. Heck, I even do it with [K-Dawg]; who probably knows I'm joking, or being stupid. But I do it anyway! Because the new "world" I've been introduced too just has me on edge all the time that I'm gonna do one little thing wrong and it'll all be over. The last four and a half months, gone. Nada. Sayonara! So yes... The event that accidentally occurred over the weekend will most definitely not happen again... I'm not saying that I wanted it to happen often necessarily... But after the reactions and stress I experienced? No thanks. It wasn't even self created. It was all from other people that I got so stressed out over it. I didn't give a damn! I was like "oh... Yeah, we probably shouldn't have done it but.. Hey! It was an accident! We didn't mean to do it, and so long as we're perfectly honest about everything; she'll be apples, yeah?". Hmm... Maybe I was thinking like that. The couple others I was hanging round didn't think the same when they found out... Seriously, I just... I can't get over how much fanfare was created over it... It was, utterly ridiculous. But I'm going to shut up now because yeah... It's hard talking about something without actually stating what it is but... You've gotta trust me when I say I'd really prefer this not to be on the internet guys.

As for what I'm doing right now? Well, apart from typing this up... Trying to find the motivation to keep doing statistics for tomorrow's exam but... Knowing me, I'm gonna end up at Macca's instead having some comfort food and procrastinating as much as I physically can; cause it's all I'm good at!I know this blog isn't overly long... And I've already swayed a little off my previous blog post structure. But, my current mood is kind of affecting that guys sorry! I honestly can't think of any interactive type discussion things (apart from my mini rant up there... Feel free to comment if you understand what I'm goin' on about, and/or have a similar story!) and my life just isn't that interesting currently when I'm not in soap opera dramas.
So. I should really get back to studying at some point tonight so I shall finish off here with well wishes for any fellow student who is struggling through examinations as well, and... Yeah!
 
P.S. Don't mind the random colour change behind the words... Formatting went a bit cray cray with this one for some stupid reason and I couldn't set it back...

~Just give me a reason, just a little bit enough~

Changes Come With A New View

Hello Internet!

... I've been watching way too many danisnotonfire videos on YouTube. How do I know? That greeting. Totally not stolen from him... Nope! >.>
Next thing I know I'll be referencing IISuperWomanII, JennaMarbles, NigaHiga and/or all the other YouTubers I devotedly watch...

Anyways, hiiii! This past week hasn't been /overly/ eventful, though I do have a couple of things that have happened and have spurred inspiration for writing; and so, I will be blurting away tonight... This is also removing another procrastination option as I really ought to be doing my Anatomy and Ecology assignments due within a week of each other, over the next three weeks... And the Anatomy one is pretty damn big. Creating an animal is no easy task!

So, firstly... Live Below The Line is over! Finally! The last three days of the week were rather... Interesting having to deal with very little food. I got sick to the point where I would cut down even more on food so I could have a gulp or two of orange juice, or stock up on a bit of meat, just to get a bit of protein/vitamin in me to try kick the sickness as best I could. On Thursday, I had an Anatomy prac where we were looking at the digestive system of a sheep... Now... The week before we had looked at a pig, and I was completely fine with it! The smell was a bit deterring, but I was fine poking and playing with it and all that jazz. This week, the smell was nothing compared to the pig, and it wasn't much different to the week before... But this time was different... The fact that I hadn't eaten anything in four days and was ill, made dealing with the sight and smells of an animal's insides a lot more difficult. I apparently went incredibly pale, then turned a brilliant shade of green, before I left the room to stumble into the bathroom. Nothing happened! Don't worry... As soon as I left the room, I immediately felt better; but I did end up getting a fellow student to go back and grab my books for me, as I didn't want to risk walking back into the room and actually passing out or throwing up... I didn't know which one my body wanted me to do more, but I wasn't fond of either!

