Have you ever had one of those absolutely amazing days, where nothing went wrong and you finally realised that this is what you want and where you want to be? Well, I was fortunate to have one of them today... And what better way to have this happen to you, then when you're with your boyfriend! :)
After all that I have been through recently, it was so nice just to be able to go for a stroll down to Subway with [Riot!]; teasing each other about what we eat/don't eat... We then walked around the lake just talking about anything and everything; followed by resting and duck watching, causing more laughs over mine and his epic fails...
Every second of today, I was loving it! I never feel awkward around him, and even when we're not talking; it's not like either of us feel like we HAVE to talk.
The one thing I realised today is how much I was repressed and how much I actually didn't like being with [Carl]. Before I met him, I was the most innocent year 10 student who wouldn't have a clue about anything! The first day I met [Carl] is when everything changed... The first day we met was the first day we went out, and that night we made out! Yeah, I was as freaked out as you possibly are now... From there, things moved way too quick for my liking. No matter how many times I would tell him. It wasn't too much after the one year mark that I lost my virginity...
This, is definitely one of the biggest things I regret. Ever since that day I have felt horrible. The fact that [Carl] wasn't even legal to have it; yet he still insisted every single time I saw him to the point where I just gave in... This actually sums up our relationship... The bigger, better-with-words guy repressing and manipulating the small, easy-to-confuse-therefore-manipulate girl to do whatever he wishes...
It's crazy how jealous I am of [Clearly Unfocused] and [Phantomess] because of the innocence they have. I mean, sure they know about stuff, but who doesn't? I don't know exactly what girls picture their first time to be; but I'm sure it wouldn't be one that involved practically being forced into it (though at the time being manipulated into thinking that it's worth doing).
This is one of the reasons why I am so happy right now! I mean, I finally shake [Carl] off after weeks of begging and pining to have me back; and I spend an entire day with [Riot!] just enjoying each others company and sharing the most simplest of moments. I feel like I can start afresh! Turn over a new page where I can pretend that I'm that innocent year 10 student again... It's so comforting to know that I'm with a guy who wants to spend time with me; because he wants to spend genuine time with me! Not one who always seems to have his hormones control his actions... :/
Drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain
'Cause I see sparks fly
Whenever you smile
I've had this song stuck in my head all day and I can't help but smile every time I sing it in my head because it so applies to the how I felt today! I honestly can't remember the last time I blushed because of a compliment I received, or the last time I felt truly wanted.
I'm the kind of person who appreciates and loves all the little things one can do. I don't expect expensive presents; if anything I tend to prefer the cheaper ones because of the simplicity and thought behind them. Not saying there isn't thought behind the expensive ones, but yeah, I'm a special child okay? :P Anyways, so this means that I absolutely love it when I'm with a guy who just grabs your hand and holds it or kisses it; or who gestures to you to hurry up and sit next to them when they already know you're going to already. I guess I'm basically one of those girls that love the things you usually find in movies, or hear in songs... But I'm actually lucky enough to be experiencing such things right now, and it makes me unbelievably happy! :) <3
Well, I have no idea what this post was initially going to be about, but if any of you got bored by the end... Stick it! :P I'm so happy right now, none of you trolls are gonna ruin it! Mmkayy??
~Is it sad to say that I was grinning like an idiot while writing the end of this post?~
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<3
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