Oh The Pain!

Hey guys...

So... Here I am. Staying up later than I should; with my head reeling full of useless stuff, that I will probably forget by the end of this sentence...

Yup...

Ahh well. 'Tis typical of my blogging that I forget half the stuff I actually wanted to talk about in the first place.

... I served a deaf guy at work today, for the first time. It humbled me... It really did. It got me thinking about what it must be like to be deaf. To not be able to hear anything... I mean; the closest I can get to being deaf is finding somewhere dead quiet, and not making a sound myself. But even then! When the silence presses in on me, there's that high pitched and incredibly irritating ringing sound. Not even deaf people get that... They get literally, nothing... I just.. I can't even... Nope. I just can't fathom it.

I suppose it's the same with blind people in a sense. Not being able to see anything...

Oh, and guys... I don't know if any of you have ever been paint balling before but... For the love of all that's good... Protect your neck! With your freaking life! Seriously...

In case you didn't gather. I went paint balling on my sister's birthday with a bunch of Uni friends. It was completely unexpected, and I jumped in last minute because they needed someone to fill the empty spot... And it was my first time ever, so I was terrified... But keen.

Aaaanyways. So, I ended up staying for two and a half out of the three hours it went on for; and I don't know whether or not I'll ever do it again...

You see... I wasn't exactly 'babied' as a child, or whatever; but throughout my life I have never really done any serious physical damage to myself. Even now! I avoid situations that could potentially hurt me. What does this leave me with? An insanely low pain tolerance... Which I did not realise how low it was until I went paint balling....

The first place I got hit was my knuckle; which wasn't too terrible... I mean, it was horrible at the time as it was my first hit and first experience of pain with this sport. My skin instantly broke and was bleeding (spotting, but bleeding nonetheless); and the shock of the pain caused me to freeze up, allowing my attacker to also get a shot to my left thigh; front on.

I also learnt this day that I do not deal well with receiving pain... I lifted my gun into the air (basically saying 'I'm out! Don't shoot me!') and headed to the safe zone for a quick breather... Also known as a "Holy shit. I've been hit. This hurts like a bitch. How the fuck do people do this? Asdfghjkl" moment... I don't know how other people describe the pain of being shot with a paintball... But for me, it was like spikes of fire coursing through my body. No joke... That's how little I tolerate pain.

Anyways. I was stupid enough to continue, and a couple of minutes before half time a guy jumped out from barricade and the fleeting battle was on. I shot a couple of poorly aimed balls in his direction; but all was forgotten when all of a sudden I couldn't breathe.

He had, unintentionally, hit me in the neck with a close up shot. I doubled over in raspy gasps and (thankfully I was close to it) managed to make my way back to the safe zone, where the worker guy tended to me; trying to make me laugh by joking about what an awesome first time paint balling I was having. It kinda worked.. Except I couldn't laugh due to the pain it caused doing so. Oh the pain... I don't even want to talk about how much pain that shot caused me!

It was then half time, which I spent sitting on a chair with an ice pack to my neck; shakily recovering and getting increasingly worried by the gasps and "Oh wow..."'s I kept getting from people every time they saw my neck.

Again! I was stupid enough to continue on... (To be fair, I wanted to get my money's worth... But I am actually impressed with myself for going on.). This game was one where I kinda lost it, I am ashamed to admit...

As we were in bush land, I was scouting around to see if the area I was in was safe or not.. Clearly it wasn't, as when I was facing away from the enemy side temporarily; I got shot in the backside... Yes! I got shot in the ass. Kudos to my shooter for the aim there! (I have no idea who it was, but yeah...). Anyways, so I turned around quickly to try and see who my attacker was (and partially out of pain/shock); and instead, I received another shot to my thigh... The left one... Again... Thankfully, in a different spot; yet clearly a softer one.

I then literally let out a yelp and fled. I headed to the bottom of the hill; shaking and crying my eyes out... All I could feel was pain. Intense pain flooding my body from everywhere that had been hit. I seriously do not understand how people do it guys...

I was then at the bottom of the hill babbling on to my friend, who was my transportation, about how I couldn't do it anymore. How it hurt so much and everything... The worker guy was also listening to this rant; and I could tell he was probably thinking of me as a typical whiny girl who can't handle paint ball... So what?! Not everyone can handle that much fucking pain!

