So, I literally just downloaded the Blogger app so I could write up this post... Mostly because my eyes were killing me after spending too much time on the computer & a random brain spurt after turning it off. And, as usual, now that I've started.. I've completely forgotten what I was gonna say. But if the font is weird or different, it's because there's like.. No font options with this thing. Just bold & italics options, so I can still have italics! Woo!
Anyways... I'm just gonna start with this week & what's goin' down!
As I think I've already mentioned... I am going for Diversity Officer in the Resident's Club for my uni campus for the second time... And I still have very mixed feelings right now.
[Chappy] and I were talking after the Hall Crawl this afternoon (basically a night consisting of activities at each hall, generally getting quite messy at some point or other..) & he was saying to me that I should stay on Halls next year, regardless of whether I get the position or not. And it's really torn me up..
As badly as I do want to stay on Halls (I seriously do love it here), it's really hard when there are so few people left that I can hang out. [Chappy] is a social butterfly who can charm his way into conversations easily, but I'm not like that. I'm just not as smooth! And again, there /is/ the money issue... But, if I don't stay on Halls, will I put in the study..? Or get distracted even more than I manage to do here..?
So yes, I am still struggling over this issue... But I have until Friday to re-apply to Halls... I might re-apply anyway... To cover all bases I suppose. But tomorrow night is Valedictory Dinner, where the Resident's Club for next year will be announced... To be honest, I'm nowhere near as nervous or excited as I was last year. Last year I stressed & agonised over getting the position, & it left me utterly crushed when I didn't get it (get way too emotionally invested.. Can't ya tell?); so I guess my mind is saving me from going through the same thing. Especially since I was only up against one person last year, & this year I'm against four. So yeah, I've basically already accepted defeat.
One thing I don't believe I have discussed on here is a recent church service I went too.. The week before last to be specific.
I was perfectly fine until the pastor started giving the message... And about halfway through some of the things he was saying started to hit home... So much so that I was a bit of a mess by the end of it... As in pretty much bawling my eyes out. It was kind of embarrassing, not gonna lie. But I did get cuddles from [K-Dawg] & [Dancer] so I can't complain too much. But it was then that they insisted I go and talk to the pastor about it afterward. And this terrified me.
The pastor himself didn't scare me, I like the guy! He's cool! What was terrifying me was change. And I knew... As soon as I talked to him, things would start changing for me. And boy was I right...
[Dancer] ended up talking to him first to break my awkwardness a little, & I went into a little detail of how I currently felt (annoyingly couldn't rattle on about everything, as shyness & awkwardness held me back), then the next thing I knew... I had a small crowd around me (okay, like, maybe seven or so people) holding a hand or touching my shoulder & praying for me...
This was the first time I had other people praying for me, & it was surreal. Like... I honestly didn't know what to think for most of it, & I had to really focus on trying to hear what was being said by the person leading the prayer at the time; as the others were constantly murmuring as well. And what language were they murmuring in? ..Tongues.
Now... Tongues is a weird topic for me. I'm still not 100% sure what I think about it. Again, it's a new thing or 'change' of some kind... And the idea of not knowing for sure what you're saying scares the heck out of me.. Always has & always will. I don't have anything against it.. I'm just not completely ready to accept the idea just yet either... And can't promise that I ever will, because who knows!
But, everything aside... It was nice being prayed for. Some of the things that were said to me were really nice & I have honestly felt lighter since it happened. I've also started thinking about slightly out there things I never thought I originally would've thought of.
For example, the day after the service (from memory) I was thinking about [Carl]... My devoted followers know him quite well. But yes, I was thinking about him, just generally; and then I had a rush of thoughts involving him and his current girlfriend attending the church I do. Coming to the services... Me being there to help them not be as awkward... All these sorts of things...
I just found it so weird I guess. I mean, I forgave [Carl] a fair while back for everything he's put me through, so it's not like I have ill feelings toward him or anything like that. I guess it's just the fact that I suddenly want my ex-boyfriend to attend my church, even if it's just once, that I found a bit surprising. It's.. Kind of hard to explain, but yeah.
I'm already running out of things to say... As usual! Plus, this is kinda hurting my thumbs doing this on the trusty iPod... Though I do like this app! ^_^
I'll make a new post whenever I get around to it :P Seeing as there's always big gaps between them...
~I don't wanna lose you now~
