Upside Down

So I'm blogging again tonight... Unfortunately, the reasons aren't as happy as the one I just posted... I guess I can blame [Sharpless] for this one. He meant no harm, but he said this to me over Facebook chat.


The point (which I'm sure you understand) of dating is finding a life partner,
The person who complements you in every way
The perfect person
The person whom, when you're 60, you still love with the same fire as when you first met
So all I'm saying is: don't settle for anything less than perfect. Find the guy. Your dream guy.
Down to every detail
And I think you will find that your dream guy has you in mind as a dream girl


Now, what he said was sweet, cute and completely true. And I know he said it out of partial concern for me, because let's face it; my relationship life is Home & Away material. But for some reason it has me completely freaked out now.


I mean, [Carl] isn't talking to me. I know he's on his laptop talking to other people, but he hasn't come on MSN. I would be better with this situation if I knew what the heck was going on! Not knowing is what kills. We were fine, last time I checked, then BAM! He's not talking to me... Well, we did talk about not talking to each other a couple of days before to see how things would go, moving on and such... But as far as I was aware, we hadn't decided on a definite, and seemed to still be talking..? Now all I do is stupidly flick the MSN window up to see if he's come online or not... What would I do if he was online? Absolutely nothing. I know I would. So what's the point? Ugh.


And [Riot!]. Well, to be honest there aren't many issues there... At least currently. I finally have him, and he is opening up more and more around me which is amazing to witness; but I guess I just still have this terrible feeling in the back of my mind.


I'm older. I've had boyfriends in the past. He's younger. And hasn't had girlfriends in the past. I'm pretty certain I know what love is. How can I be certain he does? How can HE be certain he does? It's difficult... He may deny it, or not think it now; but would he get bored eventually? Want to explore? Try other things? Will I do that? Again!? I did it to [Carl]... What's not to say I won't do it to [Riot!]? That. Is what I am most terrified about. My impact on him.


[Riot!] is as close to perfect as I've gotten so far. And I'm helping him through any issues that we have, and hinting him on his way to be even better! But, what if I suddenly go cold on him like I did to [Carl]? I can't deny that there was something between the both of us. It was something rare; but I somehow managed to detach myself and throw it away. Was it stupidity? Or did I just genuinely fall out of love with him?


There are so many things [Carl] did that I miss and so badly (and selfishly) want again. What is the smartest thing to do? 'Teach' [Riot!] to do it, so I could be satisfied, but never truly cut off my ties with [Carl]? Or do I not 'teach' him and regret it, or be bitter about it for however long we may be together?


I have never felt so helpless in my life. Spending time with [Riot!] eases everything. It makes everything go away and I have the best time. But as soon as he's gone, I'm stressing. I'm freaking out. Half the time I don't even know what over anymore!


In all honesty, I just want that pure feeling of love between two people. No hormones. No awkward "so what should we do now?". All I want, is to be with that certain someone, and cuddle up with them and just lie there for awhile. Whether it includes looking into each others eyes or not, or holding hands, or whatever! I just want that connection in those precious moments of silence. Because who needs words? The only words I would accept in that situation are "I love you". But only if I knew they truly meant it.


Well, my brain has run dry of anything else worrying me or upsetting me, so I might just wrap it up here and apologise if I have wasted anyone's time whilst reading this post. I am on holidays now, so I will just look forward to every day I get to spend with friends, family, or more!


~I only know one type of falling, and I'm falling for you~

Just A Rainy Summer Day Gov'nor!

Just casually trying to avoid the rain all day only to end up giving in, throwing my arms in the air and trying to catch drops with my tongue. Well, that's basically my day guys! Oh right, I guess there was more to it...


I started my day waking up early (as I have every day this week) to walk my sister to school; only to be told that she can be picked up and driven by a family friend. For once, I wasn't angry for being woken up for nothing. Though that could have been due to the fact that [Riot!] was heading over in an hour to walk to the local shopping centre with my brother and I. So going to bed would have been pretty pointless.


