In My Life

Hey hey strangers!

Have you ever felt bitter disappointment? Like... Disappointment in people, and where your life is headed... You may feel confused as to where you're meant to be going, or what you're supposed to do when you get there... You may feel frustrated with the limited knowledge you have, and you just wish you could know more; just that little bit more to stop you from over-thinking everything to the point where you're borderline crazy...

No? Oh... Maybe that's just me then...

Anyways: that can basically sum up how I'm feeling at the moment. Motivation is hard to come by with Uni work at the moment... Why? Because I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life anymore.

I mean... Growing up I always wanted to be a vet. I never swayed from that decision, ever. I had a brief moment of uncertainty in year 11 to do with obtaining the OP needed, etc. But as soon as I found out there are back doors into the course, there was definitely nothing swaying my decision...

So I went into my first year of University... All wide-eyed, innocent (sort of), and keen to get into study and work my into Vet! ...Until I saw the workload. The amount of work vets go through is somewhat ridiculous and majorly turned me off... Not to mention that my participation in the choir last year re-blossomed my true love for music within my heart... I've always been conscious about my singing voice. I can admit that my voice is probably better than your average Joe... But I also know that I abuse my throat way too much, and I don't sound anywhere good enough to get into the musical theatre industry; as much as my heart might be crying for me to do it.

See... This is my dilemma! My one, true passion is incredibly painful to get into... Especially if you don't have previous experience. And it also requires travelling, and a lot of it... If you'd been discussing this with me a few years ago; I would have been like "Heck yeah! Travelling?! Music?! Independence?! The life for me, right there!". Ask me now? I'm a lot more reserved about it all... Don't get me wrong, I'm still passionate about travelling. I haven't been outside Australia in 17 years, and I want to see as much of the world as I can! But travelling in musical theatre means I'll be away from those I love for weeks, if not months, at a time... Compare that to the fact that I'm getting older, and will soon be at the age where I might wanna start settling down and starting a family... Am I gonna be okay with the idea of leaving my family behind? No... But it's what I love, and it's what I want to do!

If I just go through with the course I'm doing (which I'm gonna do regardless cause, ya know, back up career and all that jazz) and get a job with animals, even if I manage to get one involved with big cats; will I be truly happy? It'll be more stable... I'll be there for my family. For all the firsts my children will go through... The growing up process... Everything I /want/ to be there for... But will I be happy? I don't know... Will I forever be pining to be on stage in a theatre somewhere performing in WICKED, Les Mis, Legally Blonde, Chicago, Phantom of the Opera, Cats, Avenue Q, West Side Story, Fiddler on the Roof, Mamma Mia... The list goes on!

Even then... Will I ever be good enough to get a leading part? Or will I always be stuck in the choir? Will I be happy with that? It's still doing what I love... But not being able to be the characters I adore and relate too..? I don't know how I'd deal with that.

So, um, yeah. That's just a pointless rant about how my life is somewhat at a crossroads, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do... And let's not mention the fact that this situation is not helped when I am running the choir this year, and nobody is turning up... One other person turned up tonight. It hurts... So much... All I want is to make music with people who share a similar interest. Fill them up with passion, and music, and love; and watch/hear them express it in song. That, to me, is beauty. It's my love. My passion. And, I don't expect people to be as passionate as me at Uni... But, I'm disappointed in the lack of people there are here that share a similar interest... Or, they're just too lazy to attend rehearsal... Either way. I'm having a hard time dealing with it... Especially when I'm giving so much of myself, and not getting much in return...

Well... Let's move on to the week that was now... Yeah?

So, I don't recall mentioning this last post so I shall mention it now... But the Australian government is being a bit of a bitch; and is trying to take about 6.3 billion dollars from tertiary education, to go into primary education... Now... I have used this analogy with multiple people I have been talking too; but this is like training an athlete all it's life, then denying him/her being able to compete.

For one... Why does primary education need more money?! Do they not need to just know their ABCs along with basic Math & English skills? Secondary & tertiary education needs the money, not primary. For instance; practicals for the Biochem subject I take, have been cancelled for the rest of semester. Why? Not enough money. Because my campus is under control of the bigger campus of the Uni I go too... The bigger campus is taking what little money is left to keep to themselves and their courses. Vets aren't suffering, because they used to be on the big campus and had to move here because there wasn't enough room; but the rest of us here? We pay $1000 per subject per semester... About $70 of that is actually going to the coordinators to pay for a semester of practicals; as well as paying for tutors to mark assessment etc. This means that most subjects I'm taking, don't have enough money to pay for markers and are having to do them all themselves... And, if this keeps up, in the future all subjects are going to be assessed by final exams; and final exams alone... With some subjects, it won't be so bad... But it's proven fact that people generally learn more when doing assignments, along with exams...

