Randomness at it's finest!

Hey there fellow Earthlings!

It's been a while... I know... My laziness amazes me. Honestly! I even had a discussion with my Father about this recently about how I'm seriously hoping that now all exams are over and everything; that I can really get my life rolling, and actually keep on top of shiz! ... Starting tomorrow ;)

Naaa, but seriously... Exams are done and dusted for the year, as is Uni... Finally... And what did I receive a day before my final exam? A letter from Halls telling me that I have been accepted next year... YAY! Or.. Perhaps not... As it was a conditional acceptance. Basically, I have to pass the two exams I just sat and have to arrange a meeting with the Head of Halls at the start of next year... The meeting I don't have an issue with. It's the passing that I'm worried about. It had me stressing to the point where I couldn't sleep that night and I had to be up at 6am... To arrive at Uni at 7:30am... When the exam didn't even start till 11:15am! (Oh the joys of no public transport being available that early...)

Let's just say that by the time I got home (after a two hour exam and three hour public transport trip), I was ready for a very loving relationship with my bed... Thank goodness the feeling was mutual ;)

Hmm.. What else... Ooh! I now have my P's and my very own car! :D Yes! I now am the proud owner of a (slightly banged up) '99 Ford Festiva Trio... I am now also crying at the expenses that come with owning a car... :P

I kinda flipped out in the test when going for my P's... The guy I was with was very subtle, and didn't directly ask me to do certain things as my Indian driving instructor was... So the difference threw me off a little, but I still passed with only two non-criticals so... Pretty happy :)

So the other day I saw [Carl] post a status on Facebook that simply stated 'Defying Gravity'... Me, being the WICKED lover I am, and the fact that the first time I went to see it was with him; was going to like his status due to these reasons.. Until I saw that he had tagged his girlfriend in it... Yeah... And the comments underneath:


Girlfriend: 'Bahahahahaha omg I so wanna go see wicked again :('
[Carl]: 'i will take you :3'

Now... This hurt. And this hurt a frickin' lot.

Of course I don't, necessarily, mind the idea of [Carl] having moved on and, obviously, if he is to go see WICKED again; I will not be his partner... I guess it's just the fact that he had posted it like that on Facebook so easily; along with all the sickeningly love sick puppy statuses and wall posts they've been posting to each other... It just got too much! I started thinking about that day...

It was amazing.! No matter what has gone down between [Carl] and I... I will always remember that day. I was dressed in a short green dress, and he was dressed somewhat smartly as well... I remember both of us being so blown away by Defying Gravity that we had both practically melted into our seats, unable to move... I hold that memory very dear to my heart, as I do with many memories... Cause that's what they're there for... To look back on and reminisce on happily! Not with any resentful thoughts just because the relationship turned sour... I can't stand the idea of looking back on that day and thinking of it negatively... I mean... What good does it do?

So [Dancer] invited me to a get together themed around her leaving us to go to another state for six months... I met a few people there, and we hit it off right away; heading down to the local Macca's and sitting on a 'spider's web'  in a children's playground watching YouTube videos and singing along to random songs... Before this we went to a Prayer session, which I have never attended before... I was willing to give it a try though, and actually had a pretty good time!

As much as the whole church/prayer groups/gatherings sort of thing isn't really how I roll... It was nice to be able to sing some hymns and focus on him for a small while, along with huddling in a small circle with a few of the girls and giving thanks for different things in our lives. It was a touching experience, yet completely overwhelming... There were hardcore believers there, and I just know that I'm not at that same level as they are... I also was never entirely sure what to do or say, but that's why I had [Dancer] there with me ;P

Oooh! Random story here... About, oh I don't know, a couple of weeks ago...? Another of [Carl]'s exes inboxed me out of the blue. We're not friends or anything, but she sent me a message asking me to put her mind at ease by just letting her know if we had done anything while they were dating... ([Carl] and I were friends at this point so, she had a fair reason to be wary).

So, I let her know that nothing of the sort had gone down; and we then began a beautiful conversation about potatoes... Running kids over... Work... Life in general... Getting to know each other a bit... And the expected side comment about [Carl] here and there as he was the initial starter to the whole thing, and the reason we are now speaking :P

So I have a co-worker who, since our very first shift, I have gotten along with insanely well. The two of us run amuck at Subway, making incredibly dirty jokes pretty much all the time, and basically just never stop laughing and having a good time! I don't think I have ever let myself feel such little shame and open up so quickly as I have with him; and apparently he doesn't go round chatting to people like he does with me either!

So... We met up today, after my work shift, with no plan whatsoever. We ended up just driving around the suburbia near my house and just chilling at different parks... Having tickle wars, making the most random and ricidulous of noises, wrestling and falling into prickly bark, being eaten alive by mozzies, multiple grammatical mistakes, and running from rain... We also went to Macca's where [Carl] just happened to be working... Thankfully, I don't think he paid much attention due to him being on the Drive-Thru... But yeah... I had fun! He is one of the most random guys I have ever met, but is so damn funny...

I'll admit, I may have developed a small crush... I'm not thinking too much of it at the moment though because I don't want to ruin the friendship we have; and the fact that he only broke up with his most recent girlfriend yesterday... And also considering that it's so soon after [Riot!]... Ha! One minute I'm telling myself I wanna be single and free, and the next I'm falling for my crazy co-worker... Figures! :P

Oh, and before some people decide to ask... Yes, he is younger than me! Approximately a year or so... So the younger-than-me trend is still in full swing :P And I should probably give him a blog nickname... Hmmm... How's about [Boltin']? I think that suits just fine... Oh! And did I mention that he has a six-pack! ;) Not that that matters or anything but... Come on... SIX PACK! Hehehehehe.

So yeah... That's a rather quick catch up of the going's on in my life right now! It is currently Christmas Eve Eve and I have a few things planned out this week, so pretty keen!

Christmas Eve: Planning on wrapping presents, as well as the usual tradition between [Dancer]'s family and mine where they come over to our place for the night and we have a good ol' time playing silly games and eating cake that appears to have a little too much rum in it...

Christmas: Well duh... Need I say more? It's Christmas! :D PRESENTS!!! Wooo! Hahaha. And the tradition continues with [Dancer] as we then go to their place (or is the other way round? We go to theirs on the eve, and they come to ours on Christmas..? I don't know.. It's one way ;P) that night and basically do the same thing all over again! Except with an exchange of gifts as well ;D

Boxing Day: As far as I'm aware... [Phantomess] is organising a belated, cheesy, Christmas gathering at a nearby park which should be fun! Also, a high school friend has invited me to his 19th party at a hotel in the city... I really would love to go! My only dilemma is whether I'll have someone to talk too or not there, seeing as most of the people that are going to be there I either won't know or where the 'popular' kids at my school, when I was in the nerdier crowd...

27th: During the day? Nothing... But that night? Subway is having a work Christmas party and what are we doing..? LASER TAG! I swear... This week just keeps gettin' better and better! :D

28th: MY BIRTHDAY BITCHES! *Ahem* Yes... In case you didn't notice the words in bold, I am turning the ripe old age of 19 that day! ... No, I have nothing planned... Yes, I will most likely spend that day vegging out on the couch Facebooking and playing the online game I have recently gotten hooked into... You know Wizard101? The game I am basing my fanfic off of? Well.. They have another branch called Pirate101 and, let's just say, it's better than W101... :P

After that, I don't really have any plans! I would like to say that I have New Years Eve plans, but sadly I do not... At this rate it looks like I'll be waiting till next year for the New Years Kiss! ;P

I must fly now my birdies... But I shall (hopefully) find the motivation to write another blog after my birthday or, if not, then New Years... K? K.