[Riot!] arrives. So what do we do? Play the online game we play together for half an hour to an hour before my brother finally rages at us to get our backsides into gear. We then proceed to walk to the local shopping centre. A 45 minute walk. In the rain. With two umbrellas between the three of us. Granted, [Riot!] and I had Dad's big umbrella, but [Riot!] seemed to have difficulties realising that he was getting more water on me then the sky was. I normally wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact that we were heading to the shops to job hunt; meaning I needed to look semi-decent if I wanted to be considered at all.


Yes yes, I am still working at the restaurant, but they've employed more people now which has reduced me to one shift a week; and it's back in the kitchen too! I may stay there, I may not. Depending on what happens with Subway tomorrow...

YES! I got asked in for an interview today! Even though I had frizzy hair from the rain and probably looked simply dreadful, I managed it! I do feel a little bad for [Riot!] though because he handed in a resume there as well but didn't get asked in... Though I did have an advantage, given that I have previously worked at a Subway before... But I'm sure he'll find a job soon enough! He certainly looked the part today already in his dress shirt and pants ^.^ What's not to love about a guy dressing smart? Jus' sayin'.


So after I handed in my resume in, I sent the boys to EB Games for half an hour while I used one of the facial vouchers that [Carl] had given me for Christmas last year (they expire on the 16th, so I really need to use them up!). The facial was nice and relaxing, but the scalp massage was to die for! I was pretty much lulled to sleep due to relaxation and general feel-goodness. She complimented my skin too which just tops it off ;D Though she did say it's dehydrated, which is unfortunately true... Trying to fix it! Without the $93 bottle of crap she was trying to sell me... I mean, I'm sure it works, but I'm going to try find cheaper means...


After that we headed over to the bus stop (no way were we walking back home in the rain!) trying to work out the timetables (being the hopeless people we are) and eventually made it the bus stop (later realising there was one even closer to our destination but oh well!) and walked the short distance to my place.


Just [Riot!], my brother and me. Alone. In a house... So what do we do? Well, my brother goes on the computer and plays the new game he bought at EB Games; and [Riot!] and I? ... PLAY SINGSTAR! Like the awesome bitchez we are :3


Who cares if our voices are completely contrasting? Who cares if he can't sing in tune, and I can't even read the words properly or notice when it's my turn to sing? I don't know about him, but I had fun! Teasing each other about who was going to win, and picking the most random songs to do... Before to long it was time for him to leave, so I walked him home with an umbrella which he appeared to be without. It was this journey that I just gave up trying not to get wet from the rain, so by the end I looked like a drowned rat; much to [Riot!]'s agreement (gee thanks! :P).


An hour later I was dressed in a cute black and white dress and heading to my sister's Year 7 graduation night. She was in an adorable white dress with a black ribbon around the waist and looked quite mature and pretty. The pride swelling in my chest was annoyingly increasing as I saw her mingle with her friends dolled up just as gorgeously. When she got up (twice) to sing with a small group of friends my pride swelled to breaking point. Come on! This is my little, annoying brat of a sister! Yet, I guess I still love her and am proud of her by the end of the day! :3
Tons of photos, speeches, and awards later and we were heading back home. And now I am here! Sitting by my laptop, typing up my boring daily life for you. That's basically it. I don't have much more to say tonight. Mostly because I am too dang tired to think of anything spontaneously creative; same with most of my blogs really... When I want to do a fun, random one, my body goes "LOL JOKES! I'MA MAKE YOU TIRED", hence the semi-delusional lines as well.


Addio amici!


~Oh what am I to do?~

La Vita e Bella!

Hey there!


I might keep this one short and sweet because I am dead tired, and there's also not much to talk about except what's currently on my mind... Fair warning; this may be a boyfriend rant. Run away now if you must.


Everyday that we see each other, we get more comfortable around each other. We're continually learning new things about the other one, and having so much fun while doing so!


Now, for me, I am loving it. He keeps me on my toes! There always seems to be something new to discover about him and I love going in for the hunt. His emotion-hiding, mysterious ways keep me begging for more...