I found I didn't get much hunger pain during that week... Though that could be due to the illness taking most of my attention. But I did find a lot of fatigue and, I will admit, crabbiness... I am ashamed to say that I am a first world brat! I honestly admire those in third world countries after last week; because I don't know how they go about their lives so cheery and giving of themselves, no matter what predicament they're in! When I had my food intake severely reduced... Every day I got a bit snappier, bitchier, and sarcastic. Any little thing would irritate me a lot more than it should, and I felt fatigued all the time; which also ramps up my sassiness levels. Thankfully, LBTL ended before I got too bad... But I am still slightly ashamed of myself as a person for having that reaction. I mean, it did teach me a lot! It humbled me and made me aware just how hard it is to live a life like that, and that is the point of the week. But... It's never a nice thought to know what you turn into when the things you want won't, or can't, be given to you.

Nothing much happened last week until the Pitt fancy dinner on Friday night, calling the end of LBTL for us! I attempted to straighten my hair and look decent for the occasion, but my body thought against it as usual. I know I didn't look terrible... But did it have to have been raining that day and evening? It made the weather all humid, and hair-frizzifying (it's a word guys... I swear...) and yeah... I tried to have a good night, but it was a bit difficult I'll admit. There was recording for Pitt MTV which required a lot of telling university students to be quiet and things that... You really shouldn't need to do with uni students really, considering our ages... Then again... I just returned from the bathroom recently where the person who wrote up this week's Pitt notes spelt mascaraed, instead of masquerade... *Twitch* My internal grammar Nazi is not raging at all, nope.

It also turns out that a week of barely eating anything had already shrunken my stomach... As much as I wanted to eat a fair amount of food in celebration, I physically struggled eating more than the amount I had gotten used to eating! It's changed already over the past half week. I'm slowly getting my ravenous appetite back now that my body knows I can eat whatever I like again... Especially ice cream tonight for dinner! Yeee! ^_^

For those who have noticed, I have taken a bit of a different approach to the blog tonight... As much as it's still mostly about my life, what I do, and what I think about that... I'm gonna try not detail exactly what I do every single day... I find that it might be irritating to read, and I'd like to take this blog in a new direction... I do this blog out of my own personal enjoyment, and it's a way of expressing myself where I feel comfortable to do so. Because everyone knows I am a people-hating introverted autistic child who just like to vent all her problems out in a post where she doesn't have to see people's face when finding all this information out :P But yes... I'd like to start discussing things more on here. Sharing my opinion on things, and a more detailed view on particular events that may happen to me. I already have a couple of things I will be discussing a little further down that I mentioned before... And I'm just gonna try keep it up each week if possible!
Maybe some of you want to know what I think about certain topics or debatable issues in the world today..? Who knows! If you want to know ANYTHING at all, post it as a comment on the bottom of this blog. I will read it, and I will most definitely mention it in the next blog post I write. Or, if you know me in real life, tell me in person or Facebook or whatever. Preferably Facebook, or somewhere where I can note it down though... Cause I will forget :P

Anyways! Moving on to one of the topics I really do want to write about! *Ahem*

This week I finally went to a "chime" session for the first time! It's basically a session run each week by Student Life where a group of students come to talk about God, Christianity, etc... [Bestiality] came knocking by my room, and off we went! We were about 10 minutes early, but I didn't mind... I was both excited, yet terrified. As much as I am Christian now and all that jazz... I have almost always had negative experiences in my past with this religion, and some of the churches along with it. It's been pretty difficult getting over those hurdles and accepting to go to yesterday's chime session... But I really do want to work myself back to the point where I am willing to begin attending church again, and other places of worship; because I want to devote more time to Him!
The people there were absolutely lovely and the atmosphere was so relaxed and friendly... I loved it. After an ice breaker, we split into a couple of groups. [Bestiality] and I were with a Student Life leader looking at Soularium cards. I instantly fell in love with this concept. For those clueless... It's a kit of 50 picture cards and five question cards, not that you necessarily have to use the questions they provide... It's all played by ear. The guy asked us to pick a picture to represent how our week has been, how our spiritual journey has been so far, and what we want our relationship with Him to be like in the future. The awesome thing about this is... If anyone had asked those last two questions to me outright, I would've instantly frozen up and not known what to say. I would've felt cornered, and gotten stressed out... But, somehow, this method allowed me to answer the questions relatively effortlessly. Because... I picked a picture that stuck out to me, and I explained why that picture and how it relates. It was a lot easier than having to say the answers right out, that's for sure.

