Hi guys! Two months since I last blogged, I know... And it is an insane amount of laziness that has caused this. No use in lying! Heh.
A lot to catch up on... Hmmm... Shall I begin where we left off?
I had just had a job interview with Subway... Well, that was unsuccessful. I think it was due to the fact that I was going on a small holiday in two weeks time that made things a little confusing or undesirable; thus I did not get the job.
The holiday was located in Ballina, NSW; and it was a relatively good week considering the circumstances...
We found a place that was pet friendly (which was handy, as putting three dogs into a kennel to stay is expensive!); but when we got there we found out that the dogs had to go everywhere with us. I mean EVERYWHERE. Where we were staying provided no backyard to put the dogs in while we were out; nor were they allowed to stay in the cabins without human 'supervision' let's say. Now... This caused a lot of issues, as half the things we had planned on doing, had to be cancelled as dogs were not permitted to venture in such places.
One of the planned events that had to be cancelled was dinner at a riverside restaurant on my 18th birthday. As much as that would have been nice, I'm not fussy and just liked being with the family on that day. As it so happened, we spent my birthday dinner eating at the kiosk at the place we were staying at; with the three dogs sitting around our table occasionally barking at other dogs they could spot or, in [Beau]'s (one of the dogs) case, stare at the lady who was singing all night and start barking in protest whenever she stopped. It was annoyingly adorable!
By the end of the week, the dogs were sick of being walked everywhere (which is a first for them), and family tension was running high; but it was pretty good overall!
I just realised I totally missed discussing my Christmas (which occurred before Ballina), woops! Okay, well, it was good. :P
[Dancer] and I (for what seems like as long as I can remember) have a tradition where my family and I spend the evening at her place on Christmas Eve, then they visit us on Christmas Day evening; leaving the morning for family and opening presents.
This was the first year I woke up in the "Christmas spirit" so to speak. The family all got on pretty well, and everything was amazing. It was incredible! :3
So, since returning from Ballina to present day; not much has happened really.
Well, I have had University stuff to begin organising of course... I applied for the Bachelor of Applied Science and got accepted in the first round offers. The only problem was that I had been rejected accommodation at the University at the time... (I need accommodation as the campus is too far out from home to travel to five days a week). So I hung in there until second round offers came out, which I was fortunate enough to get a room! Sure, I got stuck with the smaller of the four houses of accommodation; and I have to adjust from sleeping in a Queen sized bed to a standard single... But it's better than taking a year off trying to find work around these parts!
Of course, during this time my parents had organised a trip to America for September this year... The major issue with this is that my University only provides a week holiday around that time; when my parents have booked a two week holiday. With the way Uni works and everything, it's going to be incredibly difficult to get me on that plane flight with my family; so I've pretty much already accepted the fact that I'm most likely not going to go. Meaning I'll spend the week on my own, in the house instead. Occasionally inviting people over as I see fit. :P
Considering it's the first overseas holiday I'd be going on since I was three years old, I'm a little irritated... But I would much prefer the opportunity to go to University and get my studies underway in the end.
I haven't seen any member of my group of Year 12 friends since Schoolies. It's just as much my fault as it is theirs. I don't know whether I should contact them half the time, and when I think about it I never know what I would say or request of them... I mean, I did see [Clearly Unfocused] two days ago when she gave me my belated birthday present and we had a quick catch up chat then; but apart from that...
What doesn't help is the fact that almost the entire group (apart from [GoJo] are going to the one campus of the same Uni that I'm going too; yet I'm going to the far-flung one on my own.
I have caught up with [Dancer], [Riot!] and [Dancer]'s new boyfriend (FINALLY! Took them long enough to get together, honestly...) who I have no idea what to name... I was thinking along the lines of either [AwwYeah!] as that tends to be his catchphrase; or [YESman], as he has a tendency of saying "Yes!" in a unique way; and half the time involves him lifting his shirt up for no apparent reason... Hmmm... I'll get back to you on that one!
Anyways, so I've been catching up with those three mostly. But since school started up again, I've been home alone for days on end. It gets incredibly boring, very quickly! :P
Recently, [Riot!] and I attempted a Harry Potter movie marathon. I say attempted because well... We were halfway through the fifth movie when [Riot!] fell asleep. Of course, it was inevitable that this would happen! I know him too well, but he insisted he could do it! Well... Proved him wrong just a tad, hehe. Anyways, so I left him there for a bit while I watched a bit more of the movie; then I decided I wasn't going to stay up all night by myself... So I woke him up and directed to the spare bedroom where we lay there for a while talking.
It was this night that I got drawn, even closer, to [Riot!]. We opened up to each other more than we ever had before, and though the topics may not have been overly positive; it ended with us falling asleep, together. Of course, as romantic or amazing the both of us were thinking it was, my mother didn't particularly agree... But I wasn't intending on falling asleep with him in the first place! I was meaning to go back to my room to sleep... Honest! We just, kinda, crashed... :3
Heh, well on an unrelated note... Another day I decided to visit the school, which resulted in groups of students attempting to shield me from [Carl]'s potential view (I'll catch you up on our current situation in a bit), and lots of laughter and reminiscing on my part. As soon as I walked into the school I felt a pang of loss... That school meant so very much to me, and the fact that I'm no longer a student there hasn't completely hit home still, and it's been over 3 months!
Anyways, so I caught up with everyone at lunch; which was followed by me being ushered into the Year 11s QCS lesson which [Noodleton] was teaching... I was impressed with the weight loss he had clearly undergone on holidays; but that was soon erased by his continuous question asking directed at me, in front of the whole class, for me to answer. I mean... Yes, I did sit the QCS test recently, but that does not mean I wish to give all details of such events surrounding it! :P After the lesson, I found [Riot!] and my brother and proceeded to walk home; but not before accidentally passing [Carl] with which I saw a look of shock, switching quickly to pained anxiety, cross his face.
So, I'll explain our situation now... Last time I mentioned him on here, he was not talking to me for a bit after everything seemed 'fine'. Well, it appeared to be that he was not talking to me because he literally didn't feel like talking to me. He came back after a bit, and we continued as though nothing had happened (as we tend to do).
Then one night (a week or two after Ballina), we had just struck up a friendly conversation on Facebook, when not five minutes in he was calling me. I answered to his rage with the question "What is with [Riot!]'s profile picture?!?!". You see, [Dancer] had taken a photo of the two of us sitting close to each other and [Riot!] had set it as his profile picture. Though the two of them are not Facebook friends, I am assuming that one of [Carl]'s friends mentioned the picture to him, which he then searched to see it himself.
I managed to explain myself in a way that somewhat seemed to satisfy [Carl], but the next thing he said to me has haunted me up until this point, and still is!
"Don't ever see me or speak to me again."
True to those words, I haven't dared spoken to him since. But, up until recently, it was relatively easy to do... You see... [Carl] and I had such a unique bond that allowed us to be completely comfortable with each other and tell each other anything and everything... Me, being a constantly-stressed Aspergian, find it hard to speak about what's bothering me. Or, at least all of it... I've gotten better with people nowadays, but I still barely scratch the surface of what I'm really feeling most of the time... The only person I could tell EVERYTHING to, was [Carl].
The first month of not talking to him was easy. Not much was stressing me as I was catching up with people and life was fine as it was... The past couple of weeks, however, have been horrible.
School went back, leaving me alone. Yes, I have my group, but like I said... I don't seem to be catching up with them. And now I have University things worrying me... I am not going to mention everything that is concerning me right now; as this blog post is most likely going to be long enough, and I can't tell everything to the unknown public. I'm not that comfortable with you guys. :P
But, after seeing [Carl] at school, I've been stressed beyond relief... Any free moment I have to think, my thoughts stray to [Carl] and what I could be telling him right then... I'm used to telling [Carl] absolutely anything that happened to me. Now I'm not really telling anyone... [Riot!] is an amazing boyfriend; but I haven't gotten to that same point with him yet... It's difficult to explain, what I feel when I think of [Carl]. I don't feel any affections towards him above friendship... I just feel a massive loss, and a pining to hear him talk again. Have one of those midnight phone calls where we're confiding our problems to each other and trying to help the other one with theirs... I confided my daily activities and issues into [Carl] for around three years, and it's been cut off from me for around two months... And the closer it's getting to me starting Uni (as I'm nervous about moving out on my own, making friends etc), it's getting worse.