I mean, of course he's not perfect. Nobody is! And yeah, maybe there are some things I miss from previous relationships that I selfishly wish he'd do; but in the end his different (and ever improving) ways are so much better and worth the suffering I went through to get him.


It's just nice to finally be able to wake up in the morning with a spring in my step and no worries whatsoever, and feel time fly by; yet still appreciating every moment as it lasts. Especially today! Granted; I stayed up till 1am this morning writing my fanfic and woke up at 7am absolutely shattered, but I still managed to skip for a minute or so on the way to his house. On the way back, I felt so happy I was singing, dancing and half wanting to sprint home out of joy! Call me whatever you want, but nothing is gonna break my spirit, and I am already looking forward until the next time I see him! ^.^

~What is the greatest thing in life? A:Love~

School's Out!

Soooo guys... I know, I know... It's been a while... And to be perfectly honest with you; I don't really have a good enough explanation to save myself! I think it just comes down to laziness, tiredness, and busy-ness.


Wow... I left you at the beginning of Week 5 of Term 4... Well, let's just say I am way beyond that now so we have a lot of catching up to do!!!


Let's be frank here, the rest of Week 5 was spent doing school work, which sucks, therefore I do not need to elaborate there. I will say that in out last Chemistry lesson, our teacher put Sodium into Water after much begging and whining from us. Unfortunately, there was no Potassium, but the Sodium created enough fireworks to keep us happy! :)


Week 6 was our last exam block ever. On the Monday, I had (from memory) a Biology test and the English written assignment due. The Biology test I think I did well in (I have not received any results back except for Maths because I forgot...), and the English assignment I have no idea; but I like to think I am quite capable with the language, so I'm sure I did fine.
The next day I had my Maths B exam, and Physics oral assignment due.
I got my results back for my Maths B exam and I'm pretty sure I got C+/B- which is the best I have done in Maths over the two years... Too bad it was in the last term when it didn't count! =.= As for the Physics, well... I don't think I did that great. Let's face it. I handed in five pages, compared to everyone else who had 17+. But, I passed in the end regardless!


Wednesday I stayed home... Most likely procrastinating as I always do. Thursday involved me working six hours straight on my Chemistry assignment from start to finish. Resulting in over 6,000 words, and an exhausted [Miss Invisible] riding to school and handing it in last minute much to my teacher's distress. The end of the day consisted of me walking home with [Riot!] which was a lot nicer than half sprinting there...


Friday was a much appreciated day off which I spent playing The Sims 2... Like the awesome person I am ;D The weekend was a quiet one, spent mostly mentally preparing myself for my final week of school (EVER!) which was upon me...


And there it was! My final week of school... The Monday was spent walking to a local restaurant where we were to have our Valedictory Dinner that night. For those confused, a VD is a night of celebration for just the Year 12s and their families. We were given our awards (if we had achieved any), had dinner, socialised, sung a Phil Collins song, took photos, laughed, and for some of us; cried... That was the night I learnt that I had not achieved the Creative Arts Award. Now... This was the award that I had been working towards all year. Instead, a Year 9 girl got it. I've never been a big fan of this girl (perhaps because I knew she was my competition?), and to find out she had gotten the award and not me; was completely devastating...


Tuesday was spent at the Logan Entertainment Centre rehearsing the Night of Celebration. basically the same thing as the VD, except we didn't have dinner, and it was the rest of the school as well! Well, not exactly... Because our school is now at that 'awkward' size where we had to cut years from the night. It ended up only being Years 6, 9, 11 and 12 that were presented... From memory. Award winners were also presented.


Wednesday the Year 12s headed to the beach on the Gold Coast. The surf was refreshing, the lunch was mediocre but nice enough, and we were all in relatively high spirits. Then [Macca] had to bring out a little service for us, which ended in the handing out of letters our parents had written to us to read that day. I am most certainly not going to write what was written in that letter on here, but I will reveal that it made me start bawling at the second line; and continued right until the end, with a few giggles here and there with whatever funny line my Dad inserted. Halfway through reading, I looked up and saw a flock of seagulls chilling around me which made me confused, entertained, and partially comforted (somehow); and I'm pretty sure I was the last to head back to the main area as all I could do was sit under a tree, cry and think about what my parents had said to me.


