Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Love and All Things Cheesy

Hiya!

I just got home from a day spent at Dreamworld with the family and my sister's friend, am relatively tired, but somewhat inspired to blog so... I'm letting my fingers do the talking! :)

Can I just take a moment here to say... How freaking happy I am right now?! I mean... I have amazing friends who I went to see [title of show] with Friday night just gone, [GoJo], [Phantomess], and [Clearly Unfocused]. Even though he wasn't with us that night, I mean you too [Tenuto Tuo]! [HorseGirl], though she is in South Australia, has and always will be my amazing best friend. I miss you so much girly!!! I have [Bestiality] up at my Uni waiting to be swamped with this year's freshers and for me to return to get up to all sorts of shenanigans with. The fact that I got accepted again into residence there is something I'm so happy about! [Mr Awesome] is due to land in Queensland in just over a week, so more shenanigans will be had there; at home and in Uni when he joins me for a night or two! And we can't forget [Dancer]... Even if she has ditched us all for six months in Western Australia ;) 
I have an amazing family. There may be constant conflict between my siblings and my parents... But, overall, we're a good bunch; and why would I ever want them any other way? And last, but most certainly not least, I now have an amazing boyfriend who never fails to brighten up my day; no matter what is/has happened.

You know those insanely irritating people you've friended on Facebook that post statuses about their boyfriend/girlfriend multiple times in the one day? Or post on their partner's walls constantly proclaiming their love, etc etc...

I can /somewhat/ understand why they do that now... To an extent :P

I could never be as bad as to post ten times a day, tagging my boyfriend in /everything/ I do; no matter what it is.. *Cough* Not mentioning anyone in particular *Cough* And I wouldn't constantly post about how much I love him and all that... Because... That's what private messaging, and being face-to-face is for. Love is between your partner and yourself... And yeah, the occasional "I love you" at the end of an occasional status about something the two of you did together is all well and good... But everyone on the Internet doesn't need to know about it all the time! But lately... Considering I'm spending almost every day of the week with [K-Dawg] (and other people joining us here and there) - it is incredibly hard to think of things to post on Facebook that aren't relationship related currently.. :P

And I really do not want to come across as one of those annoying people so... I just sit on my hands and try not post anything :P I mean, we only just made our relationship "Facebook official", (after three weeks of being together) so... I'm just trying to resist spamming my happiness all over Facebook, so I don't annoy the heck out of everyone!

~Awkward transition music as it is no longer yesterday when I typed the first half of this blog...~

So... In order to not be an annoying Facebook spammer, but to still be able to get some of my thoughts off my chest; I'm going to be rambling a bit in here... Yeah, it's gonna probably get cheesy... And yeah, you don't have to read it if you don't want too! But I need to vent some of my happiness out on the Internet world so... Y'all can just suffer for this post :)

Tell me... What's better than having your boyfriend come to your house craving Cold Rock ice cream; so you head out to the nearest store to get some ice cream, and then it turns into an unexpected late night driving adventure involving lots of laugh-inducing failures..? I can't think of much else, cause that's pretty much what happened last night!

Blasting music, late night Macca's runs, Disney movies, board games, arguing over who's paying for things... Just some of the things I get up too with [K-Dawg] most days of the week currently :P

I don't even know how to write what I initially wanted to say on this topic... It's so hard to get how I feel out onto words... But I know I could never say this outright verbally, that's why I want to write it here.

I guess I just want to say how amazed I am at how I landed myself into such a relationship. Not to put a negative spin on this post, but I am not the most "pure" of people... I have done multiple bad things in my life that have caused permanent mental scars, and will haunt me for the rest of my life at some point or other... And I know everyone has bad things in their past... No one is perfect, it's impossible! But, I am not over exaggerating when I say that the skeletons in my past are pretty ugly... Which makes the fact that my life is so amazing right now, a blessing.

