Hello hello!
It's been a while hasn't it..? Ah well! I was really only spurred to write this blog post because of current situations stressing me to the point where I need to blurt them out onto an electronic piece of paper just to hopefully make sense of it all... Hopefully this doesn't become negative! But there will definitely be plenty of pondering and a lot of wondering... So shall we begin? Okay!
So.. This is Halls related mainly... As most of you know, I live on campus at my University and I love it. I love the beauty of the campus, I love the people, I love the atmosphere... Heck, I don't even mind the smell that wafts in from the piggery time to time; because I love this campus so damn much! So what's the problem, you ask? Well, my parents can't continue to afford the fees for me to stay every year; and so, if I wish to stay on next year, I'm going to be taking on paying the fees myself. Now, this I don't mind! Having the last two years paid for me is a blessing in itself, and I am perfectly okay with becoming independent... The major issue I have is whether I will be making enough money to support myself, only working weekends... I have two jobs currently, and am struggling like crazy. One of the jobs is pretty much never giving me shifts, while the other has me on two set shifts a week; but with lower pay... So it isn't really satisfying my bank account currently.
I got to the point, earlier today, where I was thinking of not coming back to Halls next year... I mean. I've lost most of the group of people I hung out with this semester, and basically sit by myself for 90% of the meals in the dining hall... And, depending on how much my parents would charge me for board to keep living with them, it would most likely be cheaper to stay at home; and take the hour trip there and back every day I have pracs, and listen to the lectures online... But would I really do that? I mean... The internet at home is pretty dodgy at times, so could I guarantee good quality listening? I could go to the boyfriend's with his unlimited interwebs... But risk the chance of getting distracted if he's around. Who am I kidding, I'm easily distracted no matter what! My procrastination methods are crazy extreme... And yet I was considering staying at home and studying..? Where I'm more likely to do nothing, than I do on Halls..? *Sigh*
I went to the Resident's Club information evening tonight, as I was eagerly considering going again for the role of Diversity Officer; as most of you would know, I was robbed of last year by another student who clearly couldn't give two darns about music and culture... I honestly didn't even feel like going. I RSVP'd two-three weeks ago, when I was much more eager. But today, I was slowly reaching the conclusion that I wasn't going to come back next year; but went, since I had already RSVP'd... And I wasn't going to pass down good food, when it's such a rare opportunity!
What did the information evening do for me..? Confuse me even more of course! Because it re-ignited my want to be the Diversity Officer... I doubt anybody has any clue just how badly I want it, it's crazy... But, as far as I'm aware, I'm against at least one-two other people for this position; and I honestly don't know if I can go through what I did at Valedictory Dinner last year when the Res Club members were announced and my name wasn't among them.
I want to make a difference! I want to enrich people's lives! I want to help make Halls better than it currently is! Yet, I am so terrified at the thought of losing... Of failure. But would I regret not going for it? Of course...
Then there's the other problem... What if I manage to get assigned the post I so badly want? What if I manage to get it, and then realise half way through the year that I can't afford the fees..? If I'm going to be in Res Club, I am staying all year! Because it's an opportunity I will never get again... So if I have to cut that short..? It's going to kill me, just a little...
And I still have the constant problem involving where I'm going with my life... Someone this weekend said to me: "So, after uni, are you going to be joining a theatre company or..?" and I didn't know how to reply. I'm not a fan of those questions... Why? Because it just trudges up the conflict I'm trying so hard to work out. My self-doubt and lack of confidence ruins a lot of it, I think... Maybe I could get into a minor theatre company, yeah... But the big ones? Where I want to be? Heck no! I'd never make it.. At least not as a main character. Chorus member perhaps... If I'm lucky.
I'm honestly not trying to be a pain by putting myself down... I just honestly struggle so much with the comprehension that I could get my voice back, since I've surely destroyed it by now with no training and just belting whenever... Do I train it? No! I'm not putting effort into music, and I'm not putting much effort into wildlife either... Because I'm caught in between with no clue as to where I'm gonna actually end up.
Could be why I want Diversity Officer so badly perhaps... Maybe then I'll be satisfied with a bit of work with music and culture, while still with animals... Sure, it's not a stage with lights and people watching... But it's better than nothing. And I've already accepted the fact that I'm going to have to make sacrifices in my life to ensure everything works out smoothly.
So yeah! Those are my current thoughts... I'm writing this after not getting much sleep last night due to cramming for an exam that I took today... Which would have been a heck of a lot easier if I knew what to study... Turns out I could have just looked at diagrams, rather than focusing on the theory like the lecturer hinted on... Woo! Yay for good communication! ... If this blog post makes no sense, the above reasoning is why!
Now to hopefully de-stress so I can get some good sleep for tomorrow... Where I'll be doing some study, before the Athletics carnival; followed by Doctors and Nurses theme at the club, where [Chappy]'s birthday will be belatedly celebrated... Hopefully with the much missed [Bestiality]'s presence! ^_^
Ciao guys.