One person I have to give credit for helping me though, is [Sharpless] (or as he prefers to be known, [Mr Awesome] (don't ask...)). Anyways... This fellow is one of the most amazing friends I could ever ask for!
Whenever I'm down (even if he doesn't know I'm down), we'll start talking and his always-positive personality always wins me over in the end. He has the best sense of humour and our conversations normally last until one or two in the morning, which usually results in very interesting topics being brought up! :P
No matter how I'm feeling, or what we've discussed/are discussing; he never judges me, nor I him, and it's just sentence after teasing sentence thrown at each other. It's incredibly disappointing that he lives in another state currently, otherwise I'd be demanding catch up sessions as much as possible! Oh wait... I still sometimes do that... :3
So this leads us to present day... The 9th of February, 2012. And what am I doing? Lying on my bed, typing this all up for you, of course! But, I am also slowly cleaning out my room entirely (ready for the move), and am partially looking forward to the move; but am also utterly terrified.
I mean, I get three solid meals a day; as well as free gym membership (WIN! As I really do need to get into shape... Bad...). But, I'll be living on my own for the first time, far away from home in a place where I know nobody! It is incredibly nerve-wracking, but it is giving me a chance to begin exercising my independence I guess... Plus, new residents are invited to a party on the first night we move in to our rooms so... SCORE! Pretty sure there are two parties within the first week, and goodness knows how many other events throughout the year! Thinking about that has actually lifted my spirits and gotten me pretty excited... :P
Anyways... My brain is slowly beginning to fail on me as it hasn't been exercised in a long time; and I just made it write out this essay... I apologise for any boredom caused by this blog. Hehe.
~Deliver us from the ocean... Save our souls~
P.S. [Mr Awesome] was continually pestering me for a mention throughout the duration of me writing this blog; and felt that everybody needed to know...
A lot to catch up on... Hmmm... Shall I begin where we left off?
I had just had a job interview with Subway... Well, that was unsuccessful. I think it was due to the fact that I was going on a small holiday in two weeks time that made things a little confusing or undesirable; thus I did not get the job.
The holiday was located in Ballina, NSW; and it was a relatively good week considering the circumstances...
We found a place that was pet friendly (which was handy, as putting three dogs into a kennel to stay is expensive!); but when we got there we found out that the dogs had to go everywhere with us. I mean EVERYWHERE. Where we were staying provided no backyard to put the dogs in while we were out; nor were they allowed to stay in the cabins without human 'supervision' let's say. Now... This caused a lot of issues, as half the things we had planned on doing, had to be cancelled as dogs were not permitted to venture in such places.
One of the planned events that had to be cancelled was dinner at a riverside restaurant on my 18th birthday. As much as that would have been nice, I'm not fussy and just liked being with the family on that day. As it so happened, we spent my birthday dinner eating at the kiosk at the place we were staying at; with the three dogs sitting around our table occasionally barking at other dogs they could spot or, in [Beau]'s (one of the dogs) case, stare at the lady who was singing all night and start barking in protest whenever she stopped. It was annoyingly adorable!
By the end of the week, the dogs were sick of being walked everywhere (which is a first for them), and family tension was running high; but it was pretty good overall!
I just realised I totally missed discussing my Christmas (which occurred before Ballina), woops! Okay, well, it was good. :P
[Dancer] and I (for what seems like as long as I can remember) have a tradition where my family and I spend the evening at her place on Christmas Eve, then they visit us on Christmas Day evening; leaving the morning for family and opening presents.
This was the first year I woke up in the "Christmas spirit" so to speak. The family all got on pretty well, and everything was amazing. It was incredible! :3
So, since returning from Ballina to present day; not much has happened really.