~It ain't super smart to leave me alone...~

A Crazy Cat's Tale

What's happening guys? Nothing? Sweet. You can hear me ramble on about the pointlessness that is my life! YAY! :D

*Ahem* So, yeah.. You want the recent news? Well, the most recent that I can think of is that [Riot!] and I broke up...

Yes! It be true... After basically an entire year apart due to me living at Uni; our relationship seemed to be declining steadily through the second half.. Well... Mostly during the last couple of weeks of Uni/school into the holidays. Long distance relationships are really difficult to keep going... And it got to the point where we were discovering we were keeping things from each other (such as him now being bisexual, which was a bit of a shock... I mean... I don't have anything against that, but; it makes you question things, a lot), and somewhat lying directly to each other about certain things. A great basis for trust, no? But yeah... We were going to end it mutually, and somewhat civilly. But shit went down last night and we ended up snarling at each other through Facebook and calling it quits then and there...

It wasn't the way I wanted to end things with him, that's for sure. As much as I could see that we were failing as a duo, and that we might just not be right for each other; I never EVER wanted to see him hurt, in any way. That's why I find it so difficult to end relationships at times... I always have some residing feelings, as well as an overly caring nature that makes it so damn hard to see them hurting...

But yeah! I'm now a single pringle... For the first time in.. Gawsh... Five to six years? At least? I mean... I had a brief time period between [Carl] and [Riot!], but that was small.. And [Carl] was still chasing after me, so it didn't really feel like I was single at the time...

To be honest, I don't feel the full effects of being single yet. Granted, it's been a day... But I also have University exams and my driving test coming up in two weeks time that have me partially terrified, and are taking up all my focus and energy. But my co-worker and I (who just happens to have gone to the same school that I graduated from, though he left in year ..7? Or 8. One of them!) were talking about New Year's Eve coming up and our previous years, and our plans for this one.

My co-worker, newly dubbed [Quintessential], has recently come out of a relationship himself; and was telling me how he's not interested in getting into another relationship for quite some time... When we had this discussion I was still with [Riot!], but I can definitely see his point now.

I have been in a relationship for the past six years of my life (approximating here); and, to be honest, I am sick of it. I have no interest in settling down again anytime soon. I'm young! I have so much potential, and so much to go out and enjoy! I've lived a pretty sheltered life... I've never been to many parties. Never had the chance to just flirt with a guy for the hell of it, with no intentions of going anywhere. I've never even had a New Year's Kiss and I've bloody had a boyfriend for the past few years! No... Instead, I sit at home with the family watching the fireworks at midnight, then go to bed...

Some people might like that idea, and I did... Up until I was about 16. Ever since then I've been wanting to be in the midst of it all. Soaking up the crazy atmosphere as it turns to a new year, and having a fun new year's kiss! Not 100% sure if I'm completely okay with it being with some random... I know I'd definitely prefer it if it was someone I knew and somewhat had a nice connection with; not necessarily in the relationship way. But yeah... I guess I've just been so shy and awkward with my Asperger's; and now that Gatton has brought me right out of my shell, I just wanna live it up for a while!

Especially this New Year's... I haven't worked out a plan yet; but I am definitely going to look into seeing who'll come out with me to some currently unknown place and party it up with me!

Oh.. And I also received an e-mail from my University saying that I was rejected a room for next year... That was heart breaking. It's hard to describe how I feel about Halls life, and how badly I want to be there next year... Making a difference... Making myself known and improving my life experiences in the process. I'm quite jealous of [Bestiality] who got the job as a Residential Staff member.. I'm obviously happy for her as well! But incredibly jealous as she's now guaranteed a room... Same with [Chappy] getting Res Club. Happy for them, but insanely jealous...

I sent off an e-mail inquiring as to why I got rejected as I think it's due to my GPA currently. It's sitting on a 2 (fail) because I've failed a subject, and my other subjects I've yet to receive a result for because I deferred them... They don't accept people back onto Halls if you've failed overall in the semester... So, even though I'm not going to fail this semester, it currently looks like I have... I am seriously hoping I can go back next year otherwise I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with myself... I mean... I'd have to transit back and forth, which is an hour each way. The time and distance I could relatively handle... The cost for petrol though?! Hideous. I don't even wanna think about it!

I'm headed to the beach tomorrow with my high school group of friends, and I'm pretty keen! :) Haven't caught up with everyone in oh so long... The baby of the group, [Phantomess], is also finally turning 18 and hosting a birthday shindig on Saturday; so more catching up will occur then as well! Which reminds me... Really should go buy my dear husband a present! Ahhh, procrastination at it's finest [Miss Invisible].

... I don't really have much else to talk about tonight really. Not until some worthy action occurs so I can inform y'all about it anyways... Which won't be until exam time onward, as I won't be doing anything overly fascinating until then apart from study; as entertaining as you all would find that to read, I'm sure ;P

I can safely say though, that I am slowly finding peace with everything. I'm going to hurt after [Riot!] for a bit, but I'll move on... I'm happy for [Carl] and his new found girlfriend (even though their puppy love so openly spread over Facebook is rather annoying, as I find all relationships like that...); and I'm single and ready to mingle! Watch out for this crazy cat y'all ;D Hehe.
I'm also planning on continuing work on my fanfic after the exams are over; regardless of the fact that I based my main character off of [Riot!]. I love this fanfic to pieces and am not going to give it up. I'll still base it off of him, and I'll still write the story as it was always to be written; nothing's going to affect that..
And I'm also planning on really looking into continuing my self-learning of Italian and completely start fresh with Spirit Science. I looked into it a while back briefly, but have never found the effort to actually do something about it. It really interests me and compliments my beliefs quite well; so I really want to delve into that and learn as much as possible!

Random side note... [Dancer] came back from a two week trip to China and can I just say how insanely jealous I am of her?! I mean... China would be such a pretty place to go too!!! D': But the worst part? She got to hand feed a tiger cub... If I didn't love her, I would have killed her out of jealous by now! ;P Kidding of course, but damn... You lucky thing!!! O.O

Anyways... I'm going to let y'all go now! Have fun in the real world kiddies, and always stay safe! ;P

~I'm feeling so shady lately~

Oh The Pain!

Hey guys...

So... Here I am. Staying up later than I should; with my head reeling full of useless stuff, that I will probably forget by the end of this sentence...

Yup...

Ahh well. 'Tis typical of my blogging that I forget half the stuff I actually wanted to talk about in the first place.

... I served a deaf guy at work today, for the first time. It humbled me... It really did. It got me thinking about what it must be like to be deaf. To not be able to hear anything... I mean; the closest I can get to being deaf is finding somewhere dead quiet, and not making a sound myself. But even then! When the silence presses in on me, there's that high pitched and incredibly irritating ringing sound. Not even deaf people get that... They get literally, nothing... I just.. I can't even... Nope. I just can't fathom it.

I suppose it's the same with blind people in a sense. Not being able to see anything...

Oh, and guys... I don't know if any of you have ever been paint balling before but... For the love of all that's good... Protect your neck! With your freaking life! Seriously...

In case you didn't gather. I went paint balling on my sister's birthday with a bunch of Uni friends. It was completely unexpected, and I jumped in last minute because they needed someone to fill the empty spot... And it was my first time ever, so I was terrified... But keen.

Aaaanyways. So, I ended up staying for two and a half out of the three hours it went on for; and I don't know whether or not I'll ever do it again...

You see... I wasn't exactly 'babied' as a child, or whatever; but throughout my life I have never really done any serious physical damage to myself. Even now! I avoid situations that could potentially hurt me. What does this leave me with? An insanely low pain tolerance... Which I did not realise how low it was until I went paint balling....

The first place I got hit was my knuckle; which wasn't too terrible... I mean, it was horrible at the time as it was my first hit and first experience of pain with this sport. My skin instantly broke and was bleeding (spotting, but bleeding nonetheless); and the shock of the pain caused me to freeze up, allowing my attacker to also get a shot to my left thigh; front on.

I also learnt this day that I do not deal well with receiving pain... I lifted my gun into the air (basically saying 'I'm out! Don't shoot me!') and headed to the safe zone for a quick breather... Also known as a "Holy shit. I've been hit. This hurts like a bitch. How the fuck do people do this? Asdfghjkl" moment... I don't know how other people describe the pain of being shot with a paintball... But for me, it was like spikes of fire coursing through my body. No joke... That's how little I tolerate pain.

Anyways. I was stupid enough to continue, and a couple of minutes before half time a guy jumped out from barricade and the fleeting battle was on. I shot a couple of poorly aimed balls in his direction; but all was forgotten when all of a sudden I couldn't breathe.

He had, unintentionally, hit me in the neck with a close up shot. I doubled over in raspy gasps and (thankfully I was close to it) managed to make my way back to the safe zone, where the worker guy tended to me; trying to make me laugh by joking about what an awesome first time paint balling I was having. It kinda worked.. Except I couldn't laugh due to the pain it caused doing so. Oh the pain... I don't even want to talk about how much pain that shot caused me!

It was then half time, which I spent sitting on a chair with an ice pack to my neck; shakily recovering and getting increasingly worried by the gasps and "Oh wow..."'s I kept getting from people every time they saw my neck.

Again! I was stupid enough to continue on... (To be fair, I wanted to get my money's worth... But I am actually impressed with myself for going on.). This game was one where I kinda lost it, I am ashamed to admit...

As we were in bush land, I was scouting around to see if the area I was in was safe or not.. Clearly it wasn't, as when I was facing away from the enemy side temporarily; I got shot in the backside... Yes! I got shot in the ass. Kudos to my shooter for the aim there! (I have no idea who it was, but yeah...). Anyways, so I turned around quickly to try and see who my attacker was (and partially out of pain/shock); and instead, I received another shot to my thigh... The left one... Again... Thankfully, in a different spot; yet clearly a softer one.

I then literally let out a yelp and fled. I headed to the bottom of the hill; shaking and crying my eyes out... All I could feel was pain. Intense pain flooding my body from everywhere that had been hit. I seriously do not understand how people do it guys...

I was then at the bottom of the hill babbling on to my friend, who was my transportation, about how I couldn't do it anymore. How it hurt so much and everything... The worker guy was also listening to this rant; and I could tell he was probably thinking of me as a typical whiny girl who can't handle paint ball... So what?! Not everyone can handle that much fucking pain!

Strangely enough, after all that, I managed to still continue... Into the final game that my friend and I would play before heading back to our respective dinner dates we had that night (he had one with his landlord, and I had one with the family to celebrate the sister's birthday). In this game I got hit twice as well, but on places where it didn't hurt. The first was on my right shoulder, but girls got to wear a breastplate so it didn't hurt at all. The second was on my right eye; but we obviously had protection for our face so we wouldn't go blind.. Another kudos to the person who shot that one! Though.. Considering the only part of my body that could have been hit at the time were my eyes.. That's not so surprising... :P

So yeah! It was finally over! Sweaty, beaten up, and tired as anything; my friend and I then left the premises as everyone else entered into what would have been the final game.

By the time I got home my family were straight out the door to dinner... Not allowing me the chance to change, or make myself more decent in any way... So, there we were! At the restaurant, having dinner... With complete strangers ogling my neck as though I were a zoo animal; and both my Dad and sister taking photos of it, for some concerning reason...

To be honest, the wound on my neck actually wasn't as terrible as I'm sure I just made it sound... But it was, and still is, pretty damn tender... And quite painful.

It's not been about three days after that day and my bruises have now got a lovely tinge of yellow; meaning that they'll be gone soon.. Yay!

It has been difficult working the past three days with these injuries... I've been limping slightly on my left leg as the two bruises there constantly pump a nice shot of pain through there; and I had (and still sorta have) quite restricted movement of my neck. I also opted not to do any singing for the past few days (it's been horrible.. I hate not singing) because I'm cautious that my vocal cords might have been affected when the paintball collided with my neck. I can't be certain... But I figured I'd at least allow the swelling to go down, and for it to heal before testing it out.

So yeah! Now you may all laugh at my pathetic-ness and pain, and we can continue on with our lives.

I've been thinking lately... A dangerous thing for me to do, but still... I've been thinking that I really ought to make a bucket list for myself. I've seen [Mr Awesome] post up statuses saying "Another thing to tick off my bucket list. /Insert activity here/." and it's just gotten me somewhat inspired.

I say somewhat inspired because we all know how lazy I am when it comes to doing anything... Even things I love! I am a strange human being... But regardless! I will (at some point or other) make a bucket list of things I want to do with my life and I will, most likely, post it in a blog post sometime so you can all have a read and... I don't know... Enjoy it? Pick it to pieces? Throw it back in my face and tell me how terrible it is?! Who knows. You guys can do anything really.

That kind of terrifies me...

Quick catch up notes:

- I sent my logbook in to be able to sit the test to get my P's and... It's been approved!! :D Hopefully I will be driving around, on my own, causing havoc everywhere soon! Yeee!!

- I haven't really caught up with anyone yet... But I really want to, and am hoping, to catch up with as many people as possible these holidays! Uni and pre-Uni friends alike!

- I have still been contemplating vlogging lately... I honestly doubt I will ever do it but it's still on my mind, annoyingly... But I mean... Who would want to see my face? On a screen? Babbling on about the stuff I blog about... Pointless stuff about my practically non-existent life... Blech. I'm sure this phase will pass soon.

- My dog is snoring....

Okay, so maybe that's not worthy of catch up notes... But it's a fact okay? She's snoring... It's adorable, yet annoying cause she can't do it to the beat of the music I'm listening too; so it totally ruins it.

... Yeah, I might leave it there ...

Oooh! One last thing. A part of me really wants to be in the show Big Brother. Don't judge me okay..? But seriously... I'm not entirely sure why. It wouldn't be for the money (though that is a nice bonus), I know that much... But yeah... I don't know... Ever since I started watching the show I've wanted to be in it... Bucket list perhaps? :P

Okay... I need sleep, so I'll let you guys go...

... Be freeeeee!!!

~Tell me what you want child!~

Far From The Home I Love

Hey guys!

Just thought I'd pop in for a short blog this evening (shock horror I know, but I won't be rambling on for hours on end for once; you may now jump for joy!) to just share what I'm currently up too.

So, I'm back home from Uni for the year! Wow... That year flew by ridiculously fast and I already miss it, along with the beautiful people I live with there, to pieces. I also miss having 5GB of Internet per month, with which we also get free YouTube. Coming home to 10GB a month between a family of five is already killing me; and I've spent a maximum of five hours at home so far... -_-

But, Internet restrictions aside, I'm keen for these holidays! Hoping to catch up with as many people as possible! Uni folk, and my old friends as well. LET ME LOVE YOU ALL! :D

Seriously... I miss Uni way too much already! Could be due to the fact that my family drive me absolutely crazy (in both good and bad ways)... I mean, I miss everyone at home so much. Especially [Riot!]. Along with [Dancer], [GoJo], [Tenuto Tuo], [Clearly Unfocused], and [Phantomess]; and I hate being so far away from them. But, I do have a new family at Uni now; and it sucks that I have to wait another three to four months to see them again! But yeah... I'm just whining! I'm still going to enjoy these holidays and make the most of time I can spend with home-dwelling friends (although next year will hopefully have more opportunities to catch up with you guys even when I'm at Uni!).

All that I have planned so far is babysitting my siblings tomorrow (Thursday) night so my parents can go to a trivia night, seeing [Dancer] graduate from school on Friday (here's hoping I don't cry.....), and getting as many driving lessons as possible! Because... I /finally/ filled out 100 hours in my logbook and sent it off for approval, so I should be able to go and sit the test to get my P's! (Hence the opportunities next year mentioned earlier ;D)... After I have a few lessons so I can actually learn the manoeuvres that will be asked of me...

After that, I currently don't really have any plans. Although, I do have to return to Uni in mid-December to sit the two exams I deferred after finding out about Granddad; which kind of sucks, but hey! I never would've been able to sit those exams after that week.

So, to start off my holidays, I re-downloaded one of my ultimate favourite games. This is the game that I have based my fan-fiction off of, and is probably one of my guilty pleasures... I mean... It's just such a good game! I find it way too much fun for my own good...

This game is called Wizard101. I have no shame in saying that I play this game and love it. Because I do! Except when I re-download it and it's having to re-load every single world/extras all over again. Not that it matters, cause my membership has run out and I haven't paid for another year yet so, I actually can't go anywhere or do anything except train my pet; which I really should do anyway.

Nerdiness aside... I am planning on working on my fan-fiction once more now that I'm not at Uni. I haven't worked on it pretty much all year because I keep saying to myself "You have Uni work to do! Uni over fan-fiction [Miss Invisible!]". Of course, with the amount of time I spent procrastinating; I could have written one or two chapters easily... But, strangely, my fan-fiction doesn't seem to pop up in my mind as a procrastination method; yet any other stupid, pointless thing will. So yeah...

I'm also, annoyingly, thinking about vlogging lately. I have no idea why to be honest... I would have absolutely no idea what I would say, let alone the idea of speaking to a camera that could then be seen by randoms on the Internet... O.O But alas... I feel like I bore the heck out of people with my endless rants on my blog; and feel as though a vlog would be much more tolerable, somehow... Who knows. I doubt I'll do it for some time anyway because every camera I possess is truly dreadful. Barely good for pictures, let alone videos!

So yeah... That's all I really have to share with you guys tonight! Short, sweet, and completely pointless. LIKE MY LIFE! .........

Um. Okay.. I'll leave you all to your lives now...

BYE! :)

~Let's steal away~

Here Comes Goodbye

Hey guys!

So, my last blog post was rather... Fiery shall we say? I do not regret writing that post at all; I'm just letting y'all know that this post will be quite different to that one. This one is going to be a lot more reflective and pensive on life and stuff. Apologies if this doesn't grab your interest, but I've been wanting to write my thoughts down since my grandfather's funeral on Friday.

So yeah... Death! Funerals! Woo!

I seriously have no idea where I was actually going to start with this so I'll just go from the day I received the news, chyeah?

It was Thursday (25th October) evening and I had just come back from dinner. I settled down at my computer prepared to smash out an hour or so of my assignment that was due the next day before heading to the last club night of the year. My phone then rung and I answered, figuring it was my parents and that I was in massive trouble for something I as racking my brains to remember... Well, I had one thing right! It was my parents; though I wasn't in trouble (which was good I guess?!)...

Yeah... Not the best news to hear when you were pumped full of energy, ready to have a good night; and it hit me hard. As soon as I got off the phone I lost it. I broke down into shocked sobs and basically turned into a blubbering mess. I managed to function just enough to send a message to [Chappy] and [Bestiality] before crumpling into a heap on the floor. The two people I consider closest to family while at Uni then came into my room and stayed for a while hugging and consoling me. [Chappy] left quite soon as he had the same assignment to work on, and pre-drinking with his buddies like the social butterfly he is; but [Bestiality] stayed with me longer, allowing me to talk to her a bit to try come to terms. It helped a little, but only the tiniest bit; so after a while I kicked her out (politely), grabbed a jacket, and went for a walk around campus. Thank goodness pretty much everyone was in their halls getting ready for the party; because I don't know how they would have been seeing a random Pitt girl walking like a zombie around campus talking to herself and sobbing her heart out... Because that's what they would've seen if they saw me. I was not a pretty sight at all, let's just say that!

I eventually went back to my room and sat on my bed for a while, thinking. I then basically looked at myself in the mirror and told myself to toughen up and get ready for the club. I knew that having people around me would "sober" me up, and help me have a relatively good night compared to the crappy one I would have had if I stayed in my room dwelling on the news I had just received.

The theme was Doctors & Nurses; so I opted to go as a mental patient. I donned a pair of my pajamas that looked relatively convict-like; and (being completely hopeless with make-up normally) managed to get the only eye-shadow I had (brown & blue) and give myself bruises on my neck, and enhance the puffiness under my eyes from crying. I will admit, I did a pretty good job. Multiple people commented on how creepy I looked (though not half as creepy as [Bestiality] that night. Who also went as a mental patient; but managed to turn her lab coat into a straight jacket, and painted her face incredibly pale and almost clown-like... Kudos girl, because you looked fantastically insane!) and some even thought I had legitimately been beaten up when they saw my bruises.

So yeah! I ended up going to the club and eventually loosened up enough to have a good time. The next day I woke up and wasn't feeling overly fantastic (not from drinking too much alcohol! I don't get drunk, nor do I plan too) and just gave myself a quiet day where I went to my lecturer and asked for an extension on the assignment as I would not have been able to have it completed on time due to my mental and emotional distress; which he thankfully gave to me easily.

Saturday was a pre-planned day at the beach, which was nice and relaxing after everything; though I was starting to feel very drained, especially considering the fact that I was having trouble sleeping at night. Normally, when asleep, I sleep the whole night through with no issues. The past couple of nights (as well as the next few nights after) involved me waking up at least every hour or two, tossing and turning, and very much struggling to fall asleep. It was pretty damn horrible, I won't lie!

Sunday and Monday were the hell-ish days for me. Those were the days where I was in physical, emotional and mental pain. This was my "mourning sickness" that I referred to last post. [Bestiality] and I came up with the hypothesis that a way of me dealing with such grief and emotionally raw pain is for it to come through physically; in the form of not being able to sleep, throbbing headaches, aching legs and neck, and an incredibly sore throat. I basically spent those two days either trying to catch up on some sleep (which usually failed) and wasting my time on the computer doing absolutely nothing, but being incapable of any form of work.

Tuesday I had thankfully recovered enough to go on another pre-planned trip to Wet 'n' Wild (water theme park for those clueless ones); where I had a blast! It was a non-holiday weekday so there was barely anyone there; meaning short lines and more time to squeeze in more rides. [Bestiality] and I managed to convince each other to go on rides we didn't initially think we would go on, and just generally had a fun day; which was so nice after what I had just gone through!

The next day I headed home of which my other set of grandparents were house sitting because the rest of my immediate family had already left for South Australia earlier that week. An uneasy night's sleep left me waking the next day for an afternoon flight to my home state, where my family picked me up and headed to [HorseGirl]'s place as there was no spare beds at Nanna's due to my Aunt from England already having claimed it. An early night lead to a relatively early rise to get ready for the funeral.

We arrive on site to multiple family members, close friends and random people I didn't know gathered outside. The funeral was to start at 11am, but Nanna had decided on an open casket from 10:30am. My brother didn't want to go in and see, but pretty much every other family member went in at some point or other throughout the half hour. This was my first real experience with death and funerals, let alone open caskets; so I really had no idea what to expect!

It's... So surreal. He looked as though he were merely sleeping, or faking sleep and was gonna pop up at any second telling us all how silly we were to believe that he was gone. I went in pretty much as soon as the doors opened, and this didn't really set me off. It shocked me and unsettled me a little; but I was still relatively numb at this point.

The thing that really set me off? Seeing my parents cry. I mean, I've seen my Mum cry before... And us women are annoyingly emotional, so I was kind of expecting it... But it still didn't help seeing her cry. When she started, a couple of tears fell from my eyes then. But what really set me over the edge was seeing my Dad cry.

Now. I had never seen my Dad cry, before that day. I'm sure most girls in the world, that have a father, can agree with me here when I say: that your Dad is your rock. Your tower of strength and refuge when things go wrong. Immovable. Indestructible.

So... You can imagine what it must be like to see your indestructible tower crumble right before your eyes... Because that's exactly what it felt like for me. And when your tower has fallen, it's quite difficult not to fall yourself. I tried not to look at my Dad as much as possible because it tore me apart seeing him like that. Later on, he literally turned into a little boy right before my eyes. And, I'll admit, that genuinely terrified me briefly.

It was nearing 11am. My Nanna and my two Aunts were heading into the room to gather around Granddad together. They beckoned Dad to join them, so it would be only the immediate family. Mother, daughters, and the youngest; the son. Dad had gone in with Mum earlier and ended up having to leave, saying he couldn't take it anymore. So when his mother and sisters were beckoning him to join them, he looked completely torn up. Thankfully he had sunglasses on, because I think his eyes would have betrayed so much and I have no idea if I could have handled it. Instead; I saw him tremble and shake his head, only to eventually shuffle slowly forward and end up going in with them.

I then went into a separate room on my own cause I couldn't handle it; and semi-broke down in there... I then realised that I there was five minutes left before the service started, so I waited until whoever was in with Granddad at the time to leave before going in there to look at him one last time. That time I couldn't hold back. Seeing the tears on his face left by my family members, and the flowers that had been added, as well as cards... And knowing that this was the last time I would lay eyes on my grandfather... It was pretty intense...

The funeral service itself was short, simple and sweet. The eulogy was written by Nanna, Dad, and my Aunts; and was read out by my England-dwelling Aunt. I couldn't help but tear up again as the service ended and they handed out single flowers to everyone to go and lay upon or around the now closed casket; before we headed into a little room with tea, coffee and biscuits where everyone slowly 'sobered' up and started generally chatting. To me, this was a bit surreal. Maybe it was just my social awkwardness, but I just found it odd that people could so easily start a conversation about general daily topics after just having gone through a funeral. I mean, I get that they don't want to dwell on it any longer than they have too; but it still confused me... I'm just hopeless with these things I guess!

Once everyone had headed off to go do whatever it is that they went off to do... My family and I headed back to Nanna's place for late lunch and just a get together. I felt sorry for Snowy, their dog. She would've been used to just Nanna & Granddad in the small house they have. All of a sudden, the house had been flooded with people all week long; with no sight of Granddad. Dogs aren't stupid, so she would've been upset with her Dad not being around; along with all the people, given the fact that she was a pretty skittish dog to begin with...

Not long after that I headed back to [HorseGirl]'s to finish off my assignment, hand it in, then get ready for [Mr Awesome]'s arrival to take both us girls out, mostly to catch up with me; but so the three of us can have a good time. I had a great time with them! (How could I not when with [Mr Awesome]..?! I miss you already, you terror! :P ... And I of course miss [HorseGirl] as well. You both need to move to Queensland! Seriously!)

The next day was spent shopping with [HorseGirl] and [Mr Awesome], before heading to Nanna's place for a final chance to catch up with the family before heading back to Queensland. Tensions were running high as we were leaving Nanna's place... Especially when Nanna started crying, which got my Mum started... I'll admit; recent events have changed how I view goodbyes now. I mean... How do I know if that was the last time I hear my Nanna's voice and have her hug me? Yeah... It was quite a lot more difficult then usual to walk out that door, that's for sure.

So now I'm back at my Uni! Procrastinating exam study as always and listening to the soundtrack from the movie Burlesque. I've had heaps of questions and thoughts running through my mind since the funeral... The curiosity was partially killing me as I was walking around Nanna's house post-funeral. I stopped by their bedroom and looked at their bed; contemplating what it would be like to be sleeping peacefully, only to be woken by short sharp breaths coming from your husband. Then imagine lying there, completely helpless and still wrapping your head around the situation, as your husband takes his last breath.

...

That's exactly how it would've happened for my Nanna. Granddad had a heart attack, and had left the world so quickly my Nanna barely had any time to react. She still called up the ambulance who told her to perform CPR on him until they got there. They got there in 2-3 minutes and, due to the gate being closed as it was the middle of the night, managed to jump the fence (which is pretty damn impressive; cause that fence is damn high) and somehow get inside the house. In the end, obviously, it was all relatively pointless as Granddad wasn't coming back...

That... I just... I don't even know what to say about that. I've been trying to imagine what that would have been like; and it absolutely crushes me... And to think that in reality, I really have no clue... ... Just makes me appreciate Nanna's strength I guess :)

On a random, more positive note: I was invited out to the precinct with [Chappy] and his Thynne buddies last night. Now... For those that don't know; my Uni has an environment park with two bird watching huts situated a relative distance away from the halls. This is what we call the precinct: and it's a spot where people go to drink after hours. Under aged people use this to drink without getting caught, and of age people just go there to drink when there's no club night (or sometimes after the club).

So yeah. I was Skyping with [Mr Awesome] when I received a message from [Chappy] that they were headed down to the precinct; so I got myself ready to go, grabbed [Bestiality] and went on down! Found the group sitting on the roof on one of the huts, to which we climbed up to greet them; only for them to then decide to head down to the ground... Murphy's Law... Two of my girl friends from Pitt joined us not long after, and a game of Truth started almost instantly.

Most of the questions revolved around things such as "How old were you when you lost your virginity?", "Furthest you've gone in a public place?", and "How many people have you slept with since coming to Uni?". Then, by the end of the night, the questions more revolved around things such as "If you had to make out with someone here, who would it be?" and "If you had to put honey over someone's body here and lick it off, who would it be?".

...

Yeah. It actually wasn't as terrible as it seems. Nobody actually did anything. It was just one of those things where everyone (except [Bestiality] and myself) were drunk and asking overly sexual questions, as most young adults do. I will admit though; I did get a little ego boost when my name was thrown around a couple of times as answers. Nothing better than knowing a guy would prefer to make out with you over the other guys there if it came down to it! :P

The night ended rather uneventfully... We headed to the common room where most people seemed to scatter rather quickly. Some went for a Macca's run, some went to bed, and some *Cough* [Chappy] *Cough* ended up in their room throwing up because they were the drunkest they had ever been. This left me and [Chappy]'s guy friend, [Papa J], alone in the common room; watching Rest Stop. For those that don't know. It's a horror movie... And for those who don't know. I. Can't. Stand. Horrors! Apparently, my movie partner could handle any horror except this one. On the plus side, he warned me every time shit was gonna go down; but we still only managed to get through a third of it before we couldn't take it anymore.

[Papa J], having seen the movie before, was quite freaked out by this point; so I ended up taking him to his bed and staying with him a while to comfort him until he was asleep. Or at least sleepy to the point that I could leave him. It was quite adorable! I only recently got to know him and started building a good friendship with him; but unfortunately he's leaving our Uni next year! He's ditching Wildlife Science to go into Environmental Management. He has an amazing personality that's so infectious, and I know I'm definitely gonna miss his witty presence next year; though I have a feeling the Thynne folks will have it much harder not having him around!

Guys. Don't have a mocking conversation with your friend about giving them a good luck kiss for their exam... Especially if they live in the same hall as you. Because they may just come by your room before their exam mockingly demanding that kiss! :P

Ahhh good ol' [Azzo]. You entertain me. For the record, I gave him a hug and a small kiss on the cheek for good luck... I couldn't not give him something after making the effort to actually come by my room! :P

So yeah! Now that I have brought the end of this pensive post to a random, more positive atmosphere; I should probably go and actually do some form of study! ... Or work on my fanfiction which I haven't done in at least nine months... Poor thing. Sitting there waiting for me to work on it. It's so hard to when you know you're supposed to be doing Uni work though! *Sigh*

Until next time kiddies! :)

~Please! She ain't got a thing on me!~

Where There Is A Sickness, There Is A Cure

Hey guys, I know it's been a while... Uni has been pretty hectic and yeah... This is when I normally would rant to you about what I've done the past couple of months to catch you up; boring you all to death. But this one is gonna be different.

For those who are strangely interested in what I've gotten up too lately; don't worry... I will write a post later on down the track catching you all up (By then having needed to write goodness knows how many months worth... Ooh dear... Short and sweet for that one me thinks); but for now I just want to get some things off of my chest that have been bugging me.

Okay. To start with... I HATE BEING A FEMALE!

...Well that escalated quickly...

No seriously. While a part of me loves the assets being a female gives you, there is a massive part of me that absolutely loathes it.

I mean... Why do we get attached so easily? When it comes to relationships, romantic or not; it's generally us women who fall pretty hard, and the men who just sit back and laugh as we face plant it. Over the past year I have grown as a person. I have turned into this crazy, fun-loving girl (Well... More so than before) who is actually quite outgoing now! As well as becoming a fiercely loyal and protective friend; and it doesn't take me long to get to this point. Watch out if you guys ever be-friend me (Or those who are unfortunate enough to already be in my circle of buddies ;P), because it will not take long for me to have attached myself to you; this relates to both female and male friendships.

Wow... I sound really creepy tonight.

Uhhh. I just mean that if anybody were to even come up and insult you; I will become cartoon style protective. Bristling hair on the back of my neck, a bit of growling, and a thirst for ripping their head off.

...Okay. Maybe not thaaaat bad. But close enough.

Now this new 'trait' of mine has gotten myself into a couple of pickles out here at Uni. One of those cases would relate back to good ol' [Regal Pain]... That fellow roped me in with his snarky ways; but it took me a while to realise that he actually wasn't good for me. At all. He was a competitive bastard who always had to win, no matter what. And his witty comebacks at the time were actually slowly inflicting psychological damage onto me as they were, in effect, insults. He's not a terrible person in a sense... (My 'trait' kicking in here, sadly... Still can't completely shake him off). I honestly think it's more due to the fact he doesn't know how to be friends with a girl... But whatever. He's relatively out of my life now anyways so... Move on [Miss Invisible]!

I guess this leads on to any new friendship I'm forming lately... I feel as though I'm at a very different level to the other person. Where the other person might be like "Oh yeah, she's cool, like whatever"; I'm probably at the "He/she's a pretty awesome friend!"

...

What am I doing? Seriously?!

I'm just worried that I seem to confronting to people I genuinely want to be good friends with... I swear I'm becoming like that Overly Attached Girlfriend meme; just remove the girl. This is sad... Clearly I was meant for great things! Right..? :P

Aaanyways. I'm going to move on to the next topic that is cheesing me off the most at the moment.

Warning: This topic is highly sensitive to the writer right now. Please excuse any profanities that may be thrown around; and apologies in advance for any change in impression anyone may have initially had on this particular writer.

[Carl]. Yes, it's [Carl] again. I'm sorry for any readers who just rolled their eyes. But seriously. Hopefully this is the last time I ever mention his name in this blog because he's apparently told me goodbye, for the last time.

Quick catch up story! [Carl] and I had been talking fine and getting along well for whatever amount of time, before he randomly pops up on Facebook one day saying that I had posted a message on [Riot!]'s wall so many months ago saying: You're the first person I've said 'I love you' too and meant it.

Or at least something along those lines, whatever.

Okay... First off! I do not remember writing that. If I did; I have no fucking idea why I did, to be fair. Cause that is harsh. Sorry if this hurts [Riot!] but it is rather obvious that you were not my first love. It doesn't change anything at all! It's just a fact.
But the fact that [Carl] got all pissy at me like some teenage girl was what got me real cheesed off. I tried reasoning with him calmly however, and he just said "Whatever [Miss Invisible]" aaaand stopped talking to me.

So what? Whatever. I was too pissed off to care at the time.

Half a week ago I received news that my grandfather had passed away. Please, no sympathies or condolences here. For the love of all that's good I've received enough. Not that it's a terrible thing; but, to be fair, I just want to try and put it to the back of my mind until the funeral this Friday, yeah? Moving on again.

After finding this out, I then suffered through what I considered to be relatively close to hell for the next few days. Stressing about exams, grieving, stressing about Uni friend situations, etc etc. I ended up becoming pretty damn sick. In the midst of this, I had the usual cheesy moment of clarity where I was like "Damn... Everyone in my life means so much to me I have to repair anything broken and keep everyone close, blah blah blah"...

So. I sent [Carl] an apology message, briefly explaining my epiphany and somewhat asking if we could make amends; while staying on the fence knowing how unstable his response could be. His response? I'll provide it. Word for word (Grammar errors included for my sadistic amusement).

[Miss Invisible], I've realised that no matter how long it has been, I haven't forgiven you for what you did to me and I don't know if I will. I am happy at the moment and honestly couldn't be happier. I know you are strong and independent and I know you will be able to live without me. I'm sorry about everything that has happened these past few days, I really am but I just have to say goodbye.
Goodbye [Miss Invisible]

Okay... I don't even know where to start on this; because almost every line makes me want to punch him in the face. I'll just go in order of the message, shall I?

You haven't forgiven me..? Are you fucking serious?!?! You? Mister "God's will and way"?! Mister "Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay it's not the end"?! You are such a fucking hypocrite. I'm not trying to say anything against religion here, because I'm spiritual myself. But for goodness sake! If you really /are/ a Christian; you should bloody well know that God's will is for everyone to forgive each other. Not necessarily forget, but at least forgive. So... You're not even going to try? Or you just don't try? Or maybe you should realise that there might not be anything really to forgive because...

...What I did to you..? What /I/ did?! To you?!?! Oh wow... You clearly have no fucking clue mate. You have no idea the different kinds of hell you put me through in our relationship. Yeah, I didn't point them out when we were together; because I didn't realise what I was being put through until the past couple of months. And you know why? It's because I went through most of our relationship in a lovesick haze. Not really seeing, or knowing what was going on; but trusting you implicitly, and going along with whatever you wanted. It was fucking stupid of me, but what can I say? You caught me when I was vulnerable; and was able to use that to your advantage I guess.

I don't really have anything to say to the happiness line. That's fair enough!

Thanks for telling me shit I already know. Strength and independence is something I've had my whole fucking life! Well... Except for those two-three years when I was with you. And of course I can live without you! That is not going to be difficult, trust me! The difference is whether I wanted to live without you or not. In a sense, I didn't overly mind. It's nice having you in my life; because we did have that small connection where we could tell each other anything & everything with no judgement and whatever. But you know what? I'm pretty sure I've found a replacement for you. And I'm so fucking glad I have! Because I can now stop bloody pining after you just so I can spill my guts out because I can't do it with other people. Thankfully, my University is a pretty damn amazing place. Filled with amazing people. Yeah, I would've liked it if we could have stayed friends as well; cause I generally am a nice person, and I like to keep as many people in my life as possible. Because, believe it or not, everyone I meet means a lot to me. But at the same time. I am so over your shit [Carl]. Over it like you wouldn't believe.

OOOHHH!! And you know the thing that is really putting the cherry on the cake? The fact that you haven't even deleted me as a friend on Facebook. Like. What the fuck? "Goodbye [Miss Invisible]"! ... LOL jokes! I'm gonna stay friends with you so I can post statuses saying things like "So so so happy! :D" just to piss you off that little bit more to set you off the edge and make this blog post! Hmmm... I would delete you myself; but I find your life story much to entertaining to miss to be honest. Can't wait to see the University stories from you buddy; cause at the rate you're going, it's gonna get messy! But hey. I'm no prophet...

Aaand, I really can't say anything about the lines where he's bullshitting about being sorry for everything that's happened to me the past few days (In regards to my grandfather). So yeah...

By the way... [Carl]. If you are, in fact, reading this. Thanks! It brightened my day knowing that I got an extra view on my blog! Oh, and the image of you reading this with a million questions and/or profanities running through your mind brings a smile to my face, I will admit. I really do hope you enjoy your life and make the most of it! Because that's what you should be doing. And please know this... I am perfectly happy living my life without you. I will have a fucking blast in fact! :)

Apologies, readers, if I am seeming incredibly sadistic and cruel tonight; but I'm just letting my fingers type what my mind is blurting. Normally, I repress everything and am a lovely person to meet! But... If you manage to piss me off enough, over a lengthy period of time (Say... One and a half, to two years?); I have to explode at some point! And I do say nasty things... But, in reality, I'm still a massive softy. Sadly...

Well... Now that I've gotten that off my chest! ... I actually can't remember what else was bugging me... Damn. There was something! I know there was! But it's escaped me momentarily.

Regardless. I'm glad to have gotten those two things off of my chest. I really should be trying to not stress as much as possible right now as I have only semi-recovered from this "Mourning Sickness" as I've called it.

/Mourning/ sickness guys. Not morning. Reading words correctly changes everything! ^.^

So yeah! I still have an assignment to hand in sometime within the next day or two; along with heading back home tomorrow, so I can catch a plane to my birth state for the funeral. To which I will be returning back to University by Sunday so I can start studying for two out of my four exams! Yay! ... That reminds me. I really ought to hand in my application for deferment of the first two exams so I can actually be somewhat prepared for them after everything...

Wow! I feel so much better it's insane! :)

Thanks guys for reading this. Tell me your thoughts though? Did this post interest you more or less than my usual rambles about my life? I mean... I do try to talk about other things; but it just never seems to work. I clearly have to be hacked off at something to write about something different nowadays! Who knew? :P

But jokes aside. I would love feedback. Did you like or hate this post? The change from the dreary life story? Should I keep blogging, or should I just drop off the face of the earth? Even if you pick the last option; any feedback is good feedback!

Aaaaand it is now 12:32am. Whoops! ... Thank goodness I can sleep in tomorrow! Benefits of doing absolutely nothing until I recover ^.^

Catch ya later alligators! :)

~Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say. Sometimes I wanna slap you in your own face~

I Know Myself Better Than Anyone... Right?

Hey there!

Have any of you readers ever tried to fit three people into a standard single bed? If you haven't... DON'T EVER DO IT! Unless you're okay with the idea of being completely squished up against other people; or potentially falling off the bed...

Yes... I, and two buddies of mine, made the stupid decision to crash on my bed on Wednesday night. I can't remember if I've given my new girl friend a nickname; but I am now dubbing her as [Bestiality] because she has admitted that she finds some stallions more attractive than human men. And, my imagination is running low and on the slightly dirty side... You have been warned ;)
The other person in the bed with us was [Chappy]. Thank goodness we are all relatively thin people! [Chappy], being almost twice the height of us, struggled with the idea of having half his legs off the end of my bed (entertainingly); [Bestiality] has been revealed as a snuggler when she sleeps; and I had the joy of half hanging off the bed the entire night!
Pretty sure that if it weren't for [Chappy] supporting me with an arm, I would've fallen off the bed... I realised today that it could have made things so much easier if I just opted to sleep on the floor in my sleeping bag... Oh well! This is what we get for the other two being too lazy to go back to their own beds :P

So... Last Sunday, at my Uni, there was a workshop to improve singing technique. It was initially $180, but I only had to pay $50 for it; so I was definitely all for it! The woman who ran it is absolutely amazing. She taught us so many things and was so down-to-earth and... WOW! Her voice is amazing. Which is insane, considering how terrible she sounds when she doesn't 'prepare' her body for it. It was weird... When she had set herself up correctly (which she subconsciously does all the time); she sounded amazing, and could belt it out. But an accident a few years ago means her vocal chords are actually burnt... And, if she doesn't set herself up, she sounds gravelly... Her voice patches in and out, and can barely be heard. The difference is amazing. It made me realise how powerful my voice /could/ be; if I treat it right. But that's the thing... Treating it right. It's not that I don't want too! It's more the fact that it requires time, effort, and tons of muscle memory. Things I'm not very good at...

Annoyingly, I had a bit of a breakdown in Sunday's session though... Being Aspergian isn't exactly a walk in the park most days; but I manage to get through! A nasty habit of mine is bottling up anything that upsets/angers me so I can continue on relatively 'normal', so to speak. Of course, this means that every now and again my bottle 'bursts'...
The bottle can burst a couple of different ways; depending on the event that caused it. Sometimes, I snap at someone out of anger; but quickly diffuse it to start crying and mentally scolding myself instead. And other times; I get really upset really quickly and start crying or scolding myself... In the end; I cry and mentally scold myself no matter what... It's not exactly pretty; and I don't pride myself on it.
The cause of it on Sunday? The vocal lady was going around asking everyone to do a certain exercise; and then she got to me. I was already suffering from a sore throat; but that wasn't troubling me so much... I couldn't do what she was asking of me straight away. I gave it a couple of goes; but (internally) I sounded pitiful and hopeless, and that's when it hit me.

My legs started trembling. I felt ridiculous. I felt as though I couldn't do anything. I all of a sudden didn't want to be there. And I most certainly was not about to sing!

I just managed to say "Can you please skip me this time?" before internally collapsing into a jumbling mess. Turns out; that when this happens to me, I turn a lovely shade of pale and look quite ill. I never knew this happened, but I guess it makes sense. Considering the mental stress I go through...

Another woman there with me; took me outside and then started peppering me with questions.

"You're Aspergian aren't you?"
"I could tell it was something emotional going on..."
"Are you mentally kicking yourself?"
"How do you normally take it out?"
"Do you want to hit it out?"
"Scream it out?"
"What do you want to do about it?!"
"Okay, well... I'll be inside if you need anything"

So, evidently she has an idea about Asperger's. My guess is she has it as well; because she had no fucking idea about how much she was in my face. We Aspergian's hate people in our face as it is; but when we're in a vulnerable state like that? It's the worst thing imaginable. When she asked if I wanted to hit it out (and she lifted her hands as punching bag substitutes) I literally wanted to punch her in the face. I almost did too! But I managed to control myself and remember that I'm not that kind of person normally...

When she went inside, I didn't know what to do really. As I said; by this point, my usual way of dealing with things is to talk myself hysterical until I'm crying it all out... But as there were nine or so other people about 10m away from me inside a building; I couldn't do it. The next best thing? Animals. It's proven that autistic people love animals; and it's no wonder why! They're emotionally simpler to understand, and are also fantastic companions as they don't speak!

Annoyingly, there were no animals close by to cuddle... So what did I do? Start talking to myself and making purring noises to try and stimulate the presence of a cat. I know, crazy right? But I was paying $50 for this workshop and didn't want to waste the second half of the day moping and sulking. I needed to fix myself, and fast.

This may sound extra crazy but... The person I really wanted to be there for me at that point? [Chappy]... Why? Because he can purr exactly like a cat can. /Just don't ask me how I've found this out/... It then would have been the best of both worlds for me. As much as I hate human contact when I'm in that state; if I'm vulnerable enough, I will want hugs. And I was most certainly at that point. Annoyingly, [Chappy] would have been at home at this point; so I had to opt for my own purring and self-reassurance. Which wasn't fantastic, and I was slightly out of it for the rest of the day. But, seriously... All I wanted that day was a hug from [Chappy] while feeling the vibrations / hearing him purr. I don't care how crazy that sounds!

Should probably move on now ...

The past week has been relatively uneventful... I've procrastinated my ATV 'Mammal Community' assignment so much it's not funny! 5,000 words. Still haven't started. Due Friday. Hmmmm... I'll start tomorrow ^.^

The one major event that occured this week was the club night theme being Witchcraft and Wizardry. For a Harry Potter nerd like me; this was freaking awesome!

The night was oh so much fun! I had my usual Vodka Cruiser, and was taking my time drinking it when [Regal Pain] decided to try convince me to scull it and take a Jam Doughnut shot with him. I didn't scull the rest of my Cruiser... But good ol' [Chappy] flipped a coin as the decider whether I should take my second ever shot or not; and it, of course, landed on yes. Not that I minded too much, as [Regal Pain] was shouting it ;)

A clink of our glasses and bottoms up! ... Yeah, not much happened. At least, not that I could tell. I think I may have been the tiniest bit tipsy; but barely anything noticeable. At one point, a fellow Pitt-ling came up and demanded some form of dance-off/battle type thing, which was hilarious. I, of course, kicked his ass; considering he was very much drunk...
Not to mention the fact that it was a girl friend's 18th, and another girl friend broke her drinking drought as she promised said birthday girl she'd get drunk with her.

You would think the partying would finish as the club closed, yes? No... There are two areas at my Uni known as the Precinct. In reality, they are bird watching boxes in the environmental park... It's also known as the place where under-aged students go to drink at the club (as they obviously can't while there). So, myself and a small group of us headed over there (this was my first time there) and stayed there until just after 2am. It was then that most of the group decided they wanted to watch a Disney movie in the Pitt common room... [Chappy] and I were not so inclined to this idea; so we headed over to his room in Thynne instead to try warm up and stop our teeth excessively chattering. I honestly couldn't be bothered to go back to Pitt to go to sleep; so I kinda ended up crashing there for the night... Don't get any wrong ideas! Thynne has king single beds, so there was tons of room for us both to sleep comfortably without cosying up or anything... I probably pushed him off the bed in my sleep at one point or other anyway; that's how terrible I am to sleep with :P

So where am I now? Chilling in the spare room of my house (Ya know... The one I have to come back to every weekend for work...) so to avoid the TV as the ninth season of Big Brother Australia is on and I haven't watched the past week and must catch up via YouTube before watching anymore. I made sandwiches for people on Friday night and had my first close as a supervisor on Saturday night; which was interesting. The person who was put on with me, I met about 6-7 years ago at the school I graduated from. He left it six years ago, and I hadn't seen him until I started working at this Subway.

Not to mention that today is Father's Day! I bought my daddy a cute mug that says 'Best Dad ever' or something unrealistic like that... With wrapping paper coming out of it holding a few Ferrero Rochers. We then headed out to New Farm to catch the ferry to Southbank to have lunch and look around the markets. T'was a relatively good day as no family shiz went down for once... A MIRACLE!

There's not really that much more to say... Apart from the fact that I discovered Adam Lambert had released a new album, Trespassing, around April this year. /Yes, when it comes to modern music; I live under a rock... Sue me!/
Anyways, I haven't listened to the whole album yet; but two songs have caught my attention... AKA; I kinda have them on repeat right now and am in love with them... :3 The songs I'm talking about are called Better Than I Know Myself and Never Close Our Eyes. I'm not the pushy kind of person to tell you to LISTEN TO THEM NOW OR DIE!!! ... But I will say that I strongly recommend listening to them :D Won't know till you try!

I should probably wrap this up as I ought to have an early night tonight so I can wake up at 7am to stumble over to [Riot!]'s place so he can take me back to Uni for a day of ATV assignmenting! Well... Here's hoping that happens anyway ;)

So... Uhhh... Yeah... I guess I'll see you guys round...

~Here comes a fighter...~