Blood in the Water

Hi guys!

Yeah... I'm back... Rambling about pointless stuff as I always am! Hopefully this blog post will be longer than the last one though; for the sake of a handful of people I know personally complaining at me that it was far too short for their liking! Who woulda known?! :P

So, again, not much has reaalllyy happened over the past week... A couple of major things I wish to discuss though, and hopefully I'll get through everything I want to talk about without forgetting half the things!

This was the last week of the first half of semester at my Uni. So a few of my classes were cut due to today being Good Friday, so our classes ended yesterday. Monday was uneventful. A total of three people attended choir rehearsal, then I went to the hall meeting as usual; with which I "died" shortly after. Remember the Assassination Game? Yeah, well.. I had a feeling that the study room was where my unknown killer had been assigned to get me... A new fresher friend of mine decided to push me into there anyway (having no idea who my killer was, or anything like that); and the next thing I know, I was "killed" by a textbook! Ha! Well... At least I don't need to be paranoid about someone trying to kill me all the time I guess. Save that for next semester, when it's inter-hall assassination... Even more potential killers, yaaaayyy! :P

Tuesday was nothing special... Which brings us to Wednesday, which is a completely different story!

So I was somewhat worrying over a decision I'd made a day or two before in regards to saying "yes" to a girl friend crashing my room that night after the club... You may wonder what the issue with allowing that is, considering it's just a girl friend.. Yeah? Yeah... Umm.. Hmm... This particular girl friend sorta kinda maybe has a lesbian-y kinda thing for me, especially under the influence of alcohol... Last year she found out I had never kissed a girl before and BAM! Next thing I knew, her lips were on mine. Now... I am not against same sex relationships, of any form. That's not my issue... My issue is that I am now in a devoted relationship; where I'm improving and becoming a better person from it, and always facing forward... Never going back to the past [Miss Invisible].

I know she has good intentions... But honestly... When drunk, she's rather hopeless. A couple of weeks back she was at the Shock Your Mum party; and as much as she said that she respects that I have a boyfriend and won't do anything etc... She still planted a couple of kisses on my cheek, and almost got me full on if I hadn't literally stepped back and half told her off for it. I don't know what is with that girl when it comes to me... I mean... I'm flattered, but... I have a boyfriend dearie! It just doesn't work that way! *Sigh*

Anyways... So after res sport (which was ultimate frisbee.. Which we won... Cause Pitt is the shit! Aww yeah! ;D) I went back to my room and got changed into a singlet, skirt & sneakers for Golf Pros & Tennis Hoes... My Uni has classy themes, I swear! :P Then went to the common room to pre-drink with my fellow Pittlings heading out. I am slightly ashamed to say that I drank a little more than I intended to initially... I didn't get drunk! I will forever stand by that! I don't want to ever get drunk! The thought terrifies me... But I'm not against having a few, maybe even getting a little tipsy (depending on my mood) and having a good time (not that I can't when I'm sober, but yeah) so... I ended up having a little over half a bottle of cheap wine within the space of, oh I dunno... An hour and a half ish? I was just in one of those moods where I wanted to drink and have a good time for once! And it was great! I was so happy, and dancy, and kicking ass at pool! I swear it was once I started "sobering up" was when my pool skills decreased again, and so did my mood strangely. All of a sudden I was in one of those kinds of moods where the slightest thing could set me off for no apparent reason. This made me thankful that the girl friend I mentioned earlier, didn't actually turn up that night... So relief could flood through me as I ruined [Bestiality]'s night by ranting my sudden emotional surge to her and ending up leaving the club early... I'm sorry girl! I knew how much you wanted to have a good time and as did I at first! :/

We then ended up underneath the pergola with the fresher friend I mentioned before who pushed me to my death... I should give you a name cause you're a new good friend that will probably become a regular on here now so.. Hmm... I shall dub you [Genius!] for now as imagination is running a little low... And when we get back to Uni, if you're against this nickname we can discuss a replacement.

Anyways... So it was us three girls under the pergola; [Bestiality] and I half way through a conversation that was thoroughly stressing me and upsetting me. The topic was along the lines of [Miss-Dawg] in a sense, but more related to church and where my beliefs are at. A day or two earlier, [Bestiality] was going around with a couple of people handing out Easter eggs. I took one happily without realising that there was a catch.. And that was too answer "What does Easter mean to you?". And that just locked me up. I froze and internally freaked out. The main thing that had me freaking out was that I was actually thinking about that earlier... I mean... Before I found God; Easter was just about chocolate for me, ya know? Chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate! And, even though I found Him a year or so ago, it's actually taken till now to start feeling significant changes with things such as holidays and things... And I was still coming to terms with what Easter meant to me... I can generally tell [Bestiality] anything; and I know she wouldn't of judged me or anything, but the fact that two other people were there froze me up. I know that they wouldn't have judged me either, most likely! But... The fact remains... I can't help that my impression of people and how they go round with their opinions has scarred me for life. Literally. I become a meek little lamb that just wants to bow her head and scoot out of the way without ruffling any feathers, but not lose her individuality either... 

So there was that little scare earlier in the week... Then, at the club, I saw [Regal Pain] and his girlfriend dancing on the floor. I have no idea why it hit me then... But it did. Like a truck. I suddenly couldn't stand being anywhere near them. I couldn't stand being near the couple I deem so damn lucky to be able to do what they're able to do.

If they so wish; they can head over to the other half's room whenever they please and do whatever they please... Lie on the bed together, even if just talking! Cuddling. Falling asleep together. Sure; they do all the sexual things as well, but I'm not fazed about that part. If both sides of the relationship are 150% firm with their beliefs and morals that nothing will happen; then nothing will happen! It's as simple as that! Temptation may come walking by, but it's not difficult to put your foot down if things seem like they might go somewhere... Heck. I probably can't even dance like they were together... Flirtatiously close and all that... Not gonna lie: a part of me really wants to do that. Just have fun dancing with my partner... Not having to worry about what other people think for once. But no... When's that gonna happen?! Probably never!

And now to what's always grinding my gears to the point where I'm almost constantly upset or stressing...

[K-Dawg]... I know I haven't really mentioned this to you... I've been so happy about us getting back together, and whenever we're talking I'm too happy to think about it then... But that night after the club; I came to a realisation, and I couldn't help but get upset.

I mentioned earlier about how I froze up at being asked what Easter means to me... I am not a fan of answering questions that "have no right or wrong answer", aka opinionated questions. I'm a logical thinker. I answer with what is considered right by fact, etc etc. So when it comes to questions to do with religion and what I believe and everything like that. I loathe it. It literally tears me up inside. I almost become the person I try so hard not to be. The autistic monster in me wants to leap out, and that's never a good thing... You saw my face when your Mum was asking me the questions on Friday night... To be honest? I internally shuddered when she said to me "That makes you a Christian!". I have nothing against your Mum, and you know that... But the way she said that? Made me feel like I was a primary school student, and she was my proud teacher. I shouldn't be feeling like this. I shouldn't have too... But then what did you do? You went and got that One2One guide.