I've probably already mentioned this briefly, but [K-Dawg] is the first boyfriend I've had that I've been absolutely comfortable with from the get-go. When we first met, neither of us were interested in each other that way and I was enjoying the single life; so I was generally dressed daggy, and didn't care much for how I looked. Even now when we get together; I don't exactly not care about my looks, but I don't fuss over them either like I used too... Why? Because I know I don't have to impress him! Firstly, I already have him... Secondly, he fell for me when I wasn't even trying to look good or anything... So, bonus for me! ^_^

In a way, I guess [K-Dawg] has brought out a lot of firsts with me... Which I would've thought would be difficult, considering both [Carl] and [Riot!] shared firsts with me as well... But nope! Still managing!

For instance... He's the first guy who has completely screwed over my sleeping pattern. Darn you [K-Dawg]! :P Staying up till ridiculous hours of the night and sleeping in past midday five days of the week has become the usual for me now... Slightly screwed for Uni at this rate!

Another first would be with my singing... I'm always insecure about my singing, and always will be. I am aware that my voice is relatively good, but I will always have the vampires ([tos] reference FTW) in my head telling me that my voice will never be good enough for the competitive industry that is music.
Strangely though, I was relatively comfortable with singing in front of [K-Dawg] pretty much from day one. This may because he may have semi-forced me too when we were stargazing at a park one time, who knows! I also blast out when I'm around him. Which is /very/ unusual. I have never done that before... Generally when I sing around others, I hold back. Stay quiet, blend with the song, etc... Currently I just haven't cared! I've been experimenting with harmonising with almost every song I listen too (much to my sister's annoyance) and... Nine times out of ten, it sounds pretty terrible; cause I actually have no idea how to harmonise naturally, without sheet music in front of me dictating the notes. But I still have not really cared doing that in front of him, along with just generally singing my heart out along with songs; which is so very very rare...

I just... Can't get over how lucky I am right now. This must be getting so annoying to read now, but I can't help it! I thought having a Christian boyfriend who believes in waiting until marriage would be a hard thing to adjust too... Yes, there are times where I do struggle a bit... But overall? It's one of the easiest things I've ever done.

He compliments me, no matter how daggy I may be dressed. He's pushy in teaching me that talking things out helps matters; which I still struggle with, but I'm getting there. The times I feel a sudden surge of emotion that cause my eyes to water a little; he doesn't say a thing and just holds me. He gets protective if anyone says/does anything negative to me, no matter who it is.

~Awkward transition music again...~

I really ought to slam out blog posts in the one day... But it's hard when I'm waking up in the early afternoon, and a couple of hours later I'm headed out again! Getting a little too used to never being home ;D

Anyways, where was I..?

He's the kind of guy that you can sit in a car with, or lounge around on the couch with; and not have to say anything to each other for a while. It doesn't get awkward, or weird. The kind of guy who refuses to let me believe anything negative about myself...

Wow... It's amazing how much I have on my mind that I want to put in here; but I just can't find the words to even begin describing it to how I actually feel...

If anyone here speaks Tumblr; I guess I could put it down to this relationship giving me tons and tons of feels, and has me fangirling 90% of the time I'm awake... Asdfghjkl, I don't even...

Because you read this [K-Dawg], I guess this post is for you... I hope you made some sense of my ramblings; and I hope you have some idea of how happy you make me. I wish I could say this to you in person; but I found it hard to just get words out on a blog post, let alone in person!
You are so freaking amazing, and I can't help but hope this relationship lasts for the long term... Cause I can't imagine life without our late nights, crazy shenanigans, and Lion King references. You have no idea how much you are helping heal a troubled girl's scars, and helping her find faith and love again. Ti amo mio dolce, bell'aspetto ragazzo! :)

Okay okay... I'll shut up now, and post about something less cheesy next time, mmkay?

Byeeee!

~Perhaps love is like a resting place... A shelter from the storm~

Monday, 4 February 2013

Sleep-Deprived Induced-Inspiration

Wassup Blogosphere?

