So I'm blogging again tonight... Unfortunately, the reasons aren't as happy as the one I just posted... I guess I can blame [Sharpless] for this one. He meant no harm, but he said this to me over Facebook chat.
The point (which I'm sure you understand) of dating is finding a life partner,
The person who complements you in every way
The perfect person
The person whom, when you're 60, you still love with the same fire as when you first met
So all I'm saying is: don't settle for anything less than perfect. Find the guy. Your dream guy.
Down to every detail
And I think you will find that your dream guy has you in mind as a dream girl
Now, what he said was sweet, cute and completely true. And I know he said it out of partial concern for me, because let's face it; my relationship life is Home & Away material. But for some reason it has me completely freaked out now.
I mean, [Carl] isn't talking to me. I know he's on his laptop talking to other people, but he hasn't come on MSN. I would be better with this situation if I knew what the heck was going on! Not knowing is what kills. We were fine, last time I checked, then BAM! He's not talking to me... Well, we did talk about not talking to each other a couple of days before to see how things would go, moving on and such... But as far as I was aware, we hadn't decided on a definite, and seemed to still be talking..? Now all I do is stupidly flick the MSN window up to see if he's come online or not... What would I do if he was online? Absolutely nothing. I know I would. So what's the point? Ugh.
And [Riot!]. Well, to be honest there aren't many issues there... At least currently. I finally have him, and he is opening up more and more around me which is amazing to witness; but I guess I just still have this terrible feeling in the back of my mind.
I'm older. I've had boyfriends in the past. He's younger. And hasn't had girlfriends in the past. I'm pretty certain I know what love is. How can I be certain he does? How can HE be certain he does? It's difficult... He may deny it, or not think it now; but would he get bored eventually? Want to explore? Try other things? Will I do that? Again!? I did it to [Carl]... What's not to say I won't do it to [Riot!]? That. Is what I am most terrified about. My impact on him.
[Riot!] is as close to perfect as I've gotten so far. And I'm helping him through any issues that we have, and hinting him on his way to be even better! But, what if I suddenly go cold on him like I did to [Carl]? I can't deny that there was something between the both of us. It was something rare; but I somehow managed to detach myself and throw it away. Was it stupidity? Or did I just genuinely fall out of love with him?
There are so many things [Carl] did that I miss and so badly (and selfishly) want again. What is the smartest thing to do? 'Teach' [Riot!] to do it, so I could be satisfied, but never truly cut off my ties with [Carl]? Or do I not 'teach' him and regret it, or be bitter about it for however long we may be together?
I have never felt so helpless in my life. Spending time with [Riot!] eases everything. It makes everything go away and I have the best time. But as soon as he's gone, I'm stressing. I'm freaking out. Half the time I don't even know what over anymore!
In all honesty, I just want that pure feeling of love between two people. No hormones. No awkward "so what should we do now?". All I want, is to be with that certain someone, and cuddle up with them and just lie there for awhile. Whether it includes looking into each others eyes or not, or holding hands, or whatever! I just want that connection in those precious moments of silence. Because who needs words? The only words I would accept in that situation are "I love you". But only if I knew they truly meant it.
Well, my brain has run dry of anything else worrying me or upsetting me, so I might just wrap it up here and apologise if I have wasted anyone's time whilst reading this post. I am on holidays now, so I will just look forward to every day I get to spend with friends, family, or more!
~I only know one type of falling, and I'm falling for you~
The point (which I'm sure you understand) of dating is finding a life partner,
The person who complements you in every way
The perfect person
The person whom, when you're 60, you still love with the same fire as when you first met
So all I'm saying is: don't settle for anything less than perfect. Find the guy. Your dream guy.
Down to every detail
And I think you will find that your dream guy has you in mind as a dream girl
Now, what he said was sweet, cute and completely true. And I know he said it out of partial concern for me, because let's face it; my relationship life is Home & Away material. But for some reason it has me completely freaked out now.
I mean, [Carl] isn't talking to me. I know he's on his laptop talking to other people, but he hasn't come on MSN. I would be better with this situation if I knew what the heck was going on! Not knowing is what kills. We were fine, last time I checked, then BAM! He's not talking to me... Well, we did talk about not talking to each other a couple of days before to see how things would go, moving on and such... But as far as I was aware, we hadn't decided on a definite, and seemed to still be talking..? Now all I do is stupidly flick the MSN window up to see if he's come online or not... What would I do if he was online? Absolutely nothing. I know I would. So what's the point? Ugh.
And [Riot!]. Well, to be honest there aren't many issues there... At least currently. I finally have him, and he is opening up more and more around me which is amazing to witness; but I guess I just still have this terrible feeling in the back of my mind.
I'm older. I've had boyfriends in the past. He's younger. And hasn't had girlfriends in the past. I'm pretty certain I know what love is. How can I be certain he does? How can HE be certain he does? It's difficult... He may deny it, or not think it now; but would he get bored eventually? Want to explore? Try other things? Will I do that? Again!? I did it to [Carl]... What's not to say I won't do it to [Riot!]? That. Is what I am most terrified about. My impact on him.
[Riot!] is as close to perfect as I've gotten so far. And I'm helping him through any issues that we have, and hinting him on his way to be even better! But, what if I suddenly go cold on him like I did to [Carl]? I can't deny that there was something between the both of us. It was something rare; but I somehow managed to detach myself and throw it away. Was it stupidity? Or did I just genuinely fall out of love with him?
There are so many things [Carl] did that I miss and so badly (and selfishly) want again. What is the smartest thing to do? 'Teach' [Riot!] to do it, so I could be satisfied, but never truly cut off my ties with [Carl]? Or do I not 'teach' him and regret it, or be bitter about it for however long we may be together?
I have never felt so helpless in my life. Spending time with [Riot!] eases everything. It makes everything go away and I have the best time. But as soon as he's gone, I'm stressing. I'm freaking out. Half the time I don't even know what over anymore!
In all honesty, I just want that pure feeling of love between two people. No hormones. No awkward "so what should we do now?". All I want, is to be with that certain someone, and cuddle up with them and just lie there for awhile. Whether it includes looking into each others eyes or not, or holding hands, or whatever! I just want that connection in those precious moments of silence. Because who needs words? The only words I would accept in that situation are "I love you". But only if I knew they truly meant it.
Well, my brain has run dry of anything else worrying me or upsetting me, so I might just wrap it up here and apologise if I have wasted anyone's time whilst reading this post. I am on holidays now, so I will just look forward to every day I get to spend with friends, family, or more!
~I only know one type of falling, and I'm falling for you~
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