Well, I have had University stuff to begin organising of course... I applied for the Bachelor of Applied Science and got accepted in the first round offers. The only problem was that I had been rejected accommodation at the University at the time... (I need accommodation as the campus is too far out from home to travel to five days a week). So I hung in there until second round offers came out, which I was fortunate enough to get a room! Sure, I got stuck with the smaller of the four houses of accommodation; and I have to adjust from sleeping in a Queen sized bed to a standard single... But it's better than taking a year off trying to find work around these parts!
Of course, during this time my parents had organised a trip to America for September this year... The major issue with this is that my University only provides a week holiday around that time; when my parents have booked a two week holiday. With the way Uni works and everything, it's going to be incredibly difficult to get me on that plane flight with my family; so I've pretty much already accepted the fact that I'm most likely not going to go. Meaning I'll spend the week on my own, in the house instead. Occasionally inviting people over as I see fit. :P
Considering it's the first overseas holiday I'd be going on since I was three years old, I'm a little irritated... But I would much prefer the opportunity to go to University and get my studies underway in the end.
I haven't seen any member of my group of Year 12 friends since Schoolies. It's just as much my fault as it is theirs. I don't know whether I should contact them half the time, and when I think about it I never know what I would say or request of them... I mean, I did see [Clearly Unfocused] two days ago when she gave me my belated birthday present and we had a quick catch up chat then; but apart from that...
What doesn't help is the fact that almost the entire group (apart from [GoJo] are going to the one campus of the same Uni that I'm going too; yet I'm going to the far-flung one on my own.
I have caught up with [Dancer], [Riot!] and [Dancer]'s new boyfriend (FINALLY! Took them long enough to get together, honestly...) who I have no idea what to name... I was thinking along the lines of either [AwwYeah!] as that tends to be his catchphrase; or [YESman], as he has a tendency of saying "Yes!" in a unique way; and half the time involves him lifting his shirt up for no apparent reason... Hmmm... I'll get back to you on that one!
Anyways, so I've been catching up with those three mostly. But since school started up again, I've been home alone for days on end. It gets incredibly boring, very quickly! :P
Recently, [Riot!] and I attempted a Harry Potter movie marathon. I say attempted because well... We were halfway through the fifth movie when [Riot!] fell asleep. Of course, it was inevitable that this would happen! I know him too well, but he insisted he could do it! Well... Proved him wrong just a tad, hehe. Anyways, so I left him there for a bit while I watched a bit more of the movie; then I decided I wasn't going to stay up all night by myself... So I woke him up and directed to the spare bedroom where we lay there for a while talking.
It was this night that I got drawn, even closer, to [Riot!]. We opened up to each other more than we ever had before, and though the topics may not have been overly positive; it ended with us falling asleep, together. Of course, as romantic or amazing the both of us were thinking it was, my mother didn't particularly agree... But I wasn't intending on falling asleep with him in the first place! I was meaning to go back to my room to sleep... Honest! We just, kinda, crashed... :3
Heh, well on an unrelated note... Another day I decided to visit the school, which resulted in groups of students attempting to shield me from [Carl]'s potential view (I'll catch you up on our current situation in a bit), and lots of laughter and reminiscing on my part. As soon as I walked into the school I felt a pang of loss... That school meant so very much to me, and the fact that I'm no longer a student there hasn't completely hit home still, and it's been over 3 months!
Anyways, so I caught up with everyone at lunch; which was followed by me being ushered into the Year 11s QCS lesson which [Noodleton] was teaching... I was impressed with the weight loss he had clearly undergone on holidays; but that was soon erased by his continuous question asking directed at me, in front of the whole class, for me to answer. I mean... Yes, I did sit the QCS test recently, but that does not mean I wish to give all details of such events surrounding it! :P After the lesson, I found [Riot!] and my brother and proceeded to walk home; but not before accidentally passing [Carl] with which I saw a look of shock, switching quickly to pained anxiety, cross his face.
So, I'll explain our situation now... Last time I mentioned him on here, he was not talking to me for a bit after everything seemed 'fine'. Well, it appeared to be that he was not talking to me because he literally didn't feel like talking to me. He came back after a bit, and we continued as though nothing had happened (as we tend to do).