Strangely enough, after all that, I managed to still continue... Into the final game that my friend and I would play before heading back to our respective dinner dates we had that night (he had one with his landlord, and I had one with the family to celebrate the sister's birthday). In this game I got hit twice as well, but on places where it didn't hurt. The first was on my right shoulder, but girls got to wear a breastplate so it didn't hurt at all. The second was on my right eye; but we obviously had protection for our face so we wouldn't go blind.. Another kudos to the person who shot that one! Though.. Considering the only part of my body that could have been hit at the time were my eyes.. That's not so surprising... :P

So yeah! It was finally over! Sweaty, beaten up, and tired as anything; my friend and I then left the premises as everyone else entered into what would have been the final game.

By the time I got home my family were straight out the door to dinner... Not allowing me the chance to change, or make myself more decent in any way... So, there we were! At the restaurant, having dinner... With complete strangers ogling my neck as though I were a zoo animal; and both my Dad and sister taking photos of it, for some concerning reason...

To be honest, the wound on my neck actually wasn't as terrible as I'm sure I just made it sound... But it was, and still is, pretty damn tender... And quite painful.

It's not been about three days after that day and my bruises have now got a lovely tinge of yellow; meaning that they'll be gone soon.. Yay!

It has been difficult working the past three days with these injuries... I've been limping slightly on my left leg as the two bruises there constantly pump a nice shot of pain through there; and I had (and still sorta have) quite restricted movement of my neck. I also opted not to do any singing for the past few days (it's been horrible.. I hate not singing) because I'm cautious that my vocal cords might have been affected when the paintball collided with my neck. I can't be certain... But I figured I'd at least allow the swelling to go down, and for it to heal before testing it out.

So yeah! Now you may all laugh at my pathetic-ness and pain, and we can continue on with our lives.

I've been thinking lately... A dangerous thing for me to do, but still... I've been thinking that I really ought to make a bucket list for myself. I've seen [Mr Awesome] post up statuses saying "Another thing to tick off my bucket list. /Insert activity here/." and it's just gotten me somewhat inspired.

I say somewhat inspired because we all know how lazy I am when it comes to doing anything... Even things I love! I am a strange human being... But regardless! I will (at some point or other) make a bucket list of things I want to do with my life and I will, most likely, post it in a blog post sometime so you can all have a read and... I don't know... Enjoy it? Pick it to pieces? Throw it back in my face and tell me how terrible it is?! Who knows. You guys can do anything really.

That kind of terrifies me...

Quick catch up notes:

- I sent my logbook in to be able to sit the test to get my P's and... It's been approved!! :D Hopefully I will be driving around, on my own, causing havoc everywhere soon! Yeee!!

- I haven't really caught up with anyone yet... But I really want to, and am hoping, to catch up with as many people as possible these holidays! Uni and pre-Uni friends alike!

- I have still been contemplating vlogging lately... I honestly doubt I will ever do it but it's still on my mind, annoyingly... But I mean... Who would want to see my face? On a screen? Babbling on about the stuff I blog about... Pointless stuff about my practically non-existent life... Blech. I'm sure this phase will pass soon.

- My dog is snoring....

Okay, so maybe that's not worthy of catch up notes... But it's a fact okay? She's snoring... It's adorable, yet annoying cause she can't do it to the beat of the music I'm listening too; so it totally ruins it.

... Yeah, I might leave it there ...

Oooh! One last thing. A part of me really wants to be in the show Big Brother. Don't judge me okay..? But seriously... I'm not entirely sure why. It wouldn't be for the money (though that is a nice bonus), I know that much... But yeah... I don't know... Ever since I started watching the show I've wanted to be in it... Bucket list perhaps? :P

Okay... I need sleep, so I'll let you guys go...

... Be freeeeee!!!

~Tell me what you want child!~

Far From The Home I Love

Hey guys!

Just thought I'd pop in for a short blog this evening (shock horror I know, but I won't be rambling on for hours on end for once; you may now jump for joy!) to just share what I'm currently up too.