I didn't want to even touch it after I read parts of it. It was basically saying things like "giving new Christians the 'right start'" and it had questions... Questions... After every chapter... I know that this was just an idea... I know what you meant by it... I know you wouldn't have thought of it that way, or I don't honestly know what you were thinking! But all I could think of was the torture I may possibly go through... Meeting up with your Mum every week or so for "coffee". You have no idea how close I was to losing it that night when she put me on the spot with that fricking "pop quiz"... I really don't want to risk what might happen if I am put through this situation. And I feel somewhat terrible regardless! Because it's my personality! But I still feel terrible because I feel as though I'm still coming across as not wanting to become Christian and all that jazz... I do! Believe me when I say I do! But... Having someone else's beliefs shoved down my throat? Being asked questions and being treated like a primary school student getting a gold star when I answer correctly..? No... Just, please. No. I'm still sorry you're finding out this way as well but... I can't say it to your face. I'm yet to break down the barriers where I'm comfortable talking to you about anything and everything face to face... But, at the same time, I know a reason behind it is because I know you tell your Mum almost everything... And that's something that worries me. If I say something, and you go tell her, how will she take it? We may be back together... But everything else isn't over yet. I am driving myself insane trying to stay true to who I am, yet not ruffle any feathers with people in the church... I didn't realise how much this was still stressing me out until I started crying unexpectedly with [Bestiality] and [Genius!] under that pergola. It kind of hurt that you would offer such an idea to your Mum, when you should have known how much I would hate being in that position... Again; I know that you meant well and was just trying to find a solution, but it still stung a little...

But, umm, yeah... I'm gonna change the topic now to a more positive one...

So last night [Tenuto Tuo], [Clearly Unfocused], [Phantomess], myself and a friendly tag along went to see Legally Blonde the Musical! There were student deals being done so we ended up getting premium seats that would've normally cost us around $120 for $30 instead. The seats were amazing! As was the show!

I was curious to see how they were going to do a musical for LB; but I had nothing to worry about, as it was very well done! Lucy Durack was Elle Woods and was amazing as always. I'm pretty sure she even threw in a WICKED reference with the tossing of her hair :') Rob Mills was a great Warner, and David Harris... Oh David Harris... He was just so adorable, and amazing, and perfect, and I just wanted to run up and cuddle him and just ugh! Couldn't have asked for a better Emmett. And the rest of the cast was amazing as well :)

I got the vibe that the cast were really enjoying themselves last night as well. The overall atmosphere of the musical was vibrant, happy, and cheesy.. Without over doing it. By the end of it, we walked out of there feeling excessively happy and cheesy... As well as saying "Omigod, Omigod you guys!" and snapping our fingers a lot... Haha.

I ended up buying a program for the show (a tradition I will /hopefully/ never stop), aaand a black singlet that says "Omigod you guys!" in pink letters... I would've gone with the "Bend & Snap" if the singlet wasn't pink... Elle may suit pink, but I sure don't! :P

They also had dogs in the show! Bruiser the chihuahua, and Rufus the bulldog made appearances in the show. It was absolutely adorable. I think I literally melted in my seat when I saw Bruiser run on stage, get a treat from Lucy, then chill in her arm for half a scene. I did cringe a little at the though of all that noise going around them, and knowing how sensitive they are; but I wasn't too fazed as they were just too cute!

At the end of the show, when everyone was bowing and all that... They were all dancing around once everyone had been up; when David offered his hand to Lucy, to which she denied him and he acted all offended and everything. It was quite adorable... Cameron Daddo (who played Prof. Callahan) also did the bunny ears behind Rob Mills head, so everyone was clearly having a good mature time! :D

We also got a photo with David afterwards at Stage Door. We were one of the last actually; it was quite lucky, cause he was saying he needed to head off to everyone and we just kinda jumped in and half pleaded to get a photo haha. I swear it wasn't creepy at all guys... Although with [Phantomess]'s past with him, I'm surprised it wasn't ;P

So yeah... I don't really have much else to tell you! I'm home for a week long Easter holiday before going back and hitting the books and studying hard... [K-Dawg] is currently at Easterfest so we are having stinted, limited time talking to each other and I may be missing him just a tad... Like, maybe a bit more than a tad but whatever :P We shall see each other on Monday, so all will be well!

Hopefully I can stop needing to write venty blog posts about not offending others opinions and being able to stick to my own soon... But I can't really do that until people finally realise who I am as a person, and accept me, and don't want to change me! Or can at least keep their noses out of my business!

Until next time my little turtle doves.

~One thing nothing can destroy is our pride deep inside~

Lucky Strikes

Yay for regulation with blog posts! Woo!

So... How is everyone? Good? Terrible? Somewhere in between? Well... As much as I'd love to hear about how each of you are feeling; that is going to be quite difficult to do since they may, potentially, be a fair few of you reading this; and some of you probably don't even know me! But... If you wish... Comment after this blog with how you're feeling! It might just make my day! ;)

Okay... Now for the usual catch up of my absolutely boring life. No, I somewhat lie... [Phantomess] refers to my life as being similar to that of a soap opera, and I completely agree with her. Almost anything & everything that can possibly happen in someone's life (apart from violence/abduction thank goodness!) has happened in mine at some point or other. It is truly ridiculous!

Last blog I was a little... Upset, to say the least. As the [Miss-Dawg] situation had then been fully revealed to me and stress levels were right up there. I let my thoughts fly, and I regret nothing; because it was a good vent for me. But... I have good news for y'all!

After an incredibly stressful two weeks (three in [K-Dawg]'s case!) filled with plenty of confusion and heartache... [Miss-Dawg] is here to stay!

Apparently, after being informed that I was willing to go to church, and wasn't out to take [K-Dawg]'s virginity; the people at church deemed the situation a lot less serious than it was originally, and decided to withdraw [K-Dawg]'s leadership from the ultimatum. This meant that, whether or not we decided to stay together or not, his position as a leader was not going to be affected. There was still the recommendation that we separate for a while and develop our relationship better with God and things like that before getting back together... But... In the end... That still goes slightly against how I view things, and would basically still be somewhat forcing me to change as a person; which, as I've stated before, I am most definitely not going to do.

So... As of midnight on the Saturday morning just gone... We both decided that we are going to stay together and face any issues that may arise together. The next two and a half hours? Make up cuddles of course! Missed them way too much, along with [K-Dawg] himself. I suppose there was one good thing from all of this mess... When we were apart we learnt (the hard way) everything we appreciated/loved about each other; and, now that we're back together, we're reveling in what we missed and showering each other in cheesiness. I guess you could say we're going through the "honey mood" period again; which is always fun and I am not complaining! :D

Hmm... What else is new, you ask? Not much really... Family went mini golfing today which didn't turn out so great since my sister fell ill and spent pretty much the entire time in the bathroom; with Mum & I swapping over at half time to watch her, so we could both have a play... Then we headed home where [K-Dawg] visited with Smarties (brightened the sister up, that's for sure) and spent a small amount of time before I had to drive back to Uni... In a storm... When I wasn't supposed to be turning my car lights on...

OH! That's something that happened! My car totally wouldn't start up when I went to go to work yesterday... Then broke down as I pulled into the carpark... Thankfully heaps of people were willing to help me out; but I had to call in Dad & ask for help as to how I'd be getting home when the shift ended (seeing as it ends at 10pm when no one is around...). He ended up taking my car home (apparently had to jump start it 12 times along the way, on a 15-20 minute trip) and left Mum's car for me to get home with. The battery has been replaced, all shiny & brand new; but my alterator is yet to be replaced so Dad told me I can't turn my lights on until I get a new one cause it takes up a lot of power; and without the alterator producing the power my car sorely requires, my battery will run out ridiculously quickly if I do that... So... Driving in a storm and being tormented as to whether to turn your lights on or not was, uhh, fun..? :P

Apart from that, not much else has happened this week. Wait, I lie again. Pitt has started up an Assassination Tournament... For those of you who don't know; there is a website (somewhere, I don't know the original website) where a tournament can be created. In this case, everyone in Pitt hall was added, multiple locations around our Uni were added, along with multiple weapons. You sign in to the website, and it then gives you a victim, location, & weapon. To 'kill' your victim, you must tag them with your hand in the location it states; with the weapon in hand. You then take a photo of the scene, get their ID, put it into your system, then get your next victim. The person you just killed is now out of the game. If you don't make a kill in six days, you are eliminated for being a lazy assassin... And victims/locations/weapons may be randomised every three to four days so you have to keep on your toes and make sure you are killing the correct person.

