Do You Feel It Too?

I'm listening to a song called Say It sung by the absolutely gorgeous Swedish singer, Eric Saade... Now for those of my friends who know about how I feel about Eric; don't fret! This blog post is not going to be dedicated to how much I, uhhhhh, like him... :P (At least not this one, hehe).


I love listening and understanding the meaning behind lyrics in a song... Combine my sappiness, love for love, and Eric Saade's lyrics... And you have a 17 year old girl lying on her bed, smiling stupidly or singing her absolute heart out to it, with the feeling that her heart is either bursting with love or feels as though it's breaking cleanly in two... Whether I'm single or with a guy, I always get different reactions... But all as strong as each other...


Yes. I am an incredibly special child... But I am proud of it! :D


Anyways, I thought I would post the lyrics on here so you can have a look at them... Though I honestly believe they are a lot better when sung slowly, with a hot, Swedish voice... *Slaps* Getting off track...


So here they are:


You're amazing
I adore your every move
Infatuated, by every little thing you do
My heart's on fire
And it's melting into you
You're amazing
I'm gonna be true
I'm gonna be true

I've been afraid to say it, say it
But I really truly feel it
There's no way I can ignore it
I've gotta say it today
Don't want you slipping away
I've gotta say it today
'Cause I really truly want it
There's no way I can ignore it
I've gotta say it today
Don't want you slipping away
Say it
Say it

You're so graceful
You've got me hanging lost for words
Intoxicated, can't get enough of what I heard
The search is over
'Cause I can see myself with you
You are so graceful
It's gotta be you
It's gotta be you

I've been afraid to say it, say it
But I really truly feel it
There's no way I can ignore it
I've gotta say it today
Don't want you slipping away
I'm gonna let it go and say it
'Cause I really truly want it
There's no way I can ignore it
I'm gonna say it today
Don't want you slipping away
Say it
Say it

Didn't think that I would lose control
But you're speaking straight into my soul
I don't ever wanna let this go
That's why I'm gonna tell you now, and

Say it, say it, say it
'Cause I really truly feel it
There's no way I can ignore it
I've gotta say it today
Don't want you slipping away

I've been afraid to say it, say it
But I really truly feel it
There's no way I can ignore it
I've gotta say it today
Don't want you slipping away
I'm gonna let it go and say it
'Cause I really truly want it
There's no way I can ignore it
I'm gonna say it today
Don't want you slipping away
Say it


There wasn't much else I wanted to post about really... My creative juices are currently running on low... I just thought I'd share one of my ultimately favourite songs by one of my favourite artists... If you wish to listen to the song... Look it up yourself k? :P


~Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream~

Love, Oh Love...

Today in my RAVE (standing for Religious And Values Education) lesson; my teacher [Macca] asked us some questions... Questions like:


- How do you know if somebody loves you?
- How do you know if somebody has forgiven you?
- What are unforgivable things that someone could do in a relationship?
Etcetera...


Anyways, it was the first question that had me thinking for the rest of the school day; until now...


How do you know if somebody loves you? Sure, they could tell you that they do... Or they could buy you presents, show you affection, cuddle you, do all those sappy romantic things... But I mean... Do they really truly LOVE you? You have your jerks who fake it just to use you... Or you have those people who think they are in love, but really aren't and get their heart 'broken' over and over again...
Maybe I'm just thinking of this in my own special way... I mean, I know I have felt love before and I can be pretty damn sure that he was in love with me back! I guess it's cause I can't read their minds or emotions so you never truly know what they're thinking or feeling...


This reminds me of the movie Easy A which I just happened to be discussing today with the always entertaining [Clearly Unfocused].
In one scene, Olive Penterghast (the protagonist) is broadcasting, to all who are watching, what she looks for in a guy... There's this one quote I absolutely love!


"Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me just once. I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life."


Oh how I want those things too! I mean... I think it'll be difficult to find a ride-on mower nowadays... Or a boom box for that matter... But something along those lines would be absolutely amazing! Though the sad story is that... Well... You just don't get many guys who do that anymore! Just looking at the choice of guys there is at my school proves that very fact.