So, I'm back home from Uni for the year! Wow... That year flew by ridiculously fast and I already miss it, along with the beautiful people I live with there, to pieces. I also miss having 5GB of Internet per month, with which we also get free YouTube. Coming home to 10GB a month between a family of five is already killing me; and I've spent a maximum of five hours at home so far... -_-

But, Internet restrictions aside, I'm keen for these holidays! Hoping to catch up with as many people as possible! Uni folk, and my old friends as well. LET ME LOVE YOU ALL! :D

Seriously... I miss Uni way too much already! Could be due to the fact that my family drive me absolutely crazy (in both good and bad ways)... I mean, I miss everyone at home so much. Especially [Riot!]. Along with [Dancer], [GoJo], [Tenuto Tuo], [Clearly Unfocused], and [Phantomess]; and I hate being so far away from them. But, I do have a new family at Uni now; and it sucks that I have to wait another three to four months to see them again! But yeah... I'm just whining! I'm still going to enjoy these holidays and make the most of time I can spend with home-dwelling friends (although next year will hopefully have more opportunities to catch up with you guys even when I'm at Uni!).

All that I have planned so far is babysitting my siblings tomorrow (Thursday) night so my parents can go to a trivia night, seeing [Dancer] graduate from school on Friday (here's hoping I don't cry.....), and getting as many driving lessons as possible! Because... I /finally/ filled out 100 hours in my logbook and sent it off for approval, so I should be able to go and sit the test to get my P's! (Hence the opportunities next year mentioned earlier ;D)... After I have a few lessons so I can actually learn the manoeuvres that will be asked of me...

After that, I currently don't really have any plans. Although, I do have to return to Uni in mid-December to sit the two exams I deferred after finding out about Granddad; which kind of sucks, but hey! I never would've been able to sit those exams after that week.

So, to start off my holidays, I re-downloaded one of my ultimate favourite games. This is the game that I have based my fan-fiction off of, and is probably one of my guilty pleasures... I mean... It's just such a good game! I find it way too much fun for my own good...

This game is called Wizard101. I have no shame in saying that I play this game and love it. Because I do! Except when I re-download it and it's having to re-load every single world/extras all over again. Not that it matters, cause my membership has run out and I haven't paid for another year yet so, I actually can't go anywhere or do anything except train my pet; which I really should do anyway.

Nerdiness aside... I am planning on working on my fan-fiction once more now that I'm not at Uni. I haven't worked on it pretty much all year because I keep saying to myself "You have Uni work to do! Uni over fan-fiction [Miss Invisible!]". Of course, with the amount of time I spent procrastinating; I could have written one or two chapters easily... But, strangely, my fan-fiction doesn't seem to pop up in my mind as a procrastination method; yet any other stupid, pointless thing will. So yeah...

I'm also, annoyingly, thinking about vlogging lately. I have no idea why to be honest... I would have absolutely no idea what I would say, let alone the idea of speaking to a camera that could then be seen by randoms on the Internet... O.O But alas... I feel like I bore the heck out of people with my endless rants on my blog; and feel as though a vlog would be much more tolerable, somehow... Who knows. I doubt I'll do it for some time anyway because every camera I possess is truly dreadful. Barely good for pictures, let alone videos!

So yeah... That's all I really have to share with you guys tonight! Short, sweet, and completely pointless. LIKE MY LIFE! .........

Um. Okay.. I'll leave you all to your lives now...

BYE! :)

~Let's steal away~

Here Comes Goodbye

Hey guys!

So, my last blog post was rather... Fiery shall we say? I do not regret writing that post at all; I'm just letting y'all know that this post will be quite different to that one. This one is going to be a lot more reflective and pensive on life and stuff. Apologies if this doesn't grab your interest, but I've been wanting to write my thoughts down since my grandfather's funeral on Friday.

So yeah... Death! Funerals! Woo!

I seriously have no idea where I was actually going to start with this so I'll just go from the day I received the news, chyeah?

It was Thursday (25th October) evening and I had just come back from dinner. I settled down at my computer prepared to smash out an hour or so of my assignment that was due the next day before heading to the last club night of the year. My phone then rung and I answered, figuring it was my parents and that I was in massive trouble for something I as racking my brains to remember... Well, I had one thing right! It was my parents; though I wasn't in trouble (which was good I guess?!)...