My first victim is a fresher I have never talked too before... I have to kill her in the Central Walkway (a place few people travel too unless going to class, requiring me to somewhat 'stalk' her timetable to find out what classes she has, where & hope that she goes to them) with, wait for it... A mushroom. Though I suppose it's not as bad as [Bestiality] having to kill her victim with a beard... :P

So yes... If my victim goes to classes, & is in the class with most other freshers, then I /should/ be able to make my kill tomorrow afternoon! Muahaha!!

This is actually quite fun. I mean... When I'm not paranoid and looking at my fellow Pittlings like "One of you could kill me... At any time... Anywhere... With anything... O.O"; I get to feel truly evil and plot killings of my own kind and try find weapons. The point of this is to meet people, & I can see the point. To kill some people, you need to talk to other people to get info... Then you end up meeting your unfortunate victim! Not saying you all become best buddies; but it is a good way to get foundation meet & greets down.

So yeah... I really don't have much else to share today! This is a short one! At least it felt short... Is it short? Or have I just rambled on for ages and not been aware..? That would seem more like me... ;P

But yes. To sum up last week:
- I tidied, sorted & put final decorations up in my Uni room!
- My car broke down and was a total bitch... But I still adore her ;P
- I spent way too much money at the markets last week... So worth it though!
- It was PJ party at the club, which ended up being fun! I met some freshers and got complimented, like, twice. It was weird!
- I recently started on the Pill for basic regulating reasons, aaaand I struggle with the concept of taking it at the same time every day... Pretty 5:30pm is not 9:30pm the next day, then 7:30pm the next [Miss Invisible], jus' sayin'...
- [Miss-Dawg] are sticking together and (hopefully) gonna work through any future issues together with a lot less stress and more communication instead
- ... Funny how I can think of more things when doing a summary... I am truly hopeless!

Alright... That's enough for today. Scram you lot! Who said you could stick around here, huh? Huh?! Yeah. That's what I thought! Gee.

~Some say I'm crazy, a little loco~

What You've Done To Me

Hi guys!

Shock horror! I'm posting so soon after a recent post! *Collective gasp*

Yes... I am making my fingers suffer, and rambling my thoughts again. Why? Because my brain just won't switch off and leave me be! That's why! :P

There's basically two main topics that are on my mind currently.
1) The [Miss-Dawg] situation (as I have a bit more info on what's going on, but still in limbo; which, not gonna lie, is cheesing me off to no end).
And 2) Sex... But not in the way you're thinking guys! I'll explain further down the post when we get there, mmkay?

So... I'm going to start with the [Miss-Dawg] situation as it's hitting me hard at the moment. Like, incredibly.

After my last blog post, [K-Dawg]'s Mum sent me messages explaining everything to me that [K-Dawg] himself failed to do (honestly child... So hopeless!); and a lot of things make sense to me now, but at the same time there are so many more questions I can't help but be asking! I know, I know... I must be a real pain in the ass. But, I honestly can't help it! Trying to give a situation to an autistic girl and not expect her to pick it apart logically, is like asking an athlete to chop off a leg. It's a part of who I am! It took me long enough to throw logic aside and allow myself to completely embrace God without questioning it anymore; but I still can't help question everything else that comes with it. A curse, but a blessing as well I suppose.

Now... To explain what was explained to me!

One church member (I haven't been told who, but I've been told that they're quite close to me; so I have my assumptions) was said to have gone to the church and told them that I had blatantly refused becoming a Christian and going to church.
If it's the person I think it is, I have never felt so betrayed... I don't recall ever saying that I would never attend church. I can understand the not becoming a Christian part; because, when I first discovered God, I didn't want to give myself a "title" or anything. I just wanted it to be God and I; [Bestiality] put it in the most perfect way to me last night...

I'm standing at the beginning of a narrow pathway, with a group of 100 or so fellow Christians standing a few metres away. They're insisting that I go over and join them or, if not, that they at least come with me down along the path. But the path is way too narrow for that, plus it would just get crowded and be too much to handle after a period of time. There is the option to take one person with me though, as there is room for the two of us. Who would I take? Jesus of course. Who better to walk down the path of God with, then his own son? Those 100 or so people may complain, and may want to come with me and bring their insights along with it, but I don't want that... I want it to be me, and God. That is all. If church is a gathering of at least two people speaking in His name; let the church I attend just consist of myself and Jesus. At least until I am mentally and emotionally prepared to attend actual church sometime in the future.

People who know me should know that if I'm getting pressured into doing anything I don't want to do, I back off instantly. In the example of a horse: I'll rear up and fight it, gnashing at the bit and attempting to buck the problem off of my back. If you want cooperation, you have to give me the respect and space to want to do so. In the example of going to church: Asking me to attend it (for example: putting it in ways such as "people would think more highly of your relationship with [K-Dawg] if you went to church"), honestly, is just turning me off of it more. The more you push, the more I retreat. People should like/love me for who I am as a person, not over whether I attend church or not.

Heck! If church is the gathering of at least two people in His name; I go to it quite frequently. [Bestiality] and I have regular discussions over all things God and the bible and everything. But I won't dwell to much on this... Let's move onto the other thing that was mentioned about me.

Apparently; members of the church had read my blog post Confessions of a Tormented Soul and received the wrong impression about me... A recap for those who don't remember, or don't know what I wrote in that one: it was three days before [K-Dawg] and I started dating. I was talking about how I was struggling with the concept of dating him because of his beliefs when it comes to sex before marriage and I, not being a virgin, would have to fight through hormones to stay with him.
So... After reading this post... Church members decided to make the assumption that I was just out to take [K-Dawg]'s virginity.

Um. Excuse me? But WHAT?!

I can't even restrain myself right now. But that hurt. It felt like a slap to the face! The fact that people could make such a judgement about me, when they don't know me. As if I would ever do such a thing! Who do they think I am? The other disappointing thing is that they are then assuming that [K-Dawg] is incapable of standing up for himself and saying "no" if I were to ever make advances in that way. But the main problem I have with this is the lack of trust and faith in the relationship we have/had.
Ugh... Just thinking of people thinking of me as some "slut" out to take the virginity of her boyfriend, just because she lost hers a while back... It infuriates me! And it drove me insane every time I got a message saying "it's nothing personal", then they go on to explain everything that was being assumed about me! HOW IS THAT NOT PERSONAL? You made an assumption about me. And it affected your decision. Does it not say somewhere in the bible that no one should pass judgement onto others? No matter who they are, or what they've done? Everyone should be given the same opportunity to prove themselves. Which brings me to my next point!

Why would you break up [K-Dawg] and I if there is an issue about me taking his virginity? In my eyes it would make sense for us to stay together, to allow me the opportunity to /prove/ that I want nothing more than to be with [K-Dawg] for who he is, and how happy he makes me when we're together. We've been together for just under two months, and he has already taught me so much and I've become a better person out of it. I've rediscovered what a relationship is /supposed/ to mean to someone. Going back to the raw basics. No sex. No pressure from either party. Nothing but pure affection. Being the best of friends, with that little spark more.

I guess that's why I'm suffering so much at the moment. I've had the second centre of my world (God & family being the first) stripped away from me because of false accusations on me as a person; when it was the complete opposite because of him! Just being with him was opening my heart more to the world and God, and it made me more interested in learning about it all and going to church eventually... I'm not saying I couldn't have made this journey on my own, because I definitely could have; but he's someone I can turn too about all this and know I'll find comfort and support there...