Here's a random scene near the end of the movie Easy A. If you haven't seen this movie, I strongly suggest you do! ASAP! :)

What do I look for in a guy? Well... Firstly, it helps for him to be taller than me! Personal preference I guess... I love the idea of him holding me and me feeling completely secure in his arms... Like there is no-one or no thing that could possibly be safer...
I want a guy who isn't afraid of showing me how much he loves me! I hate guys who are all like "No, she's just my ho" round his guy friends but completely sensitive when it's just the two of us... Though I've noticed guys are a lot more open round their friends with their girlfriends these days so I don't think I need to worry too much about that!
I love all the little things a guy can do for me... Stroking my hair, playing with or holding my hands, holding me, looking into my eyes, telling me "I love you" and being able to hear how much he means it!
He doesn't need to buy me expensive presents... Or presents in general really! We don't need to go out anywhere like the movies or anything... I'm perfectly happy with the idea of sitting on a couch and watching TV for hours on end! Well... Depending on what's on...
I also want a guy who doesn't overly care (or at least laughs it off) if I act completely stupid (whether intentional or not...) around him, or tries to understand the way I think or feel as best as he can... (Which would be very impressive, because I am incredibly difficult to understand! :P)
And (linking to last night's post), I would love a guy who is completely comfortable around me and wouldn't be afraid to sing or do anything music-wise around me... And I still absolutely love (like literally melt-worthy) the thought of singing a romantic duet with that special someone. :)


I personally think that one of the best songs to do something like that with would be As Long As You're Mine from WICKED... Mostly because it's one of my favourite songs from my favourite musical... This has song has made me cry a few times! And things rarely make me cry! So it must be a pretty damn good song! The amount of times I've imagined myself in the shoes of Elphaba with my Fiyero singing beside me would be way too many to count...


Anyways, I must stop now otherwise I'll bore you with more pointless bantering about such sappy things... I shall make my next few posts more... Entertaining? At least I will try...


~I can't love you if I'm not sure who I am inside~

Mind Boggle Anyone?

Have you ever felt an amazingly strong emotion towards someone or something, but never be able to describe it to your liking? You can try to, but you stumble or the words just never seem to begin to describe how you really truly feel... While reading [Tenuto Tuo]'s adorable blog post about his boyfriend; it made me think of times when I felt that way...


Like, when I went to see WICKED the first time with [Carl]... I had been waiting so long to see it! I was insanely excited and happy that I was spending it with him :).
During the interval of the musical, I was sitting in the seat with my heart racing a million miles an hour, completely breathless and speechless! But that's not half of what I was thinking and feeling... But, as I said above. I just can't explain it! I can try... I can use words such as exhilarating, amazing, body melting... (I literally could not move for a good couple of minutes after Defying Gravity... I had sunk into that chair, completely mesmerised and was not coming out anytime soon...) But none of those words can ever come close to how I was really truly feeling and thinking...


[Tenuto Tuo]'s post also made me think of those moments where I have felt an amazingly strong feeling of love towards someone... I'm not just talking about my ex-boyfriend! I also feel this way towards my dogs (sometimes...) and my friends! :)
In the case of romantic love... Maybe this hasn't happened to you; but I have always found it difficult to express it. It's not that I'm heartless or selfish; wanting all attention on me! (Hell no...) It's more due to the fact that:
A) I don't always know how to express it (being autistic can have its downsides...) and
B) I never feel like what I do is enough!


I can be quite a hopeless romantic at times... I guess I think along similar lines to [Clearly Unfocused]... Not quite to the point of comparing any potential suitor to anime characters... But I love the idea of my life being somewhat like a musical (chyeah like THAT'S ever gonna happen...). Me being a singer; I've always loved the idea of singing a romantic duet with a guy I really like or am absolutely smitten with... I honestly do not care if they don't have the 'greatest' voice, I don't care one bit! It's the meaning and the amazing connection beneath it... Such a connection that I can't describe at all, but you almost want to so you can find out if the other person is feeling the same way... But then you don't because you don't want to ruin the moment...


Has anyone ever felt that way? Has anyone ever had a moment, or a memory where they felt something truly amazing (doesn't have to be romantic love), but didn't say anything due to any of the following reasons:
- Didn't want to ruin the moment
- Didn't know how to begin to describe how you felt
- Didn't want the other person/people to think you were weird/sappy/insert random unwanted depiction here
- Unsure if what you're feeling is real or if it's something else
- Any other reason that you can think of that my brain does not have the ability to think of at this current moment...


I feel this all the time! I always want to express my feelings, but I'm terrified I won't get the same back, or that he/she will think I am a complete weirdo and never want to spend time with me again!


To be honest, I was really hoping that writing this blog would help me come up with words or ways I could try to explain this feeling that is the very cause of this blog... But I can't. No matter how hard I try!


Maybe that's the beauty of it? Maybe it's one of those things that are meant to be unexplainable... Something that causes your heart to melt, or to smile uncontrollably for half a day afterwards... Or it could be a feeling of pure hatred... It could be anything! But it's just one of those things that can't be explained... It keeps you wondering and guessing... Wondering about how on earth you could begin to explain this phenomenal feeling, or what the other person is thinking... Are they thinking the same as you? The complete opposite perhaps? They could be thinking of a blushing cat with the body of a pop tart that has denied gravity and has rainbows shooting out of it's backside? For those of you going WTF!?!?! I am talking about a newly released YouTube video "Nyan Cat". Search it if you want to watch a cat (as described above) sing a song with one lyric (nyan) for three and a half minutes...