Ahem, I should move on...


So yeah, in the past three days so far, I had successfully managed to bawl my eyes out... All three days. I was quite emotionally drained at this point and wondering how on earth I would get through the other two days.


Thankfully, Thursday was spent at Dreamworld! There wasn't many people there, so the lines were nice and short, which made it even more amazing! From memory we managed to go on the Mick Doohan, The Claw (Yes! My dear husband [Phantomess] helped me conquer my fear with this one... So grateful now!), The Log Ride (which consisted of [Tenuto Tuo], [Phantomess] and myself sitting in the boat and splashing each other until we were completely drenched before the ride had even started... The guy at the end of the ride looked quite surprised at how wet we were and the childish, slightly maniacal, laughter that was coming from us. So. Worth. It.), The Runaway Reptar (which the name has now changed to I have no idea what, because it appears that Nickelodeon has nothing to do with Dreamworld anymore), The Merry-Go-Round (Hell yeah we did! [Clearly Unfocused] and I spotted it on the way to the Stingray ride and immediately told everyone we should go on it. The lady was nice and joked along with us about the ride being too adrenaline-filled, but it was so simple and fun that it was nice! I mean, it was our last chance to do it as students!!!), (Oh and the Stingray ride with [Clearly Unfocused] and I was a tradition that we just had to do. I need not fill in what that is to you, fellow readers ^.^), and we also went on the River Rapids multiple, MULTIPLE times. Another tradition of the groups. It is the best ride at Dreamworld in our eyes, and always will be.


That night I, annoyingly, had work; but overall the day was amazing. Every day of the last week was, but Dreamworld, was one of the best by far! Oh, and I forgot to mention that I saw an old primary school flame there... I shall call him [LongTie], but I walked past him a couple of times wondering if I should say "hi" or not, but was too chicken in the end... That evening he posted on my wall asking where I was as he didn't see me, and I literally kicked myself at not having the balls to go up to him, but what's done is done I guess.


The last day of school...


We arrived at the Senior campus of our school to catch a bus to our Junior one to have our first ceremony there. Our oldest residing students gave speeches, Prep's came up to us and gave us presents and shook our hands with their tiny ones, we were serenaded and had the violins play for us; and finally, we walked down the "snake", out of the school for good. For those confused, the 'snake'  is pretty much as it sounds... A snake made of tiles winding it's way through the courtyard. A tradition for graduating Year 12s is to walk along the snake, through the clapping years going from Prep up to 5; occasionally hugging ones we know and high-fiving others. And, of course, bawling our eyes out in the process.
We then headed back to the Senior campus for our major ceremony there. Teacher's gave speeches, the band myself and my group play in played Mamma Mia for the last time (tears were had), and then I got up to sing Nickelback's 'Photograph' (with editted lyrics to suit the situation more). What did the tech crew tell me? "There's no music". NO MUSIC?! * Cue hyperventilation*. Eventually, I somewhat gathered myself, and sang A Capella. I had printed a whole heap of photographs for my fellow grads to look through as I was singing, and I stopped multiple times due to choking up. At first it was due to sheer nerves (I was about to clinically insane), but as I warmed into the song it was more emotion that choked me up. I didn't sound as good as I hoped I would, but I got through it, and received multiple compliments, hugs and thank you's afterward, so I wasn't complaining.
Afterwards the Year 12s made our way down the hill (Junior campus snake style), stopping and hugging more people; and eventually made our way into the Library where there was a beautiful cake made by a fellow grad's Mum, we signed each other's shirts/year books, [Clearly Unfocused] and [Old Man] had made us a power point with memories, and I handed out my Christmas pressies to a handful of favoured teachers.
[Tenuto Tuo] and I then headed to the local shopping centre to have lunch, when we ran into [Clearly Unfocused] and [Old Man]. We joined them at Toscani's where [GoJo] and another grad could also be seen eating. Later on, those two went on to get piercings, which they proudly showed off. After lunch, we all finally headed home and I crashed onto my bed; physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.