Yeah... Not the best news to hear when you were pumped full of energy, ready to have a good night; and it hit me hard. As soon as I got off the phone I lost it. I broke down into shocked sobs and basically turned into a blubbering mess. I managed to function just enough to send a message to [Chappy] and [Bestiality] before crumpling into a heap on the floor. The two people I consider closest to family while at Uni then came into my room and stayed for a while hugging and consoling me. [Chappy] left quite soon as he had the same assignment to work on, and pre-drinking with his buddies like the social butterfly he is; but [Bestiality] stayed with me longer, allowing me to talk to her a bit to try come to terms. It helped a little, but only the tiniest bit; so after a while I kicked her out (politely), grabbed a jacket, and went for a walk around campus. Thank goodness pretty much everyone was in their halls getting ready for the party; because I don't know how they would have been seeing a random Pitt girl walking like a zombie around campus talking to herself and sobbing her heart out... Because that's what they would've seen if they saw me. I was not a pretty sight at all, let's just say that!

I eventually went back to my room and sat on my bed for a while, thinking. I then basically looked at myself in the mirror and told myself to toughen up and get ready for the club. I knew that having people around me would "sober" me up, and help me have a relatively good night compared to the crappy one I would have had if I stayed in my room dwelling on the news I had just received.

The theme was Doctors & Nurses; so I opted to go as a mental patient. I donned a pair of my pajamas that looked relatively convict-like; and (being completely hopeless with make-up normally) managed to get the only eye-shadow I had (brown & blue) and give myself bruises on my neck, and enhance the puffiness under my eyes from crying. I will admit, I did a pretty good job. Multiple people commented on how creepy I looked (though not half as creepy as [Bestiality] that night. Who also went as a mental patient; but managed to turn her lab coat into a straight jacket, and painted her face incredibly pale and almost clown-like... Kudos girl, because you looked fantastically insane!) and some even thought I had legitimately been beaten up when they saw my bruises.

So yeah! I ended up going to the club and eventually loosened up enough to have a good time. The next day I woke up and wasn't feeling overly fantastic (not from drinking too much alcohol! I don't get drunk, nor do I plan too) and just gave myself a quiet day where I went to my lecturer and asked for an extension on the assignment as I would not have been able to have it completed on time due to my mental and emotional distress; which he thankfully gave to me easily.

Saturday was a pre-planned day at the beach, which was nice and relaxing after everything; though I was starting to feel very drained, especially considering the fact that I was having trouble sleeping at night. Normally, when asleep, I sleep the whole night through with no issues. The past couple of nights (as well as the next few nights after) involved me waking up at least every hour or two, tossing and turning, and very much struggling to fall asleep. It was pretty damn horrible, I won't lie!

Sunday and Monday were the hell-ish days for me. Those were the days where I was in physical, emotional and mental pain. This was my "mourning sickness" that I referred to last post. [Bestiality] and I came up with the hypothesis that a way of me dealing with such grief and emotionally raw pain is for it to come through physically; in the form of not being able to sleep, throbbing headaches, aching legs and neck, and an incredibly sore throat. I basically spent those two days either trying to catch up on some sleep (which usually failed) and wasting my time on the computer doing absolutely nothing, but being incapable of any form of work.

Tuesday I had thankfully recovered enough to go on another pre-planned trip to Wet 'n' Wild (water theme park for those clueless ones); where I had a blast! It was a non-holiday weekday so there was barely anyone there; meaning short lines and more time to squeeze in more rides. [Bestiality] and I managed to convince each other to go on rides we didn't initially think we would go on, and just generally had a fun day; which was so nice after what I had just gone through!

The next day I headed home of which my other set of grandparents were house sitting because the rest of my immediate family had already left for South Australia earlier that week. An uneasy night's sleep left me waking the next day for an afternoon flight to my home state, where my family picked me up and headed to [HorseGirl]'s place as there was no spare beds at Nanna's due to my Aunt from England already having claimed it. An early night lead to a relatively early rise to get ready for the funeral.

We arrive on site to multiple family members, close friends and random people I didn't know gathered outside. The funeral was to start at 11am, but Nanna had decided on an open casket from 10:30am. My brother didn't want to go in and see, but pretty much every other family member went in at some point or other throughout the half hour. This was my first real experience with death and funerals, let alone open caskets; so I really had no idea what to expect!