Anyways... Thanks to [Tenuto Tuo], my mind is now spinning with memories of moments, and moments with memories... Trying to work out how I can describe the feelings I felt at that moment... What was the other person thinking? Would I have told them how I felt if I could've? The answer to that last one is probably not...  I would hate the idea that I potentially ruined something like that...


Well... I think I have bantered (rather pointlessly) about this for much longer than I think I should have! :P I don't think I will be challenging myself with this kind of topic again... Far too difficult to talk about!


~A symphony's intricacies make it the work of art that is it~

Thoughts Of A Dateless Dance

So today my mother decided to remind me of a situation that is most likely going to cause a lot of worry and possibly (but hopefully not) regret...


I'm talking about the event that all Year Twelves receive in the holidays after sitting the test that decides the rest of our lives... The formal.


I've barely been single for two weeks, yet I'm already beginning to feel stressed out about things that are related to being in a relationship...  I mean... [Carl] has pretty much already told me that he wouldn't like it if I kissed, let alone date, another guy... Even though five minutes before he told me that; he was telling me that he had playing spin the bottle with 3 girls the night before... This started out with cheeks, then it led to the girls kissing him on the lips and each other on the cheek...


What if I wasn't keen on the idea of him kissing other girls? Well, it clearly doesn't matter because he can go off and do whatever, while telling me what he doesn't want me to do... Basically talking his way into getting me to do what he does, or doesn't, want... He does this a lot; and I'm over it.


In all honesty, I don't care what [Carl] does, because we're both single people who can do whatever they want without having to worry about what the other one thinks or how they'll react. But the irony of that situation made me laugh, yet also get extremely annoyed... After all, he did pretty much say I can't date anyone because he won't like it...


So yeah, back to the issue regarding the formal...


I don't know whether or not I will have a boyfriend by then... If I do, then I will most likely be taking him... But if I don't there could be a major problem...


I could still take [Carl], because we are still good friends; but I know from experience with previous events that it may not end well... Or I could go by myself, but risk being unhappy with the fact that I was dateless on my own formal night... Some girls are okay with this, but I'm not... Of course I wouldn't be alone... I have my amazing group of friends! :) I guess I just love the idea of heading out to the dance floor with my date and slow dancing to at least one song... Even though I could do this with one of my girl friends; or even one of my guy friends; I guess I'll just feel as though it isn't quite the same... Plus the fact that I have a feeling my friends and I wouldn't take the slow dance very seriously... :P


I guess I just want the perfect night... Though I don't know one girl who doesn't! The fact that there is also a timeline to decide who (if) I'm going to go with also puts more pressure on me than I'd prefer...


Well, I was intending to vent a lot more on this topic... But when it comes to blogging there's always a million things I want to say and only 100 of them actually get onto the page... So I shall finish it here... For now.


~This gift, or this curse, I have inside... Maybe at last I'll know why~

Would You Risk The Hostile Stare?

Today there was an Easter Chapel Service at my school. As I am in Chamber Singers and Senior Choir, I was required in leading a few hymns along with my fellow choral members.


Four of these were sung with the Choir. These went really well and the Chamber Singers had epic harmony bits that we got to sing that made them sound pretty cool (at least in my opinion...). We sounded good, and I was proud (considering when I joined choir around 4-5 years ago it was a massive choir and now it comes just under 20 people); that was until the Chamber Singers had to perform the one song that belonged to just us.


Now... To get into Chamber Singers you have to audition, because (not to sound snobby or whatever) but we are a small (usually 5-6 people) group of people who have pretty good voices. Now, at the start of the year 5 people auditioned and we all got in. One of us is moving out in June-July to somewhere down the Sunny Coast which means we'd be left with only 4 people.


Chamber Singers naturally work together... We work out how strong our voices should be at certain points or with certain parts. We blend with each other; and we sing the correct notes! Yesterday, our teacher offered a position to a young girl I shall call [OffKey] and her first rehearsal with us was that afternoon... I already knew this girl from choir and knew that this could not possibly end well...


This was proven to me this morning in the Easter Service...


In the song that we were singing there were 3 parts (2 people to a part). Low, melody and high. The high part required hitting notes that; if sung wrong would sound terrible, but if sung right would sound pretty good!
My best friend [Tarsha] and I were on the melody part. Another two of us were on low; and [OffKey] and the last of the Chamber Singers were on the high part.