So yeah. It's comforting knowledge knowing that the government is screwing over everyone in tertiary education... It especially sucks when you consider that most jobs require either a TAFE diploma, or a Uni degree... And what kind of education do they think they're providing us, if they're stripping money away; which in turn takes resources, and valued lecturers/teachers because they can't be afforded?

...Moving on before I rile myself up even more than I already have...

The only plus side to all this happening was that the Biochem mid-semester exam was moved from last Thursday to this Friday... Which I am not complaining about at all!

So yes... All week was pretty much a lead up to Moulin Rouge which, to be honest, was nowhere near as good as last year... Most likely because last year it felt like the whole year was a lead up to the party, plus more of the freshers were over 18 and stuff; so it generated more interest... This year's had much less notice considering it was just randomly moved up the year... But I'm hoping that the UV themed party that was swapped round with MR will be absolutely amazing to make up for it.

It was still good fun though! Especially seeing [K-Dawg] dressed up with suspenders & a bow tie ;) The music could have been better, and we hit nowhere near lock out unlike last year... The club can fit 600 people, and we hit a max of 320 people... So yeah, it wasn't massive... But us girls got all dressed up and pretty, and the guys were lookin' spiffy and yeah... I'm pretty sure we all had our fun with the whip [Bestiality] had with her leather costume :P

We left the club a little early and headed back to Pitt in the cold... Ugh! Was no fun for us girls who were wearing outfits not made for the cold! Anyways... We eventually made it back; only for [K-Dawg] to want to go on a Maccas run... So I changed into my PJs and put my onesie over the top (much to his jealousy, muahaha!) and we headed over, where I got multiple looks and a girl outright asking where I got it and what it was (facepalm) and informing us that she was interested in getting a Stitch one (from Lilo & Stitch).

By the time we got back to my room; it was midnight which marked the beginning of a new day... But it just so happened that this particular was [K-Dawg] and I's three month anniversary! Already! It's so strange... It seems as though time has flown by; yet, at the same time, it feels as though I've been with [K-Dawg] for so much longer...

And I don't mean this in a negative way! Quite the opposite! Our relationship, though we're still very much in the 'honeymoon' period; was pretty... Advanced (for lack of a better word) from the get go. We just seemed to click and gel together so well; and throughout these three months we've discovered more similarities we share, along with our differences... And we're still making discoveries! Like the fact that we both like steak medium rare; and just today we both found out that we both have Scottish blood after I demanded he Google what Scotland's national animal is... We then discussed how we should totally move to Scotland and how amazing their animal is... Which is... Wait for it... The unicorn! Yup. Be jealous of Scotland guys. They have the best national animal EVER!

So yeah... Just have to say how amazing these three months have been. Through everything that's happened; we managed to get through it, and I'm so thankful for it... Cause it's pretty hard imagining life without this crazy cat in my life! But; I shall move on from the sappyness now... Heh.

So... It felt odd being kicked out of my own room... But it had to be done! And the only real issue I had with it was that I had gotten myself comfy and cozy, then had to head downstairs into [Bestiality]'s room... Where I found [Chappy] at the computer, and a tired looking [Bestiality]. [Chappy] was still sobering up from being quite, quite drunk; and was being his usual brash drunk self, before his Thynne buddies came to find him and go on a Maccas run... To which he instantly bolted out the room with a quick "bye girls!". Typical man... When presented food, that's the main priority! :P

[Bestiality] and I then cuddled up on her bed (literally... [Bestiality], you are a chronic cuddler when you sleep! :P) and eventually fell asleep amidst me talking in my sleep (I think I did it..?) and her probably replying in return... This was at about 3am, and I then had to get up at 8:30am; because I was silly enough to mention to [K-Dawg] that there was a BBQ breakfast at 9am, to which he was keen on going too... I mean, I was too but... I could easily sleep over having breakfast. But, going with the fact that [K-Dawg] seems incapable of sleeping in; it was probably for the best, otherwise who knows how long I would have slept for!

