Hi guys! It has been awhile... But I've been surprisingly busy and Blogger was playing games, so I haven't had a chance till now.
I can't entirely remember where I left y'all so I'm just gonna wing it bitchez.
A couple of days after my Lunchtime -> Maths class meltdown I was meditating in RAVE class. No, I do not usually meditate; our teacher was teaching us methods of relaxation! Anyway, his method of meditation was relaxing... But it also brought up all the issues in my life right now so when we finished it left me in a bit of a sour mood. My teacher, of course, noticed this and requested I stay back after class. He's actually been pulling me aside a lot lately, which makes me realise just how much this is taking its toll in me, as I always used to be able to cover it up and was never really noticed.
So he pulled me aside and asked me what's wrong and I gave him a vague answer that was enough to get him asking questions about what I'm looking for in a guy. He asked questions like:
Are you looking for someone to care for you?
Are you looking for someone who wants you?
Are you looking for someone to make you feel special?
My answers to them were yes, and his reply to that?
'What I believe is, the reason why you are looking for these things is because you didn't receive enough of these things in your childhood, and you want these things, and are trying to make up for what you never really had, or felt you had' (Give or take a few words here and there).
That hit me, hard.
Not because it was a harsh thing to say or anything (quite to the contrary, he said it in the nicest way possible), but the fact that it was so true.
Growing up I always felt isolated from the world. Like I'd never truly fit in. And when my brother was born, I will admit myself to jealousy due to him receiving more attention because he was fully diagnosed, and I wasn't, meaning he could get help and I couldn't.
Before I met [Carl] I had gotten myself used to the thought that I would live the rest of my life on my own, and I was surprisingly okay with that at the time. Then [Carl] came along and gave me things which, at the time, I unknowingly craved! I loved every bit of it. I soaked it up! But I guess now I've gotten to the point where I've maybe had a bit too much? I mean... I had a life with what seemed like no care, or time spent on me; to having someone completely doting and loving. I'm not saying I didn't like that, because I did. I don't know. I guess I'm just trying to look for a medium maybe?
Anyways! After that, I had my last day of Term 3 and then two days later was my school formal. I actually didn't know how much I was looking forward to the formal, and how excited I was about it, until a couple of hours beforehand when my hair and makeup was all done up and ready to go.
The night, for me, was perfect! I couldn't imagine a better night. All the girls looked amazing, and all the guys looked incredible! The food was good, and the dancing was fun! I was surprised that my face wasn't torn in two with the amount of smiles I had to hold for the gazillions of photos that were being taken. Feeling like a celebrity is almost an understatement. Our limo driver was impressed and entertained with our 'Get Psyched Mix' which included a few classics such as; Hey Jude, I Wanna Be (500 Miles), Piano Man, You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth, Livin' On A Prayer, plus more...
And I felt pretty, for one of the first times in my life. I struggle seeing myself in that way, even though people compliment me here and there, so it was nice to be able to truly feel pretty for at least one night.
And then it was school holidays... I tried to get as much socialising in the first week as I could as most of the people I spend time with were going away in the second. The major outing for that week was going to the City with [Dancer], [Riot!], [Italy!], and [Singlet] ~Yeah, I ran out of ideas with [Singlet], but whatever~. We all caught up at the train station, and headed off from there. Eating chocolate, people watching, sitting on rocks talking, lying on the grass looking at a big shiny ball, eating ice cream, fighting over a newspaper, and basically just walked around. But I had a good time!
[Dancer] came over for a sleepover at one point where we played Mario Kart Wii, started learning a dance she choreographed for her party this weekend, began to craft devious plans, watched most of Easy A, and laughed into the early hours of the morning. I appreciated most of the time I spent with her during the holidays, because she was always there to talk to about anything; and she knows how to get me in a better mood, and even let a smile slip through. ^.^
Then before I knew it, everyone was gone. Most of them to Thailand actually (you lucky things), and I was left at home with not much to do. Well. Until a recently graduated student from my school contacted me. I shall call him [Sharpless]. So [Sharpless] contacted me and asked about having city in the lunch, and I jumped on the opportunity to get out of the house, though I was a bit apprehensive as I'd never met up with him outside of school before. But I went, and we had such a great time. He is an absolute nutter that one, but he made me laugh until my cheeks hurt, and walk until my legs were about ready to fall off... By the end of the day, I was truly happy and grateful because it was one of the most perfect days in my opinion with everything going on. Unfortunately, he's moving to Adelaide in only a few weeks so potential time to spend with him is short; at least until he comes back.
Two days later I, myself, was on a flight to Adelaide. I was to spend the weekend with my longest, and dearest, friend [Pinnuck!] to celebrate her 18th birthday. Getting up at 3.30 in the morning was no fun, and the plane trip there felt like it went on for hours! But as soon as I got there, [Pinnuck!] whisked me away and we went shopping together. The next day was the day of her party and it was filled with decorating, tying a streamer to her dog's collar and making her chase me around the place, playing The Game of Life, watching the footy (well she did, I went on Facebook instead ^.^ Can't stand the sport), and multiple trips to the shops to get any forgotten ingredients for food. And then the party began.
I'm pretty sure [Pinnuck!], myself and the kids were the only ones not drinking at the party. Now, for someone like me who has friends who are all younger and hasn't even hit 18 herself; it was a bit overwhelming at first. I don't drink, and I don't plan to for a fair while! But nobody was really 'wild' or anything, which was comforting. Except for [Pinnuck!]'s brother's friend. He had broken up with his girlfriend the same day and was drunk before the party had even started, and he has the same syndrome as me so he was very much in everyone's faces. He was still more entertaining than scary, or dangerous though. His cousin was there, and ... Yeah ... Let's just say he was the eye candy of the party. But the sweet thing was that, the entire night he was looking out for his cousin, making sure he had a good night after the break up. Believe me... I'm pretty sure he had a good night!
The party ended at around 1am when everyone had pretty much left except [Pinnuck!]'s brother's friends. They were sent home, much to all of our disappointment, and luckily [Pinnuck!] and I got to sleep through the morning after clean up! ^.^
I honestly can't remember what I did the next day which is frustrating, but I remember that on the last day we went down to Glenelg Beach which was exactly as I remember it, which I loved! We went shopping, had ice cream, and walked along the marina which was nice. Then we played a game for an hour so at [Pinnuck!]'s brother's friends place (yeah, the entertainingly drunk one), until we had to head back for dinner before I caught the flight back here.
Overall, it was a great weekend. The only thing I didn't like about it was when I had to leave... Going around the suburbs, I would literally smile or squeal with delight when I recognised a place/house/shop/road/etc. I miss Adelaide so much! It was my childhood home... I remember screaming and hating my parents when I found out we were moving... And nowadays all I hear is Mum complaining about how crap Queensland is... Great Mum, then why did you move here? The thing is, once you've moved to somewhere like Queensland, you can't go back to somewhere like Adelaide... The weather, road speed, and water differences are a massive adjustment.
But oh how I would love to be able to go down to Glenelg whenever I wanted again... To go to Tea Tree Plaza! Maybe even go down to the old swimming pool I used to go too... Oh! I would adore to go back to Adelaide to watch the Christmas pageant on TV. I have no idea if they still do it, but I sure hope they do... I remember looking forward to it every year, and dreaming of dressing up all pretty and being on one of those floats myself...
I miss having more family around me... I mean, sure, it's mainly my grandparents who now never see me unless I come down there way... But moving up here and having absolutely zero family or friends (at first) was hard... And for a 10 year old Asperger's to go through that kind of ordeal was tough. It changed me alright... For the worst. The path back from that one was long, painful, and still going...
It hurts when Mum keeps saying how crap Queensland is... It hurt to see her cry when we were leaving Adelaide because she already missed [Pinnuck!]'s Mum (her best friend). And for that moment, I couldn't understand. I couldn't understand why we moved. Why she ripped me away from my friends, and the life I was used too... Why she went away from her friends... Why!?! What happened? We moved to a place where Mum now has basically no friends whatsoever. At least no-one like [Pinnuck!]'s Mum... A place that is supposedly 'crap' according to her. A place where, yeah sure I grow up, mature, make friends, finally start making something of myself... But I could have done that in Adelaide... I don't know. I've now lived almost half my life here, so I'm quite used to it, and not really willing to leave the comfortable sunshine anytime soon... But at the same time, I have this massive ache in my heart for Adelaide. The mental torture I put myself through before, during, and after the move was insane...
So, ummm, yeah... The day after I came back from Adelaide I started my very last term of school ever. It's pretty average, ya know... All us year 12's want out and the teacher's are trying to get as much last minute learning in as possible ^.^ Except at the moment there are a fair few prac teachers and relief teachers around at the moment... I don't know who any of them are except for one Canadian lady, who gave me a headache within the first five minutes with her incredibly harsh accent! o.O
So I just finished Day 2 of Term 4, so there's not many stories to tell as yet... Except that [Riot!] is still currently on holiday in Thailand and I hate him very much for having pictures with tigers! :P Bitch better get me a good present to make me forgive you! ^.^ I'm kidding of course. I am not materialistic!
I have not much left to say now that I have caught y'all up, and besides, I'm sure you're all asleep reading this now! Ehehehe.
~We are broken, what must we do to restore~
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