After a lazy Saturday, came Sunday morning; driving down to Caloundra for Schoolies! Now now... For those of you who have heard about the Schoolies based in Surfer's Paradise, QLD; don't fret! My group and I are nothing like that. We prefer to remember all the stupid things we do! Besides, we act drunk enough without even needing to touch the stuff! ;D
Ahhh Schoolies... I miss it so much already! It was an amazing week! Some days were spent at the beach being pounded by the waves, or just sitting in the shallow water rolling around and being "beached as broo"; and other days were spent lazing around our holiday house. Most of those days included eating pretty much 24/7 (pretty sure there wasn't an hour that went by without us raiding the pantry or fridge), playing Twister (interesting stuff happened there...), singing karaoke (with our de-LIGHT-full voices; it was amazing, jus' sayin'), staying up past midnight watching [vs49688] play F.E.A.R. 2, cooking four packets of two-minute noodles to barely have any because it tasted so bad; so they were thrown in a bush in the backyard and are most likely still there, making Sims - matching them as closely to the group as possible, and crashing on the couch (or floor in [vs49688]'s case). We went shopping, had a BBQ, made interesting meals for dinner, played a heck of a lot of Halo, watched a fair amount of Eurovision, had chicken nuggets for breakfast, had nowhere near enough sleep, and... The Game of Truth. This! Was ultimately one of the best parts of the week. Seven people gathered in a lounge room, though awkward at first, eventually spilling any secrets/hardships/fears they were willing to share (which ended up being most between us) with no shame or judgement. [vs49688]'s emotional, classical music was playing in the background - encouraging even more tears to flow. If I am going to remember my friends for anything, it would be that night. The trust and love that brought us so tightly together was breath taking and truly moving. That night made me truly realise how much these guys mean to me and how I never EVER want to lose contact with them.


Well... The week after Schoolies was spent at home. Pretty much every day. It was nice, lazy and relaxing.
Tuesday [Carl] came over. We watched The Lion King and danced to Nickelback's new album (the songs in this album are so amazing! I can't get enough!!!). It was fun, but in the end it was inevitable that things would get awkward. He dropped me off at school for my last Chamber Singers rehearsal before things got too awkward, but that night and the following day things were iffy between us. A small fight occurred between us, and we are now not talking. I didn't incur it. In fact, I don't think either of us incurred it. He has just stopped coming online, and I just ended up blocking him so I wouldn't keep having the urge to see if he's online or not. (It's a habitual thing). 
Wednesday night I went to the Christmas Carol evening that my school held, in which I was performing in with Choir, Chamber Singers, and the band. The night, overall, was up and down. I spent time with [Riot!] which is always fun, but an issue arose which caused me to grow upset - which was not helped when [Carl] was continually coming up to me (we were still talking at this point) asking me what was wrong (of which I could not explain to him) and complaining to me about his stomach ache (I am not heartless, I was just too distressed to care about his issues at that point).


All the other days have been lazy, at home, playing a game of Cluedo with the sister at one point, walking to the fish and chip shop at another, a work shift somewhere in there. Until today when I headed over to [Riot!]'s house for a swim, and a song session ^.^ There is nothing wrong with belting out the lyrics to For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic by Paramore, even though the lyrics may not totally match the situation... :P


Sooo... I have other things on my mind, but I shall leave that for tomorrow's blog perhaps. I have written enough here and caught y'all up on everything that has happened in my totes-awesome life; so that will do for now! I apologise a thousand times over for any of you devoted readers who have felt lost without my words for the past couple of months! Heh. ^.^


Oh, and GUYS GUESS WHAT!? I am in the process of beginning to write a fanfic! :D! It will be based on the online game I play and the movie Stardust, so who knows what it will turn out like... But I am keen to put my beautiful describing words to use to form what will hopefully be a pretty awesome story! :) If I feel like it, I may post chapters on here as I write them; but I can't promise anything right now.


~You call to me, and I fall at your feet. How could anyone ask for more?~