The breakfast was nice though, and was spent sharing stories from the party the night before... One of our friends couldn't even make it out of her room, she was shaking and that much hungover... When I saw her later; she had a black eye, and was limping around... I wasn't with her when she did whatever the heck did that to her body, but wow... Beaten up pretty much sums it up! Not to mention the fact that I've lost one of my thongs in her room somewhere... Which is somewhat irritating me, because those shoes are my life here! :P

We then eventually got our stuff together and... Went to Macca's for lunch! Twice in two days... Ugh... Wasn't overly keen, but I ate it anyway. He then took me home where we stayed for a small while, before I got changed and headed to Subway for work. Which, the start of the shift was absolutely terrible... So many customers, and we were so behind... Some prep hadn't been done; so I was doing prep in the middle of rushes, and I was with the trainee who shouldn't be a trainee still... But he is because he is so darn slow! Like.. Wow... Anyways. Thankfully, customers eventually died down; and I could catch us up... Yes... /I/ caught us up... The trainee did the dishes, restocked the drink fridge, and moved some food from the freezer to the fridge to defrost for the next day; in the amount of time it took me to do pretty much everything else... I mean, I'm somewhat used to doing it anyway with other juniors I work with... But, generally, the other juniors I work with do the floors; allowing me not to do it (cause I'm not so great at it.. Heh), but with this trainee I have to do it... And it almost literally kills my back doing it... I dunno if it means I'm doing it wrong, or just that unfit... But it hurts! A lot! Scrubbing wet floors with a broom is not fun guys, okay?

Sunday I spent having a nice catch up sleep in before I headed over to [K-Dawg]'s place where video games and YouTube videos were watched, along with [K-Dawg]s bromance partner... Who reckons he should be dubbed as [BOSSman] so... I suppose I can make it so! ;P [K-Dawg]'s nephew was also there; but our attempts at getting him to 'rawr' seem to be having little effect on the cheeky munchkin at the moment... Though I did catch him checking himself out in a mirror, dancing a little, and getting all excited over the fact that he could see himself. It was positively adorable!

It eventually got to the point where the boys headed off to prayer, and I headed off back to Uni; dropping by [K-Dawg]'s sister's place to give her her phone charger that she left behind, then filled up my car with petrol, and then... Guess what... Yep... Another Macca's run! I couldn't help it! I had missed dinner at the dining hall; and didn't have much else choice... So Macca's it was. I think I'm really gonna try lay off it now... At least for a while :P

-Random thought- I posted a photo of the gift [K-Dawg] got me for our three months (two photographic frames with cute inside messages round the outside) and anyways... [Carl] liked the photo, and I kinda had no idea how to react. Like... I honestly don't understand why we're still friends on Facebook... I can't bring myself to delete him, in case we might get to the point of talking again sometime in the future..? And I'm too damn caring and nice to cut him out of my life... Plus the fact that he was such a big part... But, considering the fact that we don't talk. At all. And then he likes a photo to do with me & my current boyfriend out of the blue... I just didn't know how to react. I felt conflicted. I can't bring myself to like things he posts about him & his girlfriend! I feel awkward! And just... Asdfghjkl. I dunno. I'm not over thinking it or anything. It just confused and unsettled me a little is all...

And now it's today! And.. Yeah... Not much has happened today... Apart from a group of us having a meeting to do with the MTV video that we are organising... Pitt is surely gonna win this year! I would mention what we have planned on here... But, it has to be a secret from the other halls; and I'm not sure if non-Pittling Halls people read these posts so I won't say anything to be safe... But I will say this! If it turns out the way we're discussing it, and I'm imagining it... It should be amazing! Something to be proud of hopefully! :')

So yeah... Filming for the first and last scenes are tomorrow; and I'm involved in that, so it should be good fun! :)

I think I've talked enough in this post... Don't ya think? Yeah... I don't have much else to say anyway except that if I don't blog in a while; it's because I'm actually putting Uni work first as a priority (shock horror, I know...) because I am starting to have assessment due, and due relatively soon. Oh! And I downloaded the Legally Blonde soundtrack, and do not regret a thing. These songs are so addicting! ^_^

Now... I'm gonna go make myself some two minute noodles and settle down for the night... Hope everyone enjoys their morning/afternoon/evening/night... Whatever time it is when you're reading this! :D

Catch ya's!

~Isn't it crazy? Yeah, isn't it crazy..? It's all because of you... All because of you~

Shamelessness

Hey hey!