It was mentioned to me that it's recommended that [K-Dawg] and I "take it slow" and just stay friends for a while... This one has me a little confused because... As far as I'm aware... I don't think it's really possible for [K-Dawg] and I to go any slower! We were perfect where we were at! Like I said earlier, best friends with a little spark. We weren't doing anything that could be considered as "moving fast", and when people said we should get to know each other better first; well, umm... There's really not much else for us to learn about each other, that doesn't come with being in a relationship. As soon as we first became just friends, we talked heaps and got to know each other quickly through that way. And, since getting together, we're still learning things (as true relationships should); but we're so comfortable and open with each other, it's just been so effortless.

So... As much as I don't want to go against the church's wishes... I can't help but see flaws with what they're asking of me.

I'm out to take his virginity: I've already stated that I would never do this! I respect and admire [K-Dawg] for his stead-fast beliefs and would never dream of swaying him from them. You want proof? You won't get it until you allow us to be in a relationship. Breaking us up and making us friends is not going to prove that to you. If we were to get back together eventually, the 'fear' of the 'issue' may still most likely be there. Proof comes with being tested; and that's the only fair test I can think of currently.

I refuse to be a Christian and/or attend church: Neither is true. I am attending a form of church currently. Whether you count it with [Bestiality] or just me and Jesus himself... But, especially after recent circumstances have somewhat made me retreat a little further back, I am just not ready to attend a full on church just yet. That's who I am, and I'm not going to change for anyone or anything.

You should "take it slow": Like I said earlier... I think it's almost impossible to go any slower than we are/were. I don't want things to go faster, as I'm perfectly happy with how things were. But honestly?! How can we go slower?! This makes no sense to me...

So yeah... I really hope some people don't read this and take it the wrong way. You HAVE to remember that I am not out to change anyone's beliefs or anything like that. These are just my personal views and thoughts on the situation I've been given. If you disagree with me, that's fine! That's life! If everyone believed the same thing, we'd live in a boring world! A perfect world is when people finally realise that it's okay for people to have different views to you, but nobody pushes anyone else into having the same values/beliefs as you do. Everyone just accepts everybody for who they are. Christian. Non-Christian. Gay. Autistic. Black. White. Come on people! Animals don't do this?! At the end of the day... WE'RE ALL ANIMALS! Yes, we may have more intelligence. But, I swear, with more intelligence comes more ignorance and stupidity. Everything we do, stems off of natural animalistic instincts. Take time to think about it, and you'll see exactly what I mean.
Animals don't judge others in their species. They have gay animals, and animals that range in all colours; and yet you rarely hear stories of animals abandoning them because of that!

So yeah... Now that I managed to somehow include animals into my blog, without even intending to do so, I wish to move on to my next topic that's really shaken me to the core; especially as I came to this realisation merely three to four hours ago.

It's the beginning of Sex Awareness Week at University; which is basically a week trying to promote awareness about safe sex and all that jazz. The main activity that's happening this week is that you have to carry a condom with you at all times. Members of the Res Club each have been given bands with a specific disease on them; and are going to be going round asking random people at random times "Do you have a condom?". If you have one on you, nothing happens to you. If you don't, they will give you a band with their disease that you just "contracted" from them... It sounds weird or whatever, but it's Uni guys! They're trying to make being aware more entertaining. Although, there will always be those people that go round with no condom basically going "Give me all the diseases!!" aaaand ending up with a whole heap of bands by the end of the week... Truly hilariously terrible :P

But that's not the main thing I wanted to talk about...

To kick off this week, we had a guest speaker come in to talk to us about rape and all the forms of it. He talked to us about date-rape, stranger-rape, indecent assault, sexual assault, etc. It was separated into a girl talk and guy talk; and in our girl talk, he gave us all a guaranteed way to get out of any situation that could go badly and was quite entertaining throughout.

However, about half way through the talk, I suddenly hit a realisation... He was talking about rape and what defines it; and as he was doing so I had to restrain from breaking down mid talk. Why?

... Because I realised that I have, unknowingly, been raped.

The thing that hurt the most? Was the fact that I realised that it wasn't a stranger who did it to me either... It was an ex boyfriend. Specifically THE ex boyfriend... The one I talk about a fair bit... The one who (Oh wow, I've even mentioned this before!) took my virginity when I wasn't prepared...

Now... I always considered that as partial rape... Seeing as I was not ready or completely willing to lose it at the point I did. But he kept pushing and pushing; and me, being the kind of person I am, eventually gave in and just thought I was ready to do it...

But another thing I realised was that... That wasn't the only time he raped me. Rape doesn't just cover sex. It covers any sexual act. And... I realised that, through most of our relationship, I was unknowingly being raped... I didn't think of it that way at the time... But ever since getting that talk, it's so obvious! And it tore me up thinking about it... Thinking how someone I cared so much for, at the time, could do such things to me... But then again, it makes so much sense... He manipulated me. Used my feelings to twist my way of thinking to suit his... And to think he was a Christian as well...

Yet, regardless of everything I just said... I still can't hate him, or look down on him in any way. It's just not who I am... I believe in forgiving, and just remembering the good memories that we shared. As much as it hurts to have come to this realisation; life is too short to hold grudges, hate, or pass judgement against anyone.

But yeah! After that talk, I literally took the time to thank God for opening my eyes to the truth of my past, and how happy I am (well, somewhat was...) with the present. Having to restrain from pouring my heart out to the guy who had given me nothing but support and love until a week or so ago is tough... Knowing what we had, and how much he was already "healing" some of the scars from my past; only to have them semi-ripped open again from the pain and torture of the ultimatum placed before us, and the judgement I received in the process. I know people may be sick of reading about this by now... And I do apologise... I honestly hope things work out soon and I can go back to writing more positive posts! But since my posts are based on my life, it's somewhat difficult currently...

Two days until it would be [K-Dawg] and I's two month anniversary... I should be blissfully happy, and maybe even preparing to be overly cheesy in a couple days time... What am I doing instead? Restraining from telling the guy I love that I do, so very much; and trying to get rid of the searing pain in my chest coming from having everything stripped away from me when we were still in the "honeymoon period" so to speak.

Aaaaand I think I'm going to end the post here before the tears that are threatening to escape manage to break free..

Everyone! Stay cheerful! If not for me, then for yourself. Because everyone deserves happiness :) <3

~Here lies the girl who's only crutch was loving one man just a little too much...~

These Days

Hey guys!

So.. Not gonna lie... Procrastination is the main drive behind me writing this post... But hey! Anything that lets me put off the horrific report I have to do for Biochem and lecture notes for Anatomy, I will gladly do instead.

Left you guys on Tuesday last week... Did I not? Hmm. Not much has reeaaallly happened since then. Well, I somewhat lie again; but we'll get there soon.