Now as we were singing the chorus when the parts come in. At first you could hear [Tarsha] and I pretty well, the low part could barely be heard and the high part was quiet enough so we were blending pretty okay... After not too much longer all you could hear was the high part... No, not the high part... Just [OffKey]. And as the name suggests... She wasn't hitting any notes right!


I heard the story later on that the girl who was also on the part with [OffKey] could tell she was off so sang a little louder to try get her to sing the right notes... Instead! [OffKey] decides to completely ignore her and sing even louder than before... Positive: she has a powerful voice... Negative: she can't hit a single note right... She CONSTANTLY sounds flat or sharp...


After the Chapel Service, all I could hear was people talking about how they could only hear [OffKey] and how terrible she sounded...


I literally felt like crying... Or punching [OffKey] in the face... Actually, I'm not entirely sure what I was thinking, I had so many mixed emotions... But I knew one thing... And that was that I had never felt so humiliated in my life... Every year I have been in Chamber Singers we generally sound pretty good and always get positive reviews... But today our teacher didn't even look at us, which is a sure sign that it didn't sound too good...


One of the songs the choir sang had the line "Would you risk the hostile stare?". I posted it as the title to this post because I have an answer to it... HELL NO!!! But I have a feeling that's all [OffKey] is going to be receiving every time she passes one of us. I'm pretty sure she already knows that none of us want her there... I'm just trying to find a way to break it to her gently that she sucks and needs to work with us or else she'll make everyone look absolutely terrible... If she left, that would also make things a heck of a lot easier!


...As I am the oldest in the Chamber Singers now, I feel like I'm in charge (in a sense) and I also feel quite attached... I love Chamber Singers because we can produce really good sounds!!! Now I grind my teeth in frustration at the thought of attending a rehearsal every Wednesday afternoon listening to [OffKey] try to overpower everyone with her voice and sounding dreadfully flat or sharp... I seriously think the Chamber Singers would be better off with just the four of us rather than having her kill our ears every time she opens her mouth...


On a random, more positive note (to save everyone from my rant). English Extension was cancelled this afternoon (heck yeah!) so I instead went to the rehearsal for One. I'm not sure if it was because of late nights, stress, or because the Easter weekend starts tomorrow... But almost everyone seemed to be insanely delirious... Though I've only been to two rehearsals so far, this had to be the most hilarious one yet... Mostly because [Carl] (who is usually a focused, amazing actor) was just as crazy as I was half the time and was producing some of the worst, but funniest ad lib ever... I (already having the worst improvisation skills ever) was way too tired and laughing deliriously (man, I love that word...) to be able to even begin thinking about what on earth I could say to reply to my "daughter" whining at me about not wanting to be at the festival or my "husband" yelling at me for being too soft on her...


Believe me, if I could play the tough Mum I would absolutely love it!!! Playing a good, soft, caring, doting mother is too difficult for me... I prefer the characters with at least a streak of evil... Muahahahaha!!! :P


Anyways, at 4.30pm (rehearsal ends at 5pm), [Carl] and my "daughter" left for work or other priorities leaving three of us for the last half hour... 20 minutes was spent working on a scene with my "son" and his friend; with the last 10 minutes spent watching [Tarsha] choreograph a dance for the younger grade to the song that I then found out is the song that I shall be singing!!! The funny thing was that I went there to ask what song I would be singing; only to walk into the room and have the teacher go "Oh! Miss Invisible! Perfect! This is the song you will be singing!"


First thing I thought of was "Oh wow, this could be a challenge...". I'm not entirely sure how to describe the song... And I don't know the artist of the song so I can't search it on YouTube and provide the video for your listening pleasure... Due to the song being called "Beautiful", it would take forever to find the singer because I swear every singing artist in the world has a song called that... All I can say is that it's a contemporary piece and the key in which the artist sings it in is an awkward one... If anything, the artist has a voice that is quite unique and I am not sure how I am going to pull it off... But we shall see!
I promise that as soon as [Tarsha] gives me a copy of the song this Saturday I shall put it in my blog for any who wishes to listen to it :)


And it is here, where my blog ends for the time being!


~Discordant symphonies are the ones best to be discarded~

Yes, We Can...

The title would of course be the oh-so-famous line that Barack Obama frequently said in his speech that won over America and has now lead him to Presidency. The reason I would be thinking of such a thing would be due to the English lesson I had today...

Now today I was feeling a little tired and quite drained from some of the things I've been dealing with lately and it is starting to take its toll... But a couple of things happened before, during and after this English lesson that brightened my day! 