It's... So surreal. He looked as though he were merely sleeping, or faking sleep and was gonna pop up at any second telling us all how silly we were to believe that he was gone. I went in pretty much as soon as the doors opened, and this didn't really set me off. It shocked me and unsettled me a little; but I was still relatively numb at this point.

The thing that really set me off? Seeing my parents cry. I mean, I've seen my Mum cry before... And us women are annoyingly emotional, so I was kind of expecting it... But it still didn't help seeing her cry. When she started, a couple of tears fell from my eyes then. But what really set me over the edge was seeing my Dad cry.

Now. I had never seen my Dad cry, before that day. I'm sure most girls in the world, that have a father, can agree with me here when I say: that your Dad is your rock. Your tower of strength and refuge when things go wrong. Immovable. Indestructible.

So... You can imagine what it must be like to see your indestructible tower crumble right before your eyes... Because that's exactly what it felt like for me. And when your tower has fallen, it's quite difficult not to fall yourself. I tried not to look at my Dad as much as possible because it tore me apart seeing him like that. Later on, he literally turned into a little boy right before my eyes. And, I'll admit, that genuinely terrified me briefly.

It was nearing 11am. My Nanna and my two Aunts were heading into the room to gather around Granddad together. They beckoned Dad to join them, so it would be only the immediate family. Mother, daughters, and the youngest; the son. Dad had gone in with Mum earlier and ended up having to leave, saying he couldn't take it anymore. So when his mother and sisters were beckoning him to join them, he looked completely torn up. Thankfully he had sunglasses on, because I think his eyes would have betrayed so much and I have no idea if I could have handled it. Instead; I saw him tremble and shake his head, only to eventually shuffle slowly forward and end up going in with them.

I then went into a separate room on my own cause I couldn't handle it; and semi-broke down in there... I then realised that I there was five minutes left before the service started, so I waited until whoever was in with Granddad at the time to leave before going in there to look at him one last time. That time I couldn't hold back. Seeing the tears on his face left by my family members, and the flowers that had been added, as well as cards... And knowing that this was the last time I would lay eyes on my grandfather... It was pretty intense...

The funeral service itself was short, simple and sweet. The eulogy was written by Nanna, Dad, and my Aunts; and was read out by my England-dwelling Aunt. I couldn't help but tear up again as the service ended and they handed out single flowers to everyone to go and lay upon or around the now closed casket; before we headed into a little room with tea, coffee and biscuits where everyone slowly 'sobered' up and started generally chatting. To me, this was a bit surreal. Maybe it was just my social awkwardness, but I just found it odd that people could so easily start a conversation about general daily topics after just having gone through a funeral. I mean, I get that they don't want to dwell on it any longer than they have too; but it still confused me... I'm just hopeless with these things I guess!

Once everyone had headed off to go do whatever it is that they went off to do... My family and I headed back to Nanna's place for late lunch and just a get together. I felt sorry for Snowy, their dog. She would've been used to just Nanna & Granddad in the small house they have. All of a sudden, the house had been flooded with people all week long; with no sight of Granddad. Dogs aren't stupid, so she would've been upset with her Dad not being around; along with all the people, given the fact that she was a pretty skittish dog to begin with...

Not long after that I headed back to [HorseGirl]'s to finish off my assignment, hand it in, then get ready for [Mr Awesome]'s arrival to take both us girls out, mostly to catch up with me; but so the three of us can have a good time. I had a great time with them! (How could I not when with [Mr Awesome]..?! I miss you already, you terror! :P ... And I of course miss [HorseGirl] as well. You both need to move to Queensland! Seriously!)

The next day was spent shopping with [HorseGirl] and [Mr Awesome], before heading to Nanna's place for a final chance to catch up with the family before heading back to Queensland. Tensions were running high as we were leaving Nanna's place... Especially when Nanna started crying, which got my Mum started... I'll admit; recent events have changed how I view goodbyes now. I mean... How do I know if that was the last time I hear my Nanna's voice and have her hug me? Yeah... It was quite a lot more difficult then usual to walk out that door, that's for sure.

So now I'm back at my Uni! Procrastinating exam study as always and listening to the soundtrack from the movie Burlesque. I've had heaps of questions and thoughts running through my mind since the funeral... The curiosity was partially killing me as I was walking around Nanna's house post-funeral. I stopped by their bedroom and looked at their bed; contemplating what it would be like to be sleeping peacefully, only to be woken by short sharp breaths coming from your husband. Then imagine lying there, completely helpless and still wrapping your head around the situation, as your husband takes his last breath.