Wednesday was pretty average until Res Sport which was Dodgeball Part I; and I have no idea who won... Part II was last night, but I wasn't there for it; for reasons I will detail later as I go through the week, else I'll confuse myself! :P Then the theme for the club that night was Shock Your Mum, which I'm pretty sure I did; along with most of my other friends/family. I won't go into details but... I basically decided to dress as a "lovely lady" (casual Les Mis reference, as it would provide the best reaction. I couldn't see much else that would shock my Mum to see as. Oh, and this costume was complete with a temporary tramp stamp as well so... Pretty sure my parents were thoroughly horrified! Mission accomplished ;D

Thursday night saw World's Greatest Shave, where a lot of boys put their hands up (probably more than last year, so kudos guys!), and there were a small handful of girls. Most of them had short hair though, so it wasn't /as/ big of a deal to an extent. That is, until one girl with the most B-E-A-Utiful long hair came through with her hair in braids (so she could donate her hair to make a wig) and off it went! Wow... I admire the guts that girl had to do that... Especially considering the fact that I doubt I could ever do the same! I would love to do it for the cause behind it, but I think I love my hair a little too much! :P

Apparently one of the Pitt guys ended up getting his backside waxed because people gave money for it to happen. Thankfully, I didn't stick around that long as I really didn't want to see that... But it's hilariously crazy what some of the people at my Uni do here for charity! And such a wonderful thing too :)

Friday had me stumbling out of Biometrics tute utterly confused as to what was going on, only to be getting on a bus an hour or so later to wait around at another of my Uni's campuses for a couple of hours until [K-Dawg] could pick me up. We then headed to my old school's courts for a Zumba session to try raise a little money for [Dancer] and her current endeavours. The session provided great entertainment for all involved... That's for sure! :P

An early morning start on Saturday as I sleepily drove my way to [K-Dawg]'s place to cook up some authentic Indian food with him, as well as his brother and Mum. I'm pretty sure I've been dubbed as the "Spice Girl" as I was mostly working on the spices for the mild Butter Chicken, medium Rogan Josh, and incredibly hot Vindaloo. That took up most of the morning, and after a short time spent relaxing I was off to work. I was meant to be working with [Boltin'], but he had initially requested that weekend off so it was taken by another *cough* and better *cough* co-worker instead. The night was quiet, and the close was a breeze. Always a lovely thing ^_^

Sunday was... Unexpected to say the least. I had a nice sleep in, then made my way back to [K-Dawg]'s for a family lunch to eat the food we made the day before. Things were relatively normal at the start. [K-Dawg] was reserved and quiet, but I put it down to him being tired after a long week; everyone else was high-spirited, and all that jazz. [K-Dawg]'s nephew was there, and I ended up playing with him in the house with a few toys; and I have made it my mission that I will teach him how to "rawr". I already made some progress with him that day, as he would make a raspy "aaaaa" at times when he picked up the tiger toy I was teaching him with. Proud of this accomplishment guys! Oh yeah!
Unfortunately, that's when things turned a little sour... Now... I'm going to try not go into too much detail on this; mostly because I'm still very much in the dark about this situation, so I don't wanna make false assumptions when I don't know what's going etc. But here we go...

So, as I said... [K-Dawg] was quite out of it as he had had little sleep the past few days. I didn't know the reason why until he sat down and told me that he had been given a decision between keeping his leadership position at church, and me. Wow. Nothing would have ever prepared me for something like that... It crushed me within moments. I mean... I somewhat expected something to happen eventually... A relatively new Christian, dating a not-so-new Christian... I figured the church might come into play at some point or other. But the worst I'd assumed is that they'd ask if I was gonna join their church, or start attending it or something like that; which I don't have an issue with at all! I mean... Short term, it's not entirely ideal; what with the /insane/ workload I have this semester (not even exaggerating). Along with the fact that my whole life so far; there's always been something... Off with churches and I. I'm not against them, and I'm not against going to them... But, especially since I've only affirmed myself as a believer in God a couple of years ago; I'm still working my way up to the point where I'll feel truly comfortable with taking the next step and attending church and things like that.
So yeah.. There were a couple of reasons why I'm not currently attending church or other services along those lines... I have a lot on during my week, where services would cut into a bit of time I could really use to keep on top of my studies (I know services don't take up much of the day, but I genuinely have so little time I'd rather drop something that isn't my compulsory classes, or my work which earns me much needed money...).
So to hear that [K-Dawg] had to choose between us as I (from what I've heard) am currently being viewed as a "non-proper Christian" as I'm not doing enough to prove that I'm serious about getting to know God etc etc... Something like that. I'm not 100% sure. I do know that pretty much no matter what happens... [K-Dawg] and I are most definitely going to have to break up, basically.

I know that leadership means a heck of a lot to [K-Dawg] and... Considering we've only been together a little under two months, I am not going to be selfish and demand that he drop leadership for me or anything (not that I ever would anyway...). However, if he chooses leadership; we have to break up. For us to get back together, I have to prove that I am a "proper Christian" through methods I'm not 100% sure on... But I'm sure it has to do with attending church/services/going out and performing actions fitting of a disciple of Christ... I don't know... Things I really don't particularly want to do now, and certainly not for at least a three month period (minimum break up time, from memory).
A) Because of reasons stated above... Limited time.
And B) Because I feel like I'm being forced and rushed into things now! Ever since finding this out, if anything, I feel the complete opposite to before. Before I was happy with teh journey I was taking. I was going to get there someday, and when it would be enlightened upon me; that's when it would happen. Now I can't help but be horrified, and somewhat dread the idea of attending church... Even if it's a different one... Because, this one can't even be accepting of who I am and the journey I'm currently taking! Or have I got this all wrong? How would I know? [K-Dawg] barely talks to me nowadays... When we talked earlier this week, it was just getting the both of us upset to the point where talking stopped for a bit... Now we're talking again, but dodging the subject entirely. I don't wanna push the topic, but... I know nothing right now. And it doesn't help when I'm receiving absolutely zero information from my own boyfriend who's at the centre of this...

*Sigh* Like I said... It's hard to talk about this and get my head around it because... I don't know anything about how [K-Dawg]'s church works and what they want from him, and/or me... But, it's killing me. It's torture right now. I mean... The way [K-Dawg] talks to me now, is so different from just over a week ago... It's hard to think we could possibly work this out together, when it seems that he has given in to the idea that we're inevitably breaking up and so; is talking and treating me that way... I understand that we can't continue talking in our usual girlfriend/boyfriend way, but... A change like this? Maybe it's his way of coping, I'm not sure... But I hate having to refrain from saying things I could normally say to anyone; just because I don't know how to act/talk around him anymore, and that's what I especially hate. Not being able to be comfortable with what I'm saying to my own boyfriend, all because I'm not a "proper Christian"; regardless of the fact that I was looking into joining a Uni Christian group as that's easier for me time-wise to fulfill both my study requirements and pique my interest into going into services.

Anyways... [K-Dawg] was told this on the Wednesday, so he had kept it all to himself until Sunday when he told me (hence why he was so tired, stressing over it so much...); and he was supposed to give them an answer on the Wednesday just gone. But, uhh, he hasn't talked to me about it since then so I have no idea what's going on currently... I'm just trying to be ignorant and stay positive, but it's always in the back of my mind; and I'm not gonna lie... Many crying spells have been had at the most random and worst of times, as I've been trying so hard to work out what I should do. Because one thing is for certain... And that is I am NOT going to change who I am, no matter what. By the sounds of what the church is asking; this is potentially life changing, and would almost definitely affect me as a person in some way. I'm sorry, but no. What I loved about [K-Dawg]'s and I's relationship was that we both accepted each other for our values and what we believed; and we would never dream of pressuring the other into changing or doing anything they didn't wanna do. It's not like we believe in entirely different things either, so it wasn't difficult for us to do this; especially as I was, as I said earlier, making my steady journey as well... But ugh! I really oughta move on, because I have much more positive things to write about; I just needed to get this struggle out onto words, and hopefully it makes sense to y'all... Cause none of this situation is making any sense to me, that's for sure!

So yeah... The week that's just gone has dragged on incredibly, and there weren't many positive moments to share really; since I have had this burden with me, along with being sick! Double whammy right there.

I did have choir on Monday night though, which wasn't too terrible. Again, it was just me and all the newbies (oldies, where you at guys?! Seriously?!): and we made the tiniest bit of progress with Bohemian Rhapsody before realising that everyone kinda needed lyrics to make the learning process go a bit quicker; so rehearsal kinda ended quite early there. Then one of the members and I started discussing religion and things like that; because I brought up with her the current dilemma I'm facing and she made some very valid points. We also had a good laugh at how humans are still animals just more advanced; and we shared with each other the facts we knew about how "animalistic" we humans still are. Everything we do is based off of natural instincts most animals share, guys. There's no use even denying it.