Firstly, [Carl]'s younger brother ran past me before English waving and saying "Hi Jade". As insignificant this may seem; it made me so happy because I've been constantly worrying about what [Carl]'s family would be thinking of me because of the fact that I broke up with their son/brother... Though his younger brother is younger and just "goes with the flow", what he did still meant a lot to me.

Literally a minute after that; my "son" in One walked past and stated some random line from the production, and even that made me smile! It made me think of how, even if it's confusing as anything right now, I know there are going to be lots of laughter and memories that are going to be had in the making of it... Aaaand it also got me thinking about the future and me having my own children, but I shall not banter about that... At least not this evening! ;P

In English we were talking about phrases of words used in political speeches, or even just in general texts that sound or look good; yet if you read them carefully... Have no actual meaning or relevance to the topic being discussed... Such examples could be like "Those who are many, speak for the few" or the title itself "yes, we can" or even "one for all, and all for one"...

Anyways, so that lesson was mildly amusing due to the entire class firstly being confused and then completely badgering the stupidity of the English language... At one point our teacher (hence known as [Mr Noodleton] courtesy of [Tenutuo Tuo]) decided to pull an insanely creepy face which he managed to increaser in size and creepiness... This went on for at least two minutes... I was thoroughly freaked out by it, yet I also found it quite hilarious!

Throughout the rest of the day, random little things continued happening that would make my day just that little bit brighter :) And I was loving it!

My Chemistry teacher confused what a friend of mine said while taking the first ten minutes of Maths till our teacher arrived... Mafia Wars are now Barbecue Wars k? Then when our Maths teacher arrived she told us about how she was on the phone to the bank because when her husband is at home and not working he buys things... Today he decided to buy a caravan without discussing it with her first...

I'm not sure if I found these things so much funnier because I was slightly delirious due to tiredness... But I don't care because I was enjoying school for once in quite a long time...

On a random note... Today I found the most amazing gap year program!!!

It's one that involves going to Mozambique, Africa to go horse riding from two weeks up to two months! Of course that's not ALL you do... But... I mean just thinking about it right now makes me feel so unbelieavably excited and happy! :D

So the program is based on the coast in Vilankulo and offers the opprtunity to learn about equine management, define riding skills and just experience the culture of Africa!

I have already asked my best friend (she shall be known as [!pinnuck!]) if she could possibly go with me once we've both finished school! We've seen each other only twice to three times since I moved to a different state around 7 years ago... So to go to Mozambique together to ride the animal we both absolutely love to death and spend so much time together after so much lost time... Well, I don't think  could begin to say how amazing that would be! :) Monet would be a major major issue for us, but I really truly hope that we can do it!!! :D

I'd better stop now before I rant on for ages about how beautiful it would be to ride down the beach on an African horse that you've bonded with over the past however many days you've been there... Etcetera etcetera, I could go on for quite some time!
For those of you even mildly curious as to what I am talking about... I shall share a link with you and you can have a read of it in your spare time if you so wish :)

xtremegapyear.co.uk/trip/horse-riding-and-conservation-mozambique

Well, there are multiple things I wish to blog about tonight... But I don't know where to begin, or what I want to blog about first... So I shall leave it here before I risk you getting exceedingly bored reading this! :P

~I find I sometimes feel like a staccato... Short and detached~

That's Nice Dear...

So I had my first rehearsal as the main character for my school's production called One.


Now, I still don't have a complete idea on what this "spectacular" is about... Nor how on earth this is going all going to be put together within 16 weeks or so... But one thing I do know is... That I suck at improvising!!!


Not to sound self-inflated, but I can be a pretty damn good actor. But I prefer having a script and more time to 'get into character' and get to know the other characters... There had already been a previous rehearsal (I only do the Monday ones because I'm busy on Thursdays, so I only get half the rehearsals), so most of the people there had already begun to get to know their character and everyone else's.


The teacher asked us to run through some scenes to set up: A) our characters and B) a starter for the production. It put me on the spot and I don't think I've ever frozen, or stumbled so much in my life... I'm not sure if it's because of the fact that I no longer do Drama (Physics was on same line, and had to choose it for career), or if it's because I really truly suck at improvising, or if it's a combination of both! I just know that I hated doing it...
I don't think my hands have shook, or my heart has beaten so fast in my life! I really did not want to be there...


Ok, so I shall try give you a basic rundown of what I know is happening so far...