Yes, it's been a while... But I honestly didn't have much substance to write about until now. Or at least, I can think of stuff to write now... Heh. Anyways...

I last blogged on Friday the 29th of March... Well... It's April now guys! Just.. In case you didn't know... And not much has really happened. Well, I somewhat lie. But it's mostly truth as well... But yeah. I shall try remember what I've done myself over the past few weeks.

My last blog post was the first day of the mid-semester break... Hmm... I don't remember doing much at all that week except seeing [K-Dawg] at some point of every single day. Literally. I don't know why we did that, cause it just made going back to Uni so much harder... I'm not saying I regret it, heck no! Just made me miss him that little bit more.. :P

So yeah... There are new boundaries (I dunno if I've mentioned this before) that involve us not being allowed at his place after his Mum has gone to bed; which I feel a bit bad over cause that is resulting in him coming to my place more often now, which means more money out of his pocket and me going stir crazy and not getting out of my own house often enough haha... It seems strange saying that, considering I live out at Uni during the weekdays but... My family drives me up the wall. I don't know if it's because three out of five of us are autistic, one is a "typical bratty teenager", and the last is a fed-up mother who is at her wits end... But I just don't like living with my family. I know that as soon as I move out, my perception will change because I'll see them less often and it'll be different... I mean, it's already changed since I moved out to Uni in the sense that I get along with my siblings more and have matured etc, but there's still a long way to go...

And it doesn't help when my mother is constantly telling me off for any small thing I do wrong; informing me that I'm not respecting the fact that she's paying for me to stay at Uni, and haven't gotten off my backside to find another job since Subway has gone /very/ downhill in the sense that I'm only getting 6.5 hours a week...

Anyways! Back to my initial point! Which was... Ummm... Oh yeah; so with the new boundaries being put in place it made it difficult to arrange [K-Dawg] coming to the Moulin Rouge themed club night this Friday. My parents were not keen on the idea of us doing an hour long trip after the club (this would be at around 2-3am); but there were issues surrounding temptation and things like that with him staying here at Uni. But, thankfully, it's all been organised! As initially proposed, I will be sleeping on [Bestiality]'s floor, and [K-Dawg] will have full access to my room (oh dear...); so we can get sleep and be much more awake for the trip back home the next day.

So yes... Moulin Rouge! Only the BIGGEST party of the year. Last year it was held in the second semester but it was apparently too cold, so they've moved it to this week instead. Hopefully plenty of people come, considering how little attention they're giving it... But I'm sure it'll be so much fun regardless! Always an interesting night with... Just as interesting outfits :P

Errrm. Not much else has really happened. [Bestiality] planted the idea that [K-Dawg] should take me out to my favourite restaurant just so he could see me in a dress he's taken a particular fancy too... Little did I know that our onesies were to arrive that day, as I wasn't expecting them for another week at least. Yes... I decided to (successfully) surprise [K-Dawg] with a lion onesie sent to his house, and I got myself a lioness one. I could tell when he turned up at my doorstep, before heading out to dinner, in his onesie that he was just a little bit in love with it hehe. But, we kept it on the fancier side of fashion as we went out; but as soon as we got back, it was straight into the onesies followed by board games with my family then just cuddling up to each other and acting like big cats really... ;D
I absolutely love it... Like... Oh my gosh! As soon as I put it on, the childish part of my brain switches on to high speed and I just feel like an overgrown kitten and act accordingly... It's so much fun, and I have no shame in saying this or any regret at all! Hehehe!

Also, most of you should know that I am running the uni choir this year and.. Well... It's not going so fantastically at the moment. I was so excited when I saw 12 people turn up to the first rehearsal; and the second had pretty much the same amount as well... We then had an event or two that stuffed us around a little, but now it's just me and two other dedicated attendees that turn up each week... We don't end up singing or anything because one girl feels uncomfortable with that; so we wait for half an hour or so, just talking about generic topics in the hope that people will walk up the stairs to the building... But it just isn't happening! And it's crushing! I've received three messages from girls saying they can't make it, one admitting that the work load was more stressful than they initially thought.

Now... Not to rant too much here but... There are two types of students. Crammers and studious ones. Studious students keep on top of their work all the time; and crammers, well, cram the day before generally... Whichever student you are, however, you should be able to make two hours out of your time on a Monday night. I mean... If you're studious, you'd have time on your hands cause you're on top of things. No student has so much work they are cramming 24/7 from the first week, surely? And if you're a crammer... You procrastinate! All the time! You're not doing anything better with your night!? Why not have some fun, and make some music? It just... I guess I just want to do as well as I can for the founder of this choir who moved to NSW (hence how I got captaincy basically..). Even our pianist, who we changed rehearsal nights from Tuesday to Monday for, hasn't attended the last two weeks... And the girl who's supposed to be in charge with me? Hasn't attended a single rehearsal yet. It's just really getting me down, cause I absolutely love music. It's my first true passion, and always will be. I'm aware that not everyone feels the same way I do about it; but if you sign up for something, why can't you stick with it..?

I had a bit of a chat with God just to vent a few frustrations over it, and I know things will work out... It's just hard to see past the initial descending fog that's clouding my judgement currently and just making me think negatively about the situation... I couldn't help but be uplifted though as I realised I was starting to transition into how I think my prayer method is gonna be... Singing.

I would just be chatting, then randomly sing a couple of lines, then go back... It was random, but it was fun. And definitely stress relieving. And, somewhat annoyingly but still cool, I did find I sounded better singing then and there. I went to my room after and was singing along with iTunes, but I found I didn't sound as good. It was odd, and again.. Slightly irritating, but that's just the perfectionist singer in me haha... But, I don't quite know what to think about it... I mean. I'm still so new to all this, so when I do discover new things it just enraptures me; and I find it so fascinating and yeah... So I thought I'd post my rambling on here to bore y'all with haha...

Moving on with a random memory. [K-Dawg] and I watched Les Miserables and cried... Just a little bit... That movie is so emotionally intense it's ridiculous! I also now have the entire soundtrack and give myself feels trips pretty much every day... Because I am a smart cookie like that.

Other random thing. A little over a month ago I started on the Pill (men, deal :P) purely to try and regulate my body more due to it being stuffed around since moving to Uni... And I recently just stopped taking it because I've noticed progressively worse side effects from it... The side effects I've gotten that relate to what I should look out for on the packet include weakness or numbness in any part of body (generally legs, and at times hands), severe pain in abdomen (not severe but still), and severe pain or swelling in either of legs (again, not severe; but pain in right leg..). It also mentions a couple of other things that I'm kind of considering might be potential but.. It could also be my paranoia kicking in... So yeah... I'm yet to actually see a doctor about it though. I'll get onto it soon, I promise... Eventually :P

Anyways.. If I stop making blog posts; y'all can assume I died from whatever I've now contracted from taking the damn pill... Why must it be so hard for us ladies?! Just why.

I can't think of much more at the moment that I've done with my life... Apart from eat way too much McDonald's... Like... It's ridiculous. I'm almost craving it every second night now, it's getting that bad. Thank goodness I have a fast metabolism, or I would be so fat right now; no joke! May as well make the most of it I guess until I get older and my metabolism slows down and I actually have to watch what I eat... Darn... :P

Ooooh; and I'm actually trying to get fit and stuffs. I went to Boot Camp & Boxing at Uni a few weeks back; but since starting on the pill and getting these side effects (not realising at the time), I stopped going out of fear that I'd put my body in too much stress... So... Once I sort out this issue; I shall hopefully be able to actually get my body into shape! By shape, I don't mean skinny... Cause I am plenty skinny and I know that. By shape I mean some form of muscle that's not the bare minimum that allows movement... I want my toned legs and arms back that I had a few years back!

I've also decided to participate in Live Below The Line this year... For those that don't know... Here is the website for it: https://www.livebelowtheline.com.au/
It basically involves me raising funds for people who live in extreme poverty by walking in their shoes for five days. I'll be eating on only $2 per day. For someone who eats as much as I like too... This is going to be incredibly difficult! But: it's an experience that I know will humble me and make me appreciate what I have. Those that know me on Facebook; I'll upload a link to my particular profile tomorrow if you wish to make a donation to the cause and me starving myself! I would post it on here but it reveals my actual name and everything; aaaaand, I'd much rather keep my privacy. So yeah! I'm hoping to raise $50 if possible; and it would be amazing if I could reach that, plus more if possible!

Aaand, I'm gonna stop pitching for the cause now and leave y'all be to your amazing lives! I'll write another post as soon as I have something worthwhile to chat about.

Until the future!

~A penny for your thoughts?~