Tuesday night had a Hallway Crawl planned for us. This was just for Pitt, and it involved every floor picking a theme, decorating it in relevance to that theme, finding an activity, and everyone on that floor dressing up for that theme. We would then stick with our floor members and rotate through each floor every fifteen minutes. It was an opportunity to get to know your fellow neighbours and floor members. For me, it was a chance to meet the freshers that were on my floor; as well as chat with a couple of returners that I have some form of a friendship with. See, I don't know many people on my floor very well... My good friends are [Bestiality] who is downstairs, and two other girl friends over in Pitt A downstairs (I'm Pitt B upstairs). I did have a couple more girl friends, but they didn't get back this year with residence... Anyways!
My floor's theme was Hawaii/islander type thing, so we all dressed in flowery shirts and lei's around our necks, and headed to our first stop which was the Australian themed floor. Watching people try to eat dry Wheetbix while putting a shirt & hat on in a race against the other team was quite entertaining. And the usual shenanigans still managed to happen!
From memory, the next stop was Disney; which wasn't overly fantastic. We all snacked on pikelets while shouting out answers to any question we knew it too; which wasn't that many... Since most of the questions were quite obscure and made me quite ashamed to realise how little I knew of Disney... Must fix this!
Next stop was Pajama party, where people were blind folded and vocally lead by guides through an obstacle course, to then have to dress their guide at the end in a dress. At one point, one guy on my floor grabbed cardboard boxes and started throwing them at the blind person, or hitting them over the head, or placing them in the way making the poor things even more confused! But so worth it for the entertainment factor ;P
Horror was up next, where the activity was meant to involve all of us creating a "horrific masterpiece" on a sheet with red paint. We got to the point where we leaked paint through the sheet onto the floor, freaked a little, than proceeded to just mop up the paint with our sheet. Having no hope of winning the competition (not that we overly cared), we spotted a baby-doll that had been 'dressed for the occasion' then wrapped the baby up in our sheet; with the top half of his body sticking out, where a guy made him a turban from toilet paper and proceeded to place it on his head... We then placed it near a resident's door, and moved on! :P
The Zoo was the theme we travelled too next where it was exotic animal charades. Some people got simple animals such as a meerkat, or an elephant (which the guy acting out managed to make look absolutely ridiculous!); then some unfortunate people got things like a Tawny Frogmouth, or an Iguana; which was incredibly entertaining to watch them act out! :')
We then went back to our floor (which was in a bit of a shambles) where people rode round on the skateboard we had out for it, but most of us just sat in the hallway and had a good ol' chat. It was great! Until a resident came out and requested we go somewhere else cause it was late, and we were being quite noisy. That broke us up, and we all pretty much went to our rooms from there; as we were all pretty tired. But getting to meet the freshers was awesome! So many nice kids this year :)

Wednesday I woke up relatively wary. This was 'decision day' as I said earlier; but as soon as I realised I wasn't gonna get any answers, I forced it out of my mind and instead focused on the concert that I was going too that night... Which was Rascal Flatts!

OH. MY. GOSH!

They were amazing. There's not much else to it really! But I'll start from the beginning... Cause this blog post totally isn't long enough yet ;P -Muahahaha-

Dad and I arrived at the Convention Centre in true {insert my family's last name} fashion: incredibly early. And ended up just Facebooking until the doors opened! A bit of a wait later and the support act, The Band Perry, came on.
I had never heard of these guys until that night; and this was apparently their first time in Australia, so yay for being at their debut concert here! Woo! But they were amazing! I've bought some of their songs and have a few on repeat currently (I totally do not obsess, pssh!); and I honestly reckon they sound better live, which is so rare and awesome! What I loved about that concert was that both The Band Perry and Rascal Flatts fed off the audience. They loved us, and you could so tell that. The amount of Brisbane references they would put in, or responding back to the audience... It was purely amazing! Anyways, back to the original story line...
In between Perry and Rascal there was a half hour break, where I managed to buy a banner type thing of Perry's logo, which looks pretty awesome! I wanted Rascal merch, but it was so expensive so I had to miss out this time... We managed to get back five minutes before Rascal was due to start, and they were playing filler songs; as they do... Gangnam Style came on, and the next thing you see is the whole audience turning as one to watch this girl (who looked to be about 10 or 11 years old) get up and run to a spare space on the floor in the mosh pit area and start doing the dance. She was pretty good at it, but what I loved was how everyone in the audience started cheering and applauding for her. Even the guy running the lights for the stage, bolted back to his position and shone a spotlight on her. It lifted my spirits so much for such an amazing thing to occur like that! Ugh, more faith in humanity after that night, I swear! <3

So yes... Then Rascal came on stage and the night was just amazing from there. Dad and I didn't know some of their songs, being knew to the Flatts fandom; but it didn't matter, as they were so good anyway! There was a point where the lead singer went down along the entire of the front, and I literally bolted from my seat (not even thinking to grab my phone for a photo), and battled my way right to the front where he was holding out the mic for everyone to sing into and I managed to reach out and grab his arm momentarily before he moved on. I stayed there a little longer, amazed at the fact that I had just done something like that (yes, I'm a concert newbie; shuddup!), then ran back up to my seat and responded to my father's "was it worth it?" with a yes, that probably more sounded like a fangirl squeal... I don't care though! Cause it was just amazing!
And the boys.. They just bounce off each other. It was so fun watching them! They would have small breaks where they'd talk to the audience and everything. After they performed Hot In Here, one of the guys kept singing "it's hot, hot, hot in here.." and was dancing; next thing you know he's shaking his backside to the audience to the tune, then turning around and saying "alright!" over and over again with us repeating after him, then saying "aaand you all just went to church, right there!". He, of course, meant it jokingly; as the boys are also Christians... I guess it was a "you had to be there" moment to completely understand everything I'm on about right now... Heh.
There were Beyonce jokes, P!nk references, audience interactions that turned out quite amusing... And great song, after great song! :') Definitely one of the best concerts I have ever been too. Ever. I can't... Just... Asdfghjkl.

So yeah... It is now Friday night, and the past couple of days have been pretty average... Thursday was driving back to Uni for classes, then downloading tons of Rascal and Perry songs; which I now cannot get enough of... Same with today really. Oh, and attempting to do a Biochem report last minute as it was due by 5pm today... Yeah... Wasn't that fantastic. Gonna get on top of the others, so I can try get some decent marks in this subject! :P I also completed this week's Anatomy lectures this afternoon as well so... Have been chilled and writing this blog in pieces all night (which is usually the case). Funny how I've written over 3,000 words easily in this post within half a day, yet I struggle writing 700 words for a Biochem report in about the same amount of time... Though, I guess there's a difference between needing to use my brain; and just abusing my fingers by making them try keep up with my brains ramblings...

So yeah! Overall, I am feeling much better about life currently. So long as I keep ignoring the nagging in the back of my brain about the dilemma, that is... And also really restrain from talking to [K-Dawg] how I normally would/want too... It sucks when I care for him so much, but watching the dynamics between us change in a matter of a few days is heart breaking... Yay for having to tip-toe around things! -.- But, I have my newly added country music cheering me up; along with it being the weekend... I'm planning on joining a couple of gym classes (Boot Camp and Boxing.. This is gonna hurt!) next week, along with try to work out a time with the Christian club on campus that I can attend the services they hold (they're always holding them during my class times! Ugh!), and start to really try get a head start on all my studies... It's gonna suck, cause I'm already a little behind due to my insane laziness; but hopefully [Bestiality] will be able to help me out, at least with Biometrics... Because she is the Maths Queen!

