Friday, 8 November 2013

Let Me Go... From These Thoughts

Well hello...

So, I currently have a lot on my mind (like seriously though.. When do I not?) so this may be yet another typical [Miss Invisible] blog filled with my current life and all my crises... If you're still reading these, I am seriously impressed; but it wouldn't surprise me if I bore you eventually!

Aaaanyways... First off! A brief catch up on the night that was Valedictory Dinner where I was running for Diversity Officer against four other people... Yeah, I didn't get it. But what a surprise yeah? I mean. I know I'm not overly active in the Halls community, but that is mostly due to the fact that I do barely have anyone left to get pumped and active with. But hey... I'm gonna guess that God has a different plan in mind for me, since I didn't get the position after two years of running for it... I just gotta work out what that is.

I have applied to move back onto Halls next year, as a precaution. If I get a room, I will then have a week to decide whether I want it. If I don't, well... Pretty self explanatory really! My plan (well at least I'm hoping how this will work) is that every day I have a compulsory practical/tutorial class I will drive to the university and back, and probably attend any lectures on that day as well... Then watch any lectures that are outside of those days at the boyfriend's place, where I will have bulk study sessions... Probably on days when he's got work, or is out and about, so there is less distraction. The reason why I'm studying at the boyfriend's is purely for the Internet... The Internet connection at my place is definitely not suited for University study... Especially with how heavily we depend on it!

But, if I do get a room and I choose to stay on Halls, then I'll be back! Hopefully in Thynne next year, as Pitt is beginning to get on my nerves a little now... I can't quite put my finger on it, but yeah... And besides: I have enough green merchandise, it's time to spice things up a bit with a bit of blue!

On another note, Halloween was not long ago! Now, I don't personally celebrate it... I mean, I'm an Australian and don't particularly like the idea of going to a stranger's house to ask for candy, and the fact that my parents never really go into it either; so I was never overly fussed about. But this was the first year I experienced a different view on Halloween from a Christian standpoint, and it made me realise that I had never really thought about what Halloween meant. People were saying that people do human sacrifices and basically worship all things evil on this day, and I was like whaaaa? I just thought it was just an excuse to dress up and get candy... O.O Oh naivety...
At the end of the day, my views pretty much stay unchanged though. I'm not going to bother going into what the day means and all that jazz, and I don't overly care to be honest; most likely because I just don't overly care about the holiday in general :P Other people can do as they please though. Each to their own!

So, I got prayed for again recently in a different kind of situation... A couple of weeks back the floor was opened to anyone who wanted to be prayed for for reasons that were mentioned in the service and... For the first while I was too shy and awkward to do it, but I told myself to suck it up and head down there where a few others already were; and afterward a whole heap of other people and leaders that were in the service surrounded particular people that they knew and prayed for them... I had [K-Dawg], [K-Dawg]'s mum and another leader I know pray for me and yeah... I haven't felt as much of an impact after this prayer as of yet, but I know it's because of the topic it was focused on it; which is a difficult one to overcome... But I still appreciated it none the less! Not to mention the fact that I had to restrain from wanting to cuddle the heck out of [K-Dawg] who was clearly struggling to hold back the tears beside me... Sook ;P

One thing that I am finding lately that I'm struggling with... Is talk about marriage and weddings so often nowadays, with particular focus on [K-Dawg] and I in some cases... The idea of marrying [K-Dawg] is one that I very much want to happen, and I want it more than anything! But when people are constantly bringing it up, it just reminds me of how far away that dream currently is. I'm not one of those girls who like to rush into a marriage as soon as they think they've found the "best boyfriend evvaaaaa". I like to establish that relationship, wait a fair chunk of time, preferably move in and get some experience with living with them a little before (don't have to sleep in same bed, but ya know...), work out all the ways both people work/don't work together, and have some form of financial stability; even if it's just one side at first, but the second half getting a full time job as soon as possible... I used to add possibly owning a house as well, or at least renting... But I'm not so sure with that anymore with how house prices are and all that jazz... Still a nice thought though!
But yeah... There's just been so much talk of it recently and... I don't mind the occasional wishful conversation with [K-Dawg] about our silly little wants in the reception, or what song to play down the aisle... But when so many people are dropping hints, or straight out asking when we're going to get married... I'm just finding it annoying to be honest... Especially some of the people that are like "my parents got married after dating for six months, and they're still together!".. Like, that's great! Cool for them! I didn't realise that was the template for every other relationship though..?

My current situation? I've sat one of my two exams for the end of semester... I don't know how well I did, but I'm still in that "I don't care because this, this and this" stage of my life with my self-dubbed "Quarter Life Crisis"... I know I'm not quite there with the age, but I'm close enough for it to be called that! I could also just call it "University Student Confusion Syndrome" which a lot of us seem to suffer... Where one day we just go "Shiz... Am I doing the right thing?! Is this what I want to do with my life?!". Some lucky people only suffer for short periods of time before they work it out, but me? Naaa. I've been struggling for the entirety of this year, plus a tiny bit of the end of the last...
My final exam of the year is on Monday and I'm kind of terrified about it, but my brain is still in such a mode that I'm struggling to study for it... The lecturer has given us eight questions, and four will be on the exam; and we're allowed a double-sided A4 sheet of paper with notes on it... Doesn't sound too terrible until you realise just how much detail she wants in each question (it's Anatomy so there's shiz loads of info...), then all you want to do is curl up in a corner and cry really... I'm at the point where I have 12 and a half pages of notes and diagrams that I now have to cram down into two pages... Wouldn't be so bad if some of the much needed diagrams didn't take up so much space! *Sigh* So yes... I have to find some time between now and 8am Monday morning to get a decent grip on Anatomical knowledge and probably a seriously cramping hand in the process... In between work tomorrow night, church Sunday morning, and possibly helping [K-Dawg] get all suited up to be a friend's formal date where both of my ex-boyfriends will be... So glad it's him going, and not me hehe.

Also, the church I attend is hosting a passion-themed Higher Conference this weekend which I am unable to attend due to reasons stated above, plus babysitting the siblings tonight; which has unsettled me a little... I can't lie and say I wasn't jealous when I saw all the pictures and statuses on Facebook and messages from the boyfriend about a flash mob dance and all these things... I know it can't be helped when it's held the weekend before a crazy exam, but I still want to be a part of it so badly... Even just as a viewer! But, knowing my luck, similar situations will arise for the next two years I'm at uni and so it's gonna be a fair while before I'm soaking up the conference atmosphere along with everyone else. So, here I am... At home... Typing this blog in a sleep-deprived state that is becoming more of the norm (which for me, really isn't good... But I can't seem to sleep lately) internally crying as more statuses about tonight's conference activities are being posted as I blurt out my feelings to the Internet world... I swear one day I will change this blog permanently... One day... Some time in the (probably distant) future... :P

Yeah so... If my blog makes very little sense tonight, I apologise; but my brain is literally here, there and everywhere currently and I'm too lazy to go through and edit what I've written. I might just go to bed. Yeah... Sounds like a plan [Miss Invisible]. Get yo' ass to bed woman... Say goodnight to the Internet.

Goodnight Internet! See you around sometime soon...

~It's gossip... Write about me!~

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I don't think those Christians know that in the eighth century, Pope Gregory III designated Halloween as a time to honor saints and martyrs which incorporated the whole idea of dressing up to ward off roaming spirits. So the holiday actually has a Christian heritage and is not about devil worshipping... (: