A Sizzling Rage

"WHAT ABOUT THE CHICKENS?!?!?!"

Hi guys :3

The first line was a quote from the hilarious Carl Barron by the way. That night was so much fun! We went to Sizzler for dinner, headed over to the beloved QPAC to listen to a jazz band play, before heading into the Lyric Theatre for an hour and a half with no laughing break! I think the maximum amount of time I went without laughing was... One minute? And that was because I physically couldn't laugh at that point my stomach and face hurt that much. I was sitting there in pain, but still in a laughing fit. It was an interesting site let me tell ya...

So, uhm, guys... I set myself the entire weekend (just gone) to work on my three assignments, right? So what did I do..? Go on Facebook, MSN, and listen to music the entire time... I did a teensy bit of Chemistry and opened up websites for English. But that was the extent of it. For some reason my brain just would not switch on or get even the tiniest bit motivated to work. It's never been this bad before! Usually, in the end, I can always muster up something to do some form of work;but not this time.

But it hasn't even fazed me one bit really. That's another concerning thing. It is clear that the sight of the finish line is powerfully demotivating. Oh, and the lovely inboxes I received from one of [Carl]'s friends on the weekend.

I have pretty much never spoken to this girl in my life. Ever. The last time we 'spoke' was another hateful inbox sent from her to me. Most of these inboxes involve the overuse of the word 'slut' and multiple swear words, and is to do with how I 'stuff' up everyone's life and how I'm mentally 'stuffed' up etc. My assumption both times is that she is referring to the current situation [Carl] and I are in. Which, in this current case, makes absolutely no sense.

I am not affecting her in anyway, and [Carl] and I are now broken up and happily friends... So what issue does she have with me? Clearly a big one because she continues to inbox me calling me pathetic for not replying or going to [Carl] in an attempt to make her stop messaging me. I haven't done a thing to her, and I am just being the stronger one not replying to her, but the thing is... Every time I see my Facebook tab saying "Facebook (1)" I feel a rush of terror flood through me because I instantly worry if it's another inbox from her.

To be honest, it just irritates me that she thinks she can talk to me like that. Then again, she only tends to do these inboxes when she is drunk. Yeah. She drinks a lot and does the most stupid of things when she's drunk. But does she learn? Of course not. But that's not my problem.

I'm trying not to be nasty to her, but it's hard to be nice or "see the nice traits in her" when she hasn't given me an opportunity to see anything nice. The only experiences I've had with her have been negative. And I, for one, am sick of copping everything from [Carl]'s girl friends who feel that they HAVE to run and tell him absolutely anything or everything [Riot!] and I do. I am not doing anything wrong. [Carl] doesn't care/want to hear it. So What. Is. The. Point?

Moving on...

Today marks the first day of Week 5 of Term 4... EVER! I have only three weeks left! Woo! LOL JOKES I still have three assignments and two exams... =.= I'm actually kinda worried about the exams only because nothing is sinking in... Well, Biology I generally understand the stuff, but none of it is really staying with me once I leave the classroom... And Maths... Oh Maths... How I dislike thee so. I just don't understand it.

The Chemistry assignment is boring me... It's alternative sources of energy! =.= The Physics assignment is alright, I guess. It's just that I know that there are a lot of calculations that are going to be involved... And the English assignment is just annoying. I mean, I chose the topic (deforestation of the Mabira rain forest in Uganda) so it interests me, but the genre is irritating and I'm feeling pressure from [Noodleton] to get a good grade because supposedly I'm "on the cusp" of B+/A- even though I've gotten one B+ this year, two A's and the rest A-'s. But it's "all about the criteria" supposedly. Sometimes when I feel pressured though, it makes me kinda shut down and not do the work. Which really isn't good! :P


Well... I don't feel as though there is any more to add currently and I have assignments to do, so I end my post here.


~Give us life again, cause we just wanna be whole~

Music and Ice-Cream and Pain, Oh My!

Guys... I strongly suggest y'all listen to a group called VersaEmerge. Especially the song Fixed At Zero. [Riot!] introduced me to them and, though I have only found two songs of theirs that I like so far, they are quite good and the music is interestingly different. Well, at least I think it is!

ANYWHO!

I must talk about this because the cheesiness of it is literally bursting out of me...
My boss and his wife are one of the most adorable couples I have ever seen! :3

When at work, I constantly see [Boss] give his wife adoring looks or she's feeding him food at random points... Even when they are fighting, it doesn't last long because it instantly diffuses between them!

#Random note# They want to open an ice cream / lolly shop! Asdfghjkl. They are so awesome o.O

Anyways... They got me in the mood where I stare glassy-eyed off into the distance thinking about things I would love to have in a relationship and stuff like that... Ya know. A girly thing to do :P
BUT I shall not go into that, because A) I can't be bothered, and B) It's a lot to write, and C) It would probably bore the heck out of you! Heh.

So I was just casually on the phone to [Carl] the other night when Adelaide was brought up and I suddenly started crying and babbling on about the things I missed, why I missed it, etc. [Carl] took this as I hated being here in Queensland and didn't like meeting him, memories here, etc. Which made it worse. Which was great.

I am tempted to write about everything I miss on here too, but I won't for the same reasons as above ^.^ I just wanted to mention it because I needed a little venting about it... I've been feeling really reminiscent lately, which has resulted in a lot of mood swings. I mean, a lot... o.O

So ... I actually have no idea why I started this blog post! I guess I just wanted to vent about my boss and his wife, ehehe. Too cute...

Uhmmm. School's over soon. Three weeks in fact. I have barely started any assessment... My motivation is so bad right now... But can you blame meeee? Three weeks left! Ahhhhhh! I am soooo excited!
I am trying to only be excited, because I know I'm going to get all sentimental and cry on the last day, and I'll look like a mess... So to save me some embarrassment I will restrain myself to that one day to make a fool of myself!

We have to vote for the school leaders for next year... To be honest, I couldn't really care. I mean, I'm not here so why does it matter? Teacher's have double vote regardless. And, to be frank, the current Year 11's aren't the best bunch of kids to choose from. I mean, yes there are some good kids in there, but overall... The group is kinda worrying. Then again, Year 10 and 11 are looking better than Year 9 downwards... Man... Generation Y/Z scare me. Well the youngest of Generation Y I mean. Because everyone round my age is so much better! ;D

Listening to For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic by Paramore. I love this song way too much... I have listened to it so many times, yet have not been bothered to listen to the lyrics as a whole and figure out the entire meaning of the song... Then again, I do that with most songs nowadays... I'm incredibly slack. :P
The line that usually strikes a chord in me with above said song is "I put my faith in you, so much faith, and then you, just threw it away".

No idea why to be perfectly honest with you. I guess it could be because you can sing it with so many different emotions and it would still apply. And I personally love adding emotion to a song when I sing it :3 Yeah... I have tons of fun haha.

So, I'm seeing Carl Barron tomorrow night at with [Carl] (LOL! THEY HAZ SAME NAME! Move on [Miss Invisible]...). I don't want to seem materialistic, but I am glad we stayed friends because we've had these tickets booked since April, and I really REALLY want to see him :3 When we broke up, his parents didn't want me to go and were going to look for someone else to go with, but he convinced them to let me go so... I mean, being around his parents is going to be awkward as heck, but still... CARL BARRON! WOO!
At least I know I'll always have his brother... No matter what happens between [Carl] and I, [Carl]'s brother will always be like my little brother. The annoying, funny, non-Aspergian brother I never had. :P We have inside jokes, and we get along really well which I like; but it has resulted in me adoring him and treating him as my own brother.