After having done that, we swapped round. [Bestiality] had an event to run, so she left; but I decided to stay for the next half session with a couple of girls. One being the runner of the chime sessions. She talked to us about role-playing as well as touched on evangelism... The girl I was with and I ended up asking a fair few questions, so didn't end up doing any role-playing; which I am relatively relieved about, not gonna lie... The prospect of role-playing daunts me at the moment. I don't feel as though I'm quite ready to do such a thing, and I don't know if I ever truly will... I will happily try it someday though, because I know it helps the learning process a lot. But, maybe not right now? Just... I really do feel quite clueless and lacking in knowledge when it comes to the faith right now; which there's nothing wrong with that! It means I have so much room to grow and learn... But it also means I'm very hesitant when it comes to trying new things currently, because I just don't know how I'll be with them.
I did find myself opening up and discussing recent traumatic events that have happened to me with the girl who runs chime... I guess I was just at the point where I had an opportunity to possibly find answers, or at least seek comfort, with fellow Christians and know that I wasn't going to be judged; which is all I ever want. We discussed how my hesitance to attending church can be perfectly understood, and she helped me by giving me ideas to try and get back on the path leading in that direction which is where I want to go. She offered bible study sessions each Wednesday night, but it can clash with the club nights depending on which night's I'm going... I was unsure as to whether or not I was going to the club tonight, so I didn't think of the study session; but it turns out that I didn't go, so now I kinda feel bad... But ugh! I really should be assignmenting anyway.

But yes! I found the chime session to be amazing for me. It was small, and simple. And I really really want a Soularium kit for myself! It could be a simple get-to-know people game for one... Doesn't even have to be Christianity related! General questions could be asked. Though, I would like to use it for it's true purpose as well... I'd like to use it to see where people are at with their journeys and how they feel about everything... If I was to have any technique when it comes to talking to people about Christianity and all that... It would definitely be through the use of those cards. It's gonna totally be my thing y'all. I wanna do it!

Okay... I'm gonna move on to the next topic now, but I can sorta do a transition because... What happened after chime literally links the two, cause it's awesome like that.

After chime I was walking and talking with a girl I met at uni the year before through choir. She was supposed to be a fellow choral member this year as well but never turned up... Yeah, I'm not gonna go into it; but yes! Fellow choral member! Anyways...
We ended up sitting outside a little away from the chapel where chime was held and talked for two hours... We're females! Do you expect anything less..? :P

So yes... We were talking about Christianity at first, seeing as we both had been at the chime session. We talked about our personal views on topics, as well as our thoughts on shallow minded people that can't be mature and accept that not everyone will agree with them and all that jazz... It was nice to have a friendly debatable conversation on issues like that. For instance, she is against gay marriage and I am not. She isn't against gay people... It's more her religious beliefs and views influence her views on what a marriage is and things like that. As I discussed with her... She made valid points, which I can see where she came from; but for me, it's different! At least she wasn't a complete homophobe! And she accepted that if gay marriage is to be allowed in Australia that she's not going to hate it. It doesn't affect her personally, so she can just allow it to be; but not bring attention to it, like any mature human should do really...

ANYWAYS! Back to the original point... 

We didn't stay on such topics for very long... We very quickly turned to a conversation that involved the both of us basically fangirling over our boyfriends... We caught up on how each couple met. First kiss, how long we've been together, all the usual sappy jazz... I swear, I'm not normally this cheesy and that... But, for some reason, when talking to her that day; I just became this excitable, giggly mess that was n'awwwing over everything her and her partner did and was receiving the same from her.
Is it age? Cause I swear... I used to be the biggest tomboy ever who thought I'd be forever alone, and would live in the forest with all these animals; and be an animal whisperer or something stupid... Basically, I was totally okay with not having a man in my life at that point. But, the older I've gotten the more girly I've gotten... And dependent! What happened?! Darn it all... And I guess since dating [K-Dawg] it's gotten chronically worse. 