I am the mother. The calm, caring, fair mother. My husband just happens to be [Carl]. Yeah, when we were together we were like haha nice, how easy will this be? Now it's a little bit awkward, but we're actually doing quite well! :) And he plays the stern, protective, harsh father.
I have a teenage daughter who is doing all the usual teenage things (rebelling, sneaking out, wanting to be on her own or with her friends etc) who isn't exactly on the best terms with her dad; and who I believe ends up runs off and goes missing in a festival. This festival consists of various dance groups, choirs and bands from our school playing, singing or dancing to songs.
I also have a son who has got to be one of the most crazily annoying children I have ever met! Thank goodness it's just a character...
The daughter's name is Anala, and my son's name is Kaari (don't ask...) and they both have friends. Anala has Adelia, and Kaari has Beeja and Nevan. My name is Terri and the father's name is Carl (hence why I called my ex boyfriend that... Couldn't think of a nickname, so I used his character name! :P)


Apart from that, I don't know much else about this production... All I know is that at some point I also have a solo song that's I was told is going to be 'intimate' and 'cabaret style'... But not too cabaret because we have to keep things G rated for the young ones... All I can say is that I am confused as anything about it, though I'm still curious as to how this is all going to turn out... Guess I'm gonna have to stick with it to find out! ;P


On a random note: in my spare lesson this afternoon I decided to count the amount of days that I have left in Year 12. As of tomorrow, it is 120 days, which is basically four months... This is not including weekends, or any days off... Only 120 days left of school... Forever... It's sooooo scary and surreal!


There are so many days off this term, which is good but bad... Next term holds the dreaded QCS test which will decide everyone's fate, but then we have the formal as a reward! :) Though I don't know who I will be going to that with now... Go with girl friends? Go with a possible future boyfriend? (If I get one)... Maybe still go with [Carl]? We're still good friends after all... I don't know... I'll work it out I guess...
Following that fun-filled evening would be Term Four which consists of a month of work; a week of exams; and then our very last week of school... Shortest term ever which will be so much fun, but short-lived... In the end, it will be sad to leave... But exciting at the same time! :D


Anyways, I shall finish my bantering here for the night :)


~Is it better to write a solo symphony, or a duet?~

I've Just Had A Vision Almost Like A Prophecy...

The title of this post is a line in a song from the most amazing musical that could possibly exist (at least in my opinion...); this musical would be called WICKED. If you have had the opportunity to read blog posts written by my dear friends [Phantomess] and/or [Clearly Unfocused] then I am sure you would have read a couple of blogs dedicated to WICKED already. Anyways, this particular song struck a chord in my heart, particularly with that line. I still feel quite confused and lost at times walking around my school campus. Just little things such as continually looking up to where his lockers are where you're used to sometimes seeing his head above the wall, or walking along the hill... It's not like I accomplish much if I do see him. All that happens is that I feel awkward or I start freaking out about whether or not I should approach him and what everyone must think about us... I mean, we've broken up but we're still spending some time together. Though I certainly didn't want to end things badly and not see him at all because I would've most likely gone into shock after having two years of direct contact to go to absolutely none at all! Yes, I am happy with the way things currently are. It's a little awkward at times, but I know things will become a lot easier after time. :)


Anyways, back to the initial topic of this blog. Today, I was looking at different volunteer experiences that are available for school leavers to do during what's known as the gap year. (For those of you who don't know, a gap year is the time between leaving school and beginning tertiary studies such as University). Most of them were about going to an orphanage and helping out there, or helping to build a place for children to learn, or having the opportunity to teach children the English language for (on average) 3-6 months.
None of these really interested me... I have always wanted to do something with animals and I highly doubt anything is ever going to change my mind. But I did find one that caught my interest. Unfortunately my memory is terrible so I can't remember what the experience entails exactly or what I typed into Google to find it! I just remember it was somewhere in Africa and it involved lions... Which is one of the big cats which are my favourite animals of ALL time so of course I want that kind of experience! :D
It does cost a fair amount, but if I get a job relatively quickly I could probably raise enough funds to cover at least most of it with the possibility of my parents chipping in some...


I just love the idea of being in Africa so close to such gorgeous animals... This is the vision that came to me! Me, in the future, in close proximity to lions. Sometimes I imagine me actually touching them, stroking their fur with my hands, admiring every inch... And then sometimes it switches to just a safe distance... Because unfortunately, they are incredibly dangerous pussy cats so I may never get the chance to physically touch them... (Sadness!)


Either way... I feel like the happiest person in the world! I could never get that sort of feeling with anything else in the world... Just daydreaming about it makes me feel so elated and happy; I can't imagine what I'll be like when I do actually get the chance to do it... I just know it'll be absolutely amazing! :)


To have such an opportunity would also be great just to relax... School would be over for good by then! I'll be at an independent age, and I may have absolutely no idea what I'm going to study at Uni... The gap year will give me a chance to get a real taste of life, while clearing my mind from any stresses or worries to give me time to think... To think about anything! When I come home from that trip, I want to be a changed person... For the better of course! But I want to know what I want with my life, and how I'm going to go about getting there.


Hopefully everything will work themselves out for the better and my future is filled with those visions I have... Even if there's just the one I'll be insanely happy for the rest of my life! :)


~With some fine tuning, these notes will be playing a beautiful melody once more~

My Life Would Suck Without You

Okay, so I'm supposed to be working on my English Extension assignment... But I just can't get motivated... It's especially hard when things between [Carl] and I are a bit sketchy since the break up... I don't want to go into it... I actually began this blog post to talk about something so I can take my mind off of things and feel better; and I know just the topic!


Prepare for a rant about...   ...   ... my three dogs!!! For those of you who are not animal or dog inclined, I suggest you stop reading now; because I am a major animal lover and I know that if anything is going to lighten my mood it's my dogs :)


Chelsea:
Born on the 22nd of October, Chelsea is 9 years old... I still remember the very first time I saw her... It was Christmas Eve in the year 2001 (I was living in Adelaide at this point) and Mum, Dad, my brother and I (I have no idea where my sister was at this point, but anyways) arrived at a dog breeder's home. I remember looking at birds and around the living room while the parents and the breeder were talking about all the serious stuff no normal 7 year old would listen to. Then all of a sudden the door behind the breeder opened the tiniest bit and an adorable little white fluff-ball came prancing through. I was immediately Awwwwwwwww'ing and when the breeder told me that that was the puppy we were taking home I couldn't be happier! The car trip home was spent deciding on a name and we finally decided on Chelsea. That was also the one and only car trip where Chelsea sat in the back seat in between my brother and I, because she very quickly became a 'Daddy's Girl' after that.
When she was younger I remember when she used to get excited (about anything in particular) and would play and bite our fingers which we'd make her chase... Then it turned into just playing with Dad... Now she basically doesn't play at all! Only with Beau who I shall talk about soon... Though I have managed to have a couple of moments where I had a brief play session with her... Those moments I treasure, because Chelsea only really wants to be with Dad... If he's not there, she'll sometimes go to Mum, and if neither of them are there, she may come to me... For only a small amount of time...
When she was a puppy, she used to go into my room... She used to snuggle up in a pile of my clothes that would be in my wardrobe and just sleep... If ever she was missing, that'd be the first place we'd look! She now snores when she sleeps... This has been happening for the last couple of years... It started out as being cute, until she consistently did it while we were watching the TV... Now we just find it irritating :P
I remember the day we left the front door open in Adelaide and she ran down the street... I ended up finding her barking at a dog over the other side of a fence of a house nearby... Gave us all quite the heart attack though! She thinks she's can take on any dog she comes across... Even those that are 10x the size of her! There have been a few times I have had to drag her away from other dogs when she's escaped the leash from a second's lapse in concentration... Yeah, she's a swift and cheeky little thing ;P
I can't imagine my life without her. Those moments when she's excited to see me, and gives me a kiss when I'm patting her... I absolutely love it!

Max:
Son of Chelsea, born on the 24th of December, 7 years old. Max is a major Mummy's Boy... In both senses! He loves Mum to bits (the feelings are mutual between those two) and he used to follow Chelsea around absolutely everywhere! I say used to because unfortunately, around 2-3 years ago he jumped off of the lounge room couch and did something to his spine... Ever since he has been very up and down when it comes to movement and mood... He used to be the Alpha Male of the house. Incredibly aggressive and would most likely bite the ankles of any stranger who walked into the house... He never really played with either human or fellow canines... Though when Chelsea and Beau play-fight he is usually following them around almost like a referee... It's so cute :)
Now he is very withdrawn... He doesn't move anymore than he has to... He doesn't jump up onto the couch anymore... He has days where he can't move at all or limps on three legs (one is cramping up) whining down the hallway... Thankfully he is smart enough to know that the drugs Dad gives him (as much as the taste must suck, as shown by his face) help with the pain, because he comes willingly...
Although Max is a good two years younger than Chelsea, he looks like the oldest one now... More like the old person who is in his death bed who has seen so many things in his life... One look into his eyes and I'm wondering what he's thinking... He looks quite wise... It's awe-inspiring but terrifying at the same time... To think his life has most likely been cut shorter... But until then, I'll spend every moment I can cuddling and stroking him as much as I can!

Beau:
Son of Chelsea, twin brother of Max, born on the 24th of December, 7 years old.
Ahhh Beau... My baby! :)
Well at least I think of him as my baby...
Beau didn't have the best start to life. When he was first born, Chelsea would only ever let Max feed off of her and seemed to reject him... Later on we find out it's because he was born with a liver shunt... So at only two months old Beau was already costing us around $6,000... But it was worth it!
Now Beau... Isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. I personally believe it would've been the liver shunt, and the operation, and a few knocks to his head (causing him to be head-shy, meaning he prefers not being patted on the head) under the affects of anesthesia that may have caused this. But I cannot see Beau in any other way!
He's always been the outcast of the three. Max was Alpha Dog and Beau never dared to challenge, he seemed quite content in his own little world.
One thing you notice about him if you watch for long enough is the way he walks... He lifts his front paws higher than necessary so it looks rather... Well gay. That would be one of the best ways to explain it. Oh, and Beau also lives on the larger side of life... Not too much, but yeah he is a little chubby... I find this makes him that little bit more adorable!
What I love is how whenever I feel down, it's like Beau knows or something... Because he always prances up to me or follows me round with his the usual adorably cute-dumb look on his face... Panting away, looking up at me. Then he tilts his head to the side, and looks as though he's asking "What's Up?" and I can't help but smile... I bend down to pat him and he wags his tail, jumps up and starts licking my face. He most likely wouldn't stop licking if I didn't push him away numerous times laughing and telling him to stop.
He's is always in a good, loving mood... No matter what! You can slap him and full on tell him off for doing something bad and one minute later he would've forgiven you and be all over you again! He would be the worst guard dog ever because he loves absolutely anybody who walks through the door instantly!
I know for a fact that there is absolutely no way I could live without Beau in my life! He is the dumbest, most adorable dog I have ever known who can always put a smile on my face and brighten up my day just by looking at me with the most stupidest of expressions on his face... Of course I can't live without any of them! But my favourite would have to be Beau! :D

I apologise to those that have read up to this point and are thinking oh my goodness when is this ever going to end?!?!?! But I do tend to get carried away... Especially when it comes to my dogs.


Well, that has definitely made me feel better... I just hope that things get better in the near future because I really need to find that motivation to get stuck into school work... I would never forgive myself if I failed Year 12.


~My symphony could never be written if it didn't have those specific notes~

Things Fall Apart...

Hey there!


For those of you who may be wondering... The reason I haven't blogged over the past two weeks is because I was holidaying in Port Douglas, Airlie Beach and Hamilton Island... Jealous? Don't be... It turned out to not be as great as I expected.


Firstly, there is barely anything to do in Port Douglas... Literally. We went ATV riding (which was fun, though [Carl]'s mum banged up her knee so we were hospital bound the rest of the day and a lot slower moving round the rest of the holiday); and we also went on the sky rail and scenic train which was really pretty but that took up only two days of the first week. The rest of the days were relatively boring...


Airlie Beach wasn't that bad. It was raining, and the pools were too cold to swim in... But we managed to spend time walking round the shops. Oh! And hearing a fire alarm, so you freak out, don't go down the lift because you don't in that sort of situation (we were in a 7 story building, and of course, on the top), walk all the way to the bottom (me with sore legs from ATVs) only to get told it's a false alarm... They just couldn't figure out how to turn it off. Good fun, good fun...


Hamilton Island was the place we were most looking forward to. So of course it rains the entire week! Buuuuut, we did end up going out for tube riding on [Carl]'s birthday (lucky); and from that day onward there was no more rain! (We're talking the third last day here...)


Overall, the holiday was okay. I guess when you expect so much from it and you don't get as much as you would've liked out of it, the disappoint kicks in and it takes the fun out of it...


Speaking of [Carl]... After almost two years (our anniversary was two and a half weeks away) we have broken up. This was completely my decision! I just wasn't happy with the relationship... I was at the point where I couldn't stay with him any longer lest I hurt him (or myself) even more... It was incredibly stressful, but we have agreed to stay as friends and I am happy. :)


Incredibly happy actually! I feel as though a massive weight has lifted off of my shoulders... Though I am curious as to how he is taking it. I have heard that he is all "mellow" and cool with it... But if I know him as well as I should, he would be falling apart on the inside... For this I feel horrible! But (as cruel as this may sound) I wasn't willing to sacrifice my happiness for his. It's fact. I couldn't continue to live that way...


To turn this blog around to a more positive side of life... I am headed out to Dreamworld tomorrow for a Physics excursion with the always entertaining [Clearly Unfocused]. :D
As soon as the "work" is done, all us two are going to do is go on the classic rides. Such as the River Rapids... Or even the Spongebob ride if I can convince her (Muahahahaha!!!). Or, you know... I could totally ditch her and go on rides she would never dare step foot on. }:)


Either way, I get to be just a little bit evil and right now I'm loving that feeling! Hehehehe


*Side Note* The title of this post is the title of the book I am analysing for my English Extension assignment which I am putting off to blog... I mean, who wouldn't put off an assignment for blogging? :D


~Live life to it's fullest~