So yeah! I'm going to leave you here, and shall hopefully write another post soon (this one wasn't too late.. Yeah?). Hopefully they all won't be this long... I really should write posts more often so I'm not spamming you with all this stuff at once... Must make very boring reading for y'all! I somewhat apologise, but at the same time... I can't help my laziness ;D

See ya later, agitators!

~I'm busting out of independence... Independence's busting out of me~

Some Crazy Things

Hey guys,

I know it's been a while... Again... But I have been pretty busy organising everything and getting ready to go back to Uni... Then actually get back to Uni and be swept up in the crazy crazy life that is Halls life... That I love just a little too much ;)

Firstly, I wanna get something off my chest cause I only just discovered it and I'm a little shaken up over it... So my blog post, Confessions Of A Tormented Soul, ended up getting two comments on it that I only just got around to reading now because I always forget to check my e-mails... Anyways! So the first comment was actually incredibly shocking and somewhat hurtful.
It went along the lines of "Who wrote this shit?! Just get a dildo and fuck yourself!" so uhh yeah. I had absolutely no idea how to react other than sit there like a stunned fish, staring at it. I mean.. Yeah... I knew it was gonna happen eventually. The nasty comments from random people on the Internet who know nothing about me; but you never truly understand until it happens to you... I'm trying to get over my laziness and become a regular blogger, and comments like that don't exactly help... Regardless of how much I say "it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter", a part of me will still be that teensy bit cut up about it. Possibly because it happens on such rare occasions  rather than those that are used to being spammed with it daily, but being spammed with positive comments as well to make up for it.
But yeah... The comment underneath was from someone anonymous who stuck up for me by saying "good luck with AGT" (even though I've chosen not to go through with it now) and voiced their opinion on the person who commented before them. So that did improve my mood the slightest, but still.. I'm gonna move on now, but I just had to get that out there cause yeah... I'm way too new in the Internet world :P

So yeah! The past three weeks have gone by so fast! Well, I sorta lie... At the time, they dragged on insanely slowly... But then, for some reason, at the end of the week it felt as though it flew by. The first and second week I spent making the most of the rest of my holidays before coming back to Uni. By making the most of it I mean I made lots of sandwiches and spent most of the rest of my time with [K-Dawg] and a small handful of other friends.

The only thing that really broke that up was the Wednesday, Thursday & Friday before I moved back in... [Mr Awesome] arrived on Wednesday where that night we made cupcakes with [K-Dawg] and my sister for a bit, and had intense pillow fights. Thursday was Market Day at my Uni where I was attending a stall for the campus choir which I am basically running now (I can't remember if I mentioned this previous blog?), aaaand I locked my keys in the car within the first two minutes we were there... Oh well done [Miss Invisible]... Your talents always amaze me! So yeah, an hour later a triumphant [Mr Awesome] and [Bestiality] return with my keys, cupcakes and with them in one piece so... Can't complain really ;P And Friday night consisted of my parents and I going to see the amazing ventriloquist, David Strassman, with his Be Careful What You Wish For tour. Hilarious as always, and I will forever admire how he is basically the first ventriloquist who has combined technology with ventriloquism in such an intriguing and amazing way!

Then, before I knew it, [K-Dawg] was at my place heaving my bar fridge into his car and journeying with me back to Uni where I was met by an overly excited [Bestiality] and so many faces I didn't know... Like, wow. Uni is completely different as a returning resident than a fresher... Those returners that had the opportunity to be involved with O Week would have found it easy, as they'd gotten to know everyone there and everything... But for those of us returning this year? Holy moly... Swamped with new faces, with barely any old ones left. No wonder half of my friends didn't get back this year... Most of the rooms went to freshers! I've been told about 65% of the rooms went to freshers this year; which completely contradicts what they say about it being around 50/50 each year... And it's just so different seeing Halls life from the wisened eyes of an "old hat" rather than the bright, curious eyes of a "kid just outta school, and away from the family for the first time"...

And it was that very night that I moved back in, that I unknowingly took [K-Dawg]'s clubbing virginity... Yes... The first club [K-Dawg] goes too, and it had to be my Uni's... One of the craziest clubs EVER! No exaggerating here. Everyone knows each other at my Uni, or at least knows faces well enough to be comfortable and be able to float around and get in other people's faces if they're so drunk and/or daring... The theme was Scribble Party as well so... Everyone was all over each other with markers, scrawling away over your chest, shoulder, boobs... Wherever they chose really! Whatever was white and/or able to be scribbled on, was fair game!

[K-Dawg] (unfortunately) had to leave pretty much straight after the club night as anyone without a guest pass is technically not meant to be seen on Halls after 10:30pm, and the club closes at midnight. Which left me to scrub marker off of my face, then head straight to bed ready to start classes the next day...

Subjects this semester are really intense. Like, wow. I shall list them for your convenience...

Anatomy
Biometrics
Biochem
Ecology

Okay... Ecology doesn't seem too terrible as of yet. Except my favourite lecturer is taking it, and I know what he's capable of when it comes to work loads; plus it's Ecology... Just ew... :P
Anatomy looks fun, but crazy intense. One of my assignments that's worth 40% of my mark (more than the final exam) is one where I create a fictitious animal based off of random traits that I've been given... Fun and simple right? Of course not! Second year Uni course bitches! Don't forget to go into detail about the skeletal, muscular, nervous, and digestive systems... Oh! And she wants us to draw the systems out... /Draw/... Luckily she said no points will be taken off for poor artist skills, because I did not go into this for art! And let's not forget that our lecturer decided to use us as guinea pigs for her insanely obvious experiment. If students attend lectures and take notes, will they get better grades? Oh wow... Ummm.. Yeah? Most likely? It's pretty obvious that we would lady, but did you have to force us to have to attend 12 lectures and upload the notes we take each week for fellow group members to look at as they please? I mean, I'm trying to attend them all anyway; that's not my issue... My issue is that other people are reaping benefits off of notes that I took. Granted, I can do the same with theirs, but I don't like it! Nobody likes group work! Everyone prefers doing things individually, unless you're a lazy shit that loves to leech off of people... They'd be loving Anatomy this semester -_-
Biochem... I'm interested in Biochem, but I find myself zoning out in lectures annoyingly; and the practicals... OMG! 1,500 word reports for every prac we do. Which is weekly. And they're not exactly overly complicated pracs either... At least today's wasn't... I just... I don't even know... It bugs me -_-
And Biometrics... I don't even know... They're trying to teach us how to use Excel and Minitab... Excel and I have never gotten along. Ever. But I at least know the basics of how to use it, unlike Minitab. I'd prefer if they'd just try teach us how to use Excel... They're very similar to each other for starters; and you're more likely to use Excel outside of Uni rather than Minitab... Just, ugh! Why?! Plus the fact that it's basically a Maths course, as much as the lecturers try to deny it to keep our interest. Please. Stop. It's Maths. Give up now.

So yeah, that's my rant on my classes over for now. I shall keep you updated on my work progress if it ever comes to me to write about it... First, I actually need to start the work though... Heh.