So yeah... I know it's been a fair while since I've last posted... But I've been pretty flat out! ... By flat out I mean if I'm not at work or out with friends, I've been sprawled out on my bed trying to catch as many zzzz's as possible before going through the cycle again!

So, life has gotten relatively... Interesting since my last blog post. Believe it or not.

Yes... After that massive emotional rant; my life has pretty much completely turned upside down.

To start with, the guy I was confessing my tormented thoughts over..? Yeah... Considering how completely subtle I was *cough* about my feelings and everything; he worked out that he was the fella I was talking about... Whoops! :P
On the plus side... Turns out feelings were relatively mutual between us; and we may, or may not, be together now!

Yep! [Miss "I'm-Gonna-Live-Up-The-Single-Life, Screw-The-Male-Gender" Invisible] has managed to land herself into another relationship... Not saying that's a bad thing, cause it sure isn't; but yeah... Always seems to work out that way for me, don't it? :P

For those who know me in real life, those who may have connected some dots in previous blog posts, or those who have absolutely no idea: his name is [K-Dawg].

Yup. I wrote about a couple of posts back about how we met, then it spiraled relatively quickly from there. I have never been so obvious about my feelings for a guy before, whether intentional or not; but I guess I can't complain since it got me where I am currently... Insanely sleep-deprived, surrounded by sounds of gun shots and some music classics, but pretty damn happy.

I might save it for a future post to reveal more about [Miss-Dawg] / [K-Invisible] (Yeah, imagination running high right now! ;P) because there's a fair amount I could write about that and I am way too tired to write so much right now! I really ought to get out of this nocturnal sleeping pattern I'm adjusting too, so I can actually wake up and make it to my classes once I get back to Uni... Hmmm...

One thing that I have noticed recently is that I am starting to go down the dark path I haven't walked down in years... That path is the suicidal one.

Now... I am a coward. I am way too chicken to ever kill myself. But it's never a good sign when I start saying/thinking things along the lines of "It'll end my pain", "It'll make life so much easier", "What's the point anymore?" etc...
I haven't had these thoughts in a very long time; but, from memory, the short-term future isn't pretty. I've already been having more recent breakdowns over the past year or so, I don't need the extra stress of the heavy-weighted depression that comes with having those thoughts...

It's tough for me right now. Especially when I'm starting to refuse compliments again as well. I had worked through that issue with [Carl] and [Riot!], but since I've started dating [K-Dawg] I seem to be going backwards; which is always fantastic to know...
A lot of hard work for such little reward is how it feels for me currently. Every time I feel as though I've made progress with my Asperger's and all the limitations that come with it; something happens and one, or more, 'lessons' seem to unravel and appear as though I hadn't learnt a thing in the first place.

I'm not meaning to gripe on about how hard my life is, cause I know people have it harder than me. Believe me, I'm grateful for what I have! I guess I just need to share the thoughts plaguing my mind, as it does actually help relieve some of the stress and pain.

Side note: That e-mail I received about Australia's Got Talent..? Yeah, I decided against it. I got into Uni again this year, and I don't wanna screw that over; plus I'm really not good enough, nor am I prepared, to enter any form of competitive show with my voice.

I really don't have much else to say... The past two to three weeks have been spent pretty much just working and hanging out with [K-Dawg] and his friends. When I'm not doing that, I'm sleeping... I'm generally not getting into bed until about 4-5am, and not getting back out until 12-1pm... It's really, truly terrible!
Oh! I did catch up with [Bestiality] for a belated birthday celebration at The Comedy Club which was tons of fun! Lots of laughter was had that night, and it was good to catch up with the fiancee again ;D

Well... That's probably it from me for now. I know somewhere in my mind there is more that I have to discuss; but it's currently foggy and very slow functioning so... I might leave it till the future when my brain is back in action again!

Sleep well and stay safe, yeah?

~I was searching for something...~