♫ It's been a whiiillleeee ♫
... Please forgive me! I have been incredibly lazy... O:)
I wouldn't be surprised if this is an exceedingly long post, so you have been warned! I have 2-3 months of stuff to catch up on, and there is a lot of stuff.... Believe me. Let's begin!
HAPPY NEW YEAR! WOOOO! I hope all your New Years Resolutions come true... Or, knowing most people, most of them have already probably been broken... Ah well! There's always next year ;)
Oh goodness, what have I been up too... Well... I did finish that last exam I was about to sit as I was writing the last blog post. Two hours of cramming left my hand cramping like crazy and my head swimming with tiredness and worry. But it turns out that I got 87% on that exam, so I did a heck of a lot better than I was expecting... I was terrified I wasn't even going to pass so, that was a blessing. This also meant that I passed all of my subjects that semester! Which was something I very much needed to hear after the struggle I had over the last two semesters before that.
So after that chapter closed on a good note, the next chapter posed questions about whether I was staying on Halls next year or not. I got accepted back in the first round (which is a first for me... I've never gotten first round offers before with Halls, it had always been second round), and I accepted. I'm back in Pitt (unfortunately) but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to stay on Halls for another year. It's easier for studying, and I just love it to pieces... I'm going to miss it so damn much when I won't be staying there anymore! The only issue with accepting is that I now have to watch my bank account very closely... And I mean extremely closely. Because I now have to pay the fees myself and even though I have two jobs, I'm barely getting enough shifts from either of them to be able to pay off the fees and have spending money on the side comfortably...
This is also creating a bit of an issue when it comes to tithing to the church as well. I was planning on starting this year, but I have held back from starting just yet due to worries that it'll cut into my already scarce income. And I know, I know... Tithing is all about giving so you can receive more, and just believing that He will take care of it all. But the logic side of my brain is giving an insane fight at the moment, and I'm finding it hard to just go blind and hope for the best... Again, I always find things like that difficult; though I am slowly working at it. But regardless, I've accepted. I'm paying the fees. Something will work out, I'm sure of it!
Then began the summer holidays! Already they've been filled with ice fights, Facebook shenanigans, tea towel fights and all sorts of other crazy activities; though I can't say it started off too fantastic...
The day before my final uni exam was a friend's formal, which [K-Dawg] was her date for. Now this I didn't have a problem with, as they're friends and whatever! What I did care about was the fact that one of the girls sitting on the table with them is the current girlfriend of my ex [Carl] who was also gonna be there. Well, even then... That wasn't exactly what bothered me. Love is love, and you can date whoever. The fact that they basically bitched about me the entire night? Openly? With my boyfriend being able to hear it all..? That's what killed me. [K-Dawg]'s fantastic memory ensured he could only tell a couple of things that they said, but that was enough to momentarily affect me badly.
I had honestly thought better of [Carl], and it really hurt that there were still petty rumours being spread about me even after I had left the school; so it really discouraged me to keep in contact with him even when I want to bring him to church and enjoy being friends with him still. I eventually struggled through it, and I'm back better than ever now! Anyone can say whatever they want about me, but I'm going to stay strong and keep doing what I'm doing regardless.
The other thing about the formal was the fact that I attended the pre-drinks of it... Where the parents/friends/family can hang for a while and get photos before being kicked out. This also meant that I was in a room full of students I used to be friendly with before the break up with [Riot!] and I. Judgmental glares and whispers were seen everywhere, but that didn't overly faze me compared to actually seeing [Riot!] himself for the first time since we ended things. I didn't talk to him, nor did he acknowledge my existence; but man was I hit with a crazy array of emotions all at once...
Due to the way we left things, when I saw [Riot!] I realised how many emotions I still had over the relationship that hadn't been dealt with. I'm not still in love with him, but I did still have traces of how I used to feel toward him there. I missed him... I still do! I can't stand leaving relationships on bad notes and, if I could help it, I would be friends with most of my exes still because they were good guys! (I say most, cause there are still the odd jerk or two...). I just wanted to run over and apologise and talk about Paramore or Charmed or anything else we used to get excited over together. We aren't good together as a couple, but I just wanted so badly to be friends with him again. To have it how it used to be before we started dating and things got all pear-shaped. I've gotten over it again now due to there being distance again, but I can't lie and say I still don't wish for it to happen one day... Not that I'm holding my breath.
Whether it was due to a heavy spike of emotion, or something else... I fell sick not long into the start of the holidays as well. Which was even better when I found out the air-conditioning at Subway wasn't working. A couple of shifts later, I had almost killed myself driving back home; which was a bit of an eye-opener for driving tired and sick... Don't do it guys, seriously. It was terrifying, even when there were few cars on the road.
I have been able to catch up with my groupies these holidays a couple of times already which has been awesomesauce! First, there was a celebration at [Clearly Unfocused]'s place for the end of the study year which was filled with Barbie, Twister and a strange Pokemon drinking game... [Phantomess]'s birthday was not long after, where we went out to par-tay in the city. Which also consisted of us driving my rather tipsy parents back from a work party, so there was a fair bit of hilarity involved there. The most recent get together was New Years where I held a party at my place, since I had the house to myself (score). There was 12 of us in total, and it was a good night! I managed to keep the house in one piece, except for one stain on the lounge-room floor... Someone had apparently brought in a drink when we went to watch the countdown and fireworks, and I was not aware of this; or the fact that they had spilled it! So, after a panic attack the next day, it was cleaned to the point where the stain itself isn't noticeable; but it's a clean patch compared to the rest of the worn carpet, so still relatively noticeable... >.> I tried my best parents, I really did!
But let's not forget about Christmas! This year I'm pretty sure I celebrated it at least... Three times. So by the time the third time came around, which was the actual day, it didn't even feel like the season anymore to be honest. It was first celebrated with the family and any partners of the children.. So basically [K-Dawg], and my sister's boyfriend. My brother's girlfriend was off holidaying in the US so was kinda difficult for her to join us... This was where I received a necklace and handbag from [K-Dawg], and a bible from his mother. A week later was just the family Christmas where we opened our presents, and was also my brother's birthday before we took off for Sydney to visit relatives.
A week was then spent in NSW where my 20th birthday was also thrown in. Woo! Yay for aging! My birthday was spent doing the Skywalk on the Sydney Tower which was pretty awesome, especially with the guide we had. It's all about who's taking you on the tour, seriously! Some people are just amazing at their jobs and leave you in stitches. Other than that, the rest of my birthday was pretty average; but such is the case when you're getting old I suppose :P Too expensive to do much else!
So... A little before all my Christmas/New Years adventures I got baptized in water, which was an interesting but amazing experience for me! I didn't feel any immediate difference, but being prayed for and hearing what I needed to hear from people who don't even know my story... It was just so amazing, and exactly what I needed. In particular, a fair few people kept getting the word Princess for me while praying; and while I didn't think much of it at the time, I now fully embrace the term and have realised exactly what it means to me and only me. I just had to get past the whole "I'm not worth anything" stage... Which, to be honest, I'm still struggling with... But progress!
Speaking of getting words, I am slowly learning that ability myself... While I haven't gotten any words for anyone yet, I have gotten a couple of visions; but haven't overly had the chance to practice more on it, since prayer sessions haven't been on over the holiday season. Of course there are other chances to practice... But I'm finding that those sessions are helping me most while I'm learning, and it's where I'm getting the most experiences to expand on. For example, a month before my water baptism I was baptized with the Holy Spirit in a prayer session; which opened up the ability to speak Tongues and find out if I had the gift to receive visions etc. That was very interesting for me... In a previous blog post I talked about Tongues and how uncomfortable I was with it and things like that... And, to be honest, at times I still am a little... Only because I don't know what I'm saying, and my brain just likes knowing these things! Also, I am still in the learning stage and have barely got a handle on it yet. I am still laughing at how ridiculous I sound at the moment, but I'm working through it so hopefully it evolves into something fluent and effortless to produce.
So yeah! A lot has been happening lately... But all the good things have come at a bit of a cost... It's been putting a massive strain on my relationship with the parents - my mother in particular - as they don't believe and are very set on never going down that path. Mum just thinks I'm going to end up like her hypocritical sister who hurt her and all these other things... I'm trying to prove otherwise, but it's quite difficult to work past how blinded she is to the fact that I haven't changed who I am; just who I follow after. I'm still the same [Miss Invisible]! I still talk to her, and involve her in my life... It was just difficult for a small period of time where there was a lot of religious events happening in my life and I didn't share them with Mum cause I thought she didn't want to hear it... Only to find her telling me that she still wants me to share with her. Even though I've tried discussing things like that with her in the past, and she's completely shut me down... So I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do! Just tread carefully I suppose.
Latest news: I am actively seeking donations in support of the Leukaemia Foundation, as I am planning on shaving my head in March in the World's Greatest Shave. My goal is around $2,500, and I so far have around $450 after a month of asking... I want to raise the amount so badly, but I'm honestly afraid I've set the bar too high. You'd think people would be willing to donate to such a great cause! I mean, a Facebook friend of mine got $1,000 within a week to get herself a dog for her birthday... Granted, she has more FB friends; but seriously?! I don't have anything against her getting a dog, but I really would've thought people would be more giving towards a charity that researches and helps those in need...
But anyways... [K-Dawg] and I also just recently had our one year anniversary! So that was nice to have in the midst of everything that's been happening. It honestly feels like we've been together for longer than that... In the good way that we just know each other so well, though I have noticed that our honeymoon period is slowly coming to an end :P Which I don't mind, cause it means we're just moving on to the next stage of our relationship together! It's just quite easy to spot the transition symptoms haha.
Add on an 11 and a half hour Laserforce marathon we went too recently and that basically sums up my holidays and what my life is like currently :P I have now run out of things to say... I don't even know how long this post is! Hopefully it's long enough for those dedicated readers that enjoy reading a lot about me... But I seriously need to blog more often, cause this post itself took about half a week to write up just out of laziness. I get less lazy when there's less to write :P
Until next time yo'
~Never let go of me, even when I'm sinking~
... Please forgive me! I have been incredibly lazy... O:)
I wouldn't be surprised if this is an exceedingly long post, so you have been warned! I have 2-3 months of stuff to catch up on, and there is a lot of stuff.... Believe me. Let's begin!
HAPPY NEW YEAR! WOOOO! I hope all your New Years Resolutions come true... Or, knowing most people, most of them have already probably been broken... Ah well! There's always next year ;)
Oh goodness, what have I been up too... Well... I did finish that last exam I was about to sit as I was writing the last blog post. Two hours of cramming left my hand cramping like crazy and my head swimming with tiredness and worry. But it turns out that I got 87% on that exam, so I did a heck of a lot better than I was expecting... I was terrified I wasn't even going to pass so, that was a blessing. This also meant that I passed all of my subjects that semester! Which was something I very much needed to hear after the struggle I had over the last two semesters before that.
So after that chapter closed on a good note, the next chapter posed questions about whether I was staying on Halls next year or not. I got accepted back in the first round (which is a first for me... I've never gotten first round offers before with Halls, it had always been second round), and I accepted. I'm back in Pitt (unfortunately) but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to stay on Halls for another year. It's easier for studying, and I just love it to pieces... I'm going to miss it so damn much when I won't be staying there anymore! The only issue with accepting is that I now have to watch my bank account very closely... And I mean extremely closely. Because I now have to pay the fees myself and even though I have two jobs, I'm barely getting enough shifts from either of them to be able to pay off the fees and have spending money on the side comfortably...
This is also creating a bit of an issue when it comes to tithing to the church as well. I was planning on starting this year, but I have held back from starting just yet due to worries that it'll cut into my already scarce income. And I know, I know... Tithing is all about giving so you can receive more, and just believing that He will take care of it all. But the logic side of my brain is giving an insane fight at the moment, and I'm finding it hard to just go blind and hope for the best... Again, I always find things like that difficult; though I am slowly working at it. But regardless, I've accepted. I'm paying the fees. Something will work out, I'm sure of it!
Then began the summer holidays! Already they've been filled with ice fights, Facebook shenanigans, tea towel fights and all sorts of other crazy activities; though I can't say it started off too fantastic...
The day before my final uni exam was a friend's formal, which [K-Dawg] was her date for. Now this I didn't have a problem with, as they're friends and whatever! What I did care about was the fact that one of the girls sitting on the table with them is the current girlfriend of my ex [Carl] who was also gonna be there. Well, even then... That wasn't exactly what bothered me. Love is love, and you can date whoever. The fact that they basically bitched about me the entire night? Openly? With my boyfriend being able to hear it all..? That's what killed me. [K-Dawg]'s fantastic memory ensured he could only tell a couple of things that they said, but that was enough to momentarily affect me badly.
I had honestly thought better of [Carl], and it really hurt that there were still petty rumours being spread about me even after I had left the school; so it really discouraged me to keep in contact with him even when I want to bring him to church and enjoy being friends with him still. I eventually struggled through it, and I'm back better than ever now! Anyone can say whatever they want about me, but I'm going to stay strong and keep doing what I'm doing regardless.
The other thing about the formal was the fact that I attended the pre-drinks of it... Where the parents/friends/family can hang for a while and get photos before being kicked out. This also meant that I was in a room full of students I used to be friendly with before the break up with [Riot!] and I. Judgmental glares and whispers were seen everywhere, but that didn't overly faze me compared to actually seeing [Riot!] himself for the first time since we ended things. I didn't talk to him, nor did he acknowledge my existence; but man was I hit with a crazy array of emotions all at once...
Due to the way we left things, when I saw [Riot!] I realised how many emotions I still had over the relationship that hadn't been dealt with. I'm not still in love with him, but I did still have traces of how I used to feel toward him there. I missed him... I still do! I can't stand leaving relationships on bad notes and, if I could help it, I would be friends with most of my exes still because they were good guys! (I say most, cause there are still the odd jerk or two...). I just wanted to run over and apologise and talk about Paramore or Charmed or anything else we used to get excited over together. We aren't good together as a couple, but I just wanted so badly to be friends with him again. To have it how it used to be before we started dating and things got all pear-shaped. I've gotten over it again now due to there being distance again, but I can't lie and say I still don't wish for it to happen one day... Not that I'm holding my breath.
Whether it was due to a heavy spike of emotion, or something else... I fell sick not long into the start of the holidays as well. Which was even better when I found out the air-conditioning at Subway wasn't working. A couple of shifts later, I had almost killed myself driving back home; which was a bit of an eye-opener for driving tired and sick... Don't do it guys, seriously. It was terrifying, even when there were few cars on the road.
I have been able to catch up with my groupies these holidays a couple of times already which has been awesomesauce! First, there was a celebration at [Clearly Unfocused]'s place for the end of the study year which was filled with Barbie, Twister and a strange Pokemon drinking game... [Phantomess]'s birthday was not long after, where we went out to par-tay in the city. Which also consisted of us driving my rather tipsy parents back from a work party, so there was a fair bit of hilarity involved there. The most recent get together was New Years where I held a party at my place, since I had the house to myself (score). There was 12 of us in total, and it was a good night! I managed to keep the house in one piece, except for one stain on the lounge-room floor... Someone had apparently brought in a drink when we went to watch the countdown and fireworks, and I was not aware of this; or the fact that they had spilled it! So, after a panic attack the next day, it was cleaned to the point where the stain itself isn't noticeable; but it's a clean patch compared to the rest of the worn carpet, so still relatively noticeable... >.> I tried my best parents, I really did!
But let's not forget about Christmas! This year I'm pretty sure I celebrated it at least... Three times. So by the time the third time came around, which was the actual day, it didn't even feel like the season anymore to be honest. It was first celebrated with the family and any partners of the children.. So basically [K-Dawg], and my sister's boyfriend. My brother's girlfriend was off holidaying in the US so was kinda difficult for her to join us... This was where I received a necklace and handbag from [K-Dawg], and a bible from his mother. A week later was just the family Christmas where we opened our presents, and was also my brother's birthday before we took off for Sydney to visit relatives.
A week was then spent in NSW where my 20th birthday was also thrown in. Woo! Yay for aging! My birthday was spent doing the Skywalk on the Sydney Tower which was pretty awesome, especially with the guide we had. It's all about who's taking you on the tour, seriously! Some people are just amazing at their jobs and leave you in stitches. Other than that, the rest of my birthday was pretty average; but such is the case when you're getting old I suppose :P Too expensive to do much else!
So... A little before all my Christmas/New Years adventures I got baptized in water, which was an interesting but amazing experience for me! I didn't feel any immediate difference, but being prayed for and hearing what I needed to hear from people who don't even know my story... It was just so amazing, and exactly what I needed. In particular, a fair few people kept getting the word Princess for me while praying; and while I didn't think much of it at the time, I now fully embrace the term and have realised exactly what it means to me and only me. I just had to get past the whole "I'm not worth anything" stage... Which, to be honest, I'm still struggling with... But progress!
Speaking of getting words, I am slowly learning that ability myself... While I haven't gotten any words for anyone yet, I have gotten a couple of visions; but haven't overly had the chance to practice more on it, since prayer sessions haven't been on over the holiday season. Of course there are other chances to practice... But I'm finding that those sessions are helping me most while I'm learning, and it's where I'm getting the most experiences to expand on. For example, a month before my water baptism I was baptized with the Holy Spirit in a prayer session; which opened up the ability to speak Tongues and find out if I had the gift to receive visions etc. That was very interesting for me... In a previous blog post I talked about Tongues and how uncomfortable I was with it and things like that... And, to be honest, at times I still am a little... Only because I don't know what I'm saying, and my brain just likes knowing these things! Also, I am still in the learning stage and have barely got a handle on it yet. I am still laughing at how ridiculous I sound at the moment, but I'm working through it so hopefully it evolves into something fluent and effortless to produce.
So yeah! A lot has been happening lately... But all the good things have come at a bit of a cost... It's been putting a massive strain on my relationship with the parents - my mother in particular - as they don't believe and are very set on never going down that path. Mum just thinks I'm going to end up like her hypocritical sister who hurt her and all these other things... I'm trying to prove otherwise, but it's quite difficult to work past how blinded she is to the fact that I haven't changed who I am; just who I follow after. I'm still the same [Miss Invisible]! I still talk to her, and involve her in my life... It was just difficult for a small period of time where there was a lot of religious events happening in my life and I didn't share them with Mum cause I thought she didn't want to hear it... Only to find her telling me that she still wants me to share with her. Even though I've tried discussing things like that with her in the past, and she's completely shut me down... So I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do! Just tread carefully I suppose.
Latest news: I am actively seeking donations in support of the Leukaemia Foundation, as I am planning on shaving my head in March in the World's Greatest Shave. My goal is around $2,500, and I so far have around $450 after a month of asking... I want to raise the amount so badly, but I'm honestly afraid I've set the bar too high. You'd think people would be willing to donate to such a great cause! I mean, a Facebook friend of mine got $1,000 within a week to get herself a dog for her birthday... Granted, she has more FB friends; but seriously?! I don't have anything against her getting a dog, but I really would've thought people would be more giving towards a charity that researches and helps those in need...
But anyways... [K-Dawg] and I also just recently had our one year anniversary! So that was nice to have in the midst of everything that's been happening. It honestly feels like we've been together for longer than that... In the good way that we just know each other so well, though I have noticed that our honeymoon period is slowly coming to an end :P Which I don't mind, cause it means we're just moving on to the next stage of our relationship together! It's just quite easy to spot the transition symptoms haha.
Add on an 11 and a half hour Laserforce marathon we went too recently and that basically sums up my holidays and what my life is like currently :P I have now run out of things to say... I don't even know how long this post is! Hopefully it's long enough for those dedicated readers that enjoy reading a lot about me... But I seriously need to blog more often, cause this post itself took about half a week to write up just out of laziness. I get less lazy when there's less to write :P
Until next time yo'
~Never let go of me, even when I'm sinking~