Then one night (a week or two after Ballina), we had just struck up a friendly conversation on Facebook, when not five minutes in he was calling me. I answered to his rage with the question "What is with [Riot!]'s profile picture?!?!". You see, [Dancer] had taken a photo of the two of us sitting close to each other and [Riot!] had set it as his profile picture. Though the two of them are not Facebook friends, I am assuming that one of [Carl]'s friends mentioned the picture to him, which he then searched to see it himself.
I managed to explain myself in a way that somewhat seemed to satisfy [Carl], but the next thing he said to me has haunted me up until this point, and still is!
"Don't ever see me or speak to me again."
True to those words, I haven't dared spoken to him since. But, up until recently, it was relatively easy to do... You see... [Carl] and I had such a unique bond that allowed us to be completely comfortable with each other and tell each other anything and everything... Me, being a constantly-stressed Aspergian, find it hard to speak about what's bothering me. Or, at least all of it... I've gotten better with people nowadays, but I still barely scratch the surface of what I'm really feeling most of the time... The only person I could tell EVERYTHING to, was [Carl].
The first month of not talking to him was easy. Not much was stressing me as I was catching up with people and life was fine as it was... The past couple of weeks, however, have been horrible.
School went back, leaving me alone. Yes, I have my group, but like I said... I don't seem to be catching up with them. And now I have University things worrying me... I am not going to mention everything that is concerning me right now; as this blog post is most likely going to be long enough, and I can't tell everything to the unknown public. I'm not that comfortable with you guys. :P
But, after seeing [Carl] at school, I've been stressed beyond relief... Any free moment I have to think, my thoughts stray to [Carl] and what I could be telling him right then... I'm used to telling [Carl] absolutely anything that happened to me. Now I'm not really telling anyone... [Riot!] is an amazing boyfriend; but I haven't gotten to that same point with him yet... It's difficult to explain, what I feel when I think of [Carl]. I don't feel any affections towards him above friendship... I just feel a massive loss, and a pining to hear him talk again. Have one of those midnight phone calls where we're confiding our problems to each other and trying to help the other one with theirs... I confided my daily activities and issues into [Carl] for around three years, and it's been cut off from me for around two months... And the closer it's getting to me starting Uni (as I'm nervous about moving out on my own, making friends etc), it's getting worse.
One person I have to give credit for helping me though, is [Sharpless] (or as he prefers to be known, [Mr Awesome] (don't ask...)). Anyways... This fellow is one of the most amazing friends I could ever ask for!
Whenever I'm down (even if he doesn't know I'm down), we'll start talking and his always-positive personality always wins me over in the end. He has the best sense of humour and our conversations normally last until one or two in the morning, which usually results in very interesting topics being brought up! :P
No matter how I'm feeling, or what we've discussed/are discussing; he never judges me, nor I him, and it's just sentence after teasing sentence thrown at each other. It's incredibly disappointing that he lives in another state currently, otherwise I'd be demanding catch up sessions as much as possible! Oh wait... I still sometimes do that... :3
So this leads us to present day... The 9th of February, 2012. And what am I doing? Lying on my bed, typing this all up for you, of course! But, I am also slowly cleaning out my room entirely (ready for the move), and am partially looking forward to the move; but am also utterly terrified.
I mean, I get three solid meals a day; as well as free gym membership (WIN! As I really do need to get into shape... Bad...). But, I'll be living on my own for the first time, far away from home in a place where I know nobody! It is incredibly nerve-wracking, but it is giving me a chance to begin exercising my independence I guess... Plus, new residents are invited to a party on the first night we move in to our rooms so... SCORE! Pretty sure there are two parties within the first week, and goodness knows how many other events throughout the year! Thinking about that has actually lifted my spirits and gotten me pretty excited... :P
Anyways... My brain is slowly beginning to fail on me as it hasn't been exercised in a long time; and I just made it write out this essay... I apologise for any boredom caused by this blog. Hehe.
~Deliver us from the ocean... Save our souls~
P.S. [Mr Awesome] was continually pestering me for a mention throughout the duration of me writing this blog; and felt that everybody needed to know...