...

That's exactly how it would've happened for my Nanna. Granddad had a heart attack, and had left the world so quickly my Nanna barely had any time to react. She still called up the ambulance who told her to perform CPR on him until they got there. They got there in 2-3 minutes and, due to the gate being closed as it was the middle of the night, managed to jump the fence (which is pretty damn impressive; cause that fence is damn high) and somehow get inside the house. In the end, obviously, it was all relatively pointless as Granddad wasn't coming back...

That... I just... I don't even know what to say about that. I've been trying to imagine what that would have been like; and it absolutely crushes me... And to think that in reality, I really have no clue... ... Just makes me appreciate Nanna's strength I guess :)

On a random, more positive note: I was invited out to the precinct with [Chappy] and his Thynne buddies last night. Now... For those that don't know; my Uni has an environment park with two bird watching huts situated a relative distance away from the halls. This is what we call the precinct: and it's a spot where people go to drink after hours. Under aged people use this to drink without getting caught, and of age people just go there to drink when there's no club night (or sometimes after the club).

So yeah. I was Skyping with [Mr Awesome] when I received a message from [Chappy] that they were headed down to the precinct; so I got myself ready to go, grabbed [Bestiality] and went on down! Found the group sitting on the roof on one of the huts, to which we climbed up to greet them; only for them to then decide to head down to the ground... Murphy's Law... Two of my girl friends from Pitt joined us not long after, and a game of Truth started almost instantly.

Most of the questions revolved around things such as "How old were you when you lost your virginity?", "Furthest you've gone in a public place?", and "How many people have you slept with since coming to Uni?". Then, by the end of the night, the questions more revolved around things such as "If you had to make out with someone here, who would it be?" and "If you had to put honey over someone's body here and lick it off, who would it be?".

...

Yeah. It actually wasn't as terrible as it seems. Nobody actually did anything. It was just one of those things where everyone (except [Bestiality] and myself) were drunk and asking overly sexual questions, as most young adults do. I will admit though; I did get a little ego boost when my name was thrown around a couple of times as answers. Nothing better than knowing a guy would prefer to make out with you over the other guys there if it came down to it! :P

The night ended rather uneventfully... We headed to the common room where most people seemed to scatter rather quickly. Some went for a Macca's run, some went to bed, and some *Cough* [Chappy] *Cough* ended up in their room throwing up because they were the drunkest they had ever been. This left me and [Chappy]'s guy friend, [Papa J], alone in the common room; watching Rest Stop. For those that don't know. It's a horror movie... And for those who don't know. I. Can't. Stand. Horrors! Apparently, my movie partner could handle any horror except this one. On the plus side, he warned me every time shit was gonna go down; but we still only managed to get through a third of it before we couldn't take it anymore.

[Papa J], having seen the movie before, was quite freaked out by this point; so I ended up taking him to his bed and staying with him a while to comfort him until he was asleep. Or at least sleepy to the point that I could leave him. It was quite adorable! I only recently got to know him and started building a good friendship with him; but unfortunately he's leaving our Uni next year! He's ditching Wildlife Science to go into Environmental Management. He has an amazing personality that's so infectious, and I know I'm definitely gonna miss his witty presence next year; though I have a feeling the Thynne folks will have it much harder not having him around!

Guys. Don't have a mocking conversation with your friend about giving them a good luck kiss for their exam... Especially if they live in the same hall as you. Because they may just come by your room before their exam mockingly demanding that kiss! :P

Ahhh good ol' [Azzo]. You entertain me. For the record, I gave him a hug and a small kiss on the cheek for good luck... I couldn't not give him something after making the effort to actually come by my room! :P

So yeah! Now that I have brought the end of this pensive post to a random, more positive atmosphere; I should probably go and actually do some form of study! ... Or work on my fanfiction which I haven't done in at least nine months... Poor thing. Sitting there waiting for me to work on it. It's so hard to when you know you're supposed to be doing Uni work though! *Sigh*

Until next time kiddies! :)

~Please! She ain't got a thing on me!~