Woo! Domino by Jessie J! Heh. Sorry, I just really like this song. If I didn't have a sore throat I would be attempting to do those awesome high bits she does that I know are a lot more complicated than they seem. *Sigh* That is one thing irritating me at the moment. My throat. I mean... What the heck? I've had this for almost a year! I've tried antibiotics and the usual Betadine gargles... They normally work! But not this time...

I'm scared to go to the doctor's in case it's something insanely serious that could potentially involve needles or surgery or anything... I have never really had to go through much pain in my life. Never broken a bone, never done anything to serious to myself. Unfortunately, living this pain-free life has caused me to have an incredibly low pain-tolerance and a fear of anything surgical.
I know that I should go to the doctor, and I will... Eventually... Maybe after my assignments are due. I mean if I'm going to die or something, I may as well wait till I've finished my final assessments ever! :P

And I will finish this post here as it is almost break time, and I am hungry. Yes, I am writing this in a Chemistry class, but don't judge me. It's difficult to work on an assignment when the school's internet blocks most of the websites you actually need to complete it. =.=

~His blood is on your hands, now no one can save my heart...~

It's A Riot 'Round Here...

Just casually listening to The Lion King Musical, and failing at getting motivated to do my Chemistry assignment...

It seems that the more I tell myself to blog, the more I don't seem to do it... Hm. From now on I am going to try and not tell myself to blog as much as possible, and see how that goes! :3

Soooooo... The rest of the first week of my term was incredibly boring, and dragged on. That weekend I didn't really do anything either... YAY for boringness!!!

[Riot!] came back to school at the start of Week 2 loaded with presents for everybody (where the sudden generosity came from, I have no idea :P). That day I got (from him) two necklaces, a fan, a beautiful painting thing of a tiger, and The Sims 3. Funny story to that... I just so happen to already be getting it for Christmas! :P

You see... My mother hasn't been the best hider of late, so I stumbled across The Sims 3 and The Sims 3: World Adventures in the laundry cupboard. I found this while [Riot!] was in Thailand, so when he came back with it for me it was funnily awkward. But I still appreciate it, and will play it over Mum's ^.^ My sister can have the other one hehehe...
So all I have to do now is act all surprised at Christmas. Which is what I have to do with most of my presents every year anyway. Mum + presents = LOL!

Oh! That's right! I did do something the weekend before [Riot!] came back! (Excuse the shocking memory :P).
[Dancer] had her 16th birthday party!!! Happy belated birthday girl! Heh.

It was a masquerade/colour theme and I was given the colour red. My mask was ordered online and I wasn't as fond of it when I had it, and my dress was maybe a little too high cut for games such as balloon soccer... But Murder In The Dark has/will always be the best game ever invented! :D
So apart from having to go to work halfway through the party, 'twas good fun!

That reminds me... I has a job guise!

I applied for a kitchen hand position at the local restaurant by my place and was practically hired straight away. It's run by a family of people who speak both English and Hindi. So most of the time I'm casually (or hurriedly) doing dishes while hearing my boss behind me talking in Hindi while throwing in random English swear words in there. Ahhhhh, it's lots of fun to listen too :P But they're really nice as well, which is good. If I ever get any interesting work stories (unlikely) I will tell you guys! I don't care if you don't wanna know. 'Tis my blog bitchez.

The weekend after... I had another 16th masquerade party! This one consisted of more people, outside, lots of dancing and eating and general awkwardness at first. But the night turned out really well, and I had lots of fun. Especially on the ride home! [Riot!] would be nodding around about now...

Me + [Riot!] + [Riot!]'s friend's brother + [Riot!]'s friend's brother's girlfriend + awesome car + [Riot!]'s friend's brother's friend in another car = _______ <- Can't describe the awesomeness :3

Earlier that day I also got to spend time with [Riot!] walking around the local shopping centre fighting over what to get the birthday girl, running into people we know, annoying the heck out of each other, listening to music... You know. The usual! But it was really good because we hadn't seen each other in a fair while.
AND!
That same day was the very day that [Carl] finally came up to me and asked to break things off. Like, in his terms. Which made it the best day of my life! We've agreed to be friends, which I don't mind; it's good that way. I can't believe it finally happened! Yew!

School has been incredibly boring, but going by very quickly! o.O I mean... We only have four weeks left of Year 12 now! Two and a half weeks of work... It's insanity!

Anyways, this weekend just gone I was relatively busy. Friday night I worked an incredibly busy night. Saturday I cleaned my room (I don't think it had ever been that messy in it's life! It was pretty bad...), and then headed out with [Dancer], [Italy!], [Eliza], and [LongLegs] (Yes, I called you [LongLegs] heh) to curry for dinner. We talked, and laughed, and ate, and terrorised [SquishyEmzyTheWhore] (Not my nickname for her... It's [Riot!]s! They're friends) who works there. The rest of the night consisted of us walking home barefoot, almost picking up a toad ([Italy!]), almost stepping on a spider (me), getting honked at by a passing car, spooking at creepy shadows, and continually asking "Are we there yet?" "Is this your house?" "Is this your driveway / lightpost / dog / path?" ([LongLegs]). When we got back to [Dancer]'s house we crashed pretty quickly, then we woke up in the morning to watch Tangled and I got ready for the Brisbane Bands Festival where my band performed. We got a silver by the way! Quite proud of band this year... We did well.

After the BBF, I headed down to a local Jessica Mauboy concert with [Carl] and we had a generally good time. I was not jealous of [Phantomess] who was called into work (She works at the same place) and was told to hand out flyers to everyone there who were more interested in Jess than some random girl trying to give out flyers.

And so it is present day!

By the way guys, I am planning on writing some blog posts that don't just detail my life events, but I firstly need to keep up with those ones before I start writing the other ones :P The reason being is I don't want to bore people all the time. But I have absolutely no idea what I am going to blog about... Ideas anyone? :P Alas; I will figure it out one day!

SHOUTOUT TO: [LongLegs]! I know I said I'd blog about you, but I seriously don't know what to talk about..? When I find something to say about you I will write about it! I promise! :)

Until next time fellow symphony writers...

~And the drum beat carries on~

A Good Ol' Catch Up Rant

Hi guys! It has been awhile... But I've been surprisingly busy and Blogger was playing games, so I haven't had a chance till now.

I can't entirely remember where I left y'all so I'm just gonna wing it bitchez.

A couple of days after my Lunchtime -> Maths class meltdown I was meditating in RAVE class. No, I do not usually meditate; our teacher was teaching us methods of relaxation! Anyway, his method of meditation was relaxing... But it also brought up all the issues in my life right now so when we finished it left me in a bit of a sour mood. My teacher, of course, noticed this and requested I stay back after class. He's actually been pulling me aside a lot lately, which makes me realise just how much this is taking its toll in me, as I always used to be able to cover it up and was never really noticed.

So he pulled me aside and asked me what's wrong and I gave him a vague answer that was enough to get him asking questions about what I'm looking for in a guy. He asked questions like:

Are you looking for someone to care for you?

Are you looking for someone who wants you?

Are you looking for someone to make you feel special?

My answers to them were yes, and his reply to that?

'What I believe is, the reason why you are looking for these things is because you didn't receive enough of these things in your childhood, and you want these things, and are trying to make up for what you never really had, or felt you had' (Give or take a few words here and there).

That hit me, hard.

Not because it was a harsh thing to say or anything (quite to the contrary, he said it in the nicest way possible), but the fact that it was so true.

Growing up I always felt isolated from the world. Like I'd never truly fit in. And when my brother was born, I will admit myself to jealousy due to him receiving more attention because he was fully diagnosed, and I wasn't, meaning he could get help and I couldn't.

Before I met [Carl] I had gotten myself used to the thought that I would live the rest of my life on my own, and I was surprisingly okay with that at the time. Then [Carl] came along and gave me things which, at the time, I unknowingly craved! I loved every bit of it. I soaked it up! But I guess now I've gotten to the point where I've maybe had a bit too much? I mean... I had a life with what seemed like no care, or time spent on me; to having someone completely doting and loving. I'm not saying I didn't like that, because I did. I don't know. I guess I'm just trying to look for a medium maybe?

Anyways! After that, I had my last day of Term 3 and then two days later was my school formal. I actually didn't know how much I was looking forward to the formal, and how excited I was about it, until a couple of hours beforehand when my hair and makeup was all done up and ready to go.

The night, for me, was perfect! I couldn't imagine a better night. All the girls looked amazing, and all the guys looked incredible! The food was good, and the dancing was fun! I was surprised that my face wasn't torn in two with the amount of smiles I had to hold for the gazillions of photos that were being taken. Feeling like a celebrity is almost an understatement. Our limo driver was impressed and entertained with our 'Get Psyched Mix' which included a few classics such as; Hey Jude, I Wanna Be (500 Miles), Piano Man, You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth, Livin' On A Prayer, plus more...

And I felt pretty, for one of the first times in my life. I struggle seeing myself in that way, even though people compliment me here and there, so it was nice to be able to truly feel pretty for at least one night.

And then it was school holidays... I tried to get as much socialising in the first week as I could as most of the people I spend time with were going away in the second. The major outing for that week was going to the City with [Dancer], [Riot!], [Italy!], and [Singlet] ~Yeah, I ran out of ideas with [Singlet], but whatever~. We all caught up at the train station, and headed off from there. Eating chocolate, people watching, sitting on rocks talking, lying on the grass looking at a big shiny ball, eating ice cream, fighting over a newspaper, and basically just walked around. But I had a good time!

[Dancer] came over for a sleepover at one point where we played Mario Kart Wii, started learning a dance she choreographed for her party this weekend, began to craft devious plans, watched most of Easy A, and laughed into the early hours of the morning. I appreciated most of the time I spent with her during the holidays, because she was always there to talk to about anything; and she knows how to get me in a better mood, and even let a smile slip through. ^.^

Then before I knew it, everyone was gone. Most of them to Thailand actually (you lucky things), and I was left at home with not much to do. Well. Until a recently graduated student from my school contacted me. I shall call him [Sharpless]. So [Sharpless] contacted me and asked about having city in the lunch, and I jumped on the opportunity to get out of the house, though I was a bit apprehensive as I'd never met up with him outside of school before. But I went, and we had such a great time. He is an absolute nutter that one, but he made me laugh until my cheeks hurt, and walk until my legs were about ready to fall off... By the end of the day, I was truly happy and grateful because it was one of the most perfect days in my opinion with everything going on. Unfortunately, he's moving to Adelaide in only a few weeks so potential time to spend with him is short; at least until he comes back.

Two days later I, myself, was on a flight to Adelaide. I was to spend the weekend with my longest, and dearest, friend [Pinnuck!] to celebrate her 18th birthday. Getting up at 3.30 in the morning was no fun, and the plane trip there felt like it went on for hours! But as soon as I got there, [Pinnuck!] whisked me away and we went shopping together. The next day was the day of her party and it was filled with decorating, tying a streamer to her dog's collar and making her chase me around the place, playing The Game of Life, watching the footy (well she did, I went on Facebook instead ^.^ Can't stand the sport), and multiple trips to the shops to get any forgotten ingredients for food. And then the party began.

I'm pretty sure [Pinnuck!], myself and the kids were the only ones not drinking at the party. Now, for someone like me who has friends who are all younger and hasn't even hit 18 herself; it was a bit overwhelming at first. I don't drink, and I don't plan to for a fair while! But nobody was really 'wild' or anything, which was comforting. Except for [Pinnuck!]'s brother's friend. He had broken up with his girlfriend the same day and was drunk before the party had even started, and he has the same syndrome as me so he was very much in everyone's faces. He was still more entertaining than scary, or dangerous though. His cousin was there, and ... Yeah ... Let's just say he was the eye candy of the party. But the sweet thing was that, the entire night he was looking out for his cousin, making sure he had a good night after the break up. Believe me... I'm pretty sure he had a good night!

The party ended at around 1am when everyone had pretty much left except [Pinnuck!]'s brother's friends. They were sent home, much to all of our disappointment, and luckily [Pinnuck!] and I got to sleep through the morning after clean up! ^.^

I honestly can't remember what I did the next day which is frustrating, but I remember that on the last day we went down to Glenelg Beach which was exactly as I remember it, which I loved! We went shopping, had ice cream, and walked along the marina which was nice. Then we played a game for an hour so at [Pinnuck!]'s brother's friends place (yeah, the entertainingly drunk one), until we had to head back for dinner before I caught the flight back here.

Overall, it was a great weekend. The only thing I didn't like about it was when I had to leave... Going around the suburbs, I would literally smile or squeal with delight when I recognised a place/house/shop/road/etc. I miss Adelaide so much! It was my childhood home... I remember screaming and hating my parents when I found out we were moving... And nowadays all I hear is Mum complaining about how crap Queensland is... Great Mum, then why did you move here? The thing is, once you've moved to somewhere like Queensland, you can't go back to somewhere like Adelaide... The weather, road speed, and water differences are a massive adjustment.

But oh how I would love to be able to go down to Glenelg whenever I wanted again... To go to Tea Tree Plaza! Maybe even go down to the old swimming pool I used to go too... Oh! I would adore to go back to Adelaide to watch the Christmas pageant on TV. I have no idea if they still do it, but I sure hope they do... I remember looking forward to it every year, and dreaming of dressing up all pretty and being on one of those floats myself...

I miss having more family around me... I mean, sure, it's mainly my grandparents who now never see me unless I come down there way... But moving up here and having absolutely zero family or friends (at first) was hard... And for a 10 year old Asperger's to go through that kind of ordeal was tough. It changed me alright... For the worst. The path back from that one was long, painful, and still going...

It hurts when Mum keeps saying how crap Queensland is... It hurt to see her cry when we were leaving Adelaide because she already missed [Pinnuck!]'s Mum (her best friend). And for that moment, I couldn't understand. I couldn't understand why we moved. Why she ripped me away from my friends, and the life I was used too... Why she went away from her friends... Why!?! What happened? We moved to a place where Mum now has basically no friends whatsoever. At least no-one like [Pinnuck!]'s Mum... A place that is supposedly 'crap' according to her. A place where, yeah sure I grow up, mature, make friends, finally start making something of myself... But I could have done that in Adelaide... I don't know. I've now lived almost half my life here, so I'm quite used to it, and not really willing to leave the comfortable sunshine anytime soon... But at the same time, I have this massive ache in my heart for Adelaide. The mental torture I put myself through before, during, and after the move was insane...

So, ummm, yeah... The day after I came back from Adelaide I started my very last term of school ever. It's pretty average, ya know... All us year 12's want out and the teacher's are trying to get as much last minute learning in as possible ^.^ Except at the moment there are a fair few prac teachers and relief teachers around at the moment... I don't know who any of them are except for one Canadian lady, who gave me a headache within the first five minutes with her incredibly harsh accent! o.O

So I just finished Day 2 of Term 4, so there's not many stories to tell as yet... Except that [Riot!] is still currently on holiday in Thailand and I hate him very much for having pictures with tigers! :P Bitch better get me a good present to make me forgive you! ^.^ I'm kidding of course. I am not materialistic!

Just thought I'd let you guys know that at the end of the paragraph just above I had written 2,124 words. This is the equivalent that I have to write for my ExtEng assignment, except, I only have half for it so far and it's due Friday... Hmm... Then again, this is a lot easier to write ^.^


I have not much left to say now that I have caught y'all up, and besides, I'm sure you're all asleep reading this now! Ehehehe.


~We are broken, what must we do to restore~