Especially lately. I've been predominantly thinking about long-term relationship type things... Not with [K-Dawg] so-to-speak... Just in general. Like... I never really thought about weddings and marriage... Some girls have their dream wedding planned out by the age of 10 years old... I was just happy playing Crash Bandicoot and Spyro at that age... Now I'm almost double that age (ew, oldness...) and have only recently started pondering it... And you know what? I'm clueless! Utterly clueless! There is one thing I have always known, even as a kid... And that is that I don't want my wedding in a church or chapel. It might have to do with the fact that I wasn't religious when I made this decision... But I think it's more the fact that I want to be outside somewhere. The thought of being inside with a whole heap of people unsettles me... At least, if it were outside with the same number of people; it would seem so much more open, and I would be much more okay with it. Plus! You can get some wicked sights depending on where you have it... On a mountain overlooking a city? A beach with all the waves? And the sand... Which is a bit of a turnoff not gonna lie... Maybe not the beach... Ick. Anyways, you get my point!

Bringing [K-Dawg] into this now... It gets a fair bit worse, jus' sayin'... Never have I been so attached to a guy so quick, and for such a prolonged time either... I'm an easily set off person. It doesn't usually take much... And with previous relationships, it hasn't taken too long for my boyfriend at the time to tick me off; and for me to have partially snapped at them, or I took some time out away from them... But with [K-Dawg] that hasn't happened yet! I spend all week waiting for the weekend to arrive, then as soon as I'm heading back to uni; I'm missing it already and complaining to myself about how far away the next one is... I can't lie and say I'd have a good day if he hasn't messaged me at some point that day... It hasn't happened yet.. Thankfully! But, just saying... :P

I can't believe I'm admitting this stuff on the internet... Where has this blog gotten too [Miss Invisible]? Honestly! Embarrassing...
May as well continue I suppose. Can't get much worse! :P

I guess I'm just getting to that age where I want to start settling down and getting my life really together... At this rate, I am most likely going to be adding on another year of university so I can finish all the subjects without over-stressing myself... So what does that mean for me? Another year of putting everything on hold..? Is everything riding on my finishing the degree? If so... Yaaayyy... I really don't like that thought...
I honestly can't give you a specific age where I want to be married... But I know I'm totally okay with it being sooner than I originally felt, if it happens that way. But... Not too soon. I mean... Being engaged after half a year of dating, yeeaaahhh... Probably not :P Need at least some time to really get to know each other. Not just the honeymoon period where everything is happy and cheesy all the time. I don't even know where this post is going... My mind is a bit all over the place tonight! Absolutely no idea why... I hope you can keep up with what the heck I am saying, cause I'm struggling and I'm the author! If I have grammar errors or something doesn't make sense... I'm too lazy to proof this, so I'm not gonna check. But feel free to ask questions for me to clarify any confusing points, cause I'm sure there are a fair few...

Random point that I just remembered because this year's Swedish entry is currently playing on my iTunes...

EUROVISION IS ALMOST HERE!

Well... Actually... If you're in Europe, it would have already started; along with anyone who watched the live streamings from Europe. For people, like me, who is waiting for the Australian SBS broadcast this weekend... SO CLOSE! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I am trying to stay away from anywhere on the Internet that can give away spoilers, as I don't want anything ruined for me... Last year, I was happily checking Facebook when [Mr Awesome] popped up with a message saying "Hey! You happy that Sweden won?" (Oh yeah.. Sweden won last year in case you didn't know guys...) And all I could do was sit at my computer like O.O

I hadn't watched the final yet... It was that night that I was going to watch and find out... The country I was going for happened to be Sweden last year, so I was relatively happy; and I figured Sweden had it in the bag anyway (to which Loreen absolutely smashed everyone with her amazingness), but COME ON! I didn't wanna know! I wanted to be biting my nails anxiously while watching the voting and freaking out whenever any country looked like they could beat Sweden... I wanted to have a heart attack and stress myself out way too much over a show aired on the other side of the world! And that opportunity was taken away from me! ... *Sigh*

Just so long as it doesn't happen again this year... [Mr Awesome]! Don't you dare blurt out to me the winner again this year, or so help me! I will fly over to South Australia and burn you in flames! ... I kid, I kid... But seriously. Everyone. Please. Let an Australian girl watch the entirety of the Eurovision Song Contest without having anything spoiled for her, so she can have an amazing night with [K-Dawg], [Phantomess], [GoJo], [Tenuto Tuo], [Clearly Unfocused], and a couple other peeps on Sunday watching the final together; as well as playing a non-alcoholic Eurovision drinking game, cause we are just awesome like that ;P

So, again... I'm not entirely sure where this blog ended up; but I'm pretty damn sure I did not originally intend it to unfold like this... But hey! Since when does it ever? ^_^

I might go work on a bit of Anatomy now... Or go on a Maccas run, because I've been denied for far too long; and my body is craving it... Yeah, it's that bad... Don't judge me and my eating habits!

... *Shifty eyes*
...*Waves* Byeeee

~Give my love to the leprechauns~

Confrontations

Hi guys! It's crazy how regular I've become with these blogs... So proud of myself! Or, I really shouldn't be, cause ya know... This is being written because I'm procrastinating... Hmmm... Oh well!

So, the past half-week has been somewhat uneventful; but a few events have occurred so, I should have a decent amount to write about this week hopefully (for all you whiners saying I'm not writing enough for your liking ;P).

So after posting the last blog very early Thursday morning; I then headed off to bed and had another broken night's sleep, to wake up at 11am (my usual wake up time really...). Managed to get myself out of bed and ready to go to lunch, then head off to my Anatomy prac at 12pm which was on digestion. Hmm... What's that smell? Oh. That would be the entire digestive system of a pig laid out on a table in the middle of the room! See... I'm a bit of a weird one... Give me any part of an animal, whether that be just the outside, just the insides, just it's blood; whatever... And I'm totally fine with it! The only thing that gets to me is smell at times. It never affects me to the point where I feel like I'm going to be sick (or I haven't been exposed to such scents yet..), but it does make my stomach turn a little.
Give me any part of the human? Nup. Can't have it. Just does not agree with me at all. Even though, if you think about it, half the time it would not be much different... I'm weird in the sense that I just can't handle anything human (wow... I really AM anti-people! ;P).

I mean, needles. I, personally, can't stand them. Painful, mental scar-inducing little suckers that they are! I can't stand them! Unless it comes to animals... I could jab away at them all day long for all I care. But humans? Nope. No thank you. Have a nice day.......

So yeah! I had a bit of fun playing with pig intestines and being a good student and identifying each part of the system and all that jazz... A++ yeah? ^_^

Friday was a pretty tiring day for me... The Anatomy lecture was good, as usual; mostly due to the fact that they only go for an hour maximum, and you have to be on your toes to write down extra notes and things like that. Plus our lecturer is just a funny, and slightly crazy, woman! I then had lunch, followed by three hours of Biometrics... I normally only have the one on the Friday, but I'd swapped my contact over to the Friday so I could spend the extra time finishing off my Ecology assignment on that Monday it was due.

The hour long tutorial was spent [Bestiality]-less because she had equine things to do instead... So I instead had to suffer almost an hour of a fresher talking to me about gaming. It wasn't the topic that was bugging me. It was his pompous bragging over how amazing his game setup is in his room on campus, how much money it's worth, etc... I get it! Your family's loaded! But seriously! Your older brother isn't anywhere near as bad as you when it comes to flaunting... PIPE THE F*** DOWN!

The two hours in the contact was a bit better since [Bestiality] was actually there for that one, along with a friendly Thynne resident we get along with. I don't think we really learnt that much from it... Or, at least, I didn't. Or I did and I just can't remember it now... Oh bother... Who knows! :P And it went relatively quickly, which is always good.

I then had a couple of hours to kill before the bus arrived for me to head home... So I went over to the post office to buy the bus ticket, check my mail, then book a doctor's appointment... For those of you who don't think of this as a massive deal, it was for me okay?! It was utterly terrifying! I do not do well with doctor's (at least when it comes to my health), and when it comes to the reason why I was going... Well... I shall get there when I reach the day in this blog; but it added an extra element of horror for me.