~Put the right amount of pressure on it, pressure on it~
It's been a while hasn't it..? Ah well! I was really only spurred to write this blog post because of current situations stressing me to the point where I need to blurt them out onto an electronic piece of paper just to hopefully make sense of it all... Hopefully this doesn't become negative! But there will definitely be plenty of pondering and a lot of wondering... So shall we begin? Okay!
So.. This is Halls related mainly... As most of you know, I live on campus at my University and I love it. I love the beauty of the campus, I love the people, I love the atmosphere... Heck, I don't even mind the smell that wafts in from the piggery time to time; because I love this campus so damn much! So what's the problem, you ask? Well, my parents can't continue to afford the fees for me to stay every year; and so, if I wish to stay on next year, I'm going to be taking on paying the fees myself. Now, this I don't mind! Having the last two years paid for me is a blessing in itself, and I am perfectly okay with becoming independent... The major issue I have is whether I will be making enough money to support myself, only working weekends... I have two jobs currently, and am struggling like crazy. One of the jobs is pretty much never giving me shifts, while the other has me on two set shifts a week; but with lower pay... So it isn't really satisfying my bank account currently.
I got to the point, earlier today, where I was thinking of not coming back to Halls next year... I mean. I've lost most of the group of people I hung out with this semester, and basically sit by myself for 90% of the meals in the dining hall... And, depending on how much my parents would charge me for board to keep living with them, it would most likely be cheaper to stay at home; and take the hour trip there and back every day I have pracs, and listen to the lectures online... But would I really do that? I mean... The internet at home is pretty dodgy at times, so could I guarantee good quality listening? I could go to the boyfriend's with his unlimited interwebs... But risk the chance of getting distracted if he's around. Who am I kidding, I'm easily distracted no matter what! My procrastination methods are crazy extreme... And yet I was considering staying at home and studying..? Where I'm more likely to do nothing, than I do on Halls..? *Sigh*
I went to the Resident's Club information evening tonight, as I was eagerly considering going again for the role of Diversity Officer; as most of you would know, I was robbed of last year by another student who clearly couldn't give two darns about music and culture... I honestly didn't even feel like going. I RSVP'd two-three weeks ago, when I was much more eager. But today, I was slowly reaching the conclusion that I wasn't going to come back next year; but went, since I had already RSVP'd... And I wasn't going to pass down good food, when it's such a rare opportunity!
What did the information evening do for me..? Confuse me even more of course! Because it re-ignited my want to be the Diversity Officer... I doubt anybody has any clue just how badly I want it, it's crazy... But, as far as I'm aware, I'm against at least one-two other people for this position; and I honestly don't know if I can go through what I did at Valedictory Dinner last year when the Res Club members were announced and my name wasn't among them.
I want to make a difference! I want to enrich people's lives! I want to help make Halls better than it currently is! Yet, I am so terrified at the thought of losing... Of failure. But would I regret not going for it? Of course...
Then there's the other problem... What if I manage to get assigned the post I so badly want? What if I manage to get it, and then realise half way through the year that I can't afford the fees..? If I'm going to be in Res Club, I am staying all year! Because it's an opportunity I will never get again... So if I have to cut that short..? It's going to kill me, just a little...
And I still have the constant problem involving where I'm going with my life... Someone this weekend said to me: "So, after uni, are you going to be joining a theatre company or..?" and I didn't know how to reply. I'm not a fan of those questions... Why? Because it just trudges up the conflict I'm trying so hard to work out. My self-doubt and lack of confidence ruins a lot of it, I think... Maybe I could get into a minor theatre company, yeah... But the big ones? Where I want to be? Heck no! I'd never make it.. At least not as a main character. Chorus member perhaps... If I'm lucky.
I'm honestly not trying to be a pain by putting myself down... I just honestly struggle so much with the comprehension that I could get my voice back, since I've surely destroyed it by now with no training and just belting whenever... Do I train it? No! I'm not putting effort into music, and I'm not putting much effort into wildlife either... Because I'm caught in between with no clue as to where I'm gonna actually end up.
Could be why I want Diversity Officer so badly perhaps... Maybe then I'll be satisfied with a bit of work with music and culture, while still with animals... Sure, it's not a stage with lights and people watching... But it's better than nothing. And I've already accepted the fact that I'm going to have to make sacrifices in my life to ensure everything works out smoothly.
So yeah! Those are my current thoughts... I'm writing this after not getting much sleep last night due to cramming for an exam that I took today... Which would have been a heck of a lot easier if I knew what to study... Turns out I could have just looked at diagrams, rather than focusing on the theory like the lecturer hinted on... Woo! Yay for good communication! ... If this blog post makes no sense, the above reasoning is why!
Now to hopefully de-stress so I can get some good sleep for tomorrow... Where I'll be doing some study, before the Athletics carnival; followed by Doctors and Nurses theme at the club, where [Chappy]'s birthday will be belatedly celebrated... Hopefully with the much missed [Bestiality]'s presence! ^_^
Ciao guys.
~Put the right amount of pressure on it, pressure on it~