On Wednesday, [Mr Awesome] turned up to stay with me till Friday. He helped Pitt have an epic win at Tug of War for Res Sport, before donning himself in green along with [Bestiality] for the Traffic Light themed party... I went as a traffic light, but showed that I was taken. Green pants, yellow shirt that says "I love my boyfriend", and a red bandanna with a red heart draped around my neck hanging over the place where the heart was in the sentence on my shirt. It was a good night, until someone bumped into me on the dance floor and I had a sudden mood change (oh the joys), making me no longer feel like partying. [Bestiality] wasn't in the best of moods either, and [Chappy] was tired... [Mr Awesome] wasn't "drunk enough" so we all opted to leave at slightly different times. [Mr Awesome] and I spotted [Bestiality] and [Chappy] acting funny outside the club, which ended up becoming a major spy mission. Off came my shoes and I was ninja'ing after the two of them, who were walking around the car park and stopping next to a tree where people couldn't see them, unless you were on the side we came in from; which nobody would think to do.
Turns out in the end, [Bestiality] was just having a bad night and [Chappy] was helping her out, so [Mr Awesome] and I went back to my room and crashed for the night.
But the thrill of "spying" and trying to be as quiet as possible on gravel, and creeping through cars... It was so much fun. Probably more fun that I should have had doing it! :P

I was slowly falling ill from the disease the freshers clearly brought in with them, so I wasn't in the best of moods that week... SORRY [MR AWESOME]! But, eventually Friday came around and we drove back to my place where he was soon picked up to go to a toga party or something crazy... And me? I had an early night. 9:30pm I was in bed... Earliest I've been in bed for a long time! I hadn't gotten much sleep the past couple of nights, and I had an early wake up call with chiro the next morning; so I figured it'd be a smart decision! :P

And yeah... I'm still currently sick, except that it's gotten progressively worse this week. It's quite horrible walking around like as though I'm lifeless until I start coughing and sniffling... Oh I am truly an attractive sight this week... -_- Darn you all freshers...

I was nice and awake (surprisingly) for chiro, then I headed home where an hour or so later the boyfriend turned up. From memory, we watched one of David Strassman's videos, then wasted time away as we usually do. Doing absolutely nothing, but having fun at the same time. Then it was work time! Where I was rostered on to work with a trainee... There are two trainees that are newer than this one, and are both faster than him already. His work ethic and speed is amazingly terrible... So I was not looking forward to this shift. Amazingly, we got out five minutes early in the end; although I put that down to the fact that it was raining all day and we were getting almost zero customers.. :P :D

Sunday was spent basically the same... The boyfriend came over at some point, we hung out; then 5pm came and I packed and got in his car so he could take me to the train station so I could begin my almost two hour trip back to Uni with a bunch of bogans... Okay, only a couple of bogans; and they were kicked off the train by security for having a lighter and cigarette in the carriage, and for being disrespectful little shits... Ahhh today's generations...

And so here we are! Tuesday night after a crazy day! See.. All practicals/tutorials/etc start up this week. So while last week was a bit more lax and chilled out, this week is all like: Bitches: You think this semester might be easy? Think again! Muahaha!
As I'm sure, pretty much all University's do...

So yeah, I don't even get lunch on Tuesdays... Classes go from 10am-3pm, straight through. Gonna be quite annoying. I can't even guarantee I'd be able to get something from the cafe before it closes... I really have to stock myself up on some fruit loops and more two minute noodles... New diet? I think so! ;)

So my parents went to see a psychic medium the other night... I'm not gonna go into the full thing; but I do wanna share some of what happened because for me, personally, I love this stuff. I find it interesting, and awesome, and yeah... Okay... So they heard about her from my Nanna on my Dad's side, who's husband is my Granddad who passed away recently.
Apparently when Nanna went to the... Show? Workshop? Whatever you call it I suppose... Granddad was there, wanting to talk to her. The psychic, April, said she had to forcibly push Granddad away he wanted to say that much. She said that he was crying because he loved her so much, and that she spent way too much money on the funeral. He said that Nanna had forgotten something with the funeral though, but didn't say what that was... Interesting... But he also said she needs to spend more money on herself, and that he wasn't ready to leave the world. He's always hated the word 'retirement' (I smiled at this, because it's so Granddad...), and had so much more to do... And that's all I can remember them telling me currently.
So Mum & Dad got intrigued and decided to go to one of her show/workshop/thingys and from what I can remember them telling me, it was pretty interesting.

April can communicate with animals and had interesting stories to tell in regards to that, as well as her mother passing away; but it's as though she's never left because her spirit still hangs around and tells her off whenever she does anything wrong :P
But what she had to tell my parents..? Well... To start with, it was pretty obvious Dad went for answers in regards to Granddad  I guess he had questions to ask him, but he wouldn't talk to Dad. April said that Dad was holding him too close.. Like, in his back pocket. I guess Dad's finding it hard to let go... Which is fair! But the fact that Granddad wouldn't speak to him because he was being held too close, I find very interesting... One person who did talk to Dad though was his Nanna. Now, I can't remember a thing she said to him, so uhh... That's helpful. But April also said that there was another spirit just hanging around Dad, and that it was a little boy. Dad is the youngest of three, with two older sisters. Nanna had a miscarriage between my two Aunts, and then between the middle child and Dad... So our assumption is that that little boy hanging around Dad is his brother, just sticking round to help him through hard times and all that jazz...

Mum went somewhat skeptical, and somewhat terrified. She knew that if she was gonna get anyone speaking to her, it would be her Nanna, who she barely ever knew. She loved her to death! But wasn't really allowed to see her often. Her impression of her was that she was stern, and relatively proper. One of those grandmothers trying to raise their grandchildren the right way I suppose... So she was a bit taken aback when April described her Nanna to her as being "free-flowing" and comfortable in her skin. This is perfectly plausible, as Mum wouldn't have seen her Nanna enough to know for sure what she was like. But the main thing that sticks out for me is what April told Mum. She said that her Nanna was dancing for her, because she wasn't happy.
..Now. I know that Mum isn't happy. Family dramas break out all the time. She has little to none friends where we live. Her one main friend is back in South Australia. Dad runs off every weekend Geocaching and catching up with people, as do us kids... She tries to be supportive, but wow... Since moving to Uni and getting away from the family; that's only when I realised just how much Mum depends on me as a girl friend. I'll admit, I still struggle being there for her. I struggle with forming that kind of relationship with my parents... But knowing what she's going through, I'm trying so hard to ease some of her pain... And clearly her Nanna is doing the same... Dancing to maker her happy... I just find the image of a stooped old lady dancing for Mum adorable, inspiring, and uplifting. I really hope Mum does find happiness soon though... Really.
One other major thing that I can remember from the psychic endeavour was that April looked at Mum and saw someone pregnant and a little boy in the future... She didn't specify when in the future, and she obviously didn't specify who was pregnant, and/or who the boy belonged too...

So, naturally, our first thoughts jumped too... Mum?! Dad?! You better not accidentally have a fourth child! (Which is one of Mum's fears anyway... Falling pregnant when in her 40s). Then it jumped too [Miss Invisible]... You're the oldest! How soon are you planning on having kids?! To which my reply is A FAIR WHILE! ... At least 3-4 years geee! We were having a bit of a laugh about it, but you can't help think about it either... Like, I'm not gonna lie... The thought of me having a little boy got me all excited, happy, and fluttery... Not saying that a little girl won't make me as happy... Just the thought of having a child in general I suppose. Apart from the cravings and pain part of it... Ugh, am not looking forward to that! That's for sure! :P

Anyway... I'm pretty sure I've vented all my pointless ramblings and thoughts onto you guys now. I don't have much else to tell you except that tomorrow's sport is Dodgeball which will be terrifyingly fun, and the theme for the club night is Shock Your Mum so... That will be interesting as well, just in a different way... :P

I am trying to post more often guys... But I also have a relatively hectic workload this semester. Yes.. I procrastinate a lot... But I'm really gonna try get on top of things this year. If I get on top of things like I'm planning too, I /should/ be able to still blog frequently (If I don't laze out of it) so yeah! I'm trying guys... Really and truly... :P :)

[Miss Invisible] over and out!

~There's a place where the crazy moon makes the monkeys sing and the baboons swoon~