I then hopped onto the bus and headed to another of my Uni's campuses; where [K-Dawg] picked me up in his lion onesie, and I just happened to be in my lioness onesie ;) It was totally not planned at all guys... *Cough* So yeah! Then we headed over to my place to discuss with my parents ideas on what to do about Lion King and how we're gonna go about it; then we ended up playing the surgeon simulator game together along with my brother, who seemed to always jab himself on the needles and was basically drugged up the entire time... He had too much fun with that. Like... Way too much :P

The usual cuddles were had, then he was sent on his way home so we could both get some much needed sleep. I woke up sometime around 10:30am and lazed around until I had to go to work with the oh-so-slow junior. You know you've been working at Subway long enough when you get excited when your boss brings in a new mop... Yeeeaaahhh... Especially considering the fact that I had to clean the floors that night, it was nice! Except the fact that that mop was heavy! Like, ugghhh. Heaviest mop we've had so far; and for little ol' me, it wasn't overly ideal :P But new mop! Along with the mop bucket and broom being replaced recently as well, makes for a happy [Miss Invisible] and Subway workers! ^_^ Oh... And I may have sliced myself on the tomato slicer... Hmm... I totally do not fail at life okay?! The tomato slicer and I are just sworn enemies; and it has been that way ever since I first worked at Subway... Stupid piece of machinery... -.-

Sunday wasn't overly eventful really... [K-Dawg] turned up after church to chill and so he could take me to the train station later on for me to head back to Uni. It was also this day when I started Live Below The Line! Lunch on Sunday was my last decent meal, before I started dinner that night. Which, I actually ended up eating nothing so... It was a great start! Not entirely sure if it affected how I woke up the next day though...

Yeessss. Yesterday (Monday) morning, I woke up feeling like death. Granted, I woke up at 8am (which is bloody amazing for me) so I could have a 60c breakfast (one scoop of baked beans & a boiled egg); but I woke up feeling like death. No joke. My throat was dry, and ridiculously sore; and I had the biggest headache, along with extreme tiredness and dizziness whenever I got up or moved too quickly. I was the most attractive sight ever, I'm sure... Thankfully I only had three hours of class that I was going to attend. The Anatomy lecture was fine to go through. But the two hour Biometrics contact? Nope... I was gonna try and actually help out this time round; but I just felt worse and worse as time went on by, and I literally felt like passing out at multiple points. It was not pretty... And it probably didn't help that I only got one scoop of tortellini pasta for lunch that day as it cost me 75c for that one scoop... Leaving me with 67c for dinner; which got me two scoops of rice and one scoop of beans, as well as 3c worth of Vegemite spread to snack on after :P

This morning I woke up a lot better, thankfully! I've borrowed a blanket off a friend until I can actually remember to bring mine up, so I think the warmth helped me be able to sleep. But, I did sleep through breakfast this morning.. It was unintentional! I had set my alarm; but there was a power outage throughout the uni, so it reset my alarm clock and didn't set off the alarm... Yay! So I woke up around 10:30am and just drowsily browsed the internet until it came time for lunch, which was dreadful. They had put out burgers for everyone, so for us LBTLers... It was shite. They had soup there, which I think was pumpkin... Which, I don't normally like pumpkin soup; but I can tolerate it well enough. This one? Nope. They had put some ridiculous herb in it, that made me feel sick eating it. So I didn't! I had taken two sips (so what... 2c?) and a slice of bread (10c) and that was all I had for lunch. I'm still relatively ill, so I don't feel like eating much currently; so it is somewhat a plus but... I know how hard my body is finding it to fuel my immune system so it can kick this virus out.

At 3pm, a group of us Pittlings headed over to a grassy area for the filming of the main scene for the MTV video. It took longer than they said it would (20 minutes turning into a little over an hour); and it was hard keeping everyone interested and sticking around, but it should be worth it in the end! I'm so proud of Pitt this year with our organisation and everything. So much better than last year when we did the video (filming & editing) all within around two weeks; which almost made our editor go insane... So on top of things this year, and it's absolutely fantastic! Can't wait to see the final product! I'm sure it'll be amazing ^_^

The only downside to the filming though, was the after effects it had on me. I woke up pretty good this morning. No headache... Still a sore throat, and couldn't make too fast a movement or my head would throb for a while; but other than that, I was fine. But the filming today involved a lot of people talking around me, as well as being thrown around a little to the point where my headache returned; and possibly to the point where it was a little worse than yesterday. I was in my room, and the world would spin momentarily; and this was while I was sitting in my chair... So yeah, I was a little concerned; not gonna lie! But dinner wasn't too far off, so I went to that and stocked up on a fair bit of food since I had basically eaten nothing all day and had almost my entire $2 to use. I had a scoop of pasta (20c), a scoop of veggies (which I'm guessing are 44c, since they didn't have the sign up), and a small scoop of bolognaise mince. Now... I am worried that, since they didn't have how much it cost, I may have gone over... But I'm going off the idea that the amount of meat I had was about $1 worth; which, when adding the two slices of bread I had as well, should still be under $2. I really needed a bit of protein in me, okay?! I was almost dying... And this week is about walking in their shoes, but always keeping your health a priority. But yeah... It should still have been under $2, so I should be right!

What am I doing now? Not much really. I already feel better since eating, and have a nice energy spike so I might do a bit of work after I post this up. Or, I might set myself up so I can do work another day and then procrastinate the rest of the night... Which is the more likely scenario :P

Oooh! Before I forget. Last blog post I mentioned that I got a message from an old friend and that I would go into detail in this post... So I guess I should probably do that :P

For those of you who guessed [Carl]... You would be right! Ding ding ding! Winner/s!

Yes... After having not talked since October last year, my ex-boyfriend decides to start messaging me late Wednesday night on Facebook talking about how, after reading a couple of posts I wrote, he realises "how much of a dick he was to me" and "how sorry he is" and all this stuff... Along with the fact that he and his current girlfriend are going through difficult times - aka; she's a controlling, crazy bitch who he's not so fond of anymore for reasons I haven't entirely been divulged in but yeah... Apparently I'm still the only person he can tell anything and everything too, so he came running back to me.

You know the awesome thing is though? Every other time this has happened... I was either single, or in a relationship that was spiralling downhill; so when we started talking again, we'd slip into our old habits (cause he's generally unhappy as well) which was never a good thing to do... But we always seemed too. Which would confuse me emotionally and mentally... But, it wouldn't last long before we were verbally attacking the shiz out of each other; then he cuts off contact, and we stop talking. This time? Completely different!

After the way he hurt me in October when we stopped talking, it helped me be able to finally completely move on. I accepted the fact that I couldn't have everyone in my life and have everyone be happy and all that... But, it was when I started dating [K-Dawg] that any miniscule emotional attachment I may have had left towards [Carl] was removed for good. And it just feels utterly amazing!

When [Carl] messaged me on Wednesday... I was shocked and anxious. I wasn't sure if I was willing to go through our usual cycle again. But, as I pondered it, I realised that we wouldn't be going through that usual cycle. Because I have moved on! And, I'm assuming he has as well... Or, I'd at least like to hope. Whether we continue talking and go back to friend status, or whether we do get to a point where we stop talking again; it doesn't matter either way for me anymore. I can live my life no matter what way it turns out!

So, I ended up replying to him. We emailed each other for a couple of days then we stopped for a bit.. Mostly cause I was too lazy to talk to him first, which I'm guessing he realised cause he emailed me for the first time again this morning. Our messaging is very disjointed at the moment, but that's because we apparently have to keep it on the low-down in case his girlfriend finds out. Which is a fair point, I suppose. I mean... She went on his account and unfriended me from it (at least that's what he said happened), so she is seeming incredibly controlling and a little bit loopy in my opinion... But I'm not going to make too major judgements on someone I haven't met.

So yes! Let's see how this goes... Shall we?

I don't have much else to talk about now... I've exhausted every ounce of anything interesting that could be going on in my life right now that I can think of. I have a few events coming up soon, along with multiple assessment and exams so... If I become less regular, please don't kill me! I have reasons!

Catch ya later homies.

~I'm sorry now, but tell me... Is